08的作文修改小铺子

文赋UID：2611067

2008-6-22 The most important measure to improve people's health is to solve environmental problems.

Environmental problems are more severe and now it is become a global threat. The excessive use of pesticide, enlarged ozone hole and  the pollution of the oceans as it ends up polluting our food sources, do have impair our physical and even mental health adversely. Pay more attention on environmental problems could have some positive effects on our health. However, there remain various influential factors improve or undermine individual health, and environmental problems is just one of them.

For decades, pollution in water, air and earth have undermined our health. It is obvious and ironical that nature is fair, it will reward us for every so-called significant advantages and far-reaching inventions. If we still careless about environmental problems, it is need to concern the big problem about our health, soon or late. And the harbinger has appeared, according to research by scientists, pesticide and herbicide abuse is the major reason for abortion and deformity in recent years. The process is like this, excessive amounts of chemical compound in environment, such as DDT and ten-eighty, it premeate into earth and ground water, finally it get into our breads and biscuits after we irrigate crops with aquifer water. Those contaminated food is a potent hazard to pregnant women, as well as other normal people. Worse still, not only are those phenomenon occured on land, but also happened in ocean. Needless to say, if we could solve some environmental problems, we will enjoy more clean air, water, food and thus do improve our health and reduce the risk of disease.

Admittedly, environmental problems play a consequential role in people's health, as we have discussed above, however, to our knowledge, there are a great deal of measures could have positive effects on our health, lifestyle, workout and better medical technology, for instance. Seldom can one keep health and good shape with sedentary lifestyle and junk food. Moreover, thanks to the development of medical treatment, more and more diseases and germs cannot threaten our health. Black Death or plague, as a case in point, hardly to heal before doctors understood how germs could cause diseases until 19th century. Equally important, keep sedentary lifestytle away and have a regular exercise enable us to gain a health and strong body, not to mention the higher intelligence we have benefited form workout, this part is pulished on recent issue of Scientific American. Another good reason for eggheads get out form books, beside to improve their health.

In conclude, many impressed global environmental problems have undermined our health, which badly need to be solved. But if we only focus on those long-term measures, and neglect healthy lifestyle, even pare down the public health and medicine budget, the consequence could be undesirable and painful.


感谢的话就不多说了，我会加倍努力写作文以报答。嘿嘿

1点50分UID：2474836

Playing computer games is a waste of time for children. Do you agree or disagree?

Currently, computer games are now indispensable way of recreation for children. However, some people contend that it is waste of time that children play computer games. As far as I am concerned, I believe that playing computer games will not waste too much time of children as long as they play it properly, and the reasons go as follows.

The first point I would like to emphasize is that play computer games will give children opportunity to relax after they accomplish their homework. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Children should have enough time to relax. If they study all the time and have not enough leisure time, they will get tired of school work and even they will generate frustration on the study. I cannot imagine what children's life will be like if there is no recreation time for them. The result of children have not enough leisure time is that it will influence the mental health of children. Therefore, not only does playing computer games will not waste a lot of time, but they can avoid mental illness and enhance the efficient of their study.

Another point I would like to introduce is that children can be foster many kinds of excellent characteristics during they play computer games, such as the ability of communicate with other people, cooperation and the spirit of overcome the difficult. As we all know, when children playing games, they have to communicate and cooperation with others by the internet, and then they can overcome the difficult of the game and gain the victory. During this process, they can acquire these excellent abilities. Hence, playing games are not waste their time, they can be cultivated into an excellent ones.

Last but not the least, playing  computer games  children can study a great deal of knowledge about many country's history. At present, computer games is full of a large mount of history of some country. Thus, children can relax themselves and at the same time they can learn a lot of knowledge of history. Take my brother for example, he is always play the game of Chinese history on his computer after they complete his homework. He know a great deal of history of China after he play the game and even he learn the fact of history what adults do not know. And now he becomes more and more intrested in history of China. Obviously, my brother is not waste his time but learn a lot of useful knowledge.

In conclusion, although playing computer games may waste children a lot of study time, children can obtain a large number of benefits, like they will have a rest when they finish their homework and cultivate some kinds of excellent characteristics and some kinds of knowledge. As long as they control the time of playing games, they will benefit from playing computer games.


