零散版友作文互改大贴

zadUID：2507560

237# wuyaocosy

占位改237

zadUID：2507560

227求改

wuyaocosyUID：2576923

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 426          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-4-2 20:07:50

I generally agree with the author that faculties who work outside in professions relevant to the courses they teach in colleges would bring more lively and interesting examples to their students, therefore teaching more efficiently and effectively. However, at the same time, when it comes to certain fields which include history, chemistry, mathematic and the like, experiences in society almost offer little valuable information for professors for the reason that researches in such fields have little relation with contemporary life.

First of all, no one would dispute that the faculty who has the experiences of working outside tend to supply more lively and interesting instances to bolster the theories written in book, which makes us easily understand and absorb the ideals and real meaning of those stubborn theories. Working outside, therefore, not only help professors to improve their quality of teaching, but also help students to lift their interest of such curriculum and understand the theories more deeply. One apt illustration of this point involves the requirement of professors in commercial colleges. As we all know, faculties in commercial colleges are all required to have commercial experiences, result from only the person who used to work in business realm before could get the first-hand information, master the analysis method based on contemporary economy circumstance, and communicate valuable knowledge to students to  indicate them learn to address real problems happened in today’s world. Thus, outside experiences bring lots of benefits for faculties to provide more real information to students.

Moreover, working outside can also help faculties collect up-to-date information, realize the trend of development insofar in some fields, therefore helping faculties adjust the material and curriculums they prepared to students in order to catch up with the step of development in certain fields.  For instance, according to Moore's Law- transistors in Integrated Circuit doubled every 18 months, technologies in IT area developed rapidly during these decades. Thus, it is entirely possible that what the students studied in college has already out of fashion, under this situation, gathering latest and useful information makes more sense for professor in IT field to ensure their students could receive the most popular technology which could help students who decide to pursue such a career realize the trend of development in this area, therefore making it easier for students to hunt jobs in future.

However, in the meantime, although I concede outside working experience is significant in certain areas, insofar as other fields which has little relate to contemporary life such as history, mathematic, physics and the like, outside working is unnecessary. These kinds of researches, for example history research, only need to pay attention to the heritages that our ancients left, working outside could provide little benefit for professors in this field.

In sum, in my view, experience of working outside is valuable insofar as some fields which have interdependent relationship with society, like electronic engineering and economy research. However, in some other areas which is of little relation with today's life, working outside is useless.

wuyaocosyUID：2576923

占楼231

leslinUID：2571497

#231求改，我已经在这里驻扎许久了诶，还有，不要让这个帖沉了啊

ula_iUID：2624607

占223#

我的
望狠拍
谢谢！

TOPIC: ISSUE38 - "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."

As the author of the statement said,the television nowadays is influencing us majority deeply,which causes the existance of books being in danger.Will book reading be replaced by television watching?The answer is certainly no.I disagree that television is able to teach us as the same with books.In some cases ,the newly born media including television is ruining our mental world with its production.

Admittedly,the media which is emerging with a rapid rate holds certain advantages that we cannot deny.In comparison with books, television shows its convenience to present people who are occupied most time.Before television emerging, it is book that conveys not only knowledge and information,but also ideology shared by the society.However, it is not convenient for us to receive the latest news via reading books.Watching television ranks the best way to get the latest information immediately.Moreover,television provides more programs in entertainment  which delights people .Thus,there are increasing number of adults and children addicted to watching television everyday,and they feel satisfied with this kind of media which offers them information in relaxation.

However,not only does television harm our eyesight,but also destroys our ability of thinking and judging. Mentioned above,the programs in television are more likely to be entertainment and advertisements.In the circumstance ,we are just impacted by its continuously changing pictures and never-stopped  noise in television..There is a professor named Portzman in field of media and culture study,who has a book titled 'Are We Going to Entertainment Ourselves to Death?'released.In this book,the professor claims that the television culture tends to turn into something in charge of entertainment, and the significance of culture is misleaded by television to something commercial and entertainment. He states that laughing while watching the entertainment program help people kill time without thinking comfortably .Consequently,television attracts people focusing on affairs of those superstars or other meaningless news,which on the surface provides marverlous information but actually does not make any sense. Unfortunately, what we are losing gradually is our ability and habit of thinking and judging.

