寄托家园留学论坛

标题: 欢迎还有4周以上时间同学加入 [打印本页]

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-10 20:52:06 标题: 欢迎还有4周以上时间同学加入

本帖是寄托会员创建小组时自动生成的。小组"14年秋季GRE提纲+全文互改小组"期待你的加入！你还可以查看更多小组、创建小组。

具体参加办法见这个帖子 https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1777232&fromuid=2191404

作者: liliudodo 时间: 2014-10-11 22:02:40

楼主的指点一针见血，洞若观火，高屋建瓴，应该也是立竿见影的。

作者: andalucia 时间: 2014-10-14 19:59:48

看完王老师的帖子感觉好像找到了救星！

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-15 00:06:09

andalucia 发表于 2014-10-14 19:59
看完王老师的帖子感觉好像找到了救星！

你觉得评估自己习作的可操作性如何？欢迎尝试并反馈！

作者: andalucia 时间: 2014-10-15 09:31:17

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-15 00:06
你觉得评估自己习作的可操作性如何？欢迎尝试并反馈！

我觉得操作性是有的，但是我感觉好像不是每一篇issue都能用1+3这个模式来写呢。首先自己评估我觉得效果应该是很好的，但是一些逻辑上的东西自己肯定是觉得没问题的，这个恰恰大家最容易出问题的地方。

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-15 16:08:39

andalucia 发表于 2014-10-15 09:31
我觉得操作性是有的，但是我感觉好像不是每一篇issue都能用1+3这个模式来写呢。首先自己评估我觉得效果应 ...

由于目前人数不多，组员自评之后，我会亲自点评。等更多人参加时，前期参加的组员应该有能力点评。这个项目希望能探索出一个可持续性的模式。目前自评还没有人尝试，或者你可以试一下第一只螃蟹;P

作者: dramaticlly 时间: 2014-10-16 07:00:39

我也来报个名吧
10.31 首次G
加拿大本科
托福作文正好22

作者: singincloud 时间: 2014-10-18 18:07:35

发给老师批改。原来老师以前是华科的？

华科都是学霸，学霸们作文大多数是3-3.5分？那我该怎么办？好恐怖·····
1. 复制完整的题目包括issue statement 和写作指引
ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study.
Reason: Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

  2. 列出自己的观点句

  I partly agree with the claim that  universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study and I totally agree with the reason.
  3. 讨论自己的观点句包括哪几个分论点以及如何回应题目的要求

1.同意reason 的观点 2 部分同意 claim 中的观点，正面阐述 3 指出claim观点中的不足。

4. 列出自己的三个主题句（中间段）
1.Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
2.Obviously, Taking courses outside the student's field of study have many advangtes for student’s academic study 。
3。However,The claim saying “ should require every student” and “ a variety of “ is not  appropriate.
  5. 讨论自己每个段落如何展开支持主题句
第一段介绍介绍true education 的范围和对学生的帮助
第二段两个分论点1.Broad knowledge helps people thinking and solving problems from multi-side and multi-angle 举例阐述优势  2.Taking courses outside the student's field of study is also good for students’personal life举例
第三段 1.Such a request  infringed  the rights of students choose the ir education.2. Student electiing courses outside professional field need to pay more tuition fees,
  6. 检查自己段落内句子之间的连贯（这个比较复杂，晚些时候再补充讨论）
每个段落字数都很平均，感觉阐述的不够深入，还算比较连贯
  7. 列出自己觉得表达有问题的句子，解释你想表达的意思
However,The claim saying “ should require every student” and “ a variety of “ is not  appropriate。
  8. 提出自己在内容、思路和表达上的具体问题
思路是中规中矩的，高端句子结构和高端词汇不会运用，思路和文采都没有，这样分数不会太高。怎么办？？？
  9. 附上自己的issue全文

