艾小卉的5月作文帖

艾小卉UID：3484633

第二周： 关于提前构思和限时写作

引自老师的博客:      https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3484633

   从一开始就要限时写作。这里的关键是提前花时间构思。GRE预先公开题库的目的就是给大家机会提前思考这些题目，因此我们完全可以从容的思考，不仅要按照1+3模型想好基本的观点和分论点，还要考虑清楚每个分论点在中间段如何展开，用什么例子。这个构思的过程不是线性的，而是有波折的。只有当你考虑到中间段如何展开时，你才会发现你的论点、分论点可能并不靠谱。因为一个靠谱的论点及分论点不仅要符合题目、能站得住脚，更重要的是你的语言能够表达清楚并能找到合适的例子。所以构思的过程是漫长而痛苦的。最后很有可能找不到合适的思路和例子，这时勉强去写只会浪费时间。正确的做法是去看我的博客2楼链接到各道题的讨论以及我的范文，借鉴我的思路和例证，然后重新构思。

一旦构思好了，25分钟内写出全文应该是不难的。如果写不出来，只能说明你的构思超越了你的英语写作表达能力，这时你必须简化你的构思。而写的时候，我建议按以下的步骤：

1. 写出含有三个分论点的主旨句。
2. 根据主旨句写出中间三段的主题句。
3. 在主题句下面写出几个关键词，提醒自己中间段展开时要用到的概念和例子。
4. 写开头段主旨句前的引言。
5. 写各个中间段。
6. 写结尾。

艾小卉UID：3484633

6月2号 Argument 1)

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a 'Palean' basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


总时间：45min。
自我点评： 之前大概花了10分钟审题加写主旨句和主题句，第一点写的比较顺利，第二三点在展开上遇到了一点困难
               第二点展开：当时只想到了船可能随着时间的流逝踪迹难寻了，但没有想到bridge
               第三点展开：主要问题在于自己当时对Palean baskets的理解不对，第一反应是将两个地方的baskets做对比，写到中间一看题目，发现这两个地方都是palean baskets啊，于是重写！(考前熟悉题库的重要性）

这说明你提前准备不够充分。一定要尽快做到25分钟写完。

According to the argument, the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean. To evaluate this argument, we need more specific evidence about geographical and meterological environment at that time, probable ways to cross the river and the characteristis of the woven baskets.
这个开头够简洁


To begin with, we need to know more about the geographical enviroment in prehistory times. Maybe the Brim River was shallow and narrow at that time. Under such circumstance, people in Palea can wade acorss the river to the other side and trading of the baskets between Palea and Lithos is a real possibility. 时态Also, it is important to look into the meterological conditions in this area. If this region experienced a serious drought thousands of years ago, people could walk across the riverbed, and the conclusion based on the evidence was questionable. Unless we know more about the geological and meterological conditions in this area, we cannot be sure whether the baskets in Palea and Lithos were different.


whether the baskets in Palea and Lithos were different这个结论和题目好像不同
总的来说写得不错  
感觉有些句型挺眼熟？



In addition, we need to collect more information about the probablitiy of crossing the river in some other ways. The fact that no Palean boats have been found does not necessarily imply that no boats were available. Maybe the materials of boat decayed with time elasping, and boat accessories were burried in the riverbed. In that case, more evidence about boatbuilding is needed to evaluate the soundness of the arguemnt. Meanwhile, we do not know whether people in Palea would take some other ways, such as crossing the river with a rope. Likewise, maybe people in two villages built a bridge together. So, more evidence about the materials of boats, ropes or the vestiges of bridges is needed to support the argument.

probablitiy -possiblity/ likelihood
你主题句后面紧接着讲的内容和主题句是不相关的  一直到Meanwhile才开始讲主题句的内容  
之前的内容可以另起一段  


