jianguo摸考组的第一类题：教育类

ar007UID：149835

154. Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.

Education is so complex and convoluted, such as the character, morality and personality beside the high grade(这个结构不对吧！character, morality and personality beside the high grade这些是教育的方面啊，好象不可以用SUCH AS 来连接吧？), that the educators can not burden all duties and all-sided facets except the high grades. So, if people can recognize the situation is very emergent and important for cultivate the students in all-facets, parents and communities should involve in the local schools together. （论点很清楚！赞！）

When people mention the education, they would recognize that obtaining the high grades in every course. However, the education involves many facets such as the morality, character, temperate, and so on. In these facets, （凑字数？）every facet is very important for students to obtain the successful education（这个意思我能够理解，但是外国人肯定不会！）. The successful education is inculcating students the necessary knowledge and the way how to succeed in their field, they are very vital for people to make success and perfect the personality. For example,（去掉） the （去掉）character is a vital factor for a person（用ONE吧，比PERSON好） to succeed in some fields instead of（这个好象不对，暂时又找不出代替的结构，再想想） only the high grade or the solid knowledge. Many corporations employ their stuff commanding that the interviewers have the perfect character and mortality. We can assume that a person, who has abundant acquirement and perfect grades but he/she is very poor in character and mortality, can make great achievements and fortunes for company.（这句话是不是写反了？） Every year people will （不用将来时）afford the severely loss in computers because of the hackers’ damage, （这里句子没有连接好）hackers do these detrimental things just for show off their adept technology（不是熟练的technology,应该是运用技术的能力吧？呵呵，中文式的英语。） for satisfying their damage appetite, which is just testify（？？） the character is very crucial. So, the education is not the only facet.

Moreover, the teacher or educator can only provide the sufficient beneficial knowledge relating student's（数！！！） textbooks and exams instead of omnipotent learning. With the development of the society and economic, the competition become more and more furious and severe. The students have no choice but to get high grades for attaining more excellent and perfect than others and （TO）possess their own spheres in society. So, students and educators all involve in how to obtain the high grades, they have no time and no energy to impose other facets such as cultivating the perfect character and mortality and other interesting.

So, the parents and other community are indispensable for student's other facets education. In addition, Parents have the energy and obligatory to cultivate students'（父母不要和学生来相对吧！！） character and morality. They should recognize the importance of these facets instead of the only high grades and encourage them to form the（去掉） mature character and health morality and cultivate them other own interesting（什么意思？）. It is well known that people（不要用这个和下面的学生相对！） who has the perfect felling status and great health are more important than the students who are always busy in preparing the endless exams which make （THEM）so nervous and affording heavy burden for obtaining the high grades, The students, who have no good status and condition in every facets become very nervous in everything. However, parents and community always indulge the children and make them only can enjoy the comfortable life and lose the proper attitude for studying. So, the parents and community should control the degree of other education facets.

To sum, the education is so important that the parents and communities should participate the local schools for cultivate more perfect and excellent students on every facets.


楼主的限时之作啊，比我的好多了！我今天的限时失败了，郁闷了一下午。下面要砸砖了！
1 审题有问题。楼主似乎以论证教育的重要性为中心，我觉得不对。问题的核心应该是家长和教育者在教育中是否应该都参与。楼主写了很多教育中的问题比如成绩和道德等等，我觉得应该写在解决这些问题时，家长和专业教育者能够发挥多少作用的问题
2 语言运用上也有很大的中文式英语的倾向，这个短期内没有办法了，偶也一样。一起加油吧。

大家有意见赶紧讨论吧！！

janice1231UID：154941

拙作一篇，欢迎修改！
Issue 39
“The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated: most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree.”

Attending a university or college is the dream of every one of us. Usually, people believe that to become a college and university student means to learn a lot of knowledge and experiences and be ready to find a good job. However, there are also some people advocate that the intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated for the reason that most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree. And I agree with the latter one.

Admittedly, to attend a college and university can receive formal education which is designed by the government and learn knowledge in every area systematically. The teachers there with plenty of experiences not only teach the students knowledge and how to grasp the knowledge easily but also tell them how to deal with the complex relationships between them and other people and how to be a person with various abilities to make contributions to the society. And the axioms and concepts as well as some reasons are all indicated in the textbooks clearly. Also, in a college or university, there is special environment for the students to study. Thus, one cannot deny the benefits of attending a university or college.