I partly agree with the claim that  universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study and I totally agree with the reason. However,I would cuation that extending the claim  too far might risk undermining  real objectives of ture education.
Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly e ducated. True education includes not only gaining the knowledge and ablity to excel in one’s major course of study and in one’s professional career but also providing insight and perspective regarding one’s place in society and in the physical an metaphysical worlds.Course in political sicence ,philosophy,theology ,literature,and even science such as astronomy and physics can help a student gain this insight and perspective .
Obviously, Taking courses outside the student's field of study have many advangtes for student’s academic study .Broad knowledge helps people thinking and solving problems from multi-side and multi-angle.For example, Tombs excavation need  iarcheology, sociology, biology, chemistry professionals to participate    in. Besides, Science education helps to improve students' ability of mathematical logic and arts education can help cultivate students' humanities quality and emotional intelligence . Various problems in the world is increasingly complex,and many of them need to be solved by using a multidisciplinary comprehensive knowledge and interdisciplinary approach .In addition, Interdisciplinary is a hot topic in modern times, various disciplines can learn from each other.For example, Johh von Neumann with math background made important contribution to computer science, economy,  quantum mechanics  and almost all the field of mathematics.Taking courses outside the student's field of study is also good for students’personal life. Now some people pointed out that college students' academic pressure is more and more heavy, taking course outside will increase their study pressure. Nevertheless, most students will find more interest outside their field of study. It’s a kind of relaxation for students to choose  other courses  according to their own interests and hobbies . For example, physics students can choose to listen to music appreciation course. Besides, To participate in these disciplines outside the course allows students to make more friends and participate in a rich variety of activitives, making their life more colorful .
However,The claim saying “ should require every student” and “ a variety of “ is not  appropriate.First of all, Such a request  infringed  the rights of students choose their education.Secondly , Student electiing courses outside professional field need to pay more tuition fees, which will no doubt increase the economic burden of students.Besides,there are  various ways to obtain the other discipline knowledge. Moreover,Classroom teaching has its own defects, for instance , the teaching time and place is too fixed,.Students can now study the network courses freely available, such as  Yale open courses ,borrow books from the library,  or  download papers from the network .
In the final analysis, universities can encourage student to take courses that they are interested in outside the student's field of study according to their economic conditions .And these course will play a important role in expand their horizons and shape their future life.

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-18 19:18:44

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-10-18 19:44 编辑

singincloud 发表于 2014-10-18 18:07
发给老师批改。原来老师以前是华科的？华科都是学霸，学霸们作文大多数是3-3.5分？那我该怎么办？好 ...

ISSUE 70
Claim: Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's major field of study.
Reason: Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

  2. 列出自己的观点句

  I partly agree with the claim that  universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study and I totally agree with the reason.

如何理解partly agree  你没有具体说明读者很难理解

  3. 讨论自己的观点句包括哪几个分论点以及如何回应题目的要求

1.同意reason 的观点 2 部分同意 claim 中的观点，正面阐述 3 指出claim观点中的不足。

虽然claim和reason是分开陈述，但是我们最好还是把它们当做一个整体  如果你不同意claim 仅仅同意观点，整体的观点就很难理解。但也不是没有可能，比如你可以说获取各科知识是得到好的教育的最好方法，但是由大学要求学生这么做未必合适等等。
但是你的主旨句明显没有明确地说明你的思路。

4. 列出自己的三个主题句（中间段）
1.Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly educated.
2.Obviously, Taking courses outside the student's field of study have many advangtes for student’s academic study 。
3。However,The claim saying “ should require every student” and “ a variety of “ is not  appropriate.
  5. 讨论自己每个段落如何展开支持主题句
第一段介绍介绍true education 的范围和对学生的帮助
第二段两个分论点1.Broad knowledge helps people thinking and solving problems from multi-side and multi-angle 举例阐述优势  2.Taking courses outside the student's field of study is also good for students’personal life举例
第三段 1.Such a request  infringed  the rights of students choose the ir education.2. Student electiing courses outside professional field need to pay more tuition fees,
  6. 检查自己段落内句子之间的连贯（这个比较复杂，晚些时候再补充讨论）
每个段落字数都很平均，感觉阐述的不够深入，还算比较连贯
  7. 列出自己觉得表达有问题的句子，解释你想表达的意思
However,The claim saying “ should require every student” and “ a variety of “ is not  appropriate。
  8. 提出自己在内容、思路和表达上的具体问题
思路是中规中矩的，高端句子结构和高端词汇不会运用，思路和文采都没有，这样分数不会太高。怎么办？？？
  9. 附上自己的issue全文

