ISSUE147 renliyun的第七次作业

renliyunUID: 2209571

题目：ISSUE 147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."


People living in morden societies are in information dominated world and their   opinions and thinkings are being something that universed traditions and moderizations.   I firmly confirm that the issue which hold the idea that tradition and moderization are not likely to be compatible is not convincing and in our modern societies it is commen that tradition and moderization are in harmony to exist in our daily life .

Traditions that may be herited from our forfathers are more likely to be compatible with modernization that sustain our modern life in our time.This is espacially obvious in the different cultures of different countries .People from
varied countries may be in favor of Coke Cola which may get the most popularity all over the world and is the product of modernization,but their may still drink their own beverages just as some oriental countries would  like tea beacause drinking tea is their traditions that handing down from their old ancestors.It is not controverial or paradoxical that people would like drinking the same beverage at the same time. Traditional customs and modern cultures could exsist at same time in this international world and none of them would disappear for the other's existence.

Traditional and modern arts and languages would also exist in harmony to impact our society and both of them would become more prosperity by lending the advantages of each other. In the varid countries there exist many different languages and writing forms , in order to effectively communicate with different people ,the standerized languages are the fruite of moderization,however,the emerge of such languages do not extinct other languages. Just as in the US people mainly speak English but other languages are also spoken because people from all over the world are converged in this nation, but they could not easily give up their own languages ,let alone their own traditions and customs ,they may also celebrity their own festivals or lead their life as they were in their own nations. Traditions and moderizations can be maintained simultaneously to support one’s life and both be the indispensable part in their everyday life.  

Moreover,the co-existence of traditions and moderizations could diverse the choices of people instead of keeping their life unchanging -tradition or moderization - thus their life would become more colorful .Just as food ,for example, people would choose whatever they like ,no mater popular one that are in vogue or traditional ones. Suppose that people can only select one pattern from traditional foods or modern ones ,then many food as apple pies or spaghetti which are belonging to traditional danties would be far away from our life and be substituted by modern foods as hamburgers, it would be quiet a shame.  It is their co-existence that propel their more and distinctive choices in their life .

To sum up , it is highly possible that tradition and moderization exist in harmony to make the life of people more colorful but not singlefy their chocies  and their co-exsitence propels people to enrich  their daliy life by bringing more choices. I strongly believe that the accordance of tradition and moderization would thrust our world to further development and prosperity.

renliyunUID: 2209571

ISSUE 43 - "To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."


As effective leaders, it is important to make themselves accord with higher standards  comparing with  what they hope others to conform, thus to set examplify and become prestidgous.I basically agree with the broad idea of the speaker that an effective leader should impove themselves continuely to keep high moral and ethical standards. However, it is inevitable  that a person may make some  mistakes owning that no one is too perfect to be never fail,  the so-called "highest moral and ethical" standards that is  emphasized  in the issue is something out of reality.

To exert their most in any of their behaviors to examlify ,leaders may contribute  more time and energy to elevate themselves in both moral sides and ethical standards .An prestidgous leader must be a person whose behaviors and abilities in handling their works are convincing and satisfied by most of people to give their support and willingness to cooperation. Only when leaders get others' support and admiration ,can they become effective leaders to do their ultimate in their works. Just as the headmasters in schools ,they must pay much more attention to their daily behaviors ,or it would turn out to be that no students or teachers would be content in the charge of them, in such  circumstance, they are failed to exert their functions and the whole schools would be in choas.

However,as human, to make mistakes is unavoidable and it is the mistakes
that people made to propel their further improvement in their behaviors and their works.No one can be that perfect to be the best in their works or in their behaviors, so as a leader. As commen people,leaders may also suffer from different frustrations and failures in their life, their mistakes may sometimes be a little out of the ethical and moral standards that they are supposed to conform. It is the nature of human to make mistakes espacailly when they are on the way of improvement. And their mistakes would finally propel their advancement.Even the presidents of a country would make  some mistakes,that is to say no one can be perfect.

