libra5
发表于 2009-8-8 21:25:51
分情况讨论很好，前提是每个讨论的开头要写清楚假设成立的条件。
另外注意讨论对象不要偏差：是年长朋友和同龄朋友；不是老年人和年轻人
jiang08 发表于 2009-8-8 06:21 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif
谢谢LZ认真的修改。
有2个问题继续请教
第二段，你说第一句要写出观点句。说比我年长朋友能在没有经历过的事情中提供建议。
其实我开头第一句是：这段写的就是年长朋友比同龄人更有经验。更有经验就说明了肯定有些事情同龄人还没有经历过的，所以这句话我只拿来做论据了。
这篇结构1 年长朋友比同龄人更有经验 2 同龄人在新事物方面比年长朋友了解更多。
还有个问题是： 我知道用Younger来表示同龄人怪怪的，呵呵，当时怕每次都写friends with the same age, friends who are older than you, 这样会不会太长了，所以要简写，简写就出问题了
rabox
发表于 2009-8-8 21:42:49
上次忘写题目啦，抱歉抱歉
29
Some people believe that the earth is being harmed by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live in. What is your opinion?
The relationship between any creature and the environment in which they live can be generalized as "interplay". The environment provide the creatures habitat, food and other kinds of resources, while on the other hand, the creature also influence the environment in turn. The relationship between wide animals and the earth is always regarded as harmonious, but when it comes to the human beings, different people have different ideas on whether the human activity jeopardizes the earth or not. In my opinion, the human activity had a negative impact on the nature environment, but I will also point out that the development of human beings, especially in the area of science and technology, would make the earth a better place to live in.
No one would deny that the process of industrialization and modernization is established on the decimating of species and destruction of nature environment. In the past, human beings always disregarded the harmony in the nature and put their personal economical interests in the first place. The warming climate and the numerous kinds of species perishing from the earth, such as Dodo, are just the evidences for the crimes committed by us. From the perspective of the environmental ethics, human activity in the past is harmful both to the earth and to human themselves. On the one hand, some scholars and philosophers believe that all the lives on the earth are equal, so that it is absurd for us to consider arrogantly that our human beings are superior to any other kinds of life. Therefore, we are not legitimate to destroy the environment and over look the welfare of other kind of animals. On the other hand, the results of human beings' misdoings, such as the shrinking gene pool and deteriorating air quality, also pose an enormous hazard to us.
But there are enough evidences for us to be optimistic for the future. Now human beings have realized such problems and begin to look for solution to amend the situation. What's more, people are becoming more and more concerned about prevention. The reason for the previous problems is that human beings don't apply their knowledge in a proper way. So I believe that our awareness on the environmental protection will prompt the solution of such problems and make the earth a better place to live in.
gdgzwkm
发表于 2009-8-9 12:50:00
麻烦楼主了，9月份考试啊。。。
Nowadays, food has become easier to prepare. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
As the innovation of the new technique of cooking shifts faster and faster in the modern society, it is no doubt that food has become easier to prepare. It is true that today’s food is easier to prepare but this change has not improved the way people live.
There is a vivid saying that time is money. And thanks to the convenient ways of cooking, we do not have to waste a lot of time in kitchens. For instance, using the new cooker like microwave oven, people can save a great deal of time in cooking. However we can also save our precious time in another way, for example, we can go out to eat in the restaurants, which is simple and easy. After all, the best way to save our time is not to cook ourselves.
Easy-preparing is not always the good thing for everyone. On one hand, people may cook at home for it is easy to prepare. On the other hand, the chefs in the restaurant may lose their jobs. How can this easy-preparing improve people’s lives if it makes people lose their jobs?
Traditionally, preparing the food offers us a wide range of advantages, especially, when we prepare a big meal for the festival like Christmas. It provides an opportunity for the family members to get together and enjoy the process of cooking. They can share their thoughts and talk freely during cooking. While the food has become easier to prepare, the time that the families can stay together is reduced. Here is a real story of one of my classmates, Johnny, who prefer to cook for his family. He cherish the time while he is cooking, because he thinks that it is a chance to show his love to his parents. Prepare for food severs as a bridge between Johnny and his family. Unfortunately, several months ago, Johnny did not have to cook for his family any more, for the simple reason that his family bought a brand new microwave oven. It seemed to him that he lost the joys which he had while he was preparing food.