Finally, we need to make clear about the woven baskets’ characteristics. It is true that the baskets in two palces are nearly the same with regard to their materials, sizes and shapes. Maybe the basket was made of low-density materials and accidently drifted from Palea to Lithos. Unless we have more quantitative data about the physical characteristics of the woven baskets and prove that people in Lithos imitated baskets from Palea, it is difficult for us to get the results that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

make clear about表达 -往句子加油站
主题句的内容没有很好地回应题目  
We need to know more about the ... in order to decide ...
这里提到imitate是几个意思  感觉题目没有 然后你也没有展开  

感觉总的来说写得还可以 中间第三段弱一些

In conclusion, it is difficult for us to decide that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean. We need to collect more information to evaluate the soundness of the argument.

自己还要加强时间训练

艾小卉UID：3484633

晹城 发表于 2015-6-1 21:13
我来点评下~有不合适的地方还望见谅。
Para.1
这句之前，只是罗列了两方面的观点，并没有提出你支持一方 ...

谢谢，你改得好认真。对比了一下和老师的开头，发现我的文章第一段在In my opinion之前的确是对题目的重复。那是不是我应该先讲一下我支持哪一方，然后再写therefore以及三个主旨句更好？

第三个例子写着写着就和资助没关系了，修改的时候重写。

艾小卉UID：3484633

6月3日   Issue 62

Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


审题加提纲：10min
剩下的部分： 40min（又超时了！！）

我的最初思路是分为内因和外因
                        外部因素： Demands placing on people
                        内部因素： Individual charismas， capabilities

  主要困难     1. 看到题目的第一感觉就是不清楚怎么分类，题目有点抽象
不清楚如何分类就应该看范文和之前的讨论

                  2.Ts1的例子耗时较长，主要问题在于我还是不太会怎么将例子围绕主题句展开
没有想好如何展开就不应该动笔
                  3.Ts3写的时候很纠结，不知道是该举人物的例子还是具体描述一下三个特点

Is a leader’s creation primarily depended on the demands placing on him? I concede that the demands for leadership can promote the emergency of heroes in some special times, yet, in my opinion, there are some other factors that play important roles in creating a leader. The aspects include capability and person’s own charisma.

这篇基本废掉了 因为你没有正面回应题目Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them
尤其是created这个词  
这道题不分情况讨论基本就是死路一条


To begin with, the demands for leadership can function as an incentive to create a leader. It is known that one should first get power before become a leader. But how to get the power? 这不是句子  Back to most of the political events in history, demands is the answer. Take French Revolution as an example, long before Napoleon Bonaparte stood out as an extrodinary leader, there had been demands of saving the French governemnt from collapse and rising to prominence in European countries. In that case, leaders like Napoleon Bonaparte were created to lead France against a series of coalitions in the Revolutionary Wars and conquering most of the continental Europe. Just as Napoleon said,” A leader is a dealer in hope.” Without the demands of ordinary people and the whole society, he could not have grown up to be such a great leader.

demand as incentive这个搭配很诡异



In addition to the external factors above, it is capabilities that ultimately lead to the power of a leader. Having high educational background, strong reasoning ability and interpersonal skills indicates that one has the qualifications to be a leader, especially in academic circles. For example, in order to be a leader in philosophy field, one must hold a Phd in study, publish influential papers on a top journal and learn to be a good decision-maker. Usually, he or she must have the firmness and willpower to stick to each decision as well as the flexibity to change directions when the initial judgement is not right. Meanwhile, leaders are often required to articulate their ideas in public and attract people’s attention. Without these internal factors, a leader cannot be creately only by demands for leadership.

这段基本离题
全篇都没有提到demand  
be creately ?


On the other hand, leadership is positively related to a person’s own charisma, such as self-confidence, integrity and persistence in pursuit of goals. Self-confidence is the ability to ensure one’s competencies and skills. People with integrity also inspire confidence in a team because they adhere to the priciples and take responsibility for their actions. When it comes to persistence in goals, it is a prerequisite for others to believe that you can make a difference. In other words, these quilities all contribute to the possibility of creating a leader.


