sun3may托福作文练习

Go2011GoUID：3006241

59# sun3may 有点晚，不好意思哈～～权限不够，只能贴上面了（没有附件的权限）

We usually treat our friends as thetreasure in the life. Consequently, when we leave them, total sorrow and griefmaybe bring us down for a period of time. However, it is not a terrible ornegative thing to leave our friends and to start a new brand life [brand new]in a new city or in even other countries, since we should  determine （whether?）the move to other places couldbring us more benefits than negative effects according to the specificsituation. That is to say, everyone owning different characteristicshave various choices.(逻辑有点奇怪)


The first factor coming into my mind isthat though we would have to leave our old friends or even  them, becauseof the leaving for other places, it is still possible that we couldlosing make newpersons (friends)in the new place. Take me for an instance, in my eight, my families (family)andI had to move from a city when I was born to another city called Qingdao whereI had not any(no) knowledge at all. Unfortunately, after my coming to Qingdao, myold friends living in another city almost lose(时态) connection with me. On thecontrary, in the new block I moved into, a crowd of new friends have been madeby me, offering me the gentle assistance to let me quickly feel comfortable andget accustomed to the new environment. In sum, moving to another place to liveis not negative, due to the new friend there.



To back up my argument, it is relevant toinclude that even after the move, we still could keep in touch with our oldfriends in the （in other cities） other cities, with sort of complement of communication. Thanksto the advance in the communication technology, we are capable to acquire thelatest news of our friends, no matter where they are dwelled in. With the helpfrom our telephone, computer connected to the Internet, we could readily keepin touch with our friends, and trace their thinking and acting. In fact, some3G telephone could make the conversation face to face in a long distance intoreality.


Adding more credibility to my points ofview is that the criteria to determine the immigration from one place toanother is successful or not is that the situation of a person, including hisor her characteristics are feasible for a move or not. On one hand, some peopleare prone to another place to begin a new life for their characteristics thatmake them persons(不明白这句) who may quickly adapt to the different cultural and naturalenvironment. On the other hand, some people do not incline to get involved invirtually unfamiliar environment. As a result, we could not decide a move isgood or bad not according to whether we lose our friends, in fact, in such a（an）information age, friendship could be hold even though 。。。. Instead, our characteristics talkswhen it comes to the issue that moving to other places is beneficial or not.


In conclusion, it is not that harmful tomove to another city or country for a new life. Indeed, we could make newfriends there, and with the appliance of the advanced complement of communication,it is still possible to talk to our old friends sharing our feelings to (with) them at anytime we desire. To plus, for everyone's different situation, whether the moveto another place is preferable or not depends on the specific characteristicsof a person.


写的挺好的，字数很多啊～～

bibby00888UID：2908529

帮你批了 虽然不是一个组的

sun3mayUID：2574771

62# bibby00888

谢谢了！

beangtUID：2691375

3.1综合修改
The lecture strongly disapproves of the points presented in the reading. As the profeessor demonstrated, it is not easy and preferable to replace the internal combustion engines with the fuel-cell ones. However, contending an opposite stand, the reading holds that it is convenient and practical to put the fuel-cell engines based on the use of hydrogen.

The first factor that the lecture disagrees with the reading is that pure hydrogen is difficult to produce, due to the complex process of the purification. Though the water could be easily found and collected, the hydrogen is hard to be steamed from water. On the contrary, the reading believes that since the water and natural gas which are sources to produce hydrogen are available, it is much of convenience to gain a plenty of hydrogen.
还有一点说液氢不容易运输，保存什么的
Another factor that the professor uses to cast doubt to the author is that the utilization of the

hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines would fail to solve the problem that pollutions rendering by cars, because the process of making hydrogen, especially the liquid hydrogen would generate much carbon-dioxide which is harmful to the environment. This is not compatible with the reading which believes that by the using of the new fuel-cell engine, the pollution from the car would be reduced, thanks to the only byproduct of the new kind of engine that could never contaminate the air.

The lecture also claims that the use of the hydrogen-based fuel-cell engines could pale in cut down the cost on cars. In fact, this new sort of engine is expensive due to the difficulty during the production, which is totally run a counter to the reading that holds that the higher efficiency of the new engine would help us save money spent on our cars.
重点的那个细节，铂的那个没听到

可能还是需要提高听力吧，我觉得没有特别大的必要每段都带上阅读的许多内容，语言还是非常好的。

candis712UID：2824089

3.1综合修改

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.2独立~
还有综合~（综合感觉没太听懂，于是半编半凑的写了一篇~囧。）
辛苦修改的同学了！

beangtUID：2691375

3.2自选题目
Do you agree with the following statement? Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.