I partly agree with the claim that  universities should require every student to take a variety of courses outside the student's field of study and I totally agree with the reason. However,I would cuation that extending the claim  too far might risk undermining  real objectives of ture education. 最后一句是模板么不太明白extending the claim too far 到底是什么意思
你说的real objectives又是什么？

Acquiring knowledge of various academic disciplines is the best way to become truly e ducated. 不要抄题目的原句 True education includes not only gaining the knowledge and ablity to excel in one’s major course of study and in one’s professional career but also providing insight and perspective regarding one’s place in society and in the physical an metaphysical worlds.Course in political sicence ,philosophy,theology ,literature,and even science such as astronomy and physics can help a student gain this insight and perspective .

这几句写得不错尤其是第三句中gain this insight and perspective和前一句的providing insight and perspective呼应的很好但是我觉得你这句里面的 regarding one’s place in society and in the physical an metaphysical worlds.说得太玄乎了要展开说清楚并不容易你这段只有三句话明显是underdeveloped

1 Obviously, Taking courses outside the student's field of study have many advangtes for student’s academic study .2 Broad knowledge helps people thinking and solving problems from multi-side and multi-angle. 3 For example, Tombs excavation need  iarcheology, sociology, biology, chemistry professionals to participate       in. 4 Besides, Science education helps to improve students' ability of mathematical logic and arts education can help cultivate students' humanities quality and emotional intelligence . 5 Various problems in the world is increasingly complex,and many of them need to be solved by using a multidisciplinary comprehensive knowledge and interdisciplinary approach . 6 In addition, Interdisciplinary is a hot topic in modern times, various disciplines can learn from each other. 7 For example, Johh von Neumann with math background made important contribution to computer science, economy,  quantum mechanics  and almost all the field of mathematics.8 Taking courses outside the student's field of study is also good for students’personal life. 9 Now some people pointed out that college students' academic pressure is more and more heavy, taking course outside will increase their study pressure. Nevertheless, most students will find more interest outside their field of study. 10 It’s a kind of relaxation for students to choose  other courses  according to their own interests and hobbies .11  For example, physics students can choose to listen to music appreciation course. 12 Besides, To participate in these disciplines outside the course allows students to make more friends and participate in a rich variety of activitives, making their life more colorful.

比起上一段的3句话，这一段有12句额的神啊:L  段落篇幅一般控制在5-6句比较合适你可否解释一下为什么你会写这么长的段落以及你觉得写这么长有什么问题

另外你的整体思路先说这个政策好，又说这个政策不好，结果就是你没有一个能自圆其说的立场。
这道题怎么处理 https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1779635-1-1.html 这个提纲可以参考一下

However,The claim saying “ should require every student” and “ a variety of “ is not  appropriate.First of all, Such a request  infringed  the rights of students choose their education.Secondly , Student electiing courses outside professional field need to pay more tuition fees, which will no doubt increase the economic burden of students.Besides,there are  various ways to obtain the other discipline knowledge. Moreover,Classroom teaching has its own defects, for instance , the teaching time and place is too fixed,.Students can now study the network courses freely available, such as  Yale open courses ,borrow books from the library,  or  download papers from the network .

In the final analysis, universities can encourage student to take courses that they are interested in outside the student's field of study according to their economic conditions .And these course will play a important role in expand their horizons and shape their future life.

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-19 22:46:21

dramaticlly 发表于 2014-10-16 07:00
我也来报个名吧
10.31 首次G
加拿大本科

你时间不多了不过海本应该基础不错吧按这个帖子的格式发篇习作给我看看

作者: Amelia2014 时间: 2014-10-20 22:50:14

我下月就要考了。准备每天写一篇给王老师点评，可以吗？:loveliness:

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-20 22:56:20

The author's argument is not convincing. Although it may be apparent that we should open a cafe which take the place of the children's book section to compete with Fegal Books, there are several aspects the recommender has failed to take into account.