In conclusion, the creating of a leader is not only related to the demands placing on people, but also resulted from the internal factors such as individual capabilities and charisma.

写完后觉得Kssandra按不同领域分类很好，很值得借鉴。

这是唯一的出路
感觉这道题再次暴露了正反论证阴魂不散

艾小卉UID：3484633

艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-2 10:36
6月2号 Argument 1)

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previous ...

谢谢老师点评，因为我在具体展开的时候有时候忘了围绕主题句写，所以现在训练自己通过借鉴argument71的分析结构，一层一层展开。。。所以看上去很眼熟

艾小卉UID：3484633

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-3 22:46
已点评 这篇基本废掉了 sorry

谢谢老师点评，这两天我再好好想一下这篇Issue怎么分类

艾小卉UID：3484633

2015年6月4日   Argument 14

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

用中文分析感觉思路更清晰：

Assumption分析：
（1）适用性：广告公司的情况适用于所有公司
（2）高管的情况适用于所有工作人员
（3）高管每天睡眠不足六小时是公司发展快的主要原因
（4）每天睡眠六小时没有坏处

针对上面每一点的削弱：
（1）广告公司可能是因为工作量大，而其他公司的工作量不一定有那么大
（2）高管要比普通员工付出更多，所以睡眠时间段
（3）其他原因：生产效率高、市场行情好、垄断没有竞争者、技术先进
（4）每天睡六小时可能导致睡眠不足，效率低。在生产加工行业容易引发事故

写作时间：大约四十五分钟，TS1写的还挺顺的，但是中间有同学找我说了十分钟的话。。。。
感觉的确应该把整个思路想好再下笔，包括细节部分。有些的地方的表达“抄”了老师的，比如generalisability, 不然我可能会用whether 开头的很长的从句

补充：我看到题目里的survey想到的第一点点是三百个人的调查数据是否有问题，样本过小或者选择不具有客观性，但后来想到上一次这么写好像被老师批判了，所以最后没有用这个点

从@Kssandra 的文章里学到的： 1. assumption与relationship 不搭配（这个问题我之前也犯过）
                                           2. 见到survey 就question sampling不是很好
                                           3. 由于结论的不确定性，所以要用情态动词may


The study recommended hiring people who need less sleep per night in order to have higher profit margins and faster growth. A number of assumptions about the generalisability of the result, the universal applicability of the surveys of executives, the causes of better development in firms whose executives need less sleep and harmlessness of less sleep have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument.

To begin with, it is assumed that the survey result of the advertising firms can be applied to other industries. This assumption has to be carefully examined as the advertising firms might have more workloads everyday, while some other industries,such as manufacturing, might have longer production cycle and don’t need long-time working hours. If the work in the advertsing films is related to drawing, tablet designing or other time-consuming projects in advertisements, the executives are more likely to devote more time to work. Under this circumstance, the study results may not be suitable for other businesses.

In addition, the assumption about the universal applicability of the surveys of executives may not hold true. There are many factor that may affect the amout of sleep of the executives in advertising business. For example, facing more pressure, the executives have a higher level of responsibility and workloads. Or some executives hold the shares in the company, hoping for a better tomorrow, may try their best to make contributions to the advertising firms.But other employees in the company only need do their own job well and will not spend so much time on work compared with the executives.

The third assumption implicitly made is that less sleep of the executives is the main reason for better development in the advertsing films.  Even if less sleep of executives can improve the management responsibility, this rule may not guarantee the higher profit. There could other factors that may contribute to the faster growth of the firms. For example, the advertising firm has stepped into new rising period and there is not too many competitiors in the market. Or the cutting-edge technology is applied to advertisements design and improve production efficiengy.  If the assumption that less sleep results in better development does not hold, the recommendation should not be accepted.

