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拍--小猪
The statement of the speaker concludes that it is more likely for the people in our country with some form of arthritis to chose Xylan produced by Perkins Pharmaceuticals but Xenon produced by Becton Pharmaceuticals with some indicators. However, in my opinion many of them can be challenged and the conclusion is also open to doubt.
By the primary reason(没有见过这种说法,如果你确定可以这样用,也请告知,I think you can say" the primary reason is that..."), the prediction of the increase from 40 billion to 60billion of the nation’s arthritis sufferer has little foundation. It is difficult to be trusted for us(语法错误,you can say" it's difficult for us to believe, "or just "it's difficult to be trusted" ). I have to question about the detail information (detail不可做形容词,you can say "detailed information" or "detail")of prediction that what is the subject of it( it指代prediction,这里不太合适,you can say the subject of the survey) , when and where does it take place, who is the predictor. Because of all of these elements have not been definite, we cannot believe that the result of the prediction are property(PROPER).
Secondly, the fact maybe act as the analysts said that Xenon many be the best-selling drug in ten tear(YEARS). Because there is no absolute connection between the end of patent right and it would be less profitable. Patients may be more likely to(^BE) confident (^OF)drugs (^THAT ARE) more famous and with longer history. That means it is safer to use. For drugs, especially treatment for achronic(需要空格))disease, public(空格)praise is more important, No one like to be the first one to try the new brand. So, although the cheaper version may be introduced to public, many patients are more likely to choose the old ones which they have tasted the curative(空格)effect.
Thirdly, the clinical studies’ background information in vague that the speaker cannot provide(PROVE THAT) it is authoritative. On one hand, how wide the scope of the study taken the examinee is has not cited by the speaker. If the studies only based on a few sufferers’ experiences in a little clinic(A FEW CLINICS OR HOSPITALS), the results cannot be spread( USED OR APPLIED) to the generation(generation指一代人,而不是大众,这里可用MASS). People from different areas or with different economics conditions have different tendency in choosing medicines. If the clinical studies are from a hospital in a community, choice may be concentrate(LIMITED) in a narrow scope, which satisfied of(去掉of) the demand from(去掉from,改成REFLECTING) this community’ character. On the other hand, whether the study is objective can hardly be assured. As common sense,(IT'S COMMOMN SENSE THAT...) the doctor’s advices are deterministic in the diagnosis process. If the doctor recommends the new drug, the patient is probably to take the doctor’s advice. So maybe Xylan is prescribed very often by a certain doctor who is the main member of the clinical study group. The result of the study can not be trust.(TRUSTED)
In sum, to persuade us to believe that Perkins will be the most profitable pharmaceuticals, the speaker’s(SPEAKER) must give us more believable reasons which indicate that Xylan may be more popular than Xenon. In addition, I would rather like to get more detail information about the prediction in the beginning of the statement and the clinical study the speaker mentioned at the end.
COMMENTS:
1. 文章结构完整,有条理
2. 找出了三点逻辑错误,但这篇文章存在更多,有待挖掘
3. 文中存在一定量的语法错误,有些会对理解作者意思造成障碍,建议加强写作基本功
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