Today the ways of cooking has become simpler, which enable us to spend time on something else, but it does not enhance the quality of our lives. Maybe the easier to prepare the food, the more cook would lose their jobs and the less happiness we would have. Overall, although food is easier to prepare, it does nothing to improve the way people live.
HYPS2011
发表于 2009-8-9 20:47:40
第一篇：题目：the cars has had a greater effect on the society than the airplane
agree
我的观点：1飞机适合长途 旅行，对我们日常生活作业不大
2 费用昂贵
感激之情 难以言表！麻烦了dear buddy
Technological advancement has kitted the world to be a seamless web of information ,in which people are able to get the requisites much more easily than ever before. Obviously ,nowadays we can never imagine living in a world that there is no cars for traveling to offices. thus I definitely agree with that cars play a more crucial role in our life .
To begin with, airplane enjoys a high popularity because of it’s fastest speed, comfortable environment, low safe accident rate, and so forth. However, compelling these cases may sound, airplane may give rise to a number of problems. For example airplane is only for long journey, little convenient to common daily use. Hardly can you find a man go to work and back home by plane in our city. with cars we can smoothly go through the city for various use including go shopping, pick up child ,travel to offices and the like.In this sense, plane cannot compete with cars in daily routine for most of us. Therefore, too much emphasize on plane is actually superficial.
Another problem of plane is that the fee is probably beyond your budget, no one can deny the fact that airplane is the most costly transportation vehicle and in the past only moneybags and notable person can enjoy such medium, in most cases, the expense is several times higher than cars and train . Taking my personal experience for instance, every semester I choose to by train go home from school only cost approximately 300 RMB while the expense of plane can reach 1200 RMB .As a student I prefer to by train or car rather than the more enjoyable plane.
On the other hand, car can address some people’s needs that plane cannot. For one thing, on weekends drive car for an picnic or outgoing is a good way to relax and an wonderful opportunity to get close with family. For another, cars run on the land that can satisfy those people who have acrophobia.
In conclusion ,as mentioned above and our common knowledge airplane is a essential part of our life that we can also never imagine living in a world that without airplane. Nevertheless, if compared to cars airplane undoubtedly has a relatively less effect on our life.
nevergohome
发表于 2009-8-10 11:13:36
第二篇，麻烦楼主了
Do you agree or not that observing and studying animal's behaviors is useful to know human nature?
With the publication of Darwin’s masterpiece “Origin of Species”, the very book that paved the road for modern evolutionary biology, human started to view their nature in a revolutionary way. Human nature, claimed by people of the time, is no longer an embodiment of deity or mundane moral but a refinement of animal natures, and thereby, can be understood through systematic observation of animal’s behaviors. This statement, however sound in its feasibility and usefulness, is not entirely correct--- we might find part of the truth of our natures through such method, but not all of it.
No one can deny the fact that by studying animals’ behaviors we have learned and will continue to learn much about our natures, but only those concerning our basic needs are reliable enough. Through a broad observation of animal’s behaviors did human generalize the instincts that play elementary roles in animal’s natures (including human’s): physiological need—food, water, sex, shelter, breeding and basic social need—love, safety, and socialization. A study by Psychologist Harry Harlow showed a lack of socialization may cause irreparable psychological and mental damage: raised in bare wire cage and deprived any physical contact with their companions for several months, baby monkeys were observed to have various abnormalities such as blank staring and self-mutilation after released; and when they were reintegrated with normal monkeys, Harlow found little rehabilitation in the testees. This experiment thus demonstrates an indispensable social need for cognitive development in human natures, which is later proved by the revelation of the function of cross section in human Thalamus.
