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[主题活动] Argument写作入门-开头段第一步:梳理结论、论据 [复制链接]

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发表于 2015-1-7 16:06:50 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-10-1 22:02 编辑

相对于issue来说,argument是比较容易提高的。但是,很多同学的表现还是不太理想。这里我将分几个帖子来讨论argument的写作。每个帖子都有一些练习,希望对大家有帮助。首先,我们来学习如何概括一个argument的结论、证据。

请致函ETS要求公开issue和argument具体分数


以 argument 8 为例  

The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


这个argument的结论是 Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. 前面还带了一个目的状语To serve the housing needs of our students 解释目的。而主要的论据包括

- Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate.

- Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing.

- Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.  

那么在第一段我们首先要做的一件事就是概括这个argument。
这里同学们可以先自己写一下,然后再对比我的参考答案。有能力的同学可以尝试用几种不同的句型来进行概括,这实际上就是同义转换的训练。

参考答案:
戳这里


这里用了两句话才概括完整个论证。值得注意的是,在这里提到了the director。很多同学喜欢用arguer/author来指代原作者。当题目提供了更具体信息时,还是应该用更具体、准确的称谓。

如果同学们觉得开头写太长太花时间,也可以用一个简单的版本来概括。
参考答案:
戳这里



概括原题结论和论据是argument写作的第一步。写好这一步不仅关系到考官对你文章的第一印象,也关系到你能否准确把握题目的重点,因此应该多一点练习。建议版友自己在这里回帖练习这个动作。

我的6分博客里有不少argument的范文,同学们可以选那些题目来练习然后和我的开头做对比。建议版友只占一层楼,然后通过编辑来更新自己的练习。对于坚持练习的同学,我会重点关注和指导。

回帖练习格式

抄写完整原题

列出结论
列出论据

写出开头段的第一部分,概括原题中的结论和主要论据。  


学会梳理结论、论据后,请前往Argument写作入门-开头段第二步:根据题目要求写主旨句






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发表于 2015-1-7 20:50:18 |显示全部楼层
找到啦,老师

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发表于 2015-1-7 21:03:12 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-1-7 21:21 编辑

老师,下面是我的总结和看了您的答案之后的改写:

According to the director, Buckingham College should build more new dormitories to attract more prospective students because of the increasing enrollment and higher rent of off-campus housing.
改写:
According to the director, Buckingham College should promise to build more dorms because of the projected enrollment in the next 50 years and expected shortage of the dorms. Meanwhile, this will be beneficial to the students who cannot afford the off-campus apartments which are more expensive in average. In this way will the college attract more prospective students.

Revise by tesolchina

According to the director, Buckingham College should plan to build more dorms because of the projected enrollment in the next 50 years and expected shortage of the dorms. Meanwhile, this will be beneficial to the students who cannot afford the off-campus apartments which become more expensive in average and the college for attracting more prospective students.


写作就是通过这样一句一句的修改来提高的

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发表于 2015-1-7 21:29:37 |显示全部楼层
22) According to a recent report, cheating among college and university students is on the rise. However, Groveton College has successfully reduced student cheating by adopting an honor code, which calls for students to agree not to cheat in their academic endeavors and to notify a faculty member if they suspect that others have cheated. Groveton's honor code replaced a system in which teachers closely monitored students; under that system, teachers reported an average of thirty cases of cheating per year. In the first year the honor code was in place, students reported twenty-one cases of cheating; five years later, this figure had dropped to fourteen. Moreover, in a recent survey, a majority of Groveton students said that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. Thus, all colleges and universities should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's in order to decrease cheating among students.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


According to the arguer, all colleges and universities should accept honor codes similar to Groveton’s to decrease the cheating cases among the students, because the numbers of cheating cases has declined since the use of honor code in Groveton and students responded that they would be less possible to cheat with this new method.

改写:
According to the arguer, all colleges and universities should follow the example of Groveton to adopt the honor codes to decrease the cases of cheating.

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2015 US-applicant

发表于 2015-1-8 06:27:29 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 zsczsl 于 2015-1-7 23:20 编辑

练习一

抄写完整原题
The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

列出结论
To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories.

列出论据
1. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate.

2. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing.

3. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.

写出开头段的第一部分,概括原题中的结论和主要论据。

The director of the student housing at Buckingham College suggests that the college should construct some new dormitories in order to accommodate its students, mainly referring to the present tendency of the college's matriculation, the recent flat rent in the town where Buckingham is located and the conjecture that the appealing new dormitories will attract more applicants to the college.


练习二

抄写完整原题
66. The following appeared in a memo from the owner of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."


Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

列出结论
the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses.

列出论据
1. For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses.

2. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin.

3. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers.

4. our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory

写出开头段的第一部分,概括原题中的结论和主要论据。
In this memo, the owner concludes that the cheese stores had better cease the stocking of different kinds of foreign cheese and convert to mainly stock the home-made cheeses in order to boost the profits. To corroborate her argument, the arguer mentions the fact that her newest store sold five domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin best, cites the result of a survey by Cheeses of the World magazine and points out that her firm can decrease the inventory to cut the costs.  


练习三

抄写完整原题
67. The following appeared as part of a business plan developed by the manager of the Rialto Movie Theater.