In aspect of education,learning by watching television instead of reading books is certainly not a good idea in that television would not enable us to consider a problem deeply while the books can.Additionally , containing much less advertisements than television programs,books serve us more effectively in absorbing views and ideas from scientists, poets,writers,and others.Though the classical literature works one by one filmed and put onto the screen, they are fading shaping the characteristics in television compared with in the books.The characteristics of these books lack fundamental inner activities somehow on the screen.People would only remember their faces but not their inner spirit,let alone the theme of the works that the writer would like to tell.

To sum up,albeit modern media such as television is effective to keep us abreast of current affairs,book functions better to interpret a decipline ,to describe a obscure theory ,and show the whole procedure of a academic discussing.With the television blowing everyone’s life ,we should make reading books stay as a habit or a forced process to the young,which they would benefit from in a long run.Thus, in order to gain information and ability of thinking, combination of the two methods is necessary, but the importance of books should never be replaced by only watching television.

小AJUID：2603280

208# RolinWu

谢谢你，你说的很多地方我也发现有些不妥当，还要改进。不论如何，呵呵。

你是什么时候考作文？我们可以互帮互助啊~

leslinUID：2571497

51# ”Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.”

Controversy concerned about how courses designed for each student arose at the birth of education. It’s widely believed that education should be rationed based on different needs and interests of each students while some educators argue that if so, effectiveness would be determined.  Design on education calls for a balance in which there are both concern about individual needs and about basic knowledge for adaption of everyday life, yet student-oriented courses needs further development.
感觉观点不是很明确，开门见山，个人认为比较清晰，能让老美知道你要说什么。还有最后一句应该是楼主的观点，用一用短句吧，老是长句老美会累的。

Individual interests that generate curiosity, the main activation of study, weigh much in process of education.[这个句子感觉重点不明确，主句虽然是weigh much in process，但是其中有一个同位语强调main activation of study，到底哪个是重点呢？] Students are absorbed more when the courses are designed based on their own need, which, at the same time, means that education is truly effective. Confucius, the great teacher and educator in ancient China, accentuated the importance of individual needs and interests that he once said (and I paraphrase)[这个不用了]:” One of the neediest qualities that a teacher should have[own] is to know what the students are interested in and then how to guide them further in their favorite domain.” This illustrates the point that education, process of fostering talents to serve for society, is better[more] effective when it considers what the students are interested in and then design based on it.

Unfortunately, traditional teacher-oriented courses often reflect the wrong need of students and eliminate the diversity which is essential in education that could possibly have. The base of teacher-oriented education is the process of imparting what the students should know, assuming by teachers, instead of offering what the students want and would be interested in. Thus, student-oriented courses can most effectively involve individual students in education process. To demonstrate the point obviously, here’s and example that is very convincing. Edison, who was proclaimed inept in study by his teacher in elementary school, [was][没谓语] later educated individually by his mother who, oppositely, believed that he was a genius. History proves that his mother was right and apparently, the reason why Edison was regarded as a slow student at school was that he was made to accept teacher-oriented courses that not interested him at all.

However, student-oriented courses should be based on the rational individual desire. Extremely reliance on student’s interest is unavailable. If the design of courses fails to evaluate the importance on some basic subjects, it can not be seen as a qualified education. Every student is asked to study math in elementary education process, for mathematic is important knowledge because it is relevant to daily life. Though individual interest is considered, it cannot be exaggerated too much since chaos in education may be caused if unreasonable students’ desire is winking.
这个观点很不错：过度自由导致混乱

Accordingly, education is a complicated process that calls for delicate design which concerns individual needs, ones that accelerate students to search further, while keeping orders of education by imparting basic subjects. Since everyone is different, focus on individual interest, one that was overlooked for a long period, is significant. Thus, better designed education equals to further development of students in which they are satisfied both happiness derived from the process of gaining knowledge but also greater potential in their future career. All in all, educators should pay more attention on individual interests when designing courses.