To begin with, the argument is based on a wrong thought that opening a cafe is attractive for customers. It seems quite reasonable at the first glance. Unfortunately, this is often not the case. Perhaps the customers do not like or do not need a cafe in the Monarch Books. For instance, it may be more noisy and crowded because some people may come to the cafe for a rest or meeting their friends. Customers who read, choose or buy books in Monarch Books may be disrupted and annoyed. Moreover, maybe there is a quite popular cafe house near the Monarch Books. It is waste of money and space for them to have a new cafe in the book store. Unless all the aspects like above are proved to be unlikely and impossible, the assumption cannot be used to support the argument.

What is more, the recommender made a mistake that the children's book section will become less popular. It is lack of evidences. It may be true that the percentage of children under ten has dropped, but maybe the whole population is increasing which lead to a growing number of children. In addition, it is very likely that the population of children is increasing in this area but not in the whole country. The result of the national census is not convincing. To strengthen his argument, the author need to give more analysis and details to show the exact situation in this area.

Last but not least, the assumption is of short legitimacy because the author assumes that the Monarch Books is the optional choice. It is very possible that other approaches can be equally or even more worthwhile for getting a better result. For example, we can organize some activities like Reading Days to encourage people to read more books. We do not need to worry about the decorations, transportations of raw materials and even the salaries of the new staffs for the new cafe. What we need to do is to have a brilliant mind about the organization. What is more, we have no ideas whether Regal Books get benefits from its new cafe or not. Even if the cafe in the book store has been proved effective and valuable, it does not follow that the same conditions and situations in Regal Books will reappear in Monarch Books. The recommendation for a new cafe is a fallacious reasoning unless the author can rule out any other possibilities by providing persuasive evidences.

To sum up, this argument is lack of a more complete analysis. Much more work is needed by the Board of Directors of Monarch Books before making a decision to open the new cafe by discontinuing the children’s book section.

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-20 22:57:44

槭树下的夕熙发表于 2014-10-20 22:56
The author's argument is not convincing. Although it may be apparent that we should open a cafe whic ...