However, rarely can we fruit anything by merely studying animals when we attempt to learn those natures intertwined in the net of our culture. Humans are so unique among other animals for their endowment of creating culture on the texture of daily life, in which arts stand out as sublime creation that can only be understood in the light of human aesthetic nature. Beethoven’s Sonata, Yeats’ lyric, Constable’s landscape and Bernini’s statuary, such arts make us stop, linger, intoxicated and even astounded by their ravishing beauty, while are generally indifferent to other creatures. It is culture that nurtures our art appreciation, the most sophisticated and abstract form of human nature, which can only be dimly understood by studying animal’s aesthetic faculties.
Even more dangerous is the intentional analogy between animal behaviors and human natures. Such is often the case when observers study their subjects incomprehensively or when interpreters attribute specious human natures to animal behaviors. Consider, in history, there are numerous occasions my may recall: when Spencer’s theory prevailed in both side of Atlantic, when Raymond Dart’s defining human as the killer ape, and when the massacre began in the war-stricken Europe, no one would forget their claim “survival the fittest” and the overwhelming proof from animal’s behaviors. In these cases, learning human natures through analogical animal observation is not only distorting but even disastrous.
In general, the word “useful” is rather a tricky one for it cannot be understood literally. In order to achieve usefulness through animal study, we must take every dimension into account: the level of nature we study, the culture background the nature concerns, the accuracy of our observation, the feasibility of the analogy and the ethical problem it may bring. After all, we won’t expect a misleading study to debauch human natures, although they are not as perfect as we think.
jiang08
发表于 2009-8-10 11:44:45
我觉得这篇文章作者只是在说动物和人共同有的或没有的nature来展开，题目要求的是2者的关系，及通过动物那边，我们人类学到什么，比如：宽容，团结。这才紧扣题目吧。
而且第4段，那个intelligent属于nature的 ...
libra5 发表于 2009-8-6 08:20 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif
的确你说的对
紧扣题目是应该写这些正面的品质
但我觉得小白鼠的例子不好
我们从那里学到的是和心灵/nature无关的东西（也许和心脏有关）
至于你说intelligent 我觉得属于nature 但是在这题目里 我们貌似很难在这点上向动物学习
jiang08
发表于 2009-8-10 12:26:59
68. Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
There is a universal controversy in contemporary society when it comes to （结构上这里缺名次短语the issue）whether daily homework is essential for students. Those who are opposed to doing so argue that it is high time that students should lose their heavy burden. Either way, from my point of view, certain amount of homework is necessary for students to improve their studying quality, as discussed below.
To start with, among the most convincing reasons identified by people who are supportive of everyday homework for students, one of them should be stressed--（这个开头太冗长）it is the homework that keep the students （这里缺逗号）especially the younger ones to continue their self study at home other than playing（注意than前后平衡，用play） computer games （这里可以加上：other than some meaningless activities, such as the computer games 这样你的例子就显得更具体）. For example, my little brother is so attracted with（to） computer games that he almost spent all his spare time in（on） it. It is the daily homework which has to be finished that keep（单数） him studying at home and enhance himself in his major classes. I can hardly imagine how he would use this time engaging in studying without the crucial homework.
Furthermore, a multitude of reasons conspire toward the significance of the homework required each day.这句多余，理论上每一段最好就写一个原因 For one thing, the homework is the selective（selected） questions by teachers which might be more representative than other questions. These questions might help students （to多余） save time in searching for questions in other materials and thus make their studying（study） efficient. For another, homework, the imperative exercise after school, would serve to help students to make a profound study at home（？？）. These rudimentary（为什么作业肯定都是基础的？） questions and exercises would like to （likely）reinforce what the students have learned at school. 这一段你说了2个原因，其实可以合并，就是说作业是老师选择的有代表性的练习，学生作了可以巩固知识
Admittedly, homework required each day is elementary for students' studying at home（？）. Nevertheless, it does not necessary means （mean）that students should spend all their time in working out（on） these questions. So it is vital for teacher to limit the quantity of the homework to help students to keep balance between studying（study） and development in other aspects. This is especially true as to the education of quantity（？） required in China. Students have more time owned all by themselves to enjoy what they like through the education of quality（原来是素质教育……汗 这个表达老外绝对看不懂）. This educational method has help millions of students lose their ever heavy burden to make a comprehensive development of the students. And it is a better educational way for students' further progress in learning. 一直写到平衡课业/课外时间都很好，后面扯到什么教育体制就太过了。你的这段point应该是要控制好作业的度，不要写太远。你说的那些好处在平衡作业时间上也适用。
Clearly, all the analysis （mentioned多余） above justified an unshakable conclusion that daily homework is still necessary for students but the amount of it should be limited to help the students to exert a comprehensive development.