谢谢你了，我写的总是不太清晰。请指点

jiang08UID：2391146

topic：It has been said， “Not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion， which source is more important? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

We are educated to learn as long as we live since young (an early age). We learn from different kinds of materials, such as books, people and the life itself. It is a complex question to figure out which is more important, for we cannot make a living without any of them. However, knowledge from books is more significant, seen from my point （不见这个搭配，from my point of view就可以了，from前面不用逗号）.

（这里加一个Admittedly之类的词比较好，因为这一段是说生活经验重要，是让步性的观点）We learn from the experiences since we were born. Infants cry for things they wanted, because they know from the past experiences the signal of crying could draw others’ attention and meet their own demands. Much more advanced knowledge is obtained with age. We learn from past experiences to tackle things, such as basic living skills, dealing （缺with）a problem the same as past（这半句有点多余而且不顺畅）. Knowledge gained from experiences is often vivid and practical, it would drop （搭配不当，leave）a deep impression in mind and so it’s often unforgettable.婴儿的那部分没啥问题，但是成年人的那部分缺乏例子，只是反复的说经验重要。稍微加一点内容，比如用such as learning to drive, XXXX 跟着最后一句就会生动点了。

However, knowledge from books is always theoretical. We read the conclusions drawn by authors,  which renders a shortcut for practical things. We need not to do all things practically to get the conclusions, (缺连词) books provide accesses to them. For instance, we know from the book that human cannot fly with the help of any tools, instead of from the past experiences of falling down from a tree（如果我没有理解错的话，你的意思是：从书上我们得知任何工具不能让人飞起来，而不用像过去一样通过从树上掉下来吸取经验。那么，飞机是工具么？从论证角度说，如果写地球让太阳转更容易把握些，因为这个例子里生活经验是靠不住的，而书本才是正确的。从语言角度说，instead of这半句放在from book之前比较容易读懂）. Books save us a lot of time and energy to reach the conclusion, and besides, they could give guidance to practical deeds. That’s why people go to school for compulsory education or even higher education and then have jobs. For another instance, we learn from the books.？没写完？下次要记得自己检查下。。

Although without practical experiences, theoretical book- （bookish即可）knowledge would not come out （改exist） and（否定句中，改or） be proved, (缺连词)the latter one presents a higher stage of perspective for study and is needed fundamentally （用被动不妥，而且没啥必要）.  



顺便再发一篇昨天写的~才开始写作文，感觉逻辑不清楚而且结构不清晰，用词太简单了。
再扣首谢楼主~
xiwarts 发表于 2009-7-5 22:32

不好意思，只能先给你改一篇哦，大家轮流，谢谢理解啦！

首先文章短了点，一般中间论证3段的比较多，你只写两段就要点问题拉（如果是中立观点两段没什么关系）。主要问题不是字数少，而是论证的篇幅让人看不出你的立场。具体说，你支持书本知识，先写了一段让步，那么之后至少写两段正方观点才能表明你的立场。
语法：注意句子若有两个动词要记得用连词。有些地方不必要用被动的。另外好像比较喜欢用两个同样意思的单词/词组并置，这样没什么必要，还会让你的句子变得冗余.有些表达方法比较不流畅，建议多看点文章学习下，范文，杂志什么的都可以，留意下好的表达方法。

jiang08UID：2391146

楼主，看看我的这篇文章是否写得时候审题有问题，谢谢。0 Z. B6 B8 @2 M/ h. n

Do you agree or disagree with the follow statement? In university,students should take the history courses no matter what field they study in.

There is thorny debate on whether students should take history courses whatever field they study in.Although some people argue that it is not necessary in that the additional course will  increase the burden of students' study （work多余）.However,they fail to see that history have a positive impact on their study as well as their whole life.I am probably wilI always be, one of those who believe that  history not just reflect culture of one country but also be considered as precious experience for us solving problems.

0 K" G) D2 F* d
learning history could spire （是inspire？）students to comprehand all- round （all aspects of） the culture （of one country多余了）.Great Wall,the symbol of Chinese culture, it is not just one of Eight Wonders in the world people appreciate and go sight-seeing,what is more important,it is astonished and impressed by the fact that the Great Wall is the production of tens of thousands of industrious Chinese commoners.It is Great Wall that symbol of the bravery and wisdom of Chinese people. Not only could we foster nation pride by learning history,but also we tend to appreciate the distinct alien cultures and value.For example,when it come to Statue of Liberty,it could easily associate with American Revolution,which American colonies struggle for civic liberty leading to the foundation of a new nation.

