[11.26]the computer game

line126UID: 2556583

Nowadays, the computer game enjoys a prominent status in the entertainment industry. However, it is always being argued that whether this high-technical stuff is suitable for children or not. Concerning the negative consequences brought by it, I hold the opinion that playing computer games is a waste of time for children.

First, a child, whose mental ability hasn't developed completely, inclines to addict in computer games. In that way, he or she may spends every spare minutes he or she has to playing computer games. Further more, they will keep thinking about them when studying, eating or even sleeping. That would be a totally disaster for children's growing-up since the possibility of being interest in music, literature or sports would be robbed.

Second, the computer games are a threaten to children's health. It is a worldwide notion that staring at the screen for a long time would cause a decline for the eyesight. And siting still other than body exercising also will increase the opportunities of certain diseases, especially the diseases of locomotor system.

The computer games not only harm the children's body shaping, but also the mental shaping. Many games, aiming for sailing achievements only, may contain some violent or eroticism, which could mislead the children. The belief or thoughts of those games will effect the children's mind in a subtle but dangerous way. Some people may argue that certain games may help children broaden their horizon. But acturally, the economical benefit is the only thing the game companies concern about. In addition, there are so many other ways for learning, like books or softwares, which are much more effective than games and harmless.

Therefore, the computer games deprive the children of time to learn, to communicate with others as well as to do physical exercise. Considering all the disadvantages caused by them, children should be segregated from the computer games.

asandylauUID: 2649369

Nowadays, the computer game enjoys a prominent status in the entertainment industry. However, it is always being argued that whether this high-technical stuff is suitable for children or not. Concerning the negative consequences brought by it, I hold the opinion that playing computer games is a waste of time for children.

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First, a child, whose mental ability hasn't developed completely, inclines to addict in(be addicted to) computer games. In that way, he or she may spends (去掉s)every spare minutes （去掉he or she has to，加on） playing computer games.（ 去掉Furthermore,加as a result), they will keep thinking about them when studying, eating or even sleeping. That would be a totally disaster for children's growing-up since the possibility of being interest（加ed） in music, literature or sports would be robbed.

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Second, the computer games are a threaten to children's health. It is a worldwide notion that staring at the screen for a long time would cause a decline for the eyesight. And siting still other than body exercising also will increase the opportunities of certain diseases, especially the diseases of locomotor system.

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The computer games not only harm the children's body shaping, but also the mental shaping. Many games, aiming for sailing achievements only, may contain some violent or （去掉eroticism）（加porn content）, which could mislead the children. The belief or thoughts of those games will effect the children's mind in a subtle but dangerous way. Some people may argue that certain games may help children broaden their horizon. But acturally, the economical benefit（改为profit比较好） is the only thing the game companies concern about. In addition（逻辑不对）, there are so many other ways for learning, like books or softwares, which are much more effective than games and harmless.

Therefore, the computer games deprive the children of time to learn, to communicate with others（这个观点好像文中没有提到） as well as to do physical exercise. Considering all the disadvantages caused by them, children should be segregated（感觉词不好，用escaped） from the computer games.

文章总结结构不错，观点鲜明，作者基本功不错，没什么错误。

hualazimiUID: 2707120

Nowadays, the computer game enjoys a prominent status in the entertainment industry. However, it is always being argued that whether this high-technical stuff is suitable for children or not. Concerning the negative consequences brought by it, I hold the opinion that playing computer games is a waste of time for children.(开头很好，老美就喜欢这种形式的开头)  

First, a child, whose mental ability hasn't developed completely, inclines to be addict in computer games. In that way, he or she may spends every spare minutes he or she has(去掉，累赘了) to playing （play）computer games. Further more, they will keep thinking about them（them换成the plot of game） when studying, eating or even sleeping. That would be a totally disaster for children's growing-up since the possibility of being interest in music, literature or sports would be robbed.


Second, the computer games are a threaten to children's health. It is a worldwide notion that staring at the screen for a long time would cause a decline for the eyesight（eyesight deline）. And siting still other than body exercising also will increase the opportunities of certain diseases, especially the diseases of locomotor system.

The computer games not only harm the children's body shaping, but also the mental shaping. Many games, aiming for(at) sailing achievements only, may contain some violent or eroticism, which could mislead the children. The belief or thoughts of those games will effect the children's mind in a subtle but dangerous way. Some people may argue that certain games may help children broaden their horizon. But acturally, the economical benefit (换成profit比较地道)is the only thing the game companies concern about. In addition, there are so many other ways for learning, like books or softwares, which are much more effective than games and harmless.

Therefore, the computer games deprive the children of time to learn, to communicate with others as well as to do physical exercise. Considering all the disadvantages caused by them, children should be segregated from the computer games.
考虑很周全，论据很充分，值得我学习。细节方面再注意下就好，评两位组员的作文使我获益良多。学之~~~

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

1# line126
Nowadays, the computer game enjoys a prominent status in the entertainment industry. However, it is always （being多余） argued that whether( this)such high-technical stuff is suitable for children or not. Concerning the negative consequences it brought, I hold the opinion that playing computer games is a waste of time for children.
First, a child, whose mental ability hasn't developed completely, inclines to addict himself (in) to computer games. In that way, he or she may spends(spend) every spare minutes he or she has to playing computer games. Furthermore, they will not concentrate themselves on study while keep thinking about them.
What’s worse, it may pose a negative impact on eating, as well as sleeping. That would be a totally disaster for a individual’s growing-up in his childhood since he will be robbed of possibilities that being interest in music, literature or sports.
Second, the computer games may jeopardize children's health. It is a worldwide notion that staring at the screen for a long time would cause a decline (for )of the eyesight. (And) Besides, sedentary posture (still) other than body exercise also will increase the (opportunities) possibility of (certain diseases) illness, especially the diseases in spine (locomotor system.)
The computer games not only harm the children's body shaping, but also threaten to the cultivating of their mental (shaping). Many games, intending to achieve the effects of breathtaking scene,(aiming for sailing achievements only(do not understand its meaning)), may contain some (violent)violence or eroticism, which could mislead children to crime. The belief or thoughts of those games will (effect) affect (the) children's mind in a subtle but dangerous way. Some people may argue that certain games (may)could help children broaden their horizon. But actually, the economical benefit is the only thing that the game companies concern about. In addition, there are so many other ways for learning, like books or study software, which are much more effective and harmless than playing games.
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Therefore, the computer games deprive the children of time to learn, to communicate with others as well as to do physical exercise. Considering all the disadvantages caused by them, children should be segregated from the computer games.

红色是我加的，（）中的去掉。

line126UID: 2556583

4# yuminjia

U是不是上过新东方的丹丹的课？
PS：谢谢指点！

yuminjiaUID: 2659628

楼上说的是苏丹嘛？上过。
你写的比较简洁，值得我借鉴啊；我的文章废话太多，逻辑较差，乱用词汇。。。。