艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-26 11:49
Argument (2015/5/26)
32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufac ...
| Loc | Date | 题材分类 | 题目 | 点评状态 | 修改状态 |
| Week 4 | |||||
| 53楼 | 6/19 | Argument 53 | 未点评 | Version 1.0 | |
| 51楼 | 6/18 | 行为 | Issue 122提纲 | 已点评 | Version 1.0 |
| 50楼 | 6/16 | Argument 15 | 已点评 | Version 1.0 | |
| 49楼 | 6/15 | 法律 | Issue 65全文 | 未点评 | Version 1.0 |
| Week 3 | |||||
| 47楼 | 6/12 | Argument 28全文 | 已点评 | Version 1.0 | |
| 46楼 | 6/11 | 行为 | Issue 33全文 | 未点评 | Version 1.0 |
| 44楼 | 6/9 | Arguemnt 78全文 | 已点评 | Version 1.0 | |
| 42楼 | 6/8 | 社会 | Issue 113 提纲 | 已点评 | Version 1.0 |
| Week 2 | |||||
| 36楼 | 6/4 | Argument 14 | 已点评 | Version 2.0 | |
| 29楼 | 6/3 | Leaders 未分类 | Issue 62 | 已点评 | 未修改 |
| 25楼 | 6/2 | Argument 1 | 已点评 | Version 2.0 | |
| 21楼 | 6/1 | 社会 | Issue 7 | 已点评 | Version 2.0 |
| Week 1 | |||||
| 14楼 | 5/28 | Argument 71 | 已点评 | Version 2.0 | |
| 10楼 | 5/27 | 教育 | Issue 13 | 已点评 | Version 1.0 |
| 3楼 | 5/26 | Argument 32 | 已点评 | Version 2.0 |
艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-26 11:49
Argument (2015/5/26)
32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufac ...
It is impossible that the factory euipments are in poor conditions.
Another piece of evidence involves the exact judgements of the expert's analysis.
In order to fully evluate this argument, we also need to learn more about the what will the employers do at their spare time
艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-26 11:49
Argument (2015/5/26)
32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufac ...
晹城 发表于 2015-5-26 13:33
开头段说得比较清楚，也借鉴了王老师的表述。比较fully developed。
ts1中：这里应该是笔误，it is ...
tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-26 14:30
我觉得楼主选的这几个点不是很准
另外没必要提马斯洛 有点把事情弄复杂了
建议你看看我写的 比对一下 ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-26 11:49
Argument (2015/5/26)
32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufac ...
tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-27 01:06
已点评
这道题要求我们选择一个基本的立场-赞成或反对，但需要讨论能挑战自己观点的例证。其实这就要求我们在讨论了某种可能的反对意见后，再作出相应的反驳，从而巩固自己的观点。基本思路为：
I agree with tis claim because A and B. While some people may disagree because C, I think the claim is still true because C’
艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-27 21:47
5.27号更新 Issue 13
Universities should require every student to take a variety of courses ...
tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-27 22:17
已点评 你加我微信没？
tesolchina 发表于 2015-5-27 22:17
已点评 你加我微信没？
根据详细提纲限时写全文。希望大家按照以下提纲来计时写全文。这次练习的主要目的是让大家能够在给定思路的情况下练习语言的表达。同时也可以学习一下我的破题思路。
艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-28 10:46
5月28日更新
Argument 71. The following is a letter to the edi ...
If the surveyors have relation with people who are eagre to make money by taking ride with others to work, or the surveyors are environmental protectors, the final conclusion will have deviation.
or example, if the sample in the survey only included drivers who move far away from their company during the three years, it is more likely that the drivers will spend more time on driving to work.
The editor thinks that the decrease of pollution in Garville mainly attributes to the traffic policy.
The conclusion that the commuting timse in Garville have fallen is also not realiable only through the conversation with local residents.
晹城 发表于 2015-5-28 15:14
中间第一段：这个表述感觉有点像中式英语呀，“have relation with”, 而且“eagre”应该是eager吗？
另 ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-5-28 10:46
5月28日更新
Argument 71. The following is a letter to the edi ...
很高兴一路上我们的默契那么长/穿过风又绕个弯心还连着/像往常一样/最初的梦想紧握在手上/最想要去的地方/怎么能在半路就放
1 提出需要的证据
2 提出其他可能性
3 指出这种可能性成立对原论证的影响
we need to examine the surveys more critically and assess the extent of the traffic problems. 回应题目的要求: 需要什么证据
Maybe the sample in one survey only included drivers who moved farther from their company in the past three years. 提出某种可能性
Under such circumstance, it is no doubt that the drivers will spend more time on driving to work. 然后指出这种情况下会发生什么，往往是和原题相反或矛盾的情况
In addition, it is important to look into the realibity of the data about the commute time reported in both surveys. 再回应题目另一种需要的信息
There is possibility that the data is just approximate estimation from the drivers and is not precise from the perspective of statistics.再提出其他可能性
If the authors did not give more evidence to support the argument, the conclusion would be questionable.指出这种可能性下 结论不成立
In that case, there is no need to introduce the proposed policy. 最后呼应主题句，指出这个点和原文论证某个基础的关系
不要说conclusion不对 而应该说可能不对
逻辑分析：
The fact that pollution level dropped does not necessarily imply that the policy played important roles in reducing the amout of exhaust in Garville.