It is fairly precious experience that learn from history when people deal with complex problems .Since human beings had been punished by neglecting the envrionment pollution during economic development,more and more cournties begin to focus on pollution and take efficient measures to protect the envrionment.For instance,Great Smog,a notable event of air pollution,cause the death of at least 4,000 Londoners and compel the governments to make regulations restricting the use of dirty fuels in industry and banning black smoke.Only when people really realize the improtantance of history experience and lessons can people better solve complex problems efficiently.（这两段没有仔细看语言= =b，就看审题了俄。这一段要说清楚伦敦大雾和历史性事件的关系，是它learn from history了的话，要把历史事件写出来；当代人learn from 伦敦的话，也要写出来我们做了哪些反污染的措施，别的没什么问题）

In conclusion, students would be benifitial to（Sth. is beneficial for Sb. 这句话应该是：students would benefit from） learning history with profound understanding (缺of)the culture of （one country多余） as well as obtaining abuntant expericence for their problems-solving （more efficient多余，而且应该用efficiently）.
daney68 发表于 2009-7-6 14:25

改的不太仔细请见谅。审题没什么大问题，用的例子也挺好的。不过语言还要加强点。

daney68UID：2582640

谢谢楼主，你说的一语中的。的确，有时候在想好了例子的情况下，不知道该用什么样的语句去表达？ 34# jiang08

gogoniwo9UID：2594165

1.Why people attend college?
People attend college or university for many different reasons(for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).Why do you think people attend college or university ? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Currently, a majority people try hard to attend the college, no matter the students’ parents or the society has the willing that the young people should be a memeber of the university students. For example, The parents in China encourage their children to make endeaver in learning extremely hard in high school, then their children can get the colleges’ inviting card. It is a normal phenomenon that people attend college in China now. But why do people be willing to ?
Fistly, in my opinion, people notice the importance of education. On the one hand, no matter in China or United States, or any other countries, it is important for the government to make great achivements in education, otherwise they can’t gurantee the future of the whole country. So every country will take a lot of measures to let people enjoy the higer education. It is abosolutely easy to recognize the significance of enducation for citizens in such kind of country. On the other hand, most people take major knowledge into account. Since the country’s future is not the only reason, people doing lots of work in attending college is also for their further development. Abosorbing the useful knowledge will definitely be helpful in their future carrer.
Secondly, it is such imcomparable experience that people cannot reject the wonderful attraction of college life. In university, it may be the right place and time for everybody to make new and energtic friends. People can learn a lot of living experience from different characteristic friends. What’s more, some of the friends can do lots of help in the rest life. It can cite the example of the premier president of United States, Clinton, who knew his wife that had been helping Clinton a lot since he joined the competing of president at college. And in 2008, Clinton also helped his wife when she was tring to gain the honor of president. So we can see, it make sence when people make friends in university. Some friends and experience should be cheriched in our life.
In summary, whatever people attend college for, they want to change their life. It is obvious that they consider that life should be more colorful and meaningful in every part, especially when they are young. On the other part, No matter for the family development, the career preparation or the economics of the country, the parents of the students, the students themselves and the government all need a brighter future by the students attending college.
thank you

jiang08UID：2391146

Playing computer games is a waste of time for children. Do you agree or disagree?

Currently, computer games are （游戏表示一个集合的概念，单数即可）now indispensable way of recreation for children. However, some people contend that it is waste of time that children play computer games. As far as I am concerned, I believe that playing computer games will not waste too much time of children as long as they play it properly, and the reasons go as follows （following）.:

The first point I would like to emphasize is that play（词组做主语，用动名词playing）computer games will give children opportunity to relax after they accomplish their homework. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". Children should have enough time to relax.（这句和第一句基本重复，可以省去） If they study all the time and have not enough leisure time, they will get tired of school work and even they will generate frustration on the study （on the study没必要，前半句就是再说学习了，... and even frustrated即可（省略了重复的get）. I cannot imagine what children's life will be like if there is no recreation time for them.这句对你的论证没有任何帮助，可以不写 The result of children have not （not having）enough leisure time is that it will influence the mental health of children. Therefore, not only does playing computer games will not waste a lot of time, but they can avoid mental illness and enhance the efficient of their study.最后两句，mental health 和前面的tired 和frustrated是一个意思，也没有进一步展开，写不出别的内容可以捏造点例子，什么你认识的某个小孩厌学了然后XXXX了。最后一句也是重复了之前的意思，没必要。

