08的作文修改小铺子

daney68UID：2582640

楼主真好。我想问一下，每回在准备作文之前，我都会翻阅一下别人的范文以及新概念3和4，当时看的时候能够记住一些好句子，但是一到写作文的时候，一个是不会用，另外就是忘记怎么使用啦？写作文又跟挤牙膏似的到处找句子，我该怎么办呢？

daney68UID：2582640

楼主，可否解决一下我的问题:)，不知道我的问题是不是有些笼统啦。

daney68UID：2582640

:L 对不起回复慢了……现在必须去改你LS的作文了:dizzy: 不然那个同学恐怕要生气……
回答问题：
记住好的句子的时候，多读两遍，最好念出声，自己听到会对记忆很有帮助。1开始写作文的时候会隐约记得句子的形状 ...
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-3 12:08

不好意思，没有注意到这一点

daney68UID：2582640

楼主，看看我的这篇文章是否写得时候审题有问题，谢谢。

Do you agree or disagree with the follow statement? In university,students should take the history courses no matter what field they study in.


There is thorny debate on whether students should take history courses whatever field they study in.Although some people argue that it is not necessary in that the additional course will  increase the burden of students' study work.However,they fail to see that history have a positive impact on their study as well as their whole life.I am probably wilI always be, one of those who believe that  history not just reflect culture of one country but also be considered as precious experience for us solving problems.

learning history could spire students to comprehand all- round the culture of one country.Great Wall,the symbol of Chinese culture, it is not just one of Eight Wonders in the world people appreciate and go sight-seeing,what is more important,it is astonished and impressed by the fact that the Great Wall is the production of tens of thousands of industrious Chinese commoners.It is Great Wall that symbol of the bravery and wisdom of Chinese people. Not only could we foster nation pride by learning history,but also we tend to appreciate the distinct alien cultures and value.For example,when it come to Statue of Liberty,it could easily associate with American Revolution,which American colonies struggle for civic liberty leading to the foundation of a new nation.

It is fairly precious experience that learn from history when people deal with complex problems .Since human beings had been punished by neglecting the envrionment pollution during economic development,more and more cournties begin to focus on pollution and take efficient measures to protect the envrionment.For instance,Great Smog,a notable event of air pollution,cause the death of at least 4,000 Londoners and compel the governments to make regulations restricting the use of dirty fuels in industry and banning black smoke.Only when people really realize the improtantance of history experience and lessons can people better solve complex problems efficiently.

In conclusion, students would be benifitial to learning history with profound understanding the culture of one country as well as obtaining abuntant expericence for their problems-solving more efficient.

daney68UID：2582640

谢谢楼主，你说的一语中的。的确，有时候在想好了例子的情况下，不知道该用什么样的语句去表达？ 34# jiang08

daney68UID：2582640

具体点？啥情况？伦敦大雾那个？
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-8 01:12

有两句话，我想这样表达，“如果人类没有历史这面镜子的话，在今后的处理问题上还会犯下更多的错误”。想用一个虚拟语气，不知道怎么表达好？还有一句是全文的主题句，“我认为学生应该学习历史，因为他们不仅可以对一个国家的文化及价值观有更深入的了解，同时还可以根据历史的经验教训处理当前的一些问题。”
不知道这样一个主题句用什么样的句型表达比较好？麻烦楼主啦:)

daney68UID：2582640

希望楼主早日归来哈。:)

daney68UID：2582640

我结尾每回不知道该如何写好，有时候只能在观点重复表达一遍。这是我在论坛上问大家的一个题目。你先看看哈。

Do you agree or disagree: Twenty years later, people have far more leisure time than they do today?

With advent of modern technology, our society is changing at an unprecedented speed and people’s life becomes more convenient. Some people even live the illusion that all the house work could be programmed in order and executed automatically just by pressing one button. In the future, they think, they may have more leisure time. However, they fail to see the necessary fact that advanced technology brings us so many benefits, but meanwhile people have to experience a lot of troubles, such as heavy stress, traffic problems as well as environment pollution. Therefore, I do not believe that people will have more leisure time in twenty years than now.        

It is accepted fact that the technological inventions free a large number of people from tedious and complicate work. Before, people cook for food by burning wood or coal, do their laundry with their hands and endure a long and arduous journey from one country to the other. But now, the case has been changed completely. An electric boiler or microwave oven make cooking faster and easier; a fully automatic washing machine drive the tedious laundry work away; jet plane greatly shorten the distance among people living in the different parts of the world. All of these facilitate people’s life to the best.