The fact that ... does not necessarily imply that ... 的句型还是挺有用的
这里是质疑原题对某个事实潜在的诠释
Maybe adoption of new technology in factories function as an incentive to improve the environemnt before the policy was introduced.
这句提出其他可能性
Also, it is suspectable that the commuting time have decreased just on the basis of anecdotal evidence that was collected through casual conversation with some people in Garville
这里质疑原题中的证据的可靠性
More systematic data collection is necessary to evaluate the effectiveness of the policy.
提出需要更多的数据
Meanwhile, we do not know how will the similiar policy affect people's behaviors in Waymarsh.
提出另一个问题 开始回应主题句中how a similar policy will affect people’s behaviors in Waymarsh.
Maybe people in Waymarsh pay more attention to privacy and safety problems .
提出其他可能性
Lisewise, maybe some drivers don't care about money and are willing to show off their luxury cars.
再提出其他可能性
nless we know more about Waymarsh drivers and residents attitudes toward the policy, we cannot make sure whether the policy will be work well in Waymarsh.
总结第二点
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-1 18:41
6月1日 Issue 7
Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure tha ...
In my opinion, therefore, establishment of an independent committee which makes judicial assesment of the allocation of funds can benefit the artists, the ordinary people and the development of arts field.
It is know that art is a vital and persistent aspect of human experience, which include both kind and ugly sides of the society.
1. 写出含有三个分论点的主旨句。
2. 根据主旨句写出中间三段的主题句。
3. 在主题句下面写出几个关键词，提醒自己中间段展开时要用到的概念和例子。
4. 写开头段主旨句前的引言。
5. 写各个中间段。
6. 写结尾。
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-1 18:41
6月1日 Issue 7
Some people believe that government funding of the arts is necessary to ensure tha ...
晹城 发表于 2015-6-1 21:13
我来点评下~有不合适的地方还望见谅。
Para.1
这句之前，只是罗列了两方面的观点，并没有提出你支持一方 ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-2 10:36
6月2号 Argument 1)
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previous ...
Unless we know more about the geological and meterological conditions in this area, we cannot be sure whether the baskets in Palea and Lithos were different.
...it is difficult for us to get the results that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-2 10:36
6月2号 Argument 1)
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previous ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-2 10:36
6月2号 Argument 1)
Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previous ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-3 17:11
6月3日 Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-3 17:11
6月3日 Issue 62
Leaders are created by the demands that are placed on them.
tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-3 22:46
已点评 这篇基本废掉了 sorry
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-5 00:02
2015年6月4日 Argument 14
The following appeared as part of an article in a business magazine.
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| The study recommended hiring people who need less sleep per night in order to have higher profit margins and faster growth. | 概括结论和理由 | ||
| A number of assumptions about the generalisability of the result, the universal applicability of the surveys of executives, the causes of better development in firms whose executives need less sleep and harmlessness of less sleep have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument. | 主旨句 | survey和前面的词搭配 harmlessness 选词 | |
| To begin with, it is assumed that the survey result of the advertising firms can be applied to other industries. | 主题句1 | ||
| This assumption has to be carefully examined as the advertising firms might have more workloads everyday, while some other industries,such as manufacturing, might have longer production cycle and don’t need long-time working hours. | 提出某种可能性 | 这里提出的可能性和前面的假设 没有很明显的关联（衔接与连贯问题） | |
| If the work in the advertsing films is related to drawing, tablet designing or other time-consuming projects in advertisements, the executives are more likely to devote more time to work. | 指出有其他可能性 | 问题同上 没有和主题句紧密结合 | |
| Under this circumstance, the study results may not be suitable for other businesses. | 这种可能性下的结果 | 问题同上 | |
| In addition, the assumption about the universal applicability of the surveys of executives may not hold true. | 主题句2 | ||
| There are many factor that may affect the amout of sleep of the executives in advertising business. | 指出有其他原因 | 也是和主题句的衔接有问题 | |
| For example, facing more pressure, the executives have a higher level of responsibility and workloads. | 举例说明 | 由于主题句没有解释清楚 读到这里也很模糊 | |