Another point I would like to introduce is that （用一个Also，就可以了）children can be foster many kinds of (注意主被动关系，应该是: many kinds of excellent characteristics can be fostered in children) during they play computer games （要么：during computer games；要么：when they play computer games）, such as the ability of communicate（动名词） with other people, cooperation and the spirit of overcome（动名词）  the difficult. As we all know, when children playing （这里不要动名词）games, they have to communicate and cooperation with others by the internet, and then they can overcome the difficult of the game and gain the victory （这句话和上一句的意思相仿，但是多了“网络”，所以可以把两句合并）. During this process, they can acquire these excellent abilities. Hence, playing games are not waste their time, they can be cultivated into an excellent ones. 最后一句again没有必要。这一段的细节就是网络游戏时候的交流，那么能不能写具体点，类似战友要合作好才能爆头之类的（但是不要写这么暴力的例子啊！）

Last but not the least, （缺by）playing  computer games  children can study a great deal of knowledge about many country's history. At present, computer games is full of a large mount of history of some country. Thus, children can relax themselves and at the same time they can learn a lot of knowledge of history. 这句和第一句是一个意思Take my brother for example, he is always play （出现两个动词了） the game of Chinese history on his computer after they （注意人称）complete（主谓一致） his homework. He know（主谓一致） a great deal of history of China （Chinese history）after he play （has played或者playing） the game and even （he 多余）learn（learnt） the fact of history what （用which/that）adults do not know. And now he becomes more and more intrested in history of China. Obviously, my brother is not waste（ing） his time but learn （连词前后的句子动词注意平衡） a lot of useful knowledge.

In conclusion, although playing computer games may waste children a lot of study time, children （用they代替，避免重复）can obtain a large number of benefits, like （For instance，）they will have a rest when they finish their homework and cultivate some kinds of excellent characteristics and （some kinds of ）knowledge. As long as they control the time of playing games, they will benefit from playing computer games.
谢谢你了，我写的总是不太清晰。请指点
1点50分 发表于 2009-7-7 10:13

语法：名词性短语作主语的时候要动名词话，注意下；同样，介词后面跟动名词；主谓一致。基本的动词形式要加强联系，错误很频繁。下次注意检查下。。
论证的要点：每一段的每一句话（除了第一句）都应该围绕着这段的分论点展开，如果和分论点是重复/并列的关系，就没有必要了。T的作文不太能用模板，就是因为个人发挥更重要，如果你看自己作文的时候，觉得这一句话删掉对于你的论证并没有妨碍，那么证明这是废话，需要改进。希望这样有帮助。
另外，你可能不太习惯我经常帮人删掉没用的，重复的句子，或者尽量让句子简洁些，因为我觉得IBT的作文不需要很繁复的语言，简单些更能让人看清楚你的论证。并且句子不啰嗦不=单调，或者语言水平不好。

walalaUID：2603375

新的一篇~LZ辛苦了~~
  Has technology made the world a better place to live?
  Speaking of technology, different people will hold different views based on their own experiences and understanding. Some people will agree that technology is a useful tool which could help us in almost all fields, while others think technology has done more harm than good considering the damage to the environment and the pressure it brings to modern people. As far as I’m considered, technology indeed makes the world a better place for living and my reasons are as follows.
  First and foremost, technology has brought countless convenience to people nowadays. Technology is a greater help to our work as well as our family affairs. We are now using computers to solve complicated problems we meet in the research programs, to collect large amout of information we need in study, and even to oragnize our finiacial affairs, all of which save us a lot of time and money. What’s more, it’s easy for us to travel to different places due to the fast and safe transportation such as airplane or trains, and just a portable cellphone can connect us with our friends and relatives who are in foreign countries.
  Besides, thanks to the development in technology, we now live in a happier and healthier life. For example, Internet provides us with numerous ways to relax, we can chat with our friends online, play computer games, and watch live football games, all of these entertainments make our lives more enjoyable. More importantly, advancement in medical equipment leads to more breakthroughs in curing the deadly diseases, resulting the longevity of human beings.
  Nevertheless, there’s no denying that technology has made some negative effects to our environment. We’re now breathing dirty air polluted by the exhaust gases from cars, and drinking poisonous water contaminated by chemical wastes. Technology will still continue to damage our environment if we do not take effective actions.
  Based on the reasons stated above, we can still make the conclusion that technology is making a better world despite its bad influence. All we have to do in the future is to make the technology move toward the direction of creating a better world.