Moreover,the critiria of effective leader may be broader than the very defination of the issue which confine that standards in moral and ethical.For instance the ability in handling their works ,the capability of smooth conflicts and to cooperate others while confronting difficulties.Besides the ethical and moral stardards ,there are also other critiria to define an effective leader owning that the basic obligations of leaders.Just as the CEO of an enterprise should possess more qualities than moral and ethical traits, such as the abilities of  cooperation, advisable administrations, the capabilities of communication and so on.

In sum, it is too absolute and partial to confine the effective leaders in the definition that they must maintain the highest ethical  and moral standards. There would be other qualities to define an effective leaders and they may not necessarily be constrained in the highest and best behaviors.

[ 本帖最后由 renliyun 于 2006-8-2 22:34 编辑 ]

renliyunUID: 2209571

ARGUMENT 51

The arguer recommended that those patient who are suffering the muscle strain should take antibiotics in their treatment to reduce their afflication.To substantial this argument, the hypothesis that sever muscle strain may become easier to heal after secondary infections and the arguer provided the results of a unrepresentative study which compared two group of patients from different doctors.

First of all, the recommendation is based on a false and unwarranted hypothesis which is considered to be proved by the preliminary results of a study of two groups of  patients. The preliminary  results of the study are insufficient to bolster this hypothesis. First, the secondary infections has vague relationship with the antibiotic treatment. The arguer failed to illustrate the specific connection between them. Without the establishment of this necessary relationship, it would be unconvincing to demonstrate this hypothesis with this study. In addition, the these two studies may have little connection and be less representative than the argument assumed. The objectives in these two experiments may failed to typify the general patients who are suffered from muscle injuries and their recover may be attributed to other factors ,such us their own living habits , other medicines they used ,or the different injury degree.  

Moreover it would be unadvisable to the objectives in this experiments are those who suffered from muscle injuries but not muscle strains and it is unconvincing to give the advises of taking antibiotics in the treatment to those who are diagnosed with muscle strain. The quicker recover of the patients who are in the muscle injuries would be less relevant with the average recuperation of muscle strain patients.To make this recommendations more convincing, the arguer should rule out some examples or studies which can be representatively buttress this conclusion to enhance the veracity of this recommendation.

Even if this hypothesis is proved to be reasonable and practicable, it is still doubtable that the establishment of this hypothesis have necessary connection with the final recommendation. The argument is failed to establish a casual relationship between this hypothesis and the conclusion that patients of muscle strain should take antibiotics. Accordingly, the argument is ineffective to make clear that secondary infections are relevant with the antibiotic treatment. In order to be proved the further relationships between the two the author should provide more evidences to buttress the idea of antibiotic using in the treatment of muscle strain.

To sum up, this argument is ineffective to prove that the recommendation is reasonable and useful to reduce the recover time of the patients of muscle strain by presenting unwarranted hypothesis and unrepresentative study. Not until more effective examples of recover of muscle strain patients are lined out and the hypothesis is proved to be true ,can the conclusion of this argument be convincing and reasonable enough to be applied among patients.


写的真的很不爽,感觉很不好,理由牵强,凑字数一样,帮我好好改改这篇啊

[ 本帖最后由 renliyun 于 2006-8-3 15:24 编辑 ]

renliyunUID: 2209571

In this argument ,the arguer concluded that volcanic eruption is the main reason that lead to the world cooling. In order to support this conclusion, the arguer presented some historical weather records from Asia and Europe in the mid-sixth century and provided the evidence that there is no historical records of the bright falsh of light indicting the meteorite colliding with earth but some about the loud boom which is considered to be the sign of the volcanic eruption.

First of all, the argument failed to convince us that the record from both Asia and Europe can effectively be representative of the real condition of the whole world. The arguer also mentioned that in that time there are few historical record left now, may be such phenomena just confined in these two areas but not the whole world. Moreover, it is also possible that the people who are living in that time have no enough knowledges and experiences  to record what they witness exactly. Without the proofs that the historical records are enough representative to bolster the true condition of the whole world of that time and can reflect the real phenomena of that time, these records would be in little value to support the final conclusion of this argument.