However, to some extent, the benefits brought by studying in a college or university are overrated, that is, actually, attending a college or university is not that good as the people usually say. For one thing, in my observation, the students in the colleges or universities only passively accept what have been taught and inculcated whether the “knowledge” is right or wrong, and they are never taught to challenge the authority and query when they have questions. As a result, most of the students are becoming “studying machines” which can only accept things without thinking and speaking. Due to the passive influences on the students noted above, I advise that most students should learn by themselves, through which they can learn more during four years than in colleges and universities.

I believe that studying and reading on one’s own will benefit more than attending a college or university. As a saying goes: “Interest is the best teacher.” If the students choose the way to learn by themselves, they can read whatever they like and learn whatever they are interested, which can lead them to succeed easily. There are many scientists who had little regular education experiences, such as Edison and Columbus who lived long ago as well as Bill Gates in contemporary society, yet got much great attainment. Besides, by getting in touch with the society outside the school, the students can learn how to deal with social affairs and the complex human relationships. Also, they can participate many public-service activities, which enable them to understand the meaning of helping and being concerned about others.

To sum up, learning by one’s own can bring more intellectual benefits than attending a college or university. Students should not be fettered by the mechanical and dull education in the colleges or universities. On the contrary, the colleges and universities should reform their curriculums and teaching methods in order to meet the individual needs of students.

casablancaUID：160003

吼吼，楼主好effective and efficient啊
欧的第一轮分类还没写完嘞，先列个提纲吧！
154. Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators.
我理解的community应该是社会吧
观点:wholeheartedly agree
1.every student lives in the school, family and community as well.
2.1.student's mainly obligation is to learn as much as knowledge for his and the nation's future.
2.2parents are the first teachers for children. the atmosphere of the family determines the childern's character, morality and the attitude to the world.
例子可以说在孩子的value towards life(是不是介么说的？：)形成的过程中，家长的一言一行对其影响很大，包括对待学习的态度等等，例子嘛，还没有想好，大家给点提示哈
2.3community play another, if not the most, important role in education, for both family and school can not exist solely without community.
这个是不是可以举战争的例子，说the people in those areas are still worring about whether they can get survival in the war, let alone get good education.只有相对稳定的社会才能保证良好的教育。
3.in sum, only when the school, family and community get united, the effective education can be achieved.

jackyeahUID：159938

Issue51  第5篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：49分58秒     481 words
从2004年3月7日21时4分到2004年3月7日21时49分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------
With the development of the science and society, more and more people are concerning how to provide children, the future of the society, an effective education. Some people argue that education should be specially designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student. I fundamentally agree with this idea because only the education designed to meet the individual need and interest can be called a truly effective education.

To begin with, the education should provide to meet the specific need of the student. While everyone is born with different talents as well as defects, no one is identical with other in the process of learning. Some may be quick witted in math, while other in language, art or social science. According to these differences, we should provide different way of education to different child. We usually complain about the rigid education system in China, which lead to the lacking of creativity and imagination. However, the educators have already realized this problem. As for disposal of this problem, many innovative schools have come into shape, such as: art school, language school, the disabled school, etc. The direction of the education is heading for the aim of meet the certain needs of the individual.

Next, no one could deny the significant meaning that interest has played in the process of learning. As a old saying goes: “interest is the best teacher." Many students fail to perform well in the school just because they lack interest in the subjects. So, interest can serve as the great force push people forward to chase for the knowledge one like. Simply put, the great man of art, science, mathematics and physics-Vonci used to be regarded as a child with wide interests. Once he even sits on eggs to know why egg just can be hatched by hen rather than human. This example illustrates that if something interests you, you will do you best to find the mechanism of this thing.

Admittedly, as contemporary society is not having sufficient resource to meet the requirements of every student, we should fulfill these goals in the limited resource. We have still can not get what we want to get due to the lacking of hardware and software resources. But we can stimulate our interest in mind if we do not have interest in certain thing. In addition, although the need of the learner can be fully meet, we can supply them to some extent.

In conclusion, education is the indispensable part that further develops the human race and society. If education can not meet the needs of the people, this kind of education is bound to fail. If education goes without interest, we can not image how hash the learning process is. So, it is high time we put the need of the people and the interest further in the education to create a more prosperous education system.

casablancaUID：160003

214. Society should identify those children who have special talents and abilities and begin training them at an early age so that they can eventually excel in their areas of ability. Otherwise, these talents are likely to remain undeveloped.