candyrainbowUID：2414599

辛苦楼主了，，第一篇作文，挤牙膏一样难受~~~但是，我一定会加倍努力！
Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

During the study time,we always do our homework everyday.Though we don't want to do it at all and even hate it costing too much my after-class time,I still prefer to the opinion that the daily homework is necessary for students because of the distractions,the communications and the good opportunities.
       First, students face constant distractions that surround them every day.Cell phone,music players,and computer games are all being carried to their times after the class and prevent the students from doing his or her best on their disciplines. What's more,the young students don't have the strong abilities to control themselves and take the attentions to review the knowledge that they learned in the day time,not even to prepare for the next day study.
       Second,with so many students in the classroom,teachers no longer have enough time to communicate with each student individually.Doing daily homework is one of the best ways that connect the students and teachers.If there is a problem,teacher will point it out,and through the good reasoning,students will know where the weakness is and make progress every day.If there is no problem,that means that the teachers have perfect introduction to the new knowledge.
       Opponents argue that students will feel a heavy burden by the daily homework.But in reality,no daily homework doesn't mean no pressure.Nowadays,students are competing more and more for schools and jobs.Student's performance on standardized tests is becoming increasingly crucial to the opportunities that lie before the student when they complete their studies. Daily homework is based on the purpose that student could have the strong basic knowledge and prepared well for the future exams.After the daily exercise,students become to familiar with the new problems and increasingly be more confident to face the future studies.
        In conclusion,daily homework is one of the best way to complete their studies tasks well.However,the teachers should take more attention on the forms of daily homework.Maybe one day,students will enjoy the daily homework.

jiang08UID：2391146

2008-6-22 The most important measure to improve people's health is to solve environmental problems.# t# D(

\/ [( X/ F
. [1 G4 D" j* d6 I9 W2 Q
Environmental problems are more severe and now it is become a global threat. The excessive use of pesticide, enlarged ozone hole and  the pollution of the oceans as it ends up polluting our food sources, do have impair(ed) our physical and even mental health adversely. Pay more attention on （pay attention to；另外作为主语，pay需要动名词化）environmental problems could have some positive effects on our health. However, there remain（s，主谓一致） various influential factors improve（注意这句话两个动词了） or undermine individual health, and environmental problems is just one of them. 从这一段看不清楚你的主要论点，是同意还是反对topic？至少要说一下解决环境问题是不是最重要的措施

For decades, pollution in water, air and earth have undermined our health. It is obvious and ironical that nature is fair, it will （两个动词了~）reward us for every so-called significant advantages and far-reaching inventions. If we （缺are）still careless about environmental problems, it is need（need基本不用被动，改we need） to concern the big problem about our health, soon or late （sooner or later）. And the harbinger has appeared, according to research by scientists, pesticide and herbicide abuse is the major reason for abortion and deformity in recent years. The process is like this, excessive amounts of chemical compound in environment, such as DDT and ten-eighty, it (注意句子结构，it 指什么，另外又两个动词了)premeate into earth and ground water, finally it get into our breads and biscuits after we irrigate crops with aquifer water. Those contaminated food is a potent hazard to pregnant women, as well as other normal people. Worse still, not only are those phenomenon occured（occurring，注意主动被动的关系） on land, but also happened（同理） in ocean. Needless to say, if we could solve some environmental problems, we will enjoy more clean air, water, food and thus do improve our health and reduce the risk of disease.

Admittedly, environmental problems play a consequential（这个词在这里的用意？是想写substantial?） role in people's health, as we have discussed above,（句号） however, to our knowledge, there are a great deal of（改many；a great deal of 是形容不可数名词的） measures （缺that） could have positive effects on our health, lifestyle, workout and better medical technology, for instance （for instance跟在太长的宾语后面会变成画蛇添足）. Seldom can one keep health and good shape with sedentary lifestyle and junk food. Moreover, thanks to the development of medical treatment, more and more diseases and germs cannot threaten our health. Black Death or plague, as a case in point, hardly to heal before doctors understood how germs could cause diseases until 19th century. Equally important, keep sedentary lifestytle away and have a regular exercise enable us to gain a health and strong body, not to mention the higher intelligence we have benefited form workout, this part （改which，不然又两个动词）is pulished拼写 on recent issue of Scientific American. Another good reason for eggheads get out form books, beside to improve their health.这句话是跟随SA的研究的么？个人觉得没什么必要