Even if that above records in these two areas could typify the condition of the whole world at that time., it is also unwarranted to prove that the assumption which believe that the eruption of volcanic and the colliding of meteorite with earth can block the enough sunlight with the dust of the byproduct dust to lower the temperature of earth is ture and convincing. The cause of descend temperature of that time may be owning to other factors, it might be that changing avalanches at that time, or the movement of the sun. The arguer should supply more evidences and preclude other possible reasons that may be contributed to the temperature change of earth to buttress this assumption, or this assumption would has little power to support the final conclusion.

Moreover, even if the veracity of the assumption that mentioned last paragraph are substantiated as a convincing one, the argument was also faied to convince us that the appearance of meteoroid colliding is equaled with the appearance of flash light which has no record to support. Chances are that the record is failed to preserved, or there may be no people to witness the flash, and it is highly possible that even if someone who observed this phenomena are failed to record what they saw. Not until the assumption that there do not exist the meteoroid collision to reduce the world temperature that time, can the argument conclude that the real factor of this occurrence are owning to the volcanic eruption.

Even if the above assumptions are all successfully proved as true, the argument still could not built the final conclusion on the fundament that  several surviving Asian records Asia at that time of the loud boom which is considered to be caused by the eruption of volcanic. First, there is no evidence that the loud boom is the sign of volcanic eruption, it is possible that the boom is because of other phenomena and may be unknown by the people living that time. Although it is the volcanic that contribute to the loud boom, this record is also unconvincing to be the representative of the whole world. It might be the specific phenomena that are confined in Asia.

To sum up, the arguer should provide more proofs to bolster this argument, for example, the effectiveness of the historical records of that time and the truth of the assumption that it is the dust of meteoroid collision and the volcanic eruption that attribute to the lackness of sufficient sunlight of the earth. Uless the veracity that the argument is based on be proved convincing ones ,can the argument persuade me to accept the final conclusion.

[ 本帖最后由 renliyun 于 2006-8-3 16:34 编辑 ]

victorduguUID: 2176422

题目：ISSUE 147 - "Tradition and modernization are incompatible. One must choose between them."

People living in morden (modern) societies are in information dominated world and their  opinions and thinkings are being something that universed traditions and moderizations.   I firmly confirm that the issue which hold the idea that tradition and moderization are not likely to be compatible is not convincing and in our modern societies it is commen (common) that tradition and moderization are in harmony to exist in our daily life (can live in harmony with each会感觉顺一点) .

Traditions that may be (直接把前面的that may be 去掉，改成过去分词作定语会好些) herited (inherited) from our forfathers (ancestors) are more likely to be compatible with modernization that sustain our modern life in our time.This is especially obvious in the different cultures of different countries. People from varied (改成various) countries may be in favor of Coke Cola which may get the most popularity all over the world and is the product of modernization, but their may still drink their own beverages just as some oriental countries would  like tea beacause drinking tea is their traditions that handing down from their old ancestors. It is not controverial (controversial) or paradoxical that people would like drinking the same beverage at the same time. Traditional customs and modern cultures could exsist (exist) at same time in this international world and none of them would disappear for the other's existence. (这一段用从喝饮料这个方面来支持Tradition 和modernization之间可以be compatible很好，但是可以在举例之前在加入一点分析，那样会显得更有层次感)

Traditional and modern arts and languages would also exist in harmony to impact our society and both of them would become more prosperity (prosperious) by lending the advantages of each other. In the varid countries there exist many different languages and writing forms , in order to effectively communicate with different people ,the standerized languages are the fruite (fruit) of modernization, however, the emerge of such languages do not extinct (形容词可放在后面，或者用result in the extinction of ) other languages. Just as in the US people mainly speak English but other languages are also spoken because people from all over the world are converged in this nation, but they could not easily give up their own languages ,let alone their own traditions and customs ,they may also celebrity (celebrate) their own festivals or lead their life as they were in their own nations. Traditions and moderizations can be maintained simultaneously to support one’s life and both be the indispensable part in their everyday life (这句话的后半部分感觉有些别扭，觉得这句只用一个介词短语就行了) .  
(这一段从语言和风俗来讲二者可以共存，是不错的，但个人感觉跟第一段没有太多的递进或者什么别的什么关系，其实是可以合到一块的，应充分发掘二者其他方面的关系)