Word Count: 419
麻烦您了，谢谢
姥姥的好孩子 发表于 2009-8-6 09:17 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif
改了好几篇这个题目的 发现大家貌似都不知道study可以做名词用呀~~~~
另外help sb do sth 这个结构 文中错了好几处
我们写作文的时候，尤其写到最后，容易往很高深/虚幻的地方扯，可能是受中文作文的影响。但是ibt这样很不好，就事论事才好，不需要 也不提倡扣大帽子。
有些短语的表达太中式，比如“学习的效率”之类的
jiang08
发表于 2009-8-10 12:47:05
:hug:24 A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
When I get the news that my best friend Eric is planning to move to my town, I am really excited. As I know my town clearly, I think he must enjoy here a lot. Thanks to the rapid development of technology, my town（不是你的镇。。是你的hometown） Beijing has already become one of the most famous cities around the world. There are many occasions in which Beijing is more attractive than other places.
First and foremost, the most attractive thing should be the famous mountains in Beijing, such as fragrant hill. It attracts the tourists all around the world because it’s so mysterious, as if it's holding a secret. So far as I know, Eric is also crazy about climbing mountains as I do, So I’ m quite sure that he will enjoy the mountains here. Once when you got to the top of the mountain, you can shout “I am the king of the world!”.（用第三人称较好，配合你说到eric） Imagine the feeling of excitement when you have finally attained your destination—the feeling that you have conquered the mountain. And above all, you have conquered yourself. If you sit on the top of the mountain quietly, you must be dwarfed by the stunning beauty of setting sun.这里人称同理 Moreover, rock climbing is becoming a popular sports （activity多余）. Even though it is considered a dangerous sports by many, younger people may like it very much, because of its excitement. 用eric喜欢爬山来说很好，但是攀岩和单纯爬山还是有区别的吧。。。
In addition, Beijing can give people more entertainment to relax. For example, in Beijing there are cooks from many other countries to share their special cuisine. You can eat food from Japan, Italy, Korea, India and so on. Sushi and mustard are so delicious that can bring you refreshment and enlightenment. Besides, you can enjoy live performance which makes viewers feel（offers the spectators） a close sense of connection to the event. I bet every fan in the stadium will leap to their feet when they see their favorite team score a goal in the soccer match. Furthermore, you all have chances to absorb history and culture from the city parks, theatres, and museums.
Last but not least, Beijing gives people more opportunities to make money. In face of this global economic crisis, more and more people are going unemployed. They need to find a decent job that enables them to support their family and their children’s education. Beijing as an international city can play an important role to satisfy their basic requirement. According to a recent survey about job opportunities shows that Beijing has more opportunities to get a job. 这两段如果也能和eric扯上关系就更好了，每段只需要一小句，比如Last but not least, Beijing gives people more opportunities to make money, which is perfect for my friend Eric, who has just recently graduated and looking for jobs.
In conclusion, moving to Beijing gives you not only experience that climbing mountains with your friends but also more choices to relax. More importantly, it can offers people more chances to make money for themselves or their families.