In conclude（To conclude或者In conclusion，自己注意词性）, many impressed global environmental problems have undermined our health, which badly need to be solved. But if we only focus on those long-term measures, and neglect healthy lifestyle, even pare down the public health and medicine budget, the consequence could be undesirable and painful. 这个论点表达就很清晰了，开头和结尾类似（不是雷同）就行了。
感谢的话就不多说了，我会加倍努力写作文以报答。嘿嘿 客气，不用每次都感谢啦
文赋 发表于 2009-7-7 10:10

写长句子的时候要经常自己回过去读一下哦，不要忘了基本的语法：一个动词，主谓一致，定语从句……
另外不知道你写作文计时了没有？没有的话要开始练习。

jiang08UID：2391146

谢谢楼主，你说的一语中的。的确，有时候在想好了例子的情况下，不知道该用什么样的语句去表达？ 34# jiang08
daney68 发表于 2009-7-7 12:02

具体点？啥情况？伦敦大雾那个？

jiang08UID：2391146

1.Why people attend college?
People attend college or university for many different reasons(for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).Why do you think people attend college or university ? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Currently, a majority people try hard to attend the college, no matter the students’ parents or the society has the willing（？不论家长和社会的期望？） that the young people should be a memeber of the university students（a niversity student即可）. For example, The parents in China encourage their children to （make endeaver in；多余了） learning extremely hard in high school, then their children can get the colleges’ inviting card.这句example可以不写，和下一句是一个意思，在第一段尽量简洁些。 It is a normal phenomenon that people attend college in China now. But why do people be willing to ? （But why are they willing to?）用问句引导是很好的方式5

Fistly, in my opinion, people notice the importance of education. On the one hand, （为什么要用转折？前后两句的语气是承接的）no matter in China or United States, or any other countries, it is important for the government to make great achivements in education, otherwise they can’t gurantee the future of the whole country. So every country will take a lot of measures to let people enjoy the higer education. It is abosolutely easy to recognize the significance of enducation for citizens in such kind of country. 这两句啰嗦，就是把分论点又重复了，应该写写为什么教育利国？写不出来的时候可以从反面思考：一个国家没有教育会变得怎样 On the other hand, most people take major knowledge into account？. Since the country’s future is not the only reason, people doing lots of work in attending college is also for their further development. （建议：On the other hand, students themselves would also benefit a lot from attending universities.）Abosorbing the useful knowledge will definitely be helpful in their future carrer. 这一段其实有两个论点了：利国；利民；建议分两段写

Secondly, it is such imcomparable experience that people cannot reject the wonderful attraction of college life. In university, it may be the right place and time for everybody to make new and energtic (为啥一定要精力充沛的朋友？= =b) friends. People can learn a lot of living experience from different characteristic friends （friends of different characteristics；两个名词直接并置一般是已经有固定搭配，如work load）. What’s more, some of the friends can do lots of help （help a lot）in the rest life （the rest of the life）. It （注意IT指代对象？）can cite the example of the premier president of United States, Clinton, who knew his wife that had been helping Clinton a lot since he joined the competing of（competition for） president at college. And in 2008, Clinton also helped his wife when she was tring to gain the honor of president. So we can see, it make sence when（makes sense that） people make friends in university. Some friends and experience should be cheriched拼写 in our life.

In summary, whatever people attend college for, they want to change their life. It is obvious that they consider that life should be more colorful and meaningful in every part, especially when they are young. On the other part（搭配不当，另外语气没有转折的意思，不需要用on the other hand）, No matter for the family development, the career preparation or the economics of the country（前文论证如果没有说到经济，这里就不要说经济自找麻烦，说overall condition之类的就行了）, the parents of the students, the students themselves and the government all need a brighter future by the students attending college.
gogoniwo9 发表于 2009-7-7 12:05

比较频繁的问题：对于连接词的把握不好，要注意前后文的语气，不能随便用on the other hand。
另外表达方式（词组和句子结构）比较中国化，建议多阅读，多看看地道的表达方式。

irvine666UID：2575525

我也想来占。。。泣

jiang08UID：2391146

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
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During the study time（改life；time太局限于具体的时间）,we always do our homework everyday（every day）.Though we don't want to do it at all （太过了，作文要避免这么极端的词，并且这个态度太消极）and even hate it costing（改occupying） too much my（注意人称统一，前面是we，这里不要用my） after-class time,I still prefer （to） the opinion （hold即可）that the daily homework is necessary for students because of the distractions,the communications and the good opportunities 这里写出三个原因让人难以理解(特别是第一个) ，不如直接写following reasons.