首先，我理解了为什么没有人判你的文章，简直太复杂了。全篇几乎没有简单句，全是复杂句，这样的文章老美是不愿意读的，可以看出楼主刻意使用复杂句的痕迹，有些句子完全可以简单表达。这样长短长的句子节奏是比较好的。要不然真是太累了，但是的确佩服楼主的语法功底-_-!

其次，我感觉楼主的各个观点之间的逻辑不是很明显，而且各段的主题表达也不明显，还是刚开始的那句话：开门见山。当然，也有别的方法。

楼主的观点有闪光的地方，但是必须经过细细品味才能看到，被无数复杂的句子淹没了。
楼主加油啊！

leslinUID：2571497

我的也是Issue 51，各位狂批啊！
51.”Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each students.”
Time: 41min
Words: 542
According to the speaker’s view, education will be totally ineffective and useless unless it is schemed to cater each students. Indeed, if different students can receive respective education, it will be surely a perfect condition. But on the other hand, I have to criticize the speaker’s opinion and point out its partiality and extremity about his suggestion to education. So in my point of view, education should be partly designed for the students and, at the same time, have some public elements to all students.

Admittedly, respective education for every student is a good idea. As we can see, differences inevitably exists among students: different talents, different learning habits, different interests, and different attitudes to faculties and classmates. All above lead to one conclusion: there is no completely two same students around the world. As a result, there won’t be a kind of education that will overall suit for all students. From this deduction, we can see that every student need specific education.

However, although specific education for each students is a good will, yet it is too idealistic for society to make it come true. Education designed for every individual is impossible and, ironically opposing to the speaker’s view, ineffective. Three vital aspects will illustrate the fact. First of all, our societies are lack of enough resources for individual education. According to the statistics in 2000, there are nearly one billion students in schools and colleges in China. And in the same period, the education expenses in China is only 385 billion dollars. On average, every students in primary schools, junior and senior schools, colleges, and universities can only spend 385 dollars on learning. Obviously, it is far from enough to exert individual education. Secondly, as we can see from the data above, there will be a great variety of differences among students. It is natural to deduce that experts that make schemes about individual plans will be under a caldron of burdens. Besides, these differences are too specific to handle. Finally, even if specific education for students is available on theoretical level, there still bulk obstruction in economy. In fact, from the conditions in American universities, it is apparent that specific education requires the great backup of strong and responsible economy. But unfortunately, most of countries in the world cannot afford to do so. In conclusion, the specific education is impractical.

Still, even though it is impossible to execute individual education, better ways to approach its effects exist. No matter how different each students are, same characteristics and points are common. Therefore, it is reasonable for societies to establish educational plans that contains some common elements for all students and specific ones for those existing differences. What’s more, this kind of schemes are more easily to be handled with and economic. Also, to go a step further, governments and educational authorities can take actions to improve the management of arranging schooling methods in order to reach good effects with more lower expenses.

In summary, it is a good will to bring about the idea of specific education for students. But to approach the goal, we must meditate carefully. A proverb says ”All roads lead to Rome.”. Many other possibilities are in our sights, and they are waiting to be discovered.

leslinUID：2571497

占位改#207 Issue51

RolinWuUID：2625938

各位G友们，帮我改下作文吧，207楼~我给前面人改了，但是3天都没人点我的作文~~拜托了~~

wuyaocosyUID：2576923

改218楼
70.In any profession business politics education government those in power should step down after five years .The surest path to success for any enterprise is revitalization through new leadership .


According to this issue it seems to be reasonable that every enterprise should change their leaders in 5-years circle for the reason that the revitalization of new leadership is the surest path to success. In my view, I generally agree with this assertion, but when it comes to the surest way to success the author’s conclusion may be too harsh and unwarranted .