请王老师点评~~~
今天写的有点晚了，没有来得及自评，不过还是希望老师能帮我看一下
还有10天就考试了
~~~~(>_<)~~~~

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-20 23:40:17

Amelia2014 发表于 2014-10-20 22:50
我下月就要考了。准备每天写一篇给王老师点评，可以吗？

建议你先写提纲 1+3的英语句子然后用汉语解释思路思路没问题再写全文否则有可能惨不忍睹

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-20 23:41:07

槭树下的夕熙发表于 2014-10-20 22:56
The author's argument is not convincing. Although it may be apparent that we should open a cafe whic ...

题目也不抄怎么看啊

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-21 20:21:45

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-20 23:41
题目也不抄怎么看啊

哦忘了

"The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
""Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean.""
"

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-21 21:03:20

???? 還有後面的寫作要求呢這個很重要啊

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-21 22:42:01

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-21 22:42:23

老师，argument的攻击顺序是怎样的？？
按文章顺序？？好像不对
错误漏洞最大的？？---怎么看出来哪个漏洞最大？？
大前提错了，整个文章就错了，是不是就说大前提要摆在第一位写？？
那提建议的文章，可以攻击他说这个建议或许对，但不一定是最好的，blabla什么可以更好
这个一般放在文章第几位攻击？？

谢谢老师

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-21 23:45:32

槭树下的夕熙发表于 2014-10-20 22:57
请王老师点评~~~
今天写的有点晚了，没有来得及自评，不过还是希望老师能帮我看一下
还有10天就考试了
...

从你的练习来看，你对于argument这类题的基本要求还没弄清楚一些基本的写作套路也需要学习
建议你仔细看看这个帖子
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777374-1-1.html

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The author's argument is not convincing. Although it may be apparent that we should open a cafe which take the place of the children's book section to compete with Fegal Books, there are several aspects the recommender has failed to take into account.

注意这道题的要求是提出各种假设或前提，因此在开头段应该指出有哪几方面的假设需要检验。

To begin with, the argument is based on a wrong thought that opening a cafe is attractive for customers. It seems quite reasonable at the first glance. Unfortunately, this is often not the case. Perhaps the customers do not like or do not need a cafe in the Monarch Books. For instance, it may be more noisy and crowded because some people may come to the cafe for a rest or meeting their friends. Customers who read, choose or buy books in Monarch Books may be disrupted and annoyed. Moreover, maybe there is a quite popular cafe house near the Monarch Books. It is waste of money and space for them to have a new cafe in the book store. Unless all the aspects like above are proved to be unlikely and impossible, the assumption cannot be used to support the argument.

注意写argument不要轻易说谁对谁错而应该说需要检查什么假设如果假设不对就如何假设对了又如何这个是对这类题目的基本认识问题
你的任务时分析argument而不是做出猜测 Perhaps the customers do not like or do not need a cafe in the Monarch Books.

What is more, the recommender made a mistake that the children's book section will become less popular. It is lack of evidences. It may be true that the percentage of children under ten has dropped, but maybe the whole population is increasing which lead to a growing number of children. In addition, it is very likely that the population of children is increasing in this area but not in the whole country. The result of the national census is not convincing. To strengthen his argument, the author need to give more analysis and details to show the exact situation in this area.

Last but not least, the assumption is of short legitimacy because the author assumes that the Monarch Books is the optional choice.不明白你这句话在说什么
It is very possible that other approaches can be equally or even more worthwhile for getting a better result. For example, we can organize some activities like Reading Days to encourage people to read more books. We do not need to worry about the decorations, transportations of raw materials and even the salaries of the new staffs for the new cafe. What we need to do is to have a brilliant mind about the organization. What is more, we have no ideas whether Regal Books get benefits from its new cafe or not. Even if the cafe in the book store has been proved effective and valuable, it does not follow that the same conditions and situations in Regal Books will reappear in Monarch Books. The recommendation for a new cafe is a fallacious reasoning unless the author can rule out any other possibilities by providing persuasive evidences.