楼主快来拍我~``
瑞贝卡R 发表于 2009-8-6 09:56 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif
一个比较明显的问题就是文章里的人称。为什么不建议用you呢？因为你开头（and题目）提到了你的朋友，那么你写作文是站在你朋友立场考虑的，是他会喜欢北京的理由，所以用第三人称。
语言挺流畅的，文章有一气呵成的感觉，很好~
jiang08
发表于 2009-8-10 12:51:01
我在写的时候也会受到issue的影响，请问lz如何处理呢？在toefl里把观点写得太复杂或太平衡了是不是不好呢？toefl举例论证之类的是否该生活化一点呢？ 谢谢
fancyww 发表于 2009-8-6 11:12 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif
平衡观点并非不可以在IBT里出现，而且没啥不好的，只是比较难写好罢了。
我理解，issue和ibt的区别是论证时对于“全面性”的考虑。issue很少有可以带个人经验/感情色彩的题目，但ibt却很经常。因此，ibt论证时不需要面面俱到，挑几个你觉得好写的就行。也就是说，论证时会更从某个特定角度入手，因而相对的例子也生活化一点。
jiang08
发表于 2009-8-10 13:07:39
lz辛苦了，第一次来，请狠狠地批。
Some people think it's more important to spend more time working than being with family，what do you think? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
As the steps of the modern world getting faster, many people find it （is多余） difficult to balance （between多余） their professional and personal life. So more and more people sacrifice their family time to work extra hours in order to keep their positions or get promoted. However, in my opinion, family should always come first. Work should not get in the way of our personal life, especially the happy time with our family.
To most people, family is the final reason why they work so hard. On one hand, family supports you. The love from family is the strongest power supporting us to live in this world. A person who is successful in life is a person who has a happy family. On the other hand, family is not only whose blood you have, but more about who you care.这是说你同时也在支撑家庭？blood不用了。注意on one/the other hand的内容相对应 So just think about what we ultimately work for. Generally, we work for better positions to make more money. We earn more money to afford a beautiful house in a better community, to buy a bigger car so that we can go for a family picnic, or to send our kids to the best school. It is simple to find out that our desire to work hard finally pointing（points） at the happiness of our family. Why? It is just because we care. 论证很流畅
Since family is our power to fight against difficulties and the reason we work with effort, then why should we hurt family because of work? Once I read a story in magazine. A daughter one day asked her father how much money he made per hour. The father was confused but then answered, “one hundred dollars”. “Then can I borrow fifty dollars from you?” asked the little girl. The father was at first a bit angry for he thought his daughter wanted money to by toys. However, when he finally gave her daughter fifty dollars, the girl took out another fifty and said, “With my pocket money now I have one hundred dollars. Can I buy you one hour so you can come home early to have dinner with me, dad?” The story vividly tells us that no matter how much fortune you make, it cannot buy the happy time you have missed with you family. Work can be repeated everyday, but there is only one high school graduation performance of your daughter, only one 20 years anniversary of your marriage, only one 60 birthday of your mother and the list will go on. In a word, family is the most precious in life. 写的很好……很好……
To sum up, it is certainly excellent to balance work and family. However, when family and work contracts（contradicts）, I believe to spend the time with family is far more worthy (worthwhile) and happy（happy的主语应该是人，这里可以用gratifying） than to work on weekends (用overtime比较好).
fancyww 发表于 2009-8-6 10:53 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif没看出你被issue影响了啥……论证的很生动，语言也不错，加油
libra5
发表于 2009-8-10 16:13:59
Title: for government, the best way of energy conservation is to raise the prices of gasoline and electricity.
The problem of energy conservation is becoming more and more urgent for our world, especially for nonrenewable resources, such as gasoline. Therefore, the government has taken a series of measures to protect energy. Some people may argue: raising the prices of gasoline and electricity is the best way of energy conservation. Does raising prices of gasoline and electricity have negative effects? The answer is yes. It there any other measures better than raising prices? I believe it is also yes. My views can be substantiated by the following arguments.
To raise the prices of gasoline and electricity can not protect energy in effective way and even will arise a negative problem. First, even though raising prices of gasoline and electricity can reduce the utilization rate, the energy will still dry up eventually. In other words, it is a negative measure and can not reserve energy for human beings. Second, to raise the prices of gasoline and electricity will increase people's burden, especially for those who live under the poverty line. Therefore, raising the prices is not the best way to protect energy.