| Or some executives hold the shares in the company, hoping for a better tomorrow, may try their best to make contributions to the advertising firms. | 另一种可能性 | 这个点不太合适 | hoping for a better tomorrow 这是什么意思 |
| But other employees in the company only need do their own job well and will not spend so much time on work compared with the executives. | 对可能性的进一步解释 | （发现自己这一段 少了小结！！） 感觉你是说executives are more motivated than ordinary employees 你的问题是有些话没有说出来 自己明白但是读者不明白啊 | |
| The third assumption implicitly made is that less sleep of the executives is the main reason for better development in the advertsing films. | 主题句3 | 这个句子就比前面两个写得好 你能找到差别么 | |
| Even if less sleep of executives can improve the management responsibility, this rule may not guarantee the higher profit. | 对主题句的进一步解释 | 这句解释有点奇怪 其实你直接跳到下句还好些呢 | rule这里指代不明 |
| There could other factors that may contribute to the faster growth of the firms. | 提出由其他可能性 | ||
| Or the cutting-edge technology is applied to advertisements design and improve production efficiengy. | 另一种可能性 | 感觉这个可能性不是很靠谱 突然 扯到technology让人有点摸不着头脑 | |
| If the assumption that less sleep results in better development does not hold, the recommendation should not be accepted. | 小结本段 | ||
| Finally, it is also assumed that less sleep a day is harmless and this way is worth promoting. | 主题句4 | less sleep a day- requiring less sleep | |
| Maybe just a small part of people can tolerate less than six hours sleep at night. | 提出某种可能性 | 这个说法和题目是不相符的 题目说的是要请只需要少量睡眠的人 | |
| It’s important for us to look into the negative impact of inadequte sleep on employees in the long run. | 基于假设需要补充的信息 | 我的范文说的是这些人可能会迫使手下加班熬夜之类的 | |
| If lack of sleep result in reduction of the production efficiency and increase of on-the-job accidents, especially in manufacturing, it will not benefit the normal operation of a company. | 这种可能性带来的后果 | ||
| In conclusion, we need more information to strengthen the assumption, such as the the generalisability of the result , factors account for faster growth and higher profit in advertising firms and impact of less sleep on employees in the long term in order to evaluate the soundness of the assumption. | 小结全文 |
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-3 23:23
谢谢老师点评，这两天我再好好想一下这篇Issue怎么分类
tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-2 22:55
已评
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-6 14:45
老师，我参照@锤先森G330的批改格式对Argument14进行了自我批改，编辑的不是很好，但比原来要直观很多。 ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-6 13:47
[quote]艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-5 00:02
2015年6月4日 Argument 14
tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-6 15:31
已按这个模式点评
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| I do not agree with the claim and the reason in the statement, as we do not have a clear definiton of a great nation. | 我的观点 | 没有清晰定义不是你不同意的原因啊 | |
| I believe that great nations are those that has made significant impact in the contemporary world or made long-lasting contributions to human’s economics, politics, and culture in the history. | 定义 | ||
| Considering a comprehensive understanding of greatness, I would first analyze why the indicator of a great nation is not the welfare of all its people. | 主旨句 | 你怎么能自诩自己的定义是comprehsensive呢 | |
| Maybe these high welfare states have rich natural resources and small population, which cannot represent great contributions to the humankind. | 提出某种可能性 | represent前后词的搭配 | |
| Then I will take some contemporarty and historical examples to illustrate that the achievements of elites are better indicators of a great nation. | 主旨句 | signposting用的不错 | |
| Para 1 | |||
| To begin with, even though the high welfare can improve people’s happiness index, the general welfare of all its people cannot gurantee the greatness of a nation. | 主题句 | high welfare搭配 | |
| Some countries, such as Iceland and Denmark, have abundant resources and a small population. | 举例 | ||
| In that case, people can easily be provided with perfect medical treatment, pension and education. | 解释 | ||
| It’s possible that the nation have little impact in current world pattern or the development of humankind. | 其他可能性 | ||
| Unless these good welfare countries make long-lasting contributions in the world history, they do not deserve the recognition of great nations. | 本段小结 |
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-8 22:57
6月8日 Issue28/113
Claim: The surest indicator of a great nation is not the achievements of its r ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-9 22:55
6.9 Argument 78
78) The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribu ...