When it comes to the issue that the government should offer more subsidies to the art, including the art museum and the music concert, instead of spending a large sum of money just on the creation of new facilities. As far as I am known (concerned), they are equally essential to advance the development of art and to build the new facilities that would bring benefits to the citizens.

The first factor coming into my mind is that the support for art is in need nowadays. Take the city I live for instance, which is the capital of Hubei province, few art centers like art museums and painting galleries locate in some blocks where are much inconvenient to reach (我感觉这句话写的有点问题，但不知道怎么改). As a result, the government is supposed to build more museums for the sake of the citizens' interests in art, such as the opera, rock and roll, and the painting.

To back up my argument, it is relevant （？） to conclude that some facilities which are of necessity could assist to advance people's health, such as the play grounds or gyms. As one saying goes, taking practice one hour per day is beneficial to build a strong body and exalted mind. Since presently, the most crucial problem of human is obesity, a series of new facilities that could supply the citizens with adequate room to training (train) their body, and to lead a healthier life without the disturbance from the annoying fat in the heavy body.

Adding more credibility to my points of view is that due to the equal importance to support the art and create new facilities to improve the level of people's health, the government should determine to develop both art centers and new facilities. To plus, the specific situation of different cities should be taken into account when the government makes plans. Some cities lack of art museums which supplies access for the citizens to have a glance on the latest art forms. On the contrary, some cities should have more stadiums where the citizens could taking exercised in. Actually, a majority of cities in our country have a scarcity on both art museum and sports centers.

In summary, I strongly believe that since the elegant sorts of art and a healthy body are all (both) indispensable in our life, according to the specific situations, the government would restore and offer more support to the art museums, meanwhile, the creation plans of the facilities for sports should be included in the schedule.
结构非常好，语言也很流畅，不足之处是感觉有些段落展开欠充分。

beangtUID：2691375

3.2
综合修改
The lecture strongly disapproves of the points presented in the reading. As the professor demonstrates, the reasons why the population of some sea mammals declined (in the reading passage) are not sound enough.

The first factor the lecture uses to cast doubt on the passage is that the pollution of the oil or chemical substances are not the cause that weaken the ability of some sea mammal like otters to resist diseases. Since the predators could not be consistent with the ill mammals.
听力说没有证据表明是污染造成的减少。

Another point that the lecture shows to us is that although the sea mammals are in the connect with kinds of animal, the number of the small animals is not always available to the otter and other sea mammals. As a result, it is the scarcity of foods that causes the decrease of the sea mammal population. This is not compatible with what is presented in the passage, which claims that the decline of the sea mammals would have influence on the other species which are related in an ecosystem.
这段还是再好好听听听力吧。
The lecture also runs a counter to the reading, holding that the pollution theory fails to explain the unfair (uneven) population decline, because some sea mammals like otters have not got many concerns than imagined by people.

听力里好多点都没听到。我觉得你应该在听之前好好读阅读那部分，因为听力里的一些要点和细节出现的词都会在阅读里出现，比如这篇文章里的那个叫orca的猎食者。还有就是写的时候如果听力没听全可以根据旁边的阅读猜一下。

Go2011GoUID：3006241

review:3.2自选题目
Do you agree with the following statement?Government should more support art museum and music performance thanrecreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.


When it comes to the issue that thegovernment should offer more subsidies to the art, including the art museum andthe music concert, instead of spending a large sum of money just on thecreation of new facilities.(这个句子没写完啊) As far as I am known（这个句子有问题）, they are equally essential toadvance the development of art and to build the new facilities that would bringbenefits to the citizens.（这个句子没读明白啊）


The first factor coming into my mind isthat the support for art is in need nowadays. Take the city I live forinstance, which is the capital of Hubei province, few art centers like artmuseums and painting galleries （应该是be located in）locate in some blocks where are muchinconvenient to reach. As a result, the government is supposed to build moremuseums for the sake of the citizens' interests in art, such as the opera, rockand roll, and the painting.


To back up my argument, it is relevant toconclude that some facilities which are of necessity could assist to advancepeople's health, such as the play grounds or gyms. As one saying goes, takingpractice one hour per day is beneficial to build a strong body and exaltedmind（这样形容mind觉得怪怪的）. Since presently, the most crucial problem of human is obesity, a seriesof new facilities that could supply the citizens with adequate room to trainingtheir body, and to lead a healthier life without the disturbance from theannoying fat in the heavy body.