Finally, it is also assumed that less sleep a day is harmless and this way is worth promoting. Maybe just a small part of people can tolerate less than six hours sleep at night. It’s important for us to look into the negative impact of inadequte sleep on employees in the long run. If lack of sleep result in reduction of the production efficiency and increase of on-the-job accidents, especially in manufacturing, it will not benefit the normal operation of a company.

In conclusion, we need more information to strengthen the assumption, such as the the generalisability of the result , factors account for faster growth and higher profit in advertising firms and impact of less sleep on employees in the long term in order to evaluate the soundness of the assumption.

艾小卉UID：3484633

[quote]艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-5 00:02
2015年6月4日   Argument 14

The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.

"A recent study rating 300 male and female Mentian advertising executives according to the average number of hours they sleep per night showed an association between the amount of sleep the executives need and the success of their firms. Of the advertising firms studied, those whose executives reported needing no more than 6 hours of sleep per night had higher profit margins and faster growth. These results suggest that if a business wants to prosper, it should hire only people who need less than 6 hours of sleep per night."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
The study recommended hiring people who need less sleep per night in order to have higher profit margins and faster growth.	概括结论和理由
A number of assumptions about the generalisability of the result, the universal applicability of the surveys of executives, the causes of better development in firms whose executives need less sleep and harmlessness of less sleep have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument.	主旨句		survey和前面的词搭配   harmlessness 选词
To begin with, it is assumed that the survey result of the advertising firms can be applied to other industries.	主题句1
This assumption has to be carefully examined as the advertising firms might have more workloads everyday, while some other industries,such as manufacturing, might have longer production cycle and don’t need long-time working hours.	提出某种可能性	这里提出的可能性和前面的假设 没有很明显的关联（衔接与连贯问题）
If the work in the advertsing films is related to drawing, tablet designing or other time-consuming projects in advertisements, the executives are more likely to devote more time to work.	指出有其他可能性	问题同上 没有和主题句紧密结合
Under this circumstance, the study results may not be suitable for other businesses.	这种可能性下的结果	问题同上
In addition, the assumption about the universal applicability of the surveys of executives may not hold true.	主题句2
There are many factor that may affect the amout of sleep of the executives in advertising business.	指出有其他原因	也是和主题句的衔接有问题
For example, facing more pressure, the executives have a higher level of responsibility and workloads.	举例说明	由于主题句没有解释清楚 读到这里也很模糊
Or some executives hold the shares in the company, hoping for a better tomorrow, may try their best to make contributions to the advertising firms.	另一种可能性	这个点不太合适	hoping for a better tomorrow 这是什么意思
But other employees in the company only need do their own job well and will not spend so much time on work compared with the executives.	对可能性的进一步解释	（发现自己这一段 少了小结！！）  感觉你是说executives are more motivated than ordinary employees 你的问题是有些话没有说出来 自己明白但是读者不明白啊
The third assumption implicitly made is that less sleep of the executives is the main reason for better development in the advertsing films.	主题句3	这个句子就比前面两个写得好   你能找到差别么
Even if less sleep of executives can improve the management responsibility, this rule may not guarantee the higher profit.	对主题句的进一步解释	这句解释有点奇怪 其实你直接跳到下句还好些呢	rule这里指代不明
There could other factors that may contribute to the faster growth of the firms.	提出由其他可能性
Or the cutting-edge technology is applied to advertisements design and improve production efficiengy.	另一种可能性	感觉这个可能性不是很靠谱 突然 扯到technology让人有点摸不着头脑
If the assumption that less sleep results in better development does not hold, the recommendation should not be accepted.	小结本段
Finally, it is also assumed that less sleep a day is harmless and this way is worth promoting.	主题句4		less sleep a day- requiring less sleep
Maybe just a small part of people can tolerate less than six hours sleep at night.	提出某种可能性	这个说法和题目是不相符的 题目说的是要请只需要少量睡眠的人
It’s important for us to look into the negative impact of inadequte sleep on employees in the long run.	基于假设需要补充的信息	我的范文说的是这些人可能会迫使手下加班熬夜之类的
If lack of sleep result in reduction of the production efficiency and increase of on-the-job accidents, especially in manufacturing, it will not benefit the normal operation of a company.	这种可能性带来的后果
In conclusion, we need more information to strengthen the assumption, such as the the generalisability of the result , factors account for faster growth and higher profit in advertising firms and impact of less sleep on employees in the long term in order to evaluate the soundness of the assumption.	小结全文