Moreover, the co-existence of traditions and moderizations could diverse (这个是形容词，可考虑换成provide people with more choices) the choices of people instead of keeping their life unchanging -tradition or moderization - thus their life would become more colorful .Just as food ,for example, people would choose whatever they like ,no mater popular one that are in vogue (这个词不错) or traditional ones. Suppose that people can only select one pattern from traditional foods or modern ones ,then many food as apple pies or spaghetti which are belonging to (直接belong to就可以了) traditional danties would be far away from our life and be substituted by modern foods as hamburgers, it would be quiet a shame.  It is their co-existence that propel their more and distinctive choices in their life (这句话后半部分不是很通顺).

To sum up , it is highly possible that tradition and moderization exist in harmony to make the life of people more colorful but not singlefy their chocies  and their co-exsitence propels people to enrich  their daliy life by bringing more choices. I strongly believe that the accordance of tradition and moderization would thrust our world to further development and prosperity.(最后一段总结的还是很到位的)

总体来看，文章的结构是完整的，也是清晰的。但是有些地方感觉论证的不是很详细，比如第二段讲到语言共存，为什么能够共存，共存能产生多大的意义，对彼此会产生什么样的影响，都可以拿来说，而不是仅仅陈述一个事实就可以了。另外，觉得全文还是有扩展的空间，思路上可以更开阔一些，比如还可以让步一下，讲一下二者之间的存在的矛盾也好，这样不仅可以多一个角度来阐述问题，而且使得逻辑上更加完整。语言方面来讲，有些地方有点小错误，多总结下注意点就可以了。另外，给个小小的意见，就是写完后可以放到word中，亮红线的拼写错误可以自己先改，这样别人改起来就更方便了，呵呵。

victorduguUID: 2176422

ISSUE 43 - "To be an effective leader, a public official must maintain the highest ethical and moral standards."


As effective leaders, it is important to make themselves accord with higher standards  comparing with  what they hope others to conform, thus to set exemplify (examples) and become prestidgous. I basically agree with the broad idea of the speaker that an effective leader should impove (improve) themselves continuely to keep high moral and ethical standards. However, it is inevitable  that a person may make some  mistakes owning that no one is too perfect to be never fail,  the so-called "highest moral and ethical" standards that is (that is 可以去掉)  emphasized  in the issue is something out of reality.

To exert their most in any of their behaviors to examlify ,leaders may contribute  more time and energy to elevate themselves in both moral sides and ethical standards .An prestidgous leader must be a person whose behaviors and abilities in handling their works are convincing and satisfied by most of people to give their support and willingness to cooperation. Only when leaders get others' support and admiration ,can they become effective leaders to do their ultimate in their works. Just as the headmasters in schools ,they must pay much more attention to their daily behaviors ,or it would turn out to be that no students or teachers would be content in the charge of them, in such  circumstance, they are failed (这个不存在被动吧，直接改成fail就可以了) to exert their functions and the whole schools would be in choas.

