Argument147 【Persistence 小组】第二次作业

欣馨之火UID: 2183210

147. The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."



This editorial states that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this point of view, the author shows some evidences such as the results of a recent survey and the advertising campaign of Whirlwind's newly video games providing lifelike graphics. Close scrutiny about these evidences, however, reveals that the statement is unconvincing as it stands.

Firstly, the respondents of the survey didn't suggest that they would buy the newly video games produced by Whirlwind. According to the results of the survey, which has been showed, players prefer the lifelike style games. However, it is unnecessarily that they will buy those games considering the computers they have owned. If they don't own a most up-to-date computer, the games, which provide lifelike graphics, are useless for them. Those who hold owning a lifelike style video game as a dream but are lacking in money to purchase a most up-to-date computer would definitely not buy the games, even they like those games.

Secondly, the advertising campaign aims for attracting the people 10 to 25 years old. Although the age-group will probably be the potential customer group, no evidence indicates that they will doubtless purchase a video game introduced by Whirlwind. As we all know, it is entirely possible that teenagers cannot make a decision of buying a video game, as they want, because of the restrictions of their parents. Even if their parents do not limit their action of buying video games, it doesn't mean that they will buy the lifelike style games like the respondents of the survey preferred.

Thirdly, we cannot get any information about the price, or other characters of the games Whirlwind has just introduced from the editorial. If the price is extremely high, and exceeds the values those games deserve, and if the other characters of the games are not good enough, players will still not purchase these games.

Furthermore, how about the competitors of Whirlwind? The editorial states that the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. If the competitors have already owned the most shares of the video game market during the two years, and have the ability to keep this situation going on, the increase of the sales of Whirlwind video games would be a fantasy.

In sum, the editorial's author cannot justify his/her viewpoint on the basis of the scant evidence provided in the editorial. To make the statement convinced, the author must provide better evidence that the respondents to the survey and the people the advertising aimed at really like Whirlwind’s video games and will buy them. At the same time, the author should give more information about the quality of these games.

vinnieUID: 2104933

          This editorial states that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this point of view, the author shows some evidences such as the results of a recent survey and the advertising campaign of Whirlwind's newly video games providing lifelike graphics（这句话不太通）. Close scrutiny about these evidences, however, reveals that the statement is unconvincing as it stands.          Firstly, the respondents of the survey didn't suggest（suggest与结果搭配，这里主语是调查的人） that they would buy the newly video games produced by Whirlwind. According to the results of the survey, which has(have) been showed, players prefer the lifelike style games. However, it is unnecessarily that they will buy those games (when) considering the computers they have owned. If they don't own a most up-to-date computer, the games, which provide lifelike graphics, are useless(用useless不太贴切，这是个选择的问题) for them. Those who hold owning a lifelike style video game as a dream but are lacking in money to purchase a most up-to-date computer would definitely not buy the games, even they like those games(这句没错，但是有点别扭).

        Secondly, the advertising campaign aims for attracting the people 10 to 25 years old. Although the age-group will（去掉） probably be the potential customer group, no evidence indicates that they will doubtless purchase a video game introduced by Whirlwind. As we all know, it is entirely possible that teenagers cannot make a decision of buying a video game as they want because of the restrictions of（from） their parents. Even if their parents do not limit their action(action用在这不合适) of buying video games, it doesn't mean that they will buy the lifelike style games like the respondents of the survey preferred（最后一句的观点没有得到支持）.      

      Thirdly, we cannot get any information about the price, or other characters of the games Whirlwind has just introduced from the editorial. If the price is extremely high, and(or比较合适) exceeds the values those games deserve, and if the other characters of the games are not good enough（个人觉得用satisfying好）, players will still not purchase these games.      

      Furthermore, how about the competitors of Whirlwind? The editorial states that the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years. If the competitors have already owned the most shares of the video game market during the two years, and have the ability to keep this situation going on, the increase of the sales of Whirlwind video games would be a fantasy（这段写的很好，简单清楚）.      

         In sum, the editorial's author cannot justify his/her viewpoint on the basis of the scant evidence provided in the editorial. To make the statement convinced, the author must provide better（more论点没有好与坏之分吧） evidence that the respondents to the survey and the people the advertising aimed at really like Whirlwind’s video games and will buy them. At the same time, the author should give more information about the quality of these games.

这篇文章写的比较清楚，语法错误，不通顺的也很少，有一段写的很好。唯一要注意的是在写那些长句的时候条理再通顺一点，我看的时候总是觉得有些晦涩，要看两三遍才能理顺，也可能是我太困了~~~~~~~~
PS： 你的逗号也多了点

[ 本帖最后由 vinnie 于 2007-2-4 21:44 编辑 ]