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| Whether the statement holds true or not depends on groups of people we are talking about | 观点概括 | which groups ... | |
| For the general public, I agree that the advancement of science gives them a better understanding of puzzles and provide more solutionsHowever, for the scientists and researchers, I believe that science create more complex puzzles and presents a mysterious world | 主旨句 | solutions. creates | |
| Para 2 | |||
| To begin with, the development of science help the general public know more about the complexities by providing experiment process and specific explanations | 主题句1 | experiment process意思模糊 | |
| Take the theory of evolution as an example. For thousands of years, people had argued that life could have been created by a supernatural due to the incredible complexity of nature | 例子1 | ||
| Thus it is very remarkable that Charles Darwin explained human beings’ existence by means of Evolution from Natural Selection, which can be easily understood by most people | 解释 | ||
| Likewise, the discovery of germ theory have enabled general public to learn that some diseases are caused by microoganisms | 例子2 | ||
| With these scientific discoveries, people learn more about the natural world and have more interests in solving difficult puzzles | 本段小结 | ||
| Para 3 | |||
| In addition to natural science, social science also play important roles in touching all of general public’s lives | 主题句2 | 主题句偏离了题目的主旨 | |
| In everyday thinking, senior citizens living on fixed incomes wonder how fast prices will rise. Business executives forcasting the demand for their products must guess how fast consumers’ incomes will grow. Under such circumstance, macroeconomics, the study of the economy as a whole, attempts to help people understand these related questions | 例子1 | ||
| Macroeconomic issues also play a central role in national political debates | 进一步解释 | ||
| Gernal public are aware of how the economy is doing | 和上句的连贯有问题 | ||
| As a result, the popularity of the incumbent president ofter rises when the economy is doing well and falls when it is doing poorly | 结果 | ||
| Likewise, the knowledge of game theory, such as Nash Equilibrium, support businessmen by predicting their competitiors’ behaviors in market economy | 例子2 | ||
| Such insights from social science bring the public a lot of inspiratioans and contributes to our understanding of the complex puzzle[/td]本段小结[td] | 整段的例子太多 条理不够好 | ||
| Para 4 | |||
| While the discoveries from both natural and social sciences have greatly promoted the public understanding of the world, however, for scientists and researchers, the well-established theories may not be so useful for them to give actual situations an accurate explanation | 主题句3 | give actual situations an accurate explanation 搭配和选词问题 | |
| For example, the reality often stirred up a controversy among some famous economists | 例子social science | ||
| Ecnonomists still find it difficult to explain why all countries experience recessions and depressions, recurrent periods of falling incomes and rising unemployment | 解释 | ||
| When it comes to astronomy area, it’s even harder for researchers to make sure the origin of the universe and whether or not there are other some other creatures living in the Galaxy | 例子natural science | make sure the origin 搭配 | |
| With more knowledge acculumated, things become more mysterious and some even challenge the prevailing theories, which require scientists and researchers to find new answers | 本段小结 | ||
| Para 5 | |||
| In conclusion, I think that whether the statement holds true or not depends on groups of people | 观点概括 | ||
| For the general public, we are lucky to have a better understanding of the world thanks to the development of natural and social sciences | 重复主旨句1 | ||
| But for scientists and researchers, they have to do deep research to put forward more comprehensive theory and push the boundary of human understanding | 重复主旨句2 | ||
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| According to the argument, it is assumed that the number of headaches in Mentia would decline because the food companies are expected to use salicylates as flavor additives for foods | 观点概括 | ||
| A number of assumptions about the effect of the chemical, the causes of headaches deline, and the choice of food companies have to be reexamined to evaluate the argument | 主旨句 | ||
| | |||
| Para 2 | |||
| To begin with, we need to know that whether salicylates have the same effect for headaches as aspirin and the extent of side effects | 主题句1 | that删掉 and the extent of side effects (of what?) | |
| While salicylates are of the same chemical family as aspirin, it does not mean that the two chemicals have the same effect in treating headaches | 让步 | ||
| Maybe salicylates have no effect for headaches or even aggravate illness | 提出可能性 | aggravate the condition | |
| Also, it is important to look into the extent of side effects | 另一方面 | ||
| If the side effect of salicylates far outweigh its advantages in the long term, it is not wise for food companies to use this chemical as food additives | 提出可能性 | 感觉side effect并不靠谱 如果这个东西有害的话 估计过不了FDA审查 | |
| Unless we have direct evidence to prove that salicylates can treat headache and its side effect is small, we cannot get the conclusion that salicylates can treat headaches as aspirin does | 小结本段 | ||
| | |||
| Para 3 | |||
| Moreover, the argument assumes that there is a correlation between the use of salicylates and the steady deline in headaches | 主题句2 | 你这里要质疑不是correlation 而是causal link correlation是观察到的结果 而不是假设 | |
| However, correlation does not mean casual relation | 借鉴老师范文句型 | ||
| There could be other factors that contribute to the reduction of headaches in Mentia | 有其他可能性 | ||
| Over the past twenty years, maybe residents in Mentia used some other drugs or had better eating habits, which could improve their health condition | 提出可能性 | ||
| Under such circumstance, the use of salicylates cannot help residents in Mentia suffer fewer headaches in the future | 结果 | ||
| That is to say, salicylates should not be used as additives by food companies in Mentia | 小结本段 | 这句话和前面没有关联啊 公司决定用不用做调味剂不会考虑这个东西的健康好处啊 这句话实在太无厘头了 | |
| | |||
| Para 4 | |||
| The third assumption implicitly made is that many food companies in Mentia would actually choose salicylates as flavor additives for foods | 主题句3 | ||
| The first question we need to ask about is that whether the chemical get approval from medical institution and the government | 第一点质疑 | ||
| If the government does not approve the use of salicylates as food additives, the assumption is meaningles | 解释 | ||
| In addition, we need to compare the costs of salicylates and some other alternatives additives | 第二点质疑 | ||
| Maybe some other additives are cheaper and have the same taste | 可能性 | ||
| Finally, the consumers’ preferance is also important for us to take into account | 第三点质疑 | 第三点没有展开 不过这段已经很长了 | |
| Unless we have specific information about the actual decision of food companies, we cannot make sure that salicylates can be use as flavor additives for food in Mentia | 小结 | ||
| | |||
| Para 5 | |||
| In conclusion, we need more information to strengthen the argument, such as the effect of the chemical, the causes of headaches deline, and the choice of food companies | 主旨句重复 | ||
| If one or more of them are proved to be unwarrented, the prediction of the argument will not be convincing | 小结 |
雲靉玥 发表于 2015-6-10 17:43
同学不好意思，我来看的时候老师已经点评过了。。。
我觉得总体写的很好，唯一想说的就是断手第一句不知 ...