感觉你的中间段在内容连贯方面还有待改进 不知道你对这种表格的反馈感觉如何  

你可以尝试把我的这篇范文也做成一个表格分析一下 体会一下有什么区别

艾小卉UID：3484633

艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-3 23:23
谢谢老师点评，这两天我再好好想一下这篇Issue怎么分类

修改Issue 62

暂时占楼

艾小卉UID：3484633

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-2 22:55
已评

老师，我参照@锤先森G330的批改格式对Argument14进行了自我批改，编辑的不是很好，但比原来要直观很多。还请老师过目。
36楼：  
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3484633

艾小卉UID：3484633

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-6 15:31
已按这个模式点评

谢谢老师点评，明后天对范文作表格分析

艾小卉UID：3484633

6月8日 Issue28/113

Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists.

Reason: The surest indicator of a great nation is actually the welfare of all its people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
I do not agree with the claim and the reason in the statement, as we do not have a clear definiton of a great nation.	我的观点	没有清晰定义不是你不同意的原因啊
I believe that great nations are those that has made significant impact in the contemporary world or made long-lasting contributions to human’s economics, politics, and culture in the history.	定义
Considering a comprehensive understanding of greatness, I would first analyze why the indicator of a great nation is not the welfare of all its people.	主旨句	你怎么能自诩自己的定义是comprehsensive呢
Maybe these high welfare states have rich natural resources and small population, which cannot represent great contributions to the humankind.	提出某种可能性		represent前后词的搭配
Then I will take some contemporarty and historical examples to illustrate that the achievements of elites are better indicators of a great nation.	主旨句	signposting用的不错
Para 1
To begin with, even though the high welfare can improve people’s happiness index, the general welfare of all its people cannot gurantee the greatness of a nation.	主题句		high welfare搭配
Some countries, such as Iceland and Denmark, have abundant resources and a small population.	举例
In that case, people can easily be provided with perfect medical treatment, pension and education.	解释
It’s possible that the nation have little impact in current world pattern or the development of humankind.	其他可能性
Unless these good welfare countries make long-lasting contributions in the world history, they do not deserve the recognition of great nations.	本段小结

good welfare countries 表达 recognition as great nations

这两段都写得不错  
用到了下定义及signposting的技巧
第二段如果能更明确的回应definition会更好

艾小卉UID：3484633

6.9  Argument 78

78) The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.
Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.



According to the memo, the food distribution company should choose Buzzoff rather than Fly-Away as their fast-food warehouse. （观点概括）To evaluate the argument, we need more specific evidence about past performance and environment of two warehouses, as well as detailed costs of pest control and projected loss. （主旨句）

主旨句还是借鉴老师的，自己原先想的不太好

To begin with, we need to collect more information about the past performance of two warehouses.（主题句1）。Maybe the total amout of food stored at two warehouses is different.（其他可能性） Under such circumstance, we can assess the percentage of the food destroyed by pest damage and then compare the efficiency of pest control services of two warehouses.（后果） In addition, it is important to look into the food types found at two warehouses.（其他可能性） Maybe there are more vegetables and fruit at the warehouse in Palm City, which are vulnerable to pest damage. Unless we know more about the total value of food and the food type at two warehouses, we cannot be sure that the efficiency of Buzzoff is more effective. （本段小结）
你应该指出由于总量未必相同 仅仅比较绝对损失是不准确的