To sum up, this argument is lack of a more complete analysis. Much more work is needed by the Board of Directors of Monarch Books before making a decision to open the new cafe by discontinuing the children’s book section.

作者: Amelia2014 时间: 2014-10-22 16:43:36

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-20 23:40
建议你先写提纲 1+3的英语句子然后用汉语解释思路思路没问题再写全文否则有可能惨不忍睹

冒昧问下：1+3的英语句子是什么？

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-22 18:32:51

Amelia2014 发表于 2014-10-22 16:43
冒昧问下：1+3的英语句子是什么？

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777364-1-1.html

作者: Amelia2014 时间: 2014-10-22 19:14:40

明白了，谢谢！
另外，有人说时间紧张的同学应该按照高频题目顺序写。但我找了几天都没找到近2年的高频。请问您有吗？

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-22 21:48:02

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

结论：By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
data：
1Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store.（Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe）
2Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline.
作者论证思路：
1.BB开了cafe，MB也应该开→MB可以和BB竞争
2.MB的cafe占得位置是原来children 书的部分
children少了（national 调查）→children书效量会低，不挣钱→cafe占这个位置没有关系，cafe挣钱

原文修改：
The author's argument is not convincing. According to the recommendation, the author assumes that the opening cafe is quite attractive and the children's book section is not necessary which suggents that opening cafe is a optimal choice competing with Book and Bean. However, there are several aspects the recommender has failed to take into account.

红色修改部分，提出了作者的假设，指出这些假设有问题

我自己原来文章的思路：
1反驳大前提  cafe是有吸引力的（可能cafe没有吸引力（举例），原文的一系列论证都站不住脚了）
2反驳论据 national survey national的不能推出当地情况
3. 就算cafe好，children少了（就算1.2.论证是对的）       开cafe  可能不是最优选择，可能有别的更能挣钱

我仔细阅读了老师的那篇文章
有一些地方不太懂，
例如
讨论
1.天气对热油需求的影响：假设了低于正常的气温就一定需要大量烧油、天气预报是准确的、天气在几年后还会这么冷
2. 人口、新房和替代能源对热油需求的影响：假设新房一定能建成不会烂尾、建成一定卖得出有人住、新房一定烧油而不用替代能源、新房不会用隔热材料保暖
3. 是否投资CI的其他因素：假设CI的零售业务是盈利的（热油成本不会涨）；假设CI的非主要业务没有亏本；假设CI的投资回报率高于其他可供选择的投资项目

这些一一对应的我懂，但是具体文章怎么写呢？  具体写的时候，要反驳不是还是要举反例吗？  假设。。。就一定。。。
具体写的时候  不是应该写  低于正常的气温也不一定要大量烧油有可能blabla
argument不是应该先说明这样的逻辑链有问题，怎么有问题，然后举反例吗

具体写的时候，每一个论点（反驳点）怎么安排顺序？？先反驳哪个？？

修改后的提纲：
1.BB开了cafe，MB也应该开→MB可以和BB竞争  错
BB的情况不一定会在MB重现
举例  原材料，运输。。

2.MB的cafe占得位置是原来children 书的部分
children少了（national 调查）→children书效量会低，不挣钱→cafe占这个位置没有关系，cafe挣钱

survey有问题（我原来的第二论证段）

具体怎么写我还是不太清楚
希望老师可以帮我解答一下，我都是一个一个字敲上去的

花了一晚上看着倒计时心都颤~~~~

这篇文章老师有范文么

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-22 23:31:51

槭树下的夕熙发表于 2014-10-22 21:48
The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its opening ...

The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

结论：By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
data：
1Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store.（Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe）
2Monarch Books should open its own in-store cafe in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline.
作者论证思路：
1.BB开了cafe，MB也应该开→MB可以和BB竞争
2.MB的cafe占得位置是原来children 书的部分
children少了（national 调查）→children书效量会低，不挣钱→cafe占这个位置没有关系，cafe挣钱

嗯你尝试按照Toulmin的模型来分析argument是不错的  这里可以重新梳理一下

claim By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
data "Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects.
data Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store.
data Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline.
warrant the new competitor offers cafe; to deal with the new competition, Monarch should also have cafe
warrent population of children decline proportionately; therefore, the demand of children’s books declines; no need to have children’s section

写这类assumption的题目的关键是要不断围绕在assumption来写