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| I agree with the statement that all the citizens should obey the just laws and protect their legitimate rights | 观点概括 | ||
| I also believe that people should obey laws which may not be just but would ensure the stability and development of the country.To address the concern about the unreasonable laws, the citizens can resist unjust laws within the sound legal framework | 主旨句 | ||
| Para 2 | |||
| To begin with, there is no denying that all the individuals should obey laws that are considered just by the whole society | 主题句1 | ||
| For justice and righteousness of the society, we pay for the books in a bookstore instead of stealing it which is a violation of the property rights of the bookstore. We must pay money back to person or bank before the deadline, otherwise we will broke the economic law. We obey the criminal laws, instead of stealing private or public property or commiting a robbery, so everyone can have a better sense of security | 举例 动作分析应该逐句进行 | ||
| Unless people obey just laws, social stability and politics firmness cannot be ensured, and no one can live a happy life | 本段小结 | ||
| | |||
| Para 3 | |||
| In addition, citizens should still obey the laws which can guarantee the normal operation of the society and development of the country, even though they are not just for all the citizens | 主题句2 | ||
| Take the civil tax laws as an example.According to Chinese law, income from wages and salaries shall be taxed at progressive rates ranging from 5% to 45%. For the wealthy, higher tax rates means they have to pay more taxes, while the poor only need to pay a little or no tax.Under such circumstance, the civil tax law is unjust for most of the rich | 举例 | 你怎么就得出civil tax law is unjust for most of the rich这个结论的？ | |
| But when it comes to the contribution to the whole society, government redistribute income through regulatory measures such as taxation, and then provide the poor region with greater support such as investment projects, transfer payments and gradually build up long-term and stable sources of its development. If the rich refuse to pay higher taxes, the country will not have enough money to ensure of basic needs of living for the poor | 后果 | 这不正说明tax law是合理的么 | |
| So, people should also obey the laws that contributes to the normal operation of the country | 本段小结 | ||
| | |||
| Para 4 | |||
| Finally, there are also concerns about the implement and consequency of unreasonable laws | 主题句3 | 你没有指明这个是对你的观点的挑战 | |
| For example, in China, the financial resources disposal emerges urbanized and has ownership tendency, so the citizens cannot impartially share the financial resources, and result in wider come gap | 举例 | ||
| To adress such problems, people should find different methods to improve the unjust laws within the legal framework of legislation. They can publish polemical articles on the newpaper and put forward constructive suggestions.They can also write letters to congressmen and pressure the government to improve unjust laws. | 提出解决方案 | ||
| In that way, violence can be avoided and just laws can take place of the unjust laws | 本段小结 | ||
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| According to the memorandum, Happy Pancke House restaurants has replaced butter with margarine and claimed that had little impact on customers | 观点概括 | 注意claim的主语不是restaurant | |
| A number of alternative explanations on the attitudes of customers, the effectiveness of the survey and influence of the relacement in the long term have to be taken into account in order to evaluate the soundness of the argument | 主旨句 | 原题没有对the effectiveness 做出过解释 | |
| Para 2 | |||
| To begin with, we may explain the real attitudes of the customers when the butter is replaced with margarine | 主题句1 | 整句意思有问题 没有提出具体的解释 | |
| The fact that only 2 percent of customers have complained does not mean 98 percent of customers are satisfied with the replacement | 事实陈述 | ||
| Maybe some customers feel disappointed about the new arrangement and decide not go to HPH restaurants the next time, instead of wasting time to lodge a complaint to the restaurants | 可能性 | 这类题目的套路应该是先指出原题里的事实和解释 然后提出其他可能的解释 | |