In addition, we need more evidence to show that the environment of two warehouses are similar enough to make a comparison on pest control. （主题句2）It’s possible the external environment of the warehouse in Palm City is rainy and humid, which provides pests a good habitat. Meanwhile, we do not know the internal environment at the warehouses. Maybe buzzoff has better ventilation facilities and keep dry and clean all year around. （其他可能性）In that case, more systematic data about the external and internal environment is necessary to evaluate the effectiveness of the comparison. （小结）

Maybe buzzoff has better ventilation facilities and keep dry and clean all year around这个点有问题 因为通风干燥不就是Pest control服务的一部分么 我们需要探索这些公司无法控制的因素对控虫表现的影响  




Finally, we need more information about the detailed costs of pest control and projected loss.（主题句3） Other costs such as human resources and transportation cost should also be taken into account. （可能性） With more detailed information about the prices and other costs, we can then make an accurate comparison and decide which company could provide the least costly services.（小结）



总的来说写得不错

艾小卉UID：3484633

6月11日    Issue 33
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

整个思路根据老师的范文展开，开头的主旨句借鉴了Kassdra 的，中间的例子部分用了老师的germ theory,写的比之前快一些，但是例子还是花了一点时间构思。

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
Whether the statement holds true or not depends on groups of people we are talking about	观点概括		which groups ...
For the general public, I agree that the advancement of science gives them a better understanding of puzzles and provide more solutionsHowever, for the scientists and researchers, I believe that science create more complex puzzles and presents a mysterious world	主旨句		solutions.   creates
Para 2
To begin with, the development of science help the general public know more about the complexities by providing experiment process and specific explanations	主题句1		experiment process意思模糊
Take the theory of evolution as an example. For thousands of years, people had argued that life could have been created by a supernatural due to the incredible complexity of nature	例子1
Thus it is very remarkable that Charles Darwin explained human beings’ existence by means of Evolution from Natural Selection, which can be easily understood by most people	解释
Likewise, the discovery of germ theory have enabled general public to learn that some diseases are caused by microoganisms	例子2
With these scientific discoveries, people learn more about the natural world and have more interests in solving difficult puzzles	本段小结
Para 3
In addition to natural science, social science also play important roles in touching all of general public’s lives	主题句2	主题句偏离了题目的主旨
In everyday thinking, senior citizens living on fixed incomes wonder how fast prices will rise. Business executives forcasting the demand for their products must guess how fast consumers’ incomes will grow. Under such circumstance, macroeconomics, the study of the economy as a whole, attempts to help people understand these related questions	例子1
Macroeconomic issues also play a central role in national political debates	进一步解释
Gernal public are aware of how the economy is doing		和上句的连贯有问题
As a result, the popularity of the incumbent president ofter rises when the economy is doing well and falls when it is doing poorly	结果
Likewise, the knowledge of game theory, such as Nash Equilibrium, support businessmen by predicting their competitiors’ behaviors in market economy	例子2
Such insights from social science bring the public a lot of inspiratioans and contributes to our understanding of the complex puzzle[/td]本段小结[td]		整段的例子太多 条理不够好
Para 4
While the discoveries from both natural and social sciences have greatly promoted the public understanding of the world, however, for scientists and researchers, the well-established theories may not be so useful for them to give actual situations an accurate explanation	主题句3		give actual situations an accurate explanation 搭配和选词问题
For example, the reality often stirred up a controversy among some famous economists	例子social science
Ecnonomists still find it difficult to explain why all countries experience recessions and depressions, recurrent periods of falling incomes and rising unemployment	解释
When it comes to astronomy area, it’s even harder for researchers to make sure the origin of the universe and whether or not there are other some other creatures living in the Galaxy	例子natural science		make sure the origin 搭配
With more knowledge acculumated, things become more mysterious and some even challenge the prevailing theories, which require scientists and researchers to find new answers	本段小结
Para 5
In conclusion, I think that whether the statement holds true or not depends on groups of people	观点概括
For the general public, we are lucky to have a better understanding of the world thanks to the development of natural and social sciences	重复主旨句1
But for scientists and researchers, they have to do deep research to put forward more comprehensive theory and push the boundary of human understanding	重复主旨句2

总的来讲写得不错 语言表达的问题还需要慢慢处理
主题句的写作要注意呼应题目主旨

艾小卉UID：3484633

Argument 24, 26 & 28

The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, for the past several decades, food-processing companies have also been adding salicylates to foods as preservatives. This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study. Recently, food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods.With this new use for salicylates, we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.       

