两篇托福作文,请大家帮忙改

flybird23UID: 158478

182 many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their pets as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not?

There is a prevailing trend that many people have a close relationship with their pets. It’s really very difficult to define this kind of relationship as absolute good or not. But personally speaking, I bet people benefit a lot from this relationship.
People who have a close pet friend are always more healthy, both physically and mentally. Pets play the role as a spiritual sustenance in their owners’ lives. . Pets are capable of feeling the emotion of love. They give their love to the owners conditionlesssly and never require brilliant conversation. They are always there, no matter how you look, how you are dressed or what you are doing. They can be considered as the most loyal and selfless friend. Moreover, one medical study showed that people’s blood pressure would fall when they stroke their pets. Many medical studios even use pets to treat Alzheimer’s disease.
In addition, the children who live in a family, which regard the pet as a family member, can gain a lot of benefit: They will learn to take responsibilities and treat other living things as equal to them; they will develop the notions of cherishing life and sympathizing the weak, which are the virtues of human beings. Studies also show that people feeding pets in childhood are less likely to commit any kinds of criminal.
On the other hand, the close relationship sometimes may be jeapordised. Some diseases, such as, may be spreaded from animals to humans through intimate touch. However, such situation can be avoided if we take precaution.
All in all, I think have a close relationship with pets results more good than bad. After all any other things cannot replace that everything provided by animal companions.

chicagochenUID: 116575

以下个人意见 仅仅供参考：
182 many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their pets as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not?

There is a prevailing trend that many people have a close relationship with their pets. It’s really very difficult to define this kind of relationship as absolute good or not. But personally speaking, I bet people benefit a lot from this relationship.【这是一个很常见的模板化开头 优点就是不用思考 缺点就是make sense的点不多』

People who have a close pet friend are always more healthy, both physically and mentally. Pets play the role as a spiritual sustenance in their owners’ lives. . Pets are capable of feeling the emotion of love.【何必这么老是短句呢 比如这两句就可以合成一句：those lovely pets, capable of feeling the emotion of love,play the role as a spiritual sustenance in their owners’ lives.当然这可能违反了你想把第一句当成分论点的初衷，我只是说从语句紧凑的角度可以这么考虑】They give their love to the owners conditionlesssly and never require brilliant conversation. They are always there, no matter how you look, how you are dressed or what you are doing. They can be considered as the most loyal and selfless friend. Moreover, one medical study showed that people’s blood pressure would fall when they stroke their pets. Many medical studios even use pets to treat Alzheimer’s disease.
In addition, the children who live in a family, which regard the pet as a family member, can gain a lot of benefit: They will learn to take responsibilities and treat other living things as equal to them;【treat这个用法不规范吧】 they will develop the notions of cherishing life and sympathizing the weak, which are the virtues of human beings. Studies also show that people feeding pets in childhood are less likely to commit any kinds of criminal.
On the other hand, the close relationship sometimes may be jeapordised. Some diseases, such as【？』, may be spreaded from animals to humans through intimate touch. However, such situation can be avoided if we take precaution.
All in all, I think have a close relationship with pets results more good than bad【result more benefit than harm]. After all any other things cannot replace that everything provided by animal companions[这个。。。在结尾处你就不要来新观点了吧 还没有什么说明】

总的来说 短句到无大问题 缺少变化句型和精彩的词句表达 另外好像有点短哦

chicagochenUID: 116575

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