| Therefore, giving consumers questionnaires about the new arrangement can provide a better explanation for the real attitudes | 本段小结 | 未必需要讲如何调查 | |
| Para 3 | |||
| In addition, we need to collect more information to reexamine the effectiveness of the survey, including the percentages of food and the consumers that have been affected by the new arrangement | 主题句2 | 没有回应题目要求 | |
| Maybe 20 percent of the consumers choosed the cakes made of magarine or only half of the food on the menu was prepared with magarine | 可能性1 | 这个好像和原题的内容偏离了 | chose |
| It is also possible that only 30 percent of consumers left feedback aftering eating at HPH restaurants | 可能性2 | ||
| Under such circumstance, the fact that 2 percent of consumers complained was more serious than the small number of percentage suggested | 后果 | ||
| Therefore, surveys of consumers’ complaints should expand the scope of the investigation and take the percentage of food into account | 本段小结 | ||
| Para 4 | |||
| Finally, it is important to look into the influence of the new arrangement in the long term | 主题句3 | 切入点不靠谱 未能回应题目要求 | |
| Maybe consumers just can’t distinguish butter from magarine at the beginning. When consumers find that butters are replaced by cheaper materials and they are deceived by HPH restaurants | 可能性 | ||
| In that case, this deceit may be regarded as unethical arrangement and make known to the public by angry consumers | 后果 | ||
| In the long run, the reputation of HPH restaurants will be seriously harmed and its profit will not increase | 后果 | ||
| Therefore, we need to consider the influence of the new arrangement before beliving the conclusion of the argument | 本段小结 | ||
| Para 5 | |||
| In conclusion, a number of alternative explanations may be advanced for the 2% complaints of the consumers | 回应主旨句 | ||
| Unless we could find specific evidence to rule out such explanations, the argument is not very strong | 观点 | ||
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| I do not agree with the statement that the character of heroes or role models can best reflect the character of a society, since outstanding figures are often selected by government or certain coporations to propagate political values | 观点概括 | ||
| Some people may argue that this approach is best because it is cost-effective and can be widely accepted by the public | 主旨句1 | ||
| I believe that the living condition of ordinary people is a mirror of the times and we can analyze people’s behaviors quantitatively with the help of the huge data bases | 主旨句2 | ||
| Para 2 | |||
| To begin with, heroes and role models often go with the mainstream，have their peroson achievements and satisfy government’s political needs, but not reflect the characters of society | 主题句1 | ||
| 在信息匮乏的时代，政府主导思想主流，可以通过树立反映政治理想的杰出人物来教育大众，但这些往往体现了政府意志而不是社会的真实特点。以雷锋为例，他舍己为人、无私奉献，在那个年代被誉为国家英雄以及人人学习的楷模。但是在中国改革开放后新思潮涌入后，人们发现雷锋精神实际上与理性人相违背，并且不利于市场经济的发展。因此，我们不能通过雷锋这样的英雄人物来观察社会的发展特点。 (想不到其他例子。。。。就借老师的例子了) | |||
| Para 3 | |||
| In addition, these heroes or role models can be selected by certain corporations or some incidental opportunities in the view of profit purpose | 主题句2 | ||
| Certain corporations: 用自己的话描述现在的明星，通过综艺或选秀节目被大家认知，因为有好的外部形象和杰出艺术才华，被很多人奉为偶像。但他们身上的特点往往是那些宣传公司包装出来的，不能反映真实的大众的特点 | |||
| Para 4 | |||
| However, some people may argue that this approach is better than other approaches because it is cost-effective and can be widely accepted by the public. However, with the development of social media and upgrade of data base, it is easier than before to observe and analyze the behaviors of ordinary people | 主题句3 | ||
可以通过谷歌搜索次数以及数据库中的信息存量来分析人们在生活中的关注点。比如在中国两会前，都会通过网络调查以及投票的方式反映人们现实生活中最迫切解决的问题，这可以更好的反映当前中国社会的特点 | 观点概括 |
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-19 01:16
issue 122 提纲
122) The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the chara ...
There are a number of alternative explanations for the two different results and the decrease of amphibian population involving issues such as study settings, environmental changes and other possible scenarios.