First and foremost ,the regular changes of leader is absolutely necessary in many case （cases） .With the ever increasing pace of social development ,nearly every enterprise needs to be stilled with new blood and improvement in order to prevent bog down .And as it is know to all (that ) leaders are the captain of one enterprise who determine the direction and destination. For his long term concentration on management of whole building (建筑不需要管理吧) and ways of solutions , it is highly possible for one leader to ignore the social trends and the new way of management . In that case if the leader are (is) still taking the power, probably it will bring the whole enterprise into bogging down and corrupt （corruption）. Just as the emperor of Qing dynasty in China who had taken power for nearly forty years ,he leads the China into a situation of
self blocked and weak which never happen before.

Another reason for why the leader should change regularly is for preventing abusing power. Even the leaders are also common people and will definitely make mistakes .With few restriction of any power and the seduce of fame and wealth, leaders will probably abusing their power to purchase (pursue) their own interest and （therefore doing） do harm to the whole enterprise. And regular changes of leadership can effectively reduce this possibility for every leader will step down in short period. The past top leader of Iraq --- Sadamu is absolutely an arbiter .He took the power of leader ship for nearly twenty years until his death .During his leader ship (这句好像有问题),there is no law and human rights in Iraq, for Sadamu is the highest charger who determine everything. Only after he corrupted ,Iraq people get a opportunity to enjoy the peace and equal rights.

But we should also notice that in some certain fields enterprise and structure needs stability which （这里有个因果关系，换个thus什么的） too harsh and often changes of leadership may be counterproductive. An typical example is the schoolmaster of one university ,For one way, as every university contains its own understanding and fixed goal of education, too often changes of school master can not guarantee the constant purchase （purchase？） of school’s goal and cause the diminish ( diminish是动词，应该用个名词吧
)of campus culture .For another the process of education and revolution of faculty is a long term project ,and every schoolmaster has their own plan. Changing the leadership too quick can not promise the plan being implemented comprehensively. Moreover , in the field of law, it is more prudent to guarantee the stability of chancellor. For chancellor represent constitution ,too often changes will do negative effect to the justification of law.

Finally revitalization is only one important factor in the path to success, not even the surest. For one enterprise ,there are many other factors which influence the way to success Such as the ability ,culture ,morale and cooperation of faculty. Moreover, in many cases experience of leadership is also very important for enterprise to solve problems and take work into efficiency .Merely emphasize on revitalization are not sufficient enough to lead to success.

In sum , five years is indeed a proper tenure in many cases for leadership change (five years 是否合理的问题在文中没做具体的论述，结尾还是别提了).And regular changes of leadership can prevent many problems and bring new blood to enterprise. But the depending on the revitalization through new leadership is unwarranted to lead to success for the ignorance of many other aspects.

写的真是好呀，学习学习。句子结构很好，论述也很全面，例子举的也很新颖，以我的水平能改的真是不多

zadUID：2507560

TOPIC: ISSUE110 - "When we concern ourselves with the study of history, we become storytellers. Because we can never know the past directly but must construct it by interpreting evidence, exploring history is more of a creative enterprise than it is an objective pursuit. All historians are storytellers."
WORDS: 554                   DATE: 2009-4-10

Is it true that all historians are storytellers? When it comes to this question, there are always a host of different opinions held by different individuals in different fields. Admittedly, as the speaker says, we can never know the past directly but must construct it by interpreting evidence. However, exploring history is both a creative enterprise and an objective pursuit which is the main difference between historians and storytellers.

It must be admitted that we cannot access to history directly. All history is passed away, some even thousands of years. Although we know that How Caesar conquered the world by historical records, we can never see the Caesar and his army directly. We also can never know what he thought before he met the Queen of Egypt. Meanwhile, historical records are usually fragmentary and even ambivalent so that ordinary people cannot access to the fact based on them. Consequently, historians should create a panorama based on insufficient records and analyze ambivalent records to find what is real and what is false which is considerably difficult and even impossible for ordinary people who only know minor details of history to fulfill this task. So, we need historians to restore historical truth and explain the reasons and results of all kinds of events in history.  

However, historians are not recorders or registry officers. As a recorder or registry officer, his or her duty is to keep accurate records of every archive and record as well as take care of all the files. In recorder’s eyes, these records are dead. Only when these records used by historians, they are living. Historians collect and arrange related historical records by the help of recorders and registry officers. Then they should process all the information in the records in order to objectively reconstruct historical event. The historian should completely analyze the cause, process and result of a historical event. However, recorders or registry officers cannot do this.