观点:can not agree
1.能力的发展是自然的过程，不同的人发展阶段不同
2.儿童时期应全面发展，有助于良好的性格形成和最大的挖掘人的潜力，且利于互相学习
3.区别对待害处多多：for example： 限制其他方面发展，造成精神压力，使其他孩子灰心从而影响整体教育水平。。。
结论，共同培养好

jianguoUID：157933

晚上上自习去了。没想这么热闹。呵呵。看来我要熬夜了。高兴ing

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 janice1231 发布
In these facets, every facet（两个facet 略显重复，each 怎么样？）
以下省略...... [/B]

感觉是有些重复，呵呵

最初由 janice1231 发布
The successful education is（The goal of which is to inculcate…） inculcating students
以下省略...... [/B]

改的好

最初由 janice1231 发布
solid knowledge(有这种说法吗？很弱的说~~).
以下省略...... [/B]

应该是牢固的基础的意思

最初由 janice1231 发布
education.（这个’so’有点突然，前面好象没说什么）
以下省略...... [/B]

确实so不好，应该用MOREOVER

最初由 janice1231 发布
.(结尾不能忽视，应该对全文好好的总结，不过可能楼主由于限时的缘故吧，紧张了，下次就好了。)
以下省略...... [/B]

说的即时，就是时间不够了。呵呵

最初由 janice1231 发布
好想为什么parents and community should involve in the local schools 论证的不是很清楚。
以下省略...... [/B]

是呀，我也认为应该加强，我当时没有了思路了。所以就。。。
谢谢你的修改。呵呵

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 yanbaiok 发布
[B]character, temperate（temper）,
[/B]

写的着急了，呵呵
谢谢你的细心修改。呵呵

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 胡杨亦 发布
[B].(这段论述比较模糊,是不是先论证父母和社会在教育中的重要性,再论证父母和社会应该怎么样做,如果是这样,最好能分为两段,混在一起感觉层次不是很清晰,不知道我这样理解对不对^_^)

以下省略...... [/B]

你说的有道理。改一改

最初由 胡杨亦 发布
整篇感觉文字很流畅,但是第三段和第一段说的内容很多是相近的,没有分开层次,可不可以考虑第三段向别的内容发展,如社会的教育可以使学生增长社会交际能力等其他方面,纯属个人意见.文章比我的水平高多了,呵呵,请指教

以下省略...... [/B]

你说的很好，值得学习

casablancaUID：160003

捏一下janice1231的一休，厚厚

拙作一篇，欢迎修改！
Issue 39
“The intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated: most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree.”

Attending a university or college is the (a) dream of every one (of us)去掉. Usually, people believe that to become a college and（or） university student means to learn a lot of knowledge and experiences (learn experiences?)and be ready (ready->sure是不是这个意思啊?) to find a good job. However, there are also some people advocate that the intellectual benefits of attending a university or college are vastly overrated for the reason that most people could learn more by studying and reading on their own for four years than by pursuing a university or college degree. And I agree with the latter (one)去掉咯.

Admittedly, to attend (to attend->attending) a college and (or) university can receive formal education which is designed by the government and learn knowledge in every area systematically (completely and systematically我没想到“全面地”更好的说法，不过觉得这样句式会紧凑些). (Firstly,)The teachers there with plenty of experiences not only teach the students knowledge and how to grasp the knowledge easily but also tell them how to deal with the complex relationships (between them and)with other people and how to (be a person with various abilities to)和前面有点重复乐 make contributions to the society. And (Meanwhile,) the axioms and concepts as well as some reasons (which are essential for one’s academic study) are all indicated in the textbooks clearly. Also, in a college or university, there is special (special? seemly) environment for the students to study. Thus, one cannot deny the benefits of attending a university or college. 思路还是很清楚滴。

However, to some extent, the benefits brought by studying in a college or university are overrated, that is, actually, attending a college or university is not that (so) good as (the) people usually say. For one thing, in my observation, the students in the colleges or universities only (always,不要太绝对哦) passively accept what have been taught and inculcated whether the “knowledge” is right or wrong,(这句不是很通顺的说) and they are never (seldom) taught to challenge the authority and query when they have questions. As a result, most of the students are becoming “studying machines” which can only accept things without thinking and speaking. Due to the passive influences on the students noted above, I advise that most students should learn by themselves, through which they can learn more during four years than in colleges and universities.个人觉得这段观点有点绝对化乐。

