Argument200 大家互拍！

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

Argument200  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分2秒     424words
从2006年7月10日15时2分到2006年7月10日15时30分
------题目------
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
------正文------
In this argument, the arguer concludes that dentists should pay more attention on male consumers， anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. To demonstrate that conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that male are three times more likely to be faint than women. And the arguer also assumed the causal relationship that faint is caused by distress. However, after a serious consideration, we can easily find that there are many flaws in the argument.

First of all, the fact that  three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist can not indicate that male are more likely to be faint than female. The arguer has not showed any information about the number of men and women who go to the dentist. It is hard to see that more men go to watch the dentist. Maybe very few men go to watch dentist, and accidentally most of them easily get faint.  From this view, we can see how unsubstantial the argument is.

Even though the fact that men are more likely to faint while visiting the dentist than women, the arguer fails to convince us that the people who are likely to faint attributed to distress. There is no necessary link between distress and faint. It is very likely that it was something else, like the smell in the dentist or some medicine that the patient has taken that leads to the dizziness. In this way, it is far to believe that distress has caused people to faint.

Last but not least, if both the fact and the assumption are true, the advice the arguer puts up will hardly tobe a good one. Whether dentists should target the male consumer needs further consideration, since the arguer has not shown any analysis about what kind the consumers most are. Maybe women are more likely to get trouble with tooth and are major of consumers to dentist. And no survey has been given to demonstrate that people, especially men will accept the anesthetic techniques.  

To sum up, the arguer fails to convince me that his conclusion is sound. As we see from the above, there are many flaws in his or her argument. To convince us, he should show more information of the fact, find the true cause of the faint and demonstrate it. Then he should also take more survey to make sure that emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients will be the best way.

[ 本帖最后由 ChunyanLi2005 于 2006-8-15 17:51 编辑 ]

huangjj1962UID: 2189601

Argument200  
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：30分2秒     427words
从2006年7月10日15时2分到2006年7月10日15时30分
------题目------
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
------正文------
In this argument, the arguer concludes that dentists should pay more attention on male consumers and anesthetic techniques(既然复述作者论点就干脆复述完整,作者还说了员工对病人痛苦的敏感你干吗不说?). To demonstrate(你这个词意义不太准确,demonstrate表示详细说明,示范,而你要表达的意思是证明,建议换一个) that conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that male are three times more likely to be faint than women. And the arguer also made(用assumed,你前面用的都是一般现在时干吗这里又突然改成过去时?) the causal(+relationship) that faint is caused by distressed. However, after serious consideration, we can easily find that there are many flaws in the argument.你这是复述作者观点式的开头,建议你别这样,看过imong兄那篇有名的文章吗?

First of all, the fact that  three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist can not indicate that male are more likely to be faint than female when visiting the dentist. The arguer has not showed any information about the number of men and women who go to the dentist. Without the comparison of the number of men and the number(用that避免重复) of women, it is hard to see that there are relative equal numbers of men to the number of women.(别这么说,应该说很难看出是否男人晕阙概率比女人高) Maybe very few men go to watch dentist, and accidentally most of them easily get faint.  From this view, we can see how unsubstantial the argument is.

Even though the fact that men are more likely to faint while visiting the dentist than women, the arguer fails to convince us that the people who are likely to faint are contributed(用错词了,是attributed,而且不是这么用的,是faint做主语不是人) to distress. There is no (+necessary)link between distress and faint. It is very likely that it was something else, like the smell in the dentist or some medicine that the patient has taken (+that leads to the dizziness). In this way, it is far to believe that distress has caused people to faint.

Last but not least, if both the fact and the assumption are true, the advice the arguer puts up will be a good one.(这话什么意思,你同意作者的观点?写反了吧?) Whether dentists should target the male consumer needs further consideration, since the arguer has not shown any analysis about the kind(这词不好..人又不分种类,想个别的吧) of consumers. Maybe women are more likely to get trouble with tooth and are major of consumers to dentist. And no survey has been given to demonstrate that people, especially men will accept the anesthetic techniques. (最好再develop一下,为什么男人对麻醉技术不感冒?)
To sum up, the arguer fails to convince me that his conclusion is sound. As we see from the above, there are many flaws in his or her(没必要,用his就行了,你后面干吗又只用he?) argument. To convince us, he should show more information of the fact, find the truth(true) cause of the faint and demonstrate it. Then he should also taking(take) more survey to make sure that emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients will be the best way.


总的还是要害都攻击到了,就是相关理由要多说一点,老外喜欢听详细的例子,加油,你一个月以前就限时成功了,很了不起,我可是前几天才勉强做到的哦!
再次对没有即使给你改表示道歉,我这几天都没有时间上网,还在拼命补issue的提纲,你什么时候考呢,你issue怎么准备的?希望以后还能我们还能交流哦.我晚点时间再贴一篇argu出来,你有时间就看看吧,这次一定会及时回的.

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

我其实都考过一次了 上次4分
所以限时没问题 呵呵
好的 到时我一定帮你看

winsome_luoUID: 2146848

In this argument, the arguer concludes that dentists should pay more attention on male consumers and anesthetic techniques. To demonstrate that conclusion, the arguer cites the fact that male are three times more likely to be faint than women. And the arguer also made the causal that faint is caused by distressed[这句话感觉怪怪的]. However, after[a] serious consideration, we can easily find that there are many flaws in the argument.

First of all, the fact that  three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist can not indicate that male are more likely to be faint than female [when visiting the dentist可以省掉,避免重复]. The arguer has not showed[最好用一般现在时吧] any information about the number of men and women who go to the dentist. Without the comparison of the number of men and the number of women, it is hard to see that there are relative equal numbers of men to the number of women. Maybe very few men go to watch dentist, and accidentally most of them easily get faint.[我觉得这个反驳不有力]  From this view, we can see how unsubstantial the argument is.

Even though the fact that men are more likely to faint [while visiting the dentist than women重复啰嗦], the arguer fails to convince us that the people who are likely to faint are contributed to distress. There is no link between distress and faint. It is very likely that it was something else, like the smell in the dentist or some medicine that the patient has taken. In this way, it is far to believe that distress has caused people to faint.[还可以说女人不FAINT并不表示女人不DISTRESS,也许她们表现在其他方面]

Last but not least, if both the fact and the assumption are true, the advice the arguer puts up will be a good one[这个是什么意思?]. Whether dentists should target the male consumer needs further consideration, since the arguer has not shown any analysis about the kind of consumers. Maybe women are more likely to get trouble with tooth and are major of consumers to dentist. And no survey has been given to demonstrate that people, especially men will accept the anesthetic techniques.  

To sum up, the arguer fails to convince me that his conclusion [is] sound. As we see from the above, there are many flaws in [his or her]->[the] argument. To convince us, [he->the author] should show more information of the fact, find the truth cause of the faint and demonstrate it. Then he should also taking[take] more survey to make sure that emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients will be the best way.

ChunyanLi2005UID: 2124266

我把原文重改了！
imong兄的那个文章是哪个啊 ？
可能看过可能没看国
再告诉一下，一定看看

[ 本帖最后由 ChunyanLi2005 于 2006-8-15 17:35 编辑 ]