"Despite its downtown location, the Rialto Movie Theater, a local institution for five decades, must make big changes or close its doors forever. It should follow the example of the new Apex Theater in the mall outside of town. When the Apex opened last year, it featured a video arcade, plush carpeting and seats, and a state-of-the-art sound system. Furthermore, in a recent survey, over 85 percent of respondents reported that the high price of newly released movies prevents them from going to the movies more than five times per year. Thus, if the Rialto intends to hold on to its share of a decreasing pool of moviegoers, it must offer the same features as Apex."


Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

列出结论
Despite its downtown location, the Rialto Movie Theater, a local institution for five decades, must make big changes or close its doors forever. It should follow the example of the new Apex Theater in the mall outside of town Thus, if the Rialto intends to hold on to its share of a decreasing pool of moviegoers, it must offer the same features as Apex.

列出论据
1.When the Apex opened last year, it featured a video arcade, plush carpeting and seats, and a state-of-the-art sound system.

2.Furthermore, in a recent survey, over 85 percent of respondents reported that the high price of newly released movies prevents them from going to the movies more than five times per year.

写出开头段的第一部分,概括原题中的结论和主要论据。
In this business plan, the manager suggests that the Rialto Movie Theater should emulate the new Apex Theater, mainly citing some characteristics of the Apex and the outcome of a recent study.

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发表于 2015-1-8 08:53:28 |显示全部楼层
直接改写上面同学的开头段:
66. The following appeared in a memo from the owner of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."


Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

The owner of a chain of cheese store supposed that they should stop stocking the imported cheeses and focus on domestic ones,because the top 5 best-selling cheeses are from Wisconsin and the subscribers of a magazine prefer to domestic ones. Moreover, doing so can reduce their expenses and improve profits.

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发表于 2015-1-8 09:06:23 |显示全部楼层
第二道开头段:

67. The following appeared as part of a business plan developed by the manager of the Rialto Movie Theater.

"Despite its downtown location, the Rialto Movie Theater, a local institution for five decades, must make big changes or close its doors forever. It should follow the example of the new Apex Theater in the mall outside of town. When the Apex opened last year, it featured a video arcade, plush carpeting and seats, and a state-of-the-art sound system. Furthermore, in a recent survey, over 85 percent of respondents reported that the high price of newly released movies prevents them from going to the movies more than five times per year. Thus, if the Rialto intends to hold on to its share of a decreasing pool of moviegoers, it must offer the same features as Apex."


Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


The manager suggested that the Rialto Movie Theater should adopt the same method of the Apex Theater to prevent the decreasing moviegoers to decline continually, because of the fact that the facilities of the Apex Theater were of high-leveled and 85% respondents of a recent survey considered the high price of new movies were prohibitive.

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发表于 2015-1-8 09:35:17 |显示全部楼层
The president of Grove College has recommended that the college abandon its century-old tradition of all-female education and begin admitting men. Pointing to other all-female colleges that experienced an increase in applications after adopting coeducation, the president argues that coeducation would lead to a significant increase in applications and enrollment. However, the director of the alumnae association opposes the plan. Arguing that all-female education is essential to the very identity of the college, the director cites annual surveys of incoming students in which these students say that the school's all-female status was the primary reason they selected Grove. The director also points to a survey of Grove alumnae in which a majority of respondents strongly favored keeping the college all female.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.


The president of Grove College suggested that the college should discontinue its tradition of all-female education and adopt coeducation following the example of other all-female colleges. However, the director of the alumnae association apposed this proposal citing the results of two surveys.

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发表于 2015-1-8 11:03:01 |显示全部楼层
Thanks you.   Great article

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发表于 2015-1-9 09:01:16 |显示全部楼层
老师你好,根据帖子的要求,从你的6分博客找了一篇argument,参考你了你的提纲,写了一个开头,希望批改一下。

Argument 6 .
1,抄题,Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic regions. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of the year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the purported decline in deer populations is the result of the deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.

write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

2,结论 we can conclude that the purported decline in deer populations is the result of the deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.

  论据:the recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt.

开头 According to the argument, the decline of arctic deer population is the result of ice melting. To support this conclude, the author cites  the local hunter's report and   coincide with the global warming trends have caused the ice to melt, which prevented the deer access to the islands for food. At first sight , it seems reasoning and convincing. However, to further analyze, this argument revels that a lack of specific evidences to test whether the assumption is correct.

写作较弱,改写了王老师的思路,望批改。再继续练两个开头。

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发表于 2015-1-9 18:55:17 |显示全部楼层
Argument2、The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

结论:
Birth order has effects on an individual's levels of stimulation.
      
论据:
(1)        The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings.
(2)Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence).
(3)The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring.




According to the author, he supposed that birth order influenced an individual’s levels of stimulation citing the evidence about more hormone cortisol of both first born infant monkeys and humans and higher amount of cortisol of the first-time mother monkeys during pregnancy .
However, in this argument, there are some other reasonable explanations we need to take into account so that we can make a more convincing judgment.

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发表于 2015-1-9 20:00:44 |显示全部楼层
thank you teacher


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IBT Zeal 备考先锋 US-applicant

发表于 2015-1-10 10:56:49 |显示全部楼层
参考看看

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发表于 2015-1-11 14:39:26 |显示全部楼层
很有帮助的文章

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发表于 2015-1-11 22:18:12 |显示全部楼层
谢谢您,很有帮助的文章

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