To improve the awareness of energy conservation in people is better than to raise the prices of gasoline and electricity. This is because the idea that improving people's awareness of energy conservation far more outweighs improving the prices resembles the notion that the awareness of health protection outweighs illness treatment. (这句话不知道逻辑有没有问题，没有的话,这么写对不对,有无其它表达？。我想表达：保护能源能意思就像健康保健一样，对身体来说，保健比治疗更重要更积极，同样映射在能源问题上) Government should use media, such as advertisement and internet, to publicize the importance of energy conservation. For example, a famous worldwide activity--"Earth Hour"-- is a global event organized by WWF (World Wide Fund for Nature) and is held on the last Saturday of March annually, asking households and businesses to turn off their non-essential lights and other electrical appliances for one hour to raise awareness towards the need to take action on energy conservation and climate change.88 countries and more than 4,000 cities joined Earth Hour 2009.The Capital city of India, Delhi's power demand fell by 1000MW. Thus, more and more people know the importance of energy conservation. Do not think the example mentioned is persuasive?
There are many other measures need to be considered as well. For electricity, government should invest more capital on developing electricity factory based on renewable resource, such as hydro energy, solar energy and nuclear power. Utilizing nonrenewable resource can make supply of energy forever. But nonrenewable resources are unstable, so how to store this energy need to be solved. For gasoline, government could keep looking for some new resources to replace gasoline. It will not only protect energy, but also reduce the pollution. (这段会不会多余？因为没有直接反驳其它方法比涨价更好)
In conclusion, from what has been discussed above, we know raising the prices of gasoline and electricity can not protect energy in positive way and will bring negative effect. However, improving the awareness of energy conservation from people is a more effective measure, also there are some other measures could be taken.
jiang08
发表于 2009-8-10 23:24:05
第三篇~
谢谢08mm
Delta_Test1:
Agree or disagree? Subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child’s basic education
Controversy rises when discussing （注意目前discuss的主语是争议。。。）whether subjects such as art, music, and drama should be a part of every child's basic education. Some （one多余，后面同理不一一改正了） would say no since child should have his/her own choice especially for students whose major is or will be engineering or science .But, personally, my answer is definitely yes in that subjects mentioned above exert essential impacts on （one多余） child's development.
To begin with, subjects such as art, music, and drama help one broaden his/her visions in thinking method especially for students whose major is or will be engineering or science. Some one would criticize this statement by saying that major should be of priority. Yet, in my personal experience, thinking method involved in these subjects help me understand some problems in computer science which is my major better（better放在science之后比较好）. Many software products which are of greatest efficient algorithms seen from developers' side, however, are hard to use for clients whose major is hardly computer science. In this case, these talented products will always be denied by clients. Thinking method especially emotional thinking which I learn from these subjects have considerable influence on my programming habits in that（这里缺主语） force me to take clients' requirements in the first place such as designing a graphic that is friendly to clients not only in appearance but also in use. 这个论证的角度很好，只是只有最后一句讲到了具体内容，不妨把前面的内容压缩一下，多写一下这几门课和软体的关联。另外划线句放到这段开头比较好。
Besides, apart from major learning, skills or knowledge learned from these subjects（太久没有提到这些科目了，这里不建议用代词） is（复数） essential for social development mainly in establishing personal relationship. It is always true that we met our friend first when talking about issues involved in these subjects such as a famous painting that would be on display in a museum in your city, or even when appreciating a drama who was seated besides（beside） you. Isn't it awesome? Yes!（yes多余，反问就足够了） Compared from major subjects, these subjects （同理，不要用代词）are more common in life and also more likely to close the gap between individuals. Moreover, it is honor for me to play guitar, which I learned in music class in my basic education, for my friends and my boss in party.（这句语序建议调整为：。。。to play guitar for my friends and my boss in party, which I learned in music class in my basic education.）