原文修改：
The author's argument is not convincing. According to the recommendation, the author assumes that the opening cafe is quite attractive and the children's book section is not necessary which suggents that opening cafe is a optimal choice competing with Book and Bean. However, there are several aspects the recommender has failed to take into account.

我建议你argument第一段这么写

首先概括argument的结论以及主要的证据
然后指出哪几方面的assumption需要进一步的验证
注意你的任务不是要驳斥原论证而是要指出需要检验哪些assumption 因此你这段开头结尾两句都不太合适
另外你在文中大量使用We 这个是不可取的因为你的角度是一个旁观者而不是Monarch决策层

红色修改部分，提出了作者的假设，指出这些假设有问题

我自己原来文章的思路：
1反驳大前提  cafe是有吸引力的（可能cafe没有吸引力（举例），原文的一系列论证都站不住脚了）
2反驳论据 national survey national的不能推出当地情况
3. 就算cafe好，children少了（就算1.2.论证是对的）       开cafe  可能不是最优选择，可能有别的更能挣钱

你的思路基本没问题但是没有围绕假设来写
其实假设是很多的但是你要考虑如何分作三段来讨论

或许你可以从以下三方面讨论
当地儿童人口问题
影响儿童书籍的其他因素
咖啡吧的吸引力与竞争力问题

我仔细阅读了老师的那篇文章
有一些地方不太懂，
例如
讨论
1.天气对热油需求的影响：假设了低于正常的气温就一定需要大量烧油、天气预报是准确的、天气在几年后还会这么冷
2. 人口、新房和替代能源对热油需求的影响：假设新房一定能建成不会烂尾、建成一定卖得出有人住、新房一定烧油而不用替代能源、新房不会用隔热材料保暖
3. 是否投资CI的其他因素：假设CI的零售业务是盈利的（热油成本不会涨）；假设CI的非主要业务没有亏本；假设CI的投资回报率高于其他可供选择的投资项目

这些一一对应的我懂，但是具体文章怎么写呢？  具体写的时候，要反驳不是还是要举反例吗？  假设。。。就一定。。。
具体写的时候  不是应该写  低于正常的气温也不一定要大量烧油有可能blabla
argument不是应该先说明这样的逻辑链有问题，怎么有问题，然后举反例吗

具体写的时候，每一个论点（反驳点）怎么安排顺序？？先反驳哪个？？

我觉得你还是在用老G的思维现在不是要你反驳而是要你讨论假设
或者提出需要回答的问题或者需要哪方面的证据

https://www.evernote.com/shard/s ... 69d30b41e2b6b80967b
这篇我很早以前写的你可以看看

如果是assumption其实就是换个说法

The business manager argues that the sales of children’s books will decline because the national survey suggests that the number of children will decrease. It is assumed here that the results of national survey can accurately reflect the local situation of … (town). 然后接下来提出某种这个假设不成立的可能性，注意只是可能不成立，也有可能成立
In addition, it is also assumed that the demand for children’s books will necessarily decrease as a result of the population change.  这里就可以讨论影响童书需求的其他因素，从而指出这个假设也未必成立

作者: max940623 时间: 2014-10-26 15:28:15

请问王老师，我刚好大约四周后考试，A提纲写了五六篇全文写了两，I还没动过。可以加入您的联系小组吗

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-26 15:31:24

max940623 发表于 2014-10-26 15:28
请问王老师，我刚好大约四周后考试，A提纲写了五六篇全文写了两，I还没动过。可以加入您的联系小组吗

如果你能每天写一个提纲坚持一星期就很好了目前大部分组员都做不到

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-27 22:21:50

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-22 23:31
The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.

"Since its openin ...

“首先概括argument的结论以及主要的证据
然后指出哪几方面的assumption需要进一步的验证
注意你的任务不是要驳斥原论证而是要指出需要检验哪些assumption 因此你这段开头结尾两句都不太合适
另外你在文中大量使用We 这个是不可取的因为你的角度是一个旁观者而不是Monarch决策层 ”

这一段就概括全文? （我看的OG范文好像不是这样的）
the author assumes that the opening cafe is quite attractive and the children's book section is not necessary which suggents that opening cafe is a optimal choice competing with Book and Bean.
这一句是说的assume的问题啊

作者assume 了。。。。    这些有问题       这不就是 “指出需要检验哪些assumption”？？

如何为没有围绕假设来写
如果每一段指出  作者假设了什么推出了什么结论（逻辑链）

我需要写
这假设有问题。。。       还是    逻辑推理有问题？？

觉得你还是在用老G的思维现在不是要你反驳而是要你讨论假设
或者提出需要回答的问题或者需要哪方面的证据

这个我似乎懂了

老师我现在分析材料再列提纲的时候  会按照你说的  那个模型  data 结论  论证思路想

写的时候  讨论假设或者提出需要回答的问题或者需要哪方面的证据会在每一段提出  然后分析逻辑链的漏洞

这样做对吗？？

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-27 22:31:12

老师，argument的攻击顺序是怎样的？

作者: tesolchina 时间: 2014-10-27 23:17:11

槭树下的夕熙发表于 2014-10-27 22:21
“首先概括argument的结论以及主要的证据
然后指出哪几方面的assumption需要进一步的验证
注意你的任 ...

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777232-1-1.html
你看一下这几篇有什么具体问题再问我吧

43楼: Argument 32 示范
50楼: Argument 51 示范
56楼：Argument 3示范

作者: maoerdwn 时间: 2014-10-28 18:35:21

啊，报名加入，12月20号二战，10月19号考的，AW3.0。。

作者: 槭树下的夕熙 时间: 2014-10-28 19:04:24

tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-27 23:17
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1777232-1-1.html
你看一下这几篇有什么具体问题再问我吧

好谢谢

作者: tomoidiot 时间: 2014-12-17 22:26:09

参加参加！！！
这么好的活动积极参加啊，托福作文26分，G的writing一直上3分。考试时间是15年1月24日，还有38天哈。应该是比较适合的，目标是4.5分。。。。这次重点抓的就是作文啊

作者: whatstartwo 时间: 2015-9-27 17:13:07

距离这个帖子已经有1年了，请问还可以报名参加吗？……

我是今年12月头考试

欢迎光临寄托家园留学论坛 (https://bbs.gter.net/)