[周年征文]再论Argument的展开和组织：实例范文详细点评！

poohUID：146994

刚看了imong研究的，已经很深入了，我想补充一点（不知道说得对不对啦），就是一定要分清前提和论点论据，有的人虽然每个驳论点都展开的很充分却不知道自己做了无用功，那就是去驳人家的前提，没有抓住重点。这种情况对于新手比较常见。给大家提个醒了

poohUID：146994

例文：from testmagic:

45.The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.
"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."



The above argument is relatively sound; however, close scrutiny of the evidence reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the author's claim, as discussed below.

Firstly, the argument is based on the assumption that arctic deer, in search of food, meanders from island to island. However, no evidence has been cited to substantiate this assumption. Lacking this, it is entirely possible that the arctic deer look for its food in a single island. And if this holds true, the editorial becomes unwarranted.

Secondly, even if deer move from one island to another island, the author claims that there is a decline in the deer population on the basis of reports documented by hunters. However, in the journal no evidence has been provided about the accuracy of local hunters report. Perhaps the hunters came to such a conclusion on the basis of their observation only. Without considering the tools used by local hunters for making the report, it cannot be inferred that there is an actual decrease in Arctic deer species.

Even if it is assumed that the deer population is dwindling, the argument further relies on an additional assumption that this decline is owing to global warming. Perhaps there is a scarcity of vegetation on which the deer survives. Or perhaps the spree hunting by local hunters is the actual cause behind this decline. Without ruling out these possible explanations for the decrease of deer species, the author cannot justify the conclusion that global warming is the factor responsible for this.

Finally, the author asserts that deer fails in following their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea because of the melting of sea. Yet, no evidence has been provided to justify the author's assertion. For that case, perhaps the deer develop a liking for the new environment and they don't basically migrate back.

In sum, to make this argument persuasive, the author needs to provide clear evidence that the migration of deer take place. The author must also show that local hunter report is accurate, and the other possible factor responsible for the decline in Arctic deer population.

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评判：by Erin Billy

quote:
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Originally posted by bubble

The above argument is relatively sound; however, close scrutiny of the evidence reveals that it accomplishes little toward supporting the author's claim, as discussed I will discuss below.
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        The argument is either sound or it is not; your intro slightly contradicts itself and therefore makes a bad first impression.





quote: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by bubble



Firstly, the argument is based on the assumption that arctic deer, in search of food, meanders from island to island. However, no evidence has been cited to substantiate this assumption.
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    No, this is incorrect. Look at the essay prompt:   





quote:
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They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year.
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     The word "meander" is used somewhat incorrectly, and is awkward here. BTW, "deer" here is plural.  





quote:
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Originally posted by bubble

Lacking this, it is entirely possible that the arctic deer look for its food in a single island. And if this holds true, the editorial becomes unwarranted.
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   See above.   






quote:
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Originally posted by bubble

Secondly, even if deer move from one island to another island, the author claims that there is a decline in the deer population on the basis of reports documented by hunters. However, in the journal no evidence has been provided about the accuracy of local hunters report. Perhaps the hunters came to such a conclusion on the basis of their observation only. Without considering the tools used by local hunters for making the report, it cannot be inferred that there is an actual decrease in Arctic deer species.
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   [B]  注意：这一点就是我想强调的： Yes, this is possible, but usually ETS wants us to accept that the presented info is true; in other words, it's best to assume the information is reliable unless of course the reported information could be faulted in the way it was gathered.  [/B]   





quote:
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Originally posted by bubble



Even if it is assumed that the deer population is dwindling, the argument further relies on an additional assumption that this decline is owing to global warming. Perhaps there is a scarcity of vegetation on which the deer survives. Or perhaps the spree hunting by local hunters is the actual cause behind this decline. Without ruling out these possible explanations for the decrease of deer species, the author cannot justify the conclusion that global warming is the factor responsible for this.
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    IMO, this is the major flaw of the argument; you should expand on this..  





quote:
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Originally posted by bubble

Finally, the author asserts that deer fails in following their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea because of the melting of sea. Yet, no evidence has been provided to justify the author's assertion. For that case, perhaps the deer develop a liking for the new environment and they don't basically migrate back..
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    注意了！！！
Again, the prompt says that the sea ice has melted, so we can assume for our essay that this has really happened.
quote:
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Originally posted by bubble



In sum, to make this argument persuasive, the author needs to provide clear evidence that the migration of deer take place. The author must also show that local hunter report is accurate, and the other possible factor responsible for the decline in Arctic deer population.


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   Score: 4.0/6.0

Priyanka,

You write very well, and have good grammar, spelling, and formatting, and obviously have a good grasp of logic and argumentation. The problem seems to be that you are a bit confused about what GRE is looking for.

If you corrected the problems I noted above, you'd likely get a 5.0 or better.