First, students face constant distractions that surround them every day.Cell phone,music players,and computer games are all being carried to their times after the class and prevent the students from doing his or her best on their disciplines. What's more,（the young多余) students don't have the strong abilities to control（strong control over） themselves and take the attentions （time） to review the knowledge that （go over what） they learned in the day time,not even to prepare for the next day study. 这里需要补上一句，说明强迫作业能够防止这种情况的产生。虽然这是很明显的，但是少了这一句，逻辑就少了一个环节。

Second,with so many students in the classroom,teachers no longer have enough time to communicate with each student individually.Doing daily homework is one of the best ways that connect the students and teachers.If there is a problem,teacher will point it out,and through the good reasoning,students will know where the weakness is and make progress every day.If there is no problem,that means that the teachers have perfect introduction to the new knowledge. 这段论证很好

Opponents （这句是让步，这里加一个may语气更顺畅些）argue that students will feel a heavy burden by the daily homework.But in reality,no daily homework doesn't mean no pressure.Nowadays,students are competing more and more for schools and jobs.Student's performance on standardized tests is becoming increasingly crucial to the opportunities that lie before the student when they complete their studies. Daily homework is based on the purpose that student could have the strong basic knowledge and prepared well（be well prepared） for the future exams.After the daily exercise,students become （to） familiar with the new problems and increasingly be more confident to face the future （studies多余；因为前文提到未来的职业生涯，所以不必限定在学习中）.7

In conclusion,daily homework is one of the best way（s） to complete their studies tasks well （翻译的痕迹太明显了，建议;best ways to improve their learning）.However,the teachers should take more attention on (搭配不当，pay attention to) the forms of daily homework.Maybe one day,students will enjoy the daily homework.最后两句画蛇添足了，首先是说作业的形式，前文的论证没有提到任何作业的形式，总结段不要提出新的概念。而最后一句更损害了你的立场——支持作业。这篇作文里不需要表达你不喜欢作业的感情，这会影响别人理解你的立场，因为：不喜欢作业--〉觉得没必要。
candyrainbow 发表于 2009-7-7 20:39

尽量学着用英语去造句，不要逐字地从中文翻译过去 (不过这篇文章的后半部分明显语言流畅了)，多加强阅读会有好处。
第一篇作文这样不错啦，加油

gogoniwo9UID：2594165

辛苦楼主了，又一篇。

It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
Currently, it has been announced that there would be a new restaurant buliding in my neighborhood. Some citizens in my region think it’s helpful for the economics,since they desire that this new restaurant which will attract a large quantity of people to come can promote the financial advancement. However, some people take peaceful environment into consideration. Because of the noise caused by the restaurant, it will destroy the silence. In my view,it’s necessary to build this new restaurant when taking the benefits brought by it into deliberation.
First, without building the restaurant, it’s definitely that we will lose lots of job opportunities which are created by the restaurant work. As we know, the finance storm prevent our economics advancing badly, because of this ,most people have limited chances to obtain an enough paying job which can support themselves or their families. It can cite the example the depression of the United States in 1970s, obviously, people need the jobs when it’s in serious financial situation. Hence, the deed that building this new restaurant will absolutely offer access to jobs with a clear needs towards different careers.
Second, if building the restaurant is put into practise, attractive enough it is, that people from other regions will invest money and time in this restaurant for further business development. Most of the citzens can enjoy the increaing interests from the investment which make the economics engertic. With a large range of potential business opportunities, this restaurant should be placed a higher value. For example, since Chinese government are willing to attract more foreign investment,it allows SHANG HAI to take advantages of numorous funds to build the higest building in the world.
Additionally, for me, I want to have different delicious food in this new restaurant. Though I like my mother’s cooking,it’s irresisitible to taste variably wonderful food. Well known it is, that Chinese food is unexpecetedly changeable and appreciated. Interested in the restaurant making a high-quality and nice taste food is me who holds the opinion that new restaurant should be built in the future.
Considerable though the advantages that enjoying the peaseful environment leads to are,they can not compete with the benefits that working for others brings about when suiting different people’s needs and interets in the future taken into account. Setting some environment standards for this restaurant, which may decrease the noise created by the entertainment, can be healthful to these people who cannot adapt to noisy world.