At the same time, in order to reconstruct history, historians should exert some imagination based on fact and records which is totally different with storytellers. Due to records which cannot tell historians all in a historical event, historians have to get a panorama of a historical event through logically imagination. Although it exist differences between different historians, the explanation of historical events from historians must be logical and objective and conform to the fact. It is totally different from storytellers, such as literature writers, film makers, politicians. For example, literature writers usually write legends which often have illusive and exaggerated components. Moreover, the use of exaggeration has become a custom in films whatever commercial films or literature films. Politicians also like telling historical stories to the public to achieve their political intents, so they usually ignore the negative parts for them but emphasize the beneficial parts in a historical event which often mislead the mass to understand an event in history. Especially in times like these that history has been misread by the public, historians can tell the public what the truth is.

In sum, historians are different from recorders or storytellers. Historians are neither a recorder who just describe the historical records nor a storyteller who may exaggerate the historical event. In short, through mining the historical records, logical reasoning and imagination, historians reconstruct a panorama of historical events based on historical truth.

zadUID：2507560

191# leslin

149.”The most practical and effective way to protect wilderness areas is to attract more tourists to these areas through environmentally sensitive projects.”

Words: 450
time: 45min

According to whatthe speaker suggests, countries should establish a system ofenvironmentally tourism for more tourists in wilderness areas toprotect them. It does sound reasonable. But it must be acknowledgedthat this plan can be perfect only if countries are able to exert inreality. In fact, this scheme is impractical and idealistic. So in myopinion, I cannot agree with the speaker’s view.

Indeed, protectenvironment (environmental protection) through tourism is a brilliant idea, which can replaceindustries’ destruction (destruction from local industry) to these land. However, just like every coinhas two sides. It can be deduced that with more tourists, thewilderness areas may face more threats of pollution because (因果关系太强，换成如果是否好些) there areno significant changes in people’s minds of the awareness to protectthe environment. Without this essential part in protecting, the tourismdistricts (areas) will suffer the same amount, or even more than those done byindustries, of pollution by tourists, like litters, smokes and theimproper interference to wild life.

What’s more,defects not only exist in attracting tourists, but also appear in theintroduction of “environmentally sensitive” projects. There are manyrespects that requires deeper consideration like the economy, specificmethods, range of exertion and whether civilians will accept it. Inoverall perspectives like economy, enhancing a project both benefit theenvironment and the tourism needs a caldron of (这种用法我表示怀疑) efforts by government,especially a great amount of money. In the aspect of details, exertionof this kind of project is a complex mission. It calls for exactingarrangement of resources and comprehensive schedule. For instance,there are innumerous wilderness areas that must be under protection.But the resource of the government is limited. Then it is obvious thatgovernment needs to judge which ones to protect. And in addition,protect the environment will surely bereft(deprive) some of people’s rights intourism. Therefore, considering the attitudes of people and making aplan to meet people’s will are justly(just). From all above, we can see thatthis project is hard to come into reality with such a complexity forsociety.

Furthermore, wehave got more useful, more effective and more easier measures toprotect environment without much efforts. For example, with ouradvanced technology of supervising(supervision), we can monitor those who dare to doharm to environment. It is possible for government to stop thereprocess of harming(harm) or give them a over-burden fine to reach a simpleeffect of warning and alarming those destroyers, which will act as asign to protect the environment.

In summary, thespeaker’s view is imprudent and unwise. And more than in the field ofprotecting the environment, in nearly all spheres in society, allproblems can be solved just through both effective and practical ways.

本文的优点：逻辑清楚，句式精炼，有效。
本文的缺点：太像一篇argu，这种文章的缺点是过于照着题目的思路走，我本人对这种写法表示不赞同；我认为issue应该高于题目之上来构造自己的观点；另外，一些词语的变化问题较大，动词转名词，形容词和副词等要注意。

抱歉由于最近特别忙，现在才帮你修改，请您原谅！

leslinUID：2571497

不要沉了啊