However, we can not neglect the fact that advanced technology exert a badly passive influence on people’ life to some degree. What is the most important disadvantage is that people have to undergo such heavy stress form their families, friends and society. Moreover, people compete with others from the time when they are born. For example, to survive in such fierce competing society, people must work a long hours to meet their own necessities, some even squeeze spare time to concentrate on their academic study and working skills in order to obtain the best jobs. According the latest survey, it shows that working stress is identified as one of the primary causes to mental health problems. Although people start to realize the point, they find it is not so easy to get rid of unhealthy status, resulting from the endless working stress.

In addition, the surroundings in large cities become more serious than ever before, directly resulting in declaration in standard of people’s life. A few years ago, my families and I would like to stroll in the city park adjacent to my house with ease, and relax on the cozy benches. But since factories flowed into my community, the only plot of green field we rely on had been taken place completely. From then on, seldom could we breathe the fresh air and hear the birds sing. What is more serious, the air pollution has harmed our health and affected our feelings. On the other hand, the traffic problem has been worsen especially in the peak period. Drivers and passengers must waste the precious time on traffic jams, which take up their large amount of leisure time and low working efficiency during business days. Although we live in affluent material world, we have less pleasure than before due to such problems.

It is no doubt that advanced technology makes our life more convenient and enriches our material life. However, compared to those benefits, there are more serious problems that harassed people and make them have less leisure time controlled.

daney68UID：2582640

前2段的最后一句没什么问题，第3段就多余了。其他没仔细看，见谅
另外，这片好像有62X个字，稍微长了点，练习的时候限时了么？注意下哦
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-24 11:17

谢谢楼主，我写这篇文章的时候没有限时，主要是想把自己的观点表达到位，所以篇幅和时间上都有些过长，谢谢提醒。不过结尾有时候不知道该如何处理比较好，楼主改作文的时候也要注意休息眼睛哈。

daney68UID：2582640

前2段的最后一句没什么问题，第3段就多余了。其他没仔细看，见谅
另外，这片好像有62X个字，稍微长了点，练习的时候限时了么？注意下哦
jiang08 发表于 2009-7-24 11:17

楼主，我的文章结构是先扬后抑来支撑我的观点，人们在20年之后不一定会比现
在有更多的闲暇时间。第二段是写科技给人们带来的好处，第三段和第四段是写
人们遇到的问题。
我打算把第二段进行简化，着重叙述第三段和第四段，第三段我看了一下，觉得
有些啰嗦，打算将例子再写具体简洁一些，你看行吗？

daney68UID：2582640

楼主，很久没有关顾了，先写一篇，自己先修改了一下，麻烦版主看看我的例子是否能够说明观点，每回写到例子我总是非很长时间，要考虑到例子是否真正很好的支撑了观点，麻烦你看一下。

What is the main factor in bringing about people's success? this problem is much more complicated than it appears. Simply attributing success to either studying hard or relating well with others is simplistic. From my point of view, people may need both professional knowledge and interpersonal skill to guarantee success, but the latter is much more indispensable.

Relating well to others play a crucial role in anyone's success, no matter what their profession is. One important reason for this is that a good communication skill can remove some unnecessary trouble, and make your work more efficiently. For example, when a new recruit just join in a project but have no idea how to set out his work. At this time he may work in his own style and is likely to make mistakes though he is proficient in this field. If the person can get along well with other teammate, he can turn the table.Because a favorable communication allow group members get better understanding of each other, thus his mates will offer effective guides and tips to help him work more smoothly. Besides, the good relations to others can achieve a more harmonious atmosphere, in turn would enhance the efficiency and also show his talents as well, which achieve double-wins.   

Another reason to prefer relating well to others is that it can bring us inspiration to our work, contributing to one’s success. When you get well on with different people, you will gain different perspectives and even creat some new idea. A good case in point is my advertisement manager, who is sociable and get well on with different kinds of people. At a time a client from cellphone company ask us to advertise his new products. Through contacting with different people, my manager decide to carry out target marketing to satisfy different need of customers. If the prospective customer are students, advertisement emphasize the feature of entertainment, while the product tagrget are businessmen, advertisement pay attention to the product’s efficiency. Finally the products sell well and my manager achieve his career success.         

However, we should not ignore the value of studying hard. Undoubtly, without hard working, people can hardly excel in their field or attain success. Abraham Lincoln is conspicuous example of diligence contributing to success. he read incessantly and spent spare time poring over books in the library. The result of endeavor is the intellectual power revealed in his speeches, which later contribute him to be the greatest American President.

In a long run, relating well to others indeed contirbutes more to people’s success, while studing hard is also helpful. Skillfully combining two factors makes success more likely.