I believe that studying and reading on one’s own will benefit more than attending a college or university. (这个是你的全文观点吧，最好不要用来作T.S. ->There are many advantages for one in learning by himself.)As a saying goes: “Interest is the best teacher.” If the students choose the way to learn by themselves, they can read whatever they like and learn whatever they are interested, which can lead them to succeed easily. There are many scientists who had little regular education experiences , such as Edison and Columbus who lived long ago as well as Bill Gates (介个哥哥念书不算少啦！) in contemporary society, yet got much great attainment(by self-teaching). Besides, by getting in touch with the society outside the school, the students can learn how to deal with social affairs and the complex human relationships(你第一个body段讲过老师会教介个哦). Also, they can participate many public-service activities, which enable them to understand the meaning of helping and (being concerned about) concerning for others.

To sum up, learning by one’s own can bring more intellectual benefits than attending a college or university. Students should not be fettered by the mechanical and dull education in the colleges or universities. (On the contrary, the colleges and universities should reform their curriculums and teaching methods in order to meet the individual needs of students.)Furthermore, if the colleges and universities want to get better effects of their education, they should reform their curriculums and improve their teaching methods in order to meet the individual needs of students.

整体结果很清晰的，语言也够流畅，论证再深入点更好乐
我写的话就持部分反对：
1。Admittedly, 部分牛人自学成才。
2．However,学校教育是正道。
3．然后就把你的第一段观点分开来说
由于我比较菜，觉得这样会比较好讲，个人意见，仅供参考哈

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 whk302 发布
[B]仅是个人观点：
我觉得这篇文章没有论述而是说明，body1 body2 都和论题偏了，body3没有说清proper way是怎样的，笼统的带过一些说明性的文字
批评过激，个人观点，仅供参考
以下省略...... [/B]

我也是参考范文写的。呵呵，谢谢你的修改

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 GORQI 发布
[B]我觉得还是写出明确的提纲和引用的例证比较好噢
现在没时间看整个的文章了 [/B]

你说的有道理，我的本意就是这样的，可惜，哎！

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 ar007 发布
[B]
(这个结构不对吧！character, morality and personality beside the high grade这些是教育的方面啊，好象不可以用SUCH AS 来连接吧？),
[/B]

说的有道理，应该是including
[QUOTE]最初由 ar007 发布
[B]楼主的限时之作啊，比我的好多了！我今天的限时失败了，郁闷了一下午。下面要砸砖了！
1 审题有问题。楼主似乎以论证教育的重要性为中心，我觉得不对。问题的核心应该是家长和教育者在教育中是否应该都参与。楼主写了很多教育中的问题比如成绩和道德等等，我觉得应该写在解决这些问题时，家长和专业教育者能够发挥多少作用的问题
2 语言运用上也有很大的中文式英语的倾向，这个短期内没有办法了，偶也一样。一起加油吧。

大家有意见赶紧讨论吧！！

[/B][/QUOTE

我的提纲：
1。教育包括好多方面，然而被人门错误的认为仅仅是取得高分（为后面的论述作铺垫）
2。老师只能够提供关于考试的知识，有很大局限性。
3。要想让教育成功，我们就应该把家长和社会的力量好好利用

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 janice1231 发布
[B]
people believe that to become a college and university student means to learn a lot of knowledge and experiences and be ready to find a good job.
[/B]

你把vastly overrated 理解成高估了，猴哥认为是褒义。好好再想想。
你的写法我能够理解，但是你的第一段让步中的具体细节对你的下面论述很不利，我觉得你还不如把让步放到最后，而且说点其他的，例如学习环境，交友呀，不要在提学习的事了。
BODY3论证的很牵强，毕竟牛人少呀，所以缺乏说服力，还是保守点把。呵呵

jianguoUID：157933

最初由 jackyeah 发布
[B]Issue51  第5篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：49分58秒     481 words
从2004年3月7日21时4分到2004年3月7日2..

以下省略...... [/B]

你的思路很清晰，分开来论述了需要和兴趣两个方面。
最后的让步，我觉得写成：前途是光明的，道路是曲折的，虽然这种教育很好，但是不现实，更加的强调以下他的不现实性。你觉得呢？