However, as human, to make mistakes is unavoidable and it is the mistakes that people made to propel their further improvement in their behaviors and their works .No one can be that perfect to be the best in their works or in their behaviors, so as a leader. As commen (common) people,leaders may also suffer from different frustrations and failures in their life, their mistakes may sometimes be a little out of the ethical and moral standards that they are supposed to conform. It is the nature of human to make mistakes espacailly (especially) when they are on the way of improvement. And their mistakes would finally propel their advancement. Even the presidents of a country would make  some mistakes,that is to say no one can be perfect.
(这一段论述人无完人，leader也是会犯错误的，但是觉得可以加一些例子来使得论证更convincing，比如某某领导人有什么问题超出了ethical standards，但是不能否认他作为一个effective leader)

Moreover, the critiria of effective leader may be broader than the very defination of the issue which confine that standards in moral and ethical. For instance the ability in handling their works , the capability of smooth conflicts and to cooperate others while confronting difficulties. Besides the ethical and moral stardards ,there are also other critiria to define an effective leader owning that the basic obligations of leaders. Just as the CEO of an enterprise should possess more qualities than moral and ethical traits, such as the abilities of  cooperation, advisable administrations, the capabilities of communication and so on. (这一段讲到其他的衡量effective leader 的标准，深化了主题，不错)

In sum, it is too absolute and partial to confine the effective leaders in the definition that they must maintain the highest ethical  and moral standards. There would be other qualities to define an effective leaders and they may not necessarily be constrained in the highest and best behaviors.

全文的思路应该是 原则上leader应该遵守道德->但是leader也不是完人，因此也不能完全遵守->还有其他的方式来衡量an effective leader，思路还是很清晰的。但是觉得有一点，就是例证不够，虽然这是一篇讨论leader的文章，但是全文没有出现一个真正的leader作为论据，这是需要改进的地方。可以多看看资料，总结一些常用的例子，对于论证会更有帮助。加油:-)

victorduguUID: 2176422

ARGUMENT 51

The arguer recommended that those patient who are suffering the muscle strain should take antibiotics in their treatment to reduce their afflication. To substantial (substantiate) this argument, the hypothesis that sever (severe) muscle strain may become easier to heal after secondary infections (Doctor们应该是说一般情况下是由于二次感染而导致了不能很快康复，而不是说二次感染发生后会好的更快) and the arguer provided the results of a unrepresentative study which compared two group of patients from different doctors.

First of all, the recommendation is based on a false and unwarranted hypothesis which is considered to be proved by the preliminary results of a study of two groups of  patients. The preliminary  results of the study are insufficient to bolster this hypothesis. First, the secondary infections has vague relationship with the antibiotic treatment. The arguer failed to illustrate the specific connection between them. Without the establishment of this necessary relationship, it would be unconvincing to demonstrate this hypothesis with this study. In addition, the these two studies may have little connection and be less representative than the argument assumed. The objectives in these two experiments may failed to typify the general patients who are suffered from muscle injuries and their recover may be attributed to other factors ,such us their own living habits , other medicines they used ,or the different injury degree.   (觉得只有最后一句话说到了点子上，其实作者引用study的作用在于说明，因为第一组病人使用了antibiotics好得快，而antibiotics是用来治疗infection的，所以肯定是infection导致了病人恢复得慢)

Moreover it would be unadvisable to the objectives in this experiments are those who suffered from muscle injuries but not muscle strains and it is unconvincing to give the advises of taking antibiotics in the treatment to those who are diagnosed with muscle strain. The quicker recover of the patients who are in the muscle injuries would be less relevant with the average recuperation of muscle strain patients.To make this recommendations more convincing, the arguer should rule out some examples or studies which can be representatively buttress this conclusion to enhance the veracity of this recommendation.
(嗯，关于muscle strain 和 muscle injuries 到底有什么差别，这个我也不太确定)

Even if this hypothesis is proved to be reasonable and practicable, it is still doubtable that the establishment of this hypothesis have necessary connection with the final recommendation. The argument is failed to establish a casual relationship between this hypothesis and the conclusion that patients of muscle strain should take antibiotics. Accordingly, the argument is ineffective to make clear that secondary infections are relevant with the antibiotic treatment (TS中Even if 后事实上承认了这一条). In order to be (不用be) proved the further relationships between the two the author should provide more evidences to buttress the idea of antibiotic using in the treatment of muscle strain. (最后一段感觉没有指出什么具体的东西，事实上关于recommendation可以指出很多具体的不足，比如说有没有副作用，比如是不是所有的patient都适合)