| 句 子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| According to the letter, the author cited two studies conducted in 1975 and 2002 and proposed that the significant decrease of amphibians population was mainly caused by the introduction of trout in 1975 | 观点概括 | ||
| In oder to evaluate the argument critically, we need to explore other alternative explanations for two different results and the decline in the number of amphibians , such as different seasons the study conducted, deteoriation of the environment and human activities | 主旨句 | in which the study was conducted | |
| Para 2 | |||
| Given the fact that there is a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians in the 2002 study, the author believe that such decline results from the introduction of trout.But there might be other reasons why the amphibians population decrease drastically | 主题句1 | there was .. in the ... compared to ... study why the observed number of ... | |
| Maybe the 1975 study were conducted in summer when the amphibians were more active, but the 2002 study were conducted in winter when most amphibians were hibernated in caves | 可能性：调查季节不同 | hibernated用被动？ | |
| Under such circumstance, more amphibians can be observed in1975 study | 带来的后果 | ||
| Therefore, the different seasons when the study was conducted might explain the two different results | 本段小结 | ||
| Para 3 | |||
| In addition, even if amphibians populations indeed delined, another explanation could be the deteoriation of ecological environment over the past 27 years | 主题句2 | ||
| Maybe the water pollution and worsening of air quality is responsible for the decline of the numbers of amphibians | 可能性：环境恶化 | were responsible | |
| For example, the water was polluted by the factory since 1980s and poisonous materials was harmful for amphibians | 举例：水污染 | might be 要注意情态动词和hedging的使用 | |
| Or the global warming increased the tempature of water that was not suitable for amphibians' survival | 另一种可能性 | to the extent that ... | |
| Such factors other than the introduction of trout canbe the reasons of the decrease of amphibians population | 本段小结 | ||
| Para 4 | |||
| Finally, we also need to consider the possibility of fierce competition among amphibians | 主题句3 | ||
| Scientists have found that, under the background of space limitation and food shortage, there is fierce competition among species and some may hurt members of the same species | 解释 | under the background of- due to | |
| For example, the amphibians that are not very strong may die in the competition | 举例 | as a result ... | |
| Thus it will lead to decline of amphibian population and number of species | 本段小结 | ||
| Para 5 | |||
| In conclusion, a number of alternative explanations may be advanced for the two different results and possible reasons of population decline | 本文小结 | ||
| We need more information about different seasons the study conducted, change of the environment and fierce competition to better evaluate this argument | 呼应主旨句 | ||
| 句 子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| Whether the statement holds true or not depends on group of scientists we are talking about | 观点概括 | ||
| For researchers in engineering, I agree that the group of elites with good education and abundant resources should try their best to solve problems that can benefit the greatest number of people. However, for scientists in natural science and social science, I think they should pay attention to research areas which may not benefit a lot of people but also very important, since these basic subjects lay the groundwork for further development in engineering | 主旨句 | 你这里提到为工厂的研究奠定基础 这个点到中间段就没有回应了 | |
| | |||
| To begin with, scientists in engineering should focus their attention to solve pratical problems which are closely related to people's daily life and can benefit as many people as possible | 主题句1 | ||
—提出原因：工科注重解决实际问题，而这些实际问题与人们的日常生活密切相关 —提出例子：汽车研发专家，研究汽车的安全稳定性能。New car assessment program —解释：人们购买汽车时首先关注的就是安全性能，好的安全性能有利于减少紧急事故时的对人们的危险损害 | 例子 | ||
| When it comes to researches in natrual sciences, it is important for them to explore scientific areas which may not help most people, but of great importance in the long term. | 主题句2 | ||
—提出例子1：达尔文的生物进化论 —解释：对当时的普通大众来说并没有特别作用，但从根本上否定了“神创论的传统观念，在哲学、社会学、伦理学、经济等领域产生了巨大影响。 —提出例子2：人类对太空的探索，宇宙空间站 —解释：对宇宙的探索更多是出于人类的好奇心，天文学短期内很难有产出，对普通大众几乎没有什么帮助，但可以开拓人类的眼界，强调人类的责任 | 例子 | ||
| Finally, it is unrealistic for social scientists to try to help people all over the world, instead, they should choose their research projects on some specific problems | 主题句3 | ||
—例子1：经济学家思考问题更多是从全局出发，考虑供求双方，寻求最优配置。而不可能benefit most people —解释：社会学家想要帮助所有人是不现实的，社会学科更多时候是针对某个问题提出解决方案。 —例子2：社会学家研究同性恋问题 - 解释例子： 同性恋问题只涉及少数人，但仍然需要做研究。 | 例子 |
| 句 子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| I agree that in different fields, progress requires discussion among people who hold constrasting points of view | 观点概括 | ||
| For scientists and researchers, different opinions can promote the development of science | 主旨句1 | ||
| For artists, constrasting points of view can give them more inspirations | 主旨句2 | 除非题目明确讲art 我不主张写这方面的内容 毕竟太难写 | |
| When it comes to political areas, expressing different views demonstrates democracy in action | 主旨句3 | ||
| Para 2 | |||
| To begin with, the discussion of different views among scientists is of great importance to the development of natural sciences and social sciences | 主题句1 | ||
| —例子1(social science)：经济学以理性人假说为微观经济学的发展奠定了基础，但是行为金融学将心理学引入经济学中，挑战了传统的理性人假说。 —解释：有利于进一步完善金融市场的发展框架，促进证券市场和商业银行的发展 —例子2(natural science)： 地心说与日心说的争辩 —解释：使人类加深了对宇宙空间的理解 | 例子 | 我觉得一个例子就够了 这里关键在于不同的学派对于一些基础问题的假设不同 比如人是否理性 这样的冲突对于更全面的认识问题是有利的 你要把这一点写清楚 论证才站得住脚 | |
| Para 3 | |||
| In addition, progress of arts needs discussion among people who have contrasting points of view | 主题句2 | ||
—例子(natural science)： 齐白石画虾，别人指出他的鹅和真实的不一样，于是他特地去池塘观察了很久 —解释：其他人对齐白石的画持不同意见，这给了他纠正了原先的错误，并且从对自然的观察中得到了更多的灵感，后来齐白石画虾成为画坛一绝 | 例子 | 前面已说 艺术这种大坑能避开最好 | |
| Para 4 | |||
| Finally, when it comes to political areas, if the politians don’t have different opinions, the society will lack the trasparency that democracy brings and the smooth progress will be hampered | 主题句3 | ||
| —例子：朝鲜一党专政，任何反对金正恩的政治主张的人都会受到处罚 —解释：挑战权威、表达不同意见才能体现民主。朝鲜因为缺乏不同的声音，整个国家处于自我封闭的状态，得不到很好的发展 | 例子 | 这里的关键是 政客往往代表不同的利益阶层 通过讨论可以达到某种妥协 避免冲突 北韩这种奇葩国家 这里并不合适 你可以选一些美国的例子 比如 Obamacare Abortion ban Homosexual marriage 等等 | |
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-24 00:48
6月24日 issue 34
34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contr ...