More importantly, from the perspective of society, the greatest social problems cannot be better solved without a person who learned these subjects. When we learn these subjects, we just understand the society better.（这句是多余） Themes like peace and love, covered in many paintings, music or dramas prevent us from wars and bring about peace all over the world.（这个太牵强了，看看绘画就能拯救地球了？？） Song like "Heal the world", sung by Michael Jackson, is a good example, by which we are really motivated and cherish the peace we are enjoying. 不建议从全人类的角度写。仍然可以用MJ的歌，但是改成对你个人的影响会好很多
Even though these subjects are influential, a key problem is whether these subjects should be covered in every child's basic education. I would also say yes. After all, you cannot depend on one child's immediate development in only one day. Subjects, when covered in basic education, just provide sufficient time for one's development by giving enough time for（重复了，of） thinking and, more importantly, guarantee that one walk in the right way by filtering out the good ones（什么是good ones？？正确的道路又是说什么？）, which is especially essential when one child could be affected negatively by modern media culture without a responsible guide in school. 没有太理解这段的主旨，是说学校教育的必要性嘛？
To sum up, as I have mentioned above, subjects such as art are of great importance for one child either in studying or social development and deserve to be a part of every child's basic education. Without establishing these subjects as a part of basic education, all of these benefits could not happen and even be harmful. 最后一句多余，harmful更是画蛇添足了。
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gaovenivv 发表于 2009-8-6 15:28 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif
gaovenivv
发表于 2009-8-11 00:48:50
本帖最后由 gaovenivv 于 2009-8-11 00:51 编辑
呵呵，太谢谢了，本来是对个人语法很自信的，但发现自己还是纠结于中式思维中。。。
真实辛苦您了，如此耐心的批改，这几个代词、语序的问题是令我很纠结的。
本来打算是先写课程好处的，然后发现题中的“every”，另外是针对child,觉得child容易出问题，有必要论证一下“教育的必要性”，也算是对未来影响的估计，个人觉得比平铺3点要好些，关于“good ones”“right way”确实笼统了些，但真的不知该如何展开（在我而言，我这里的good也仅限于不受不良文化的影响）
关于举例上，用太多自己的例子会不会不好，比如关于peace和love的说成自己的是否略显片面。
另外，还想请教一下，总觉得自己这三点有些太散了，请指教
gaovenivv
发表于 2009-8-11 00:54:37
还有mm要保重身体啊，我也觉得最近的文章太多，真怕mm放弃啊。
08真得好好谢谢您
jiang08
发表于 2009-8-11 09:08:15
还有这么好的事！谢谢楼主了，这是我今天的习作，有点写不下去的感觉。。。
Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer
Today, more than any other time in the history, reading and writing abilities are playing a vital role in our daily life. Even though the improtance of litercy have never be ignored as a demonstration of human civilization, its worth have never be（been） so emphasized.
In contemporary socity, we are overwhelmed by imformation aboudance（abundant information）, so reading and writing abilities should always be perpared. Just take a look about (at) the following occasions: when trying to find a new place, we read the road instruction; when entering a resteraunt, we read the menu; when falling ill, we read the direction to take pills; and when we want to know about the daily news, we read the newspapers. On the other hand, we have to use our writing skills when filling the (writing) resumes, completing the term papers or perparing the reports. While in past times (in the past)这里最好定义下past的时间段 , citizens just satisfying (过去时) themselves （缺with）cooking at home, listening to the daily form(?) one mouth to another, seldom getting out and much fewer of them will have to concern about how to complete the term paper. Or perhaps we should take another look at the computer, the great invention of the 20th century,句号 we have to read the information in the internet, bite by bite（？）, alone. So perhaps we can safely say that, in a closed society, with little chance to get more information and communication, we may just pass illitery（？）, like our grandparents. However, we are now in a totally different situation.
Another thing which raise（单数） the importance of reading and writing ability may be the nowadays（current） competition and examination system. We（这里最好定义一下人群：学生） have to demonstrate our abilities in illiteral （literal?）form -- answer questions printed on papers, computer screens or write down plans, more than ever. It is known that reading and writing are essual（essential？） ways to enter schools, have a good job or win a project. In face of this situation, many parents begin to teach their children recongize words even before they enter schools. And a promising applicant may（助动词后面缺动词） his/her personal statement checked thousands of time before obmition.（submission？）
To sum up, reading and writing abilities are playing a more important role than ever（加一个before意思比较顺）. In order to enter a good school, have a high-salary job, and adapt to daily life, we should be perpared with such abilities.
七色堇 发表于 2009-8-6 21:04 https://bbs.gter.net/images/common/back.gif
关于第二个论点，建议可以写到当今教育的重要性。教育重要 & 教育需要读写 --〉 读写重要 --〉学龄前认字
语言上漏洞比较多，有些词可能你只是知道一个大概形状，另外有些词组的表达比较费解。