To sum up, this argument is ineffective to prove that the recommendation is reasonable and useful to reduce the recover time of the patients of muscle strain by presenting unwarranted hypothesis and unrepresentative study. Not until more effective examples of recover of muscle strain patients are lined out and the hypothesis is proved to be true ,can the conclusion of this argument be convincing and reasonable enough to be applied among patients. (最后一段的总结用的句式还是不错的)

总体来讲，原来作者的逻辑大概是这样 study->hypothesis->suggestion，所以基本上还是找到了这条思路，论证的时候可以be more specific 一点，多举一些反例，因为感觉有些句子有点空。不过基本模式已经出来了，再把题库的提纲多列列，多找找错误，加油:-)

[ 本帖最后由 victordugu 于 2006-8-4 18:46 编辑 ]

victorduguUID: 2176422

In this argument ,the arguer concluded that volcanic eruption is the main reason that lead to the world cooling. In order to support this conclusion, the arguer presented some historical weather records from Asia and Europe in the mid-sixth century and provided the evidence that there is no historical records of the bright falsh of light indicting the meteorite colliding with earth but some about the loud boom which is considered to be the sign of the volcanic eruption.

First of all, the argument failed to convince us that the record from both Asia and Europe can effectively be representative of the real condition of the whole world. The arguer also mentioned that in that time there are few historical record left now, may be such phenomena just confined in these two areas but not the whole world. Moreover, it is also possible that the people who are living in that time have no enough knowledges and experiences  to record what they witness exactly. Without the proofs that the historical records are enough representative to bolster the true condition of the whole world of that time and can reflect the real phenomena of that time, these records would be in little value to support the final conclusion of this argument.
(这一段单纯地攻击records的vague似乎有些勉强，因为没有具体讲他的vague导致了那些东西不可信，比如说weather pattern还是关于loud boom 的记载)

Even if that above records in these two areas could typify the condition of the whole world at that time., it is also unwarranted to prove that the assumption which believe that the eruption of volcanic and the colliding of meteorite with earth can block the enough sunlight with the dust of the byproduct dust to lower the temperature of earth is ture and convincing. The cause of descend temperature of that time may be owning to other factors, it might be that changing avalanches (这个反例不错) at that time, or the movement of the sun. The arguer should supply more evidences and preclude other possible reasons that may be contributed to the temperature change of earth to buttress this assumption, or this assumption would has little power to support the final conclusion.(这一段的论证还是不错的)

Moreover, even if the veracity of the assumption that mentioned last paragraph are substantiated as a convincing one, the argument was also faied to convince us that the appearance of meteoroid colliding is equaled with the appearance of flash light which has no record to support. Chances are that the record is failed to preserved, or there may be no people to witness the flash, and it is highly possible that even if someone who observed this phenomena are failed to record what they saw. Not until the assumption that there do not exist the meteoroid collision to reduce the world temperature that time, can the argument conclude that the real factor of this occurrence are owning to the volcanic eruption.

Even if the above assumptions are all successfully proved as true, the argument still could not built the final conclusion on the fundament that  several surviving Asian records Asia at that time of the loud boom which is considered to be caused by the eruption of volcanic. First, there is no evidence that the loud boom is the sign of volcanic eruption, it is possible that the boom is because of other phenomena and may be unknown by the people living that time. Although it is the volcanic that contribute to the loud boom, this record is also unconvincing to be the representative of the whole world. It might be the specific phenomena that are confined in Asia. (这一段的理由可以跟第二段进行合并)

To sum up, the arguer should provide more proofs to bolster this argument, for example, the effectiveness of the historical records of that time and the truth of the assumption that it is the dust of meteoroid collision and the volcanic eruption that attribute to the lackness of sufficient sunlight of the earth. Uless the veracity that the argument is based on be proved convincing ones ,can the argument persuade me to accept the final conclusion.

除了第一段有些不太明了之外，其他的还都是抓住了要害。总的来说，这一篇argument写得还是很不错的，加油:-)