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-24 00:48
6月24日 issue 34
34) In any situation, progress requires discussion among people who have contr ...
| 句子 | 学生自评 | 内容点评 | 语言点评 |
| Para 1 | |||
| I strongly disagree with the statement that main benefit of studying history is to help us recognize that there is no significant difference between people living now and our ancestors | 观点概括 | ||
| From the perspective of living conditions and belief system, people nowadays have changed a lot from people in earlier times | 主旨句 | In terms of 好些 | |
| What’s more, we can draw lessons from the past events, so the educational value of studying history should not be ignored | 主旨句 | 断句 | |
| To begin with, human being’s living conditions have changed a lot from our ancestors thanks to the development of agriculture, tranportation and medical treatment | 主题句1 | ||
农业发展提供了充足的食物，从而现代的人们有足够的营养摄入量；交通业的发展使人们的出行更加便利；医疗技术的进步使古代一些死亡率高的病能够得到治疗，比如流感发烧、肺炎等等 | 例子 | 这里不用写太多小点 深入写1-2个点就ok | |
In addition, modern people are significantly different from people in ealier times in terms of belief system | 主题句2 | ||
随着三次工业革命的推进，人们逐渐破除了封建迷信思想，新技术新能源不断创新 举例：中国被动卷入世界资本主义市场，促使中国开始探索西方世界，“民主”与“科学”开始在中国传播 | 例子 | 封建迷信思想是啥？ 这种汉语里的词汇搬到英语里就说不通了 民主与科学 讲清楚其中一个就很好了 | |
As far as I am concerned, the difference between us and our ancestors is not an illusion, instead, the study of history help us have a better understanding of the modern world | 主题句3 | 主题句要更具体 比如帮助制定政策等等 | 断句 |
| 学习历史对我们当今有很重要的作用。 生活中的例子：参加高考的学生可以从过去的考试中总结经验 大的例子：2009年美国次贷危机，美国政府后来借鉴了1929年罗斯福新政中的措施缓和局势 | 例子 | 高考这个例子不行 这里的history是指一个学科 不包括过往事件 | |
艾小卉 发表于 2015-6-25 22:54
57) The main benefit of the study of history is to dispel the illusion that people living now are si ...
| 日期 | 题号 | 原句 | 点评 | 修改 | 总结 |
| 语言反馈之四 | |||||
| 6月11日 | Issue 33 | Whether the statement holds true or not depends on groups of people we are talking about | which groups … | whether the statement holds true or not depends on which groups of people we are discussing | 限定范围的表达不准确 |
| 6月12日 | Argument 28 | To begin with, we need to know that whether salicylates have the same effect for headaches as aspirin and the extent of side effects | " that删掉 and the extent of side effects (of what?)" | To begin with, we need to know whether salicylates have the same effect for headaches as aspirin .（side effect由于不靠谱所以删去） | 如果side effect保留的话，后面应说清楚是什么的副作用 |
| 6月16日 | Arument 15 | "According to the memorandum, Happy Pancke House restaurants has replaced butter with margarine and claimed that had little impact on customers" | 注意claim的主语不是restaurant | "According to the memorandum, Happy Pancke House restaurants has replaced butter with margarine and the business manager claimed that had little impact on customers" | 指代错误 |
| 6月4日 | Argument 14 | " Even if less sleep of executives can improve the management responsibility, this rule may not guarantee the higher profit. " | 这句解释有点奇怪 其实你直接跳到下句还好些呢,rule这里指代不明 | 原文中这一句删去更好。借鉴老师范文里的： As we all know, correlation does not necessarily imply causation. A host of other factors unrelated to sleep may have caused the success of the executives. | 写作时指代不确定的地方尽量避开，换一种清楚地表达方式 |
dingchenchen 发表于 2015-6-25 16:46
你的表格做得好乱啊，跟我之前的一样。你是不是用“高级模式”中的html语言进行编译表格的？这个太费力了 ...
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