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

结论：we can expect a continued steady decline in the number of headaches suffered by the average citizen of Mentia.   
论据：
（1）Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches.
（2）This rise in the commercial use of salicylates has been found to correlate with a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by participants in our twenty-year study.
（3）food-processing companies have found that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods.

在前两点展开比较顺利，第三点在展开时不知道怎么详细展开了，主要借鉴老师的范文写的。感觉范文里挖掘得好深啊

句子	学生自评	内容点评	语言点评
Para 1
According to the argument, it is assumed that the number of headaches in Mentia would decline because the food companies are expected to use salicylates as flavor additives for foods	观点概括
A number of assumptions about the effect of the chemical, the causes of headaches deline, and the choice of food companies have to be reexamined to evaluate the argument	主旨句
Para 2
To begin with, we need to know that whether salicylates have the same effect for headaches as aspirin and the extent of side effects	主题句1		that删掉 and the extent of side effects (of what?)
While salicylates are of the same chemical family as aspirin, it does not mean that the two chemicals have the same effect in treating headaches	让步
Maybe salicylates have no effect for headaches or even aggravate illness	提出可能性		aggravate the condition
Also, it is important to look into the extent of side effects	另一方面
If the side effect of salicylates far outweigh its advantages in the long term, it is not wise for food companies to use this chemical as food additives	提出可能性	感觉side effect并不靠谱 如果这个东西有害的话 估计过不了FDA审查
Unless we have direct evidence to prove that salicylates can treat headache and its side effect is small, we cannot get the conclusion that salicylates can treat headaches as aspirin does	小结本段
Para 3
Moreover, the argument assumes that there is a correlation between the use of salicylates and the steady deline in headaches	主题句2	你这里要质疑不是correlation 而是causal link correlation是观察到的结果 而不是假设
However, correlation does not mean casual relation	借鉴老师范文句型
There could be other factors that contribute to the reduction of headaches in Mentia	有其他可能性
Over the past twenty years, maybe residents in Mentia used some other drugs or had better eating habits, which could improve their health condition	提出可能性
Under such circumstance, the use of salicylates cannot help residents in Mentia suffer fewer headaches in the future	结果
That is to say, salicylates should not be used as additives by food companies in Mentia	小结本段	这句话和前面没有关联啊 公司决定用不用做调味剂不会考虑这个东西的健康好处啊   这句话实在太无厘头了
Para 4
The third assumption implicitly made is that many food companies in Mentia would actually choose salicylates as flavor additives for foods	主题句3
The first question we need to ask about is that whether the chemical get approval from medical institution and the government	第一点质疑
If the government does not approve the use of salicylates as food additives, the assumption is meaningles	解释
In addition, we need to compare the costs of salicylates and some other alternatives additives	第二点质疑
Maybe some other additives are cheaper and have the same taste	可能性
Finally, the consumers’ preferance is also important for us to take into account	第三点质疑	第三点没有展开 不过这段已经很长了
Unless we have specific information about the actual decision of food companies, we cannot make sure that salicylates can be use as flavor additives for food in Mentia	小结
Para 5
In conclusion, we need more information to strengthen the argument, such as the effect of the chemical, the causes of headaches deline, and the choice of food companies	主旨句重复
If one or more of them are proved to be unwarrented, the prediction of the argument will not be convincing	小结

总感觉你第二段和第三段的内容有些重复
另外对于原文中的self-report的可靠性这个点 我觉得比较重要