Adding more credibility to my point ofview is that due to the equal importance to support the art and create newfacilities to improve the level of people's health, the government shoulddetermine to develop both art centers and new facilities. To plus, the specificsituation of different cities should be taken into account when the governmentmakes plans. Some cities lack of art museums which supplies access for thecitizens to have a glance on the latest art forms. On the contrary, some citiesshould have more stadiums where the citizens could taking exercises in.Actually, a majority of cities in our country have a scarcity on both artmuseum and sports centers.


In summary, I strongly believe that since the elegantsorts of art and a healthy body are all indispensable in our life, according tothe specific situations, the government would restore(这个词放在这里是什么意思呢) and offer more support tothe art museums, meanwhile, the creation plans of the facilities for sportsshould be included in the schedule.

有点空洞，如果在论证的时候多加上一些鲜活的例子会更好

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.3独立+综合~

(这次终于独立和综合都木有超时~不过要点还不是很完备，下次要再快一些。）
辛苦修改的同学了！

ncnysUID：2347325

Teachers play an essential role in every one's life. Teaching us how to discern right and wrong, how to read a long passage, and even how to count stuffs in the room, teachers offer abundant knowledge to us which is necessary in our lifelives. As a result (Therefore), the quality of education relies a lot on teachers' behavior.(good expression!) Someone believes that it is of importance to increase the salary of the teacher, attempting to raise the passion of teachers who have work dealing with piles of things about young students. However, as far as I am concerned, the key to level up our education could not be a raise in teachers' salaries, instead, the quality of the teachers, facilities of school, and the collaboration of parents and teachers really counts for education.

The first factor coming to my mind is that the quality of the teacher affects the outcome of education. Good teacher distinguish themselves with athe perfect teaching skill, a brandbroad range of knowledge, and a well-being personality. Take a teacher I admire most, called Jane, for instance, being my primary school teacher, she always told us how to behave in the public with deep patience, though the school kids were so naughty to interrupt her speech. Moreover, with a wide range of knowledge, she could almost answer whatever questions we raised. Listening, observing, and teaching us make her a popular teacher among our classmates, who deeply know what we really require. Therefore a competent teacher could help to improve education这段主要讲教师对于education的重要性，但是感觉跟第一段有点重复？并且与topic的联系不是特别大？

To back up my points of view, it is relevantreasonable to conclude that the modern facilities of school also weighs in improving the education, such as the swimming pool, the  sports stadium, and the play ground. Indeed, the quality of education not only depends on refined teachers, but also need the high qualified facilities to develop the body of students. To plus, being a assistance for a distinguished teacher, a library with abundant books covering different fields is necessary to expand students' horizon.

Adding more credibility to my argument is that both the parents and the school share responsibility to ensure the high quality of education. At school, students could be conducted by their teachers on the study and the social behavior. InAt home, parents are the most direct and crucial teacher of the children. Consequently, the corporation of parents and teachers, which including communicate about the state of the kid regularly and sharing the similar education ideas, would prove the quality of education largely.

In conclusion, the best approach to level up education could not be a large amount of money offer to teachers. The decent quality of both teachers and the facilities in school could make the students well-educated, and the cooperation between parents and teachers would advance the education as well.
蓝色的部分用词很妙，值得学习！
感觉全文讲的是什么对improve education是很重要的。我觉得topic的题眼在一个best,如果同意观点，那么就要举出增加工资和其它方式相比有什么better处；反之，则需列举增加工资不如其他方法有效，或者equally important。。。突然发现我自己也没有比较。。。。不知道这想法对不对哈。。与LZ共勉！加油！

Go2011GoUID：3006241

revision 1

Go2011GoUID：3006241

sun3mayUID：2574771

3.4独立 & 综合~

sun3mayUID：2574771

71# ncnys

我觉得你说的很有道理，我没有阐释其他方式的更好的地方。不过我觉得可以这样稍微修改一下：整个文章的意思可以改成—— 虽然提高教师的工资有利于增加他们的工作积极性，可能可以提高教育质量，但是这是远远不够的，还需要教师素质的提高，基础设施的提高，以及家长和学校的配合才能共同提高教育质量。
所以不能说教育质量提高的最好办法是提高教师工资，它还包含很多方面。而其提高教师工资可能还有些对学校的负面影响，比如增加学校的开支，过高的工资可能使一些教师变懒而不去创新等等吧。