argument2 【认真作文互改小组】

wang984UID: 2284383

2 The following appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.
"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting."

1 alternative explanations 如环境改善，交通便利，社区设施的完善，如学校，医院等
2 未来未必如作者所料，也许人口，产业等的萧条，会带来房产的贬值
这篇比较单薄，没有找到更好的突破口。

This letter is well presented but not thoroughly well reasoned. It argues that a set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting should be adopted in order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, for the reason that nearby Brookville community did so seven years ago and then average property values have tripled.

However, the arguer fails to consider other possible alternative explanations for the rising of property values in nearby Brookville in past seven years. Natural environment may be improved continuously and greatly in Brookville but not the case in Deerhaven Acres. Also, traffic was possible bettering by constructing mass transportation systems such as railway and subway. In addition, community facilities, such as primary schools, community libraries, hospitals, supermarkets and etc., may be constructed and improved during years. In a word, it may be such living conditions improved but not only restrictions on landscaping and housepainting to make Brookville community more attractive and hence its property values rose.

Additionally, the conclusion is related to future, which could hardly be predicted clearly and definitely. In the past seven years, nearby Brookville may have increasingly population and more labor needed industries, hence this case help to increase its property values. But in the next seven years, the population may decrease for possibly happened economical depression. Therefore, it may decrease the demands for house and house renting and then help to undermine the raise of property values in Deerhaven Acres.

To sum up, this argument, which is logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. This argument could be improved by ruling out other possible alternative explanations for raise of property values in Brookville in past seven years. It could be further improved by supplying sufficient evidence to prove the demands for house and house renting will increase in Deerhaven Acres.

taroUID: 2286098

This letter is well presented but not thoroughly well reasoned. It argues that a set of restrictions on landscaping and housepainting should be adopted in order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, for the reason that nearby Brookville community did so seven years ago and then average property values have tripled.  (开头简洁明了,赞)

However, the arguer fails to consider other possible alternative explanations for the rising of property values in nearby Brookville in past seven years. Natural environment may be improved continuously and greatly in Brookville but not the case in Deerhaven Acres.(how was envir. improved?可展开说1~2句) Also, traffic was possible(ly) bettering by constructing mass transportation systems such as railway and subway. In addition, community facilities, such as primary schools, community libraries, hospitals, supermarkets and etc., may be constructed and improved during years. (同前,可具体1些) In a word, it may be such living conditions improved  but not only restrictions on landscaping and housepainting to make Brookville community more attractive and hence its property values rose. (参考: it may be such improved living conditions rather than the restrictions on landscaping and housepainting that make…)

Additionally, the conclusion is related to future, which could hardly be predicted clearly and definitely. (TS 感觉有点空,建议改写) In the past seven years, nearby Brookville may have increasingly population and more labor needed industries, hence this case (which) help to increase its property values. But in the next seven years, the population(of B or D?) may decrease for possibly happened (改写) economical depression. Therefore, it may decrease the demands for house and house renting and then help to undermine the raise of property values in Deerhaven Acres.

To sum up, this argument, which is logical at first, has several flaws as discussed above. This argument (重复) could be improved by ruling out other possible alternative explanations for raise of property values in Brookville in past seven years. It could be further improved by supplying sufficient evidence to prove the demands for house and house renting will increase in Deerhaven Acres. (结尾有点马虎,过于模式化)

,which 有点滥用呢
语言不错的, 内容充实起来就饱满了
加油！