小心littleheart的独立作文，自1.27，更新至2.14

小心littleheartUID：2726034

1.27 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams.

    It is really a difficult choice for government when faced with the decision of supporting arts or supporting athletics, for we can hardly say that which is more important than the other. While if I must choose one, it will be to supporting the athletics and my reason listed below.

Initially, national Olympic teams can stand for the country's comprehensive strength as well as the profit of the country.
Meanwhile, state-sponsored Olympic teams can directly present a certain region's athletic level and indirectly demonstrate the area's economic development. Only when a nation's economy is highly-developed and the people are rich enough, can it have the spare money to sponsor athletics. That is also the reason why the achievement a country on sports can affect others' impression on the country. Therefore, it is no denying the fact that in support of athletics is a prerequisite for a nation to build intimate relationship with other nations.

From another perspective, supporting athletics can not only contribute to demonstrate the country to the whole world, it can also impel artists find inspiration from the sport activity. Artists could create works according to a certain basketball game. Some cartoonists who are interested in sport games may infuse competition scenes into his paintings.
Guillermo Mordillo, a famous Argentine cartoonist, is very good at describing football games by his humorous cartoon. As we all know, Zhangyimou is the chief director of the opening ceremony of Beijing Olympic Games and his work is amazing, attracting people from all over
the world. He cannot derive the magic inspiration from Olympic Games and also will not create the outstanding performance without government's support on athletics. In a word, athletics lead to the advancement of art.

       There is also a point we should consider, if government greatly in favor of athletics, people’ consciousness of keeping healthy will be aroused. People will assume an active role in exercising and try to become more fit no matter how busy they are. It is true that people can enjoy themselves by appreciating art works. Only when people are in a healthy condition, will they have the disposition to enjoy arts. Naturally, sick people are not concerned with high culture but more worried about getting healthy or staying alive. Thus, money spend on favoring athletics will make it possible for people to continue to enjoy art.

       By and large, supporting athletics indeed brings us more benefits than supporting art.
Depending on personal experience, personal type and emotional concern, I stand on the ground that governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics.

小心littleheartUID：2726034

66# mpromanus 呵呵~~没有啦~~~谢谢企鹅同学~~3.6是我第一次考，有些没信心~可能还得再考的，所以希望多多指教~O(∩_∩)O~

mpromanusUID：2565872

65# 小心littleheart

那个那个小心童鞋你不是3.6已经考的了吗？=.= 你3.6求改的都排到今天了啊，不要紧吗。。希望没有耽误你。。=.=bb

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, which is about whether cell phones should be allowed to for use in public transportation (I do suspect that the question is not authentic, because people use cell phones, and cell phones don't 'use'. Rather they are 'used'.). Conventional wisdom suggests that cell phones would cause much noise which may impede the driver to in concentrating on driving. Nevertheless, I hold the belief that cell phones should be allowed to use in public transportations, owing to that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Initially (I remember I've talked about this word before, and I said it is not an equivalent of 'firstly'. Now if that's not clear enough, I'm making my point here: use 'firstly', or 'to begin with', not 'initially'.), the first and most important point I should emphasize is that the original intention of the invention of cell phones is to facilitate our life, making it (What?) available for us to communicate with our friends and families everywhere and anytime. My mom could know where I am through calling me even though I am in public transportation. Just imagine that if we cannot use cell phone in trains, our family and friends are worried about us for they are not sure whether we are in safety or not. Take my own experience for example. I have to take trains to arrive at Shanxi province where my university is located every semester, and meanwhile on the trip, I usually need to spend two nights on the train. While at that time, my mom is so anxious about my safety that I ensure that I to call her by using cell phone every half day. Therefore, she feels relieved when receiving my call each time and sometimes I could often tell her some interesting things that happened on the journey. As can be seen from the example, nowadays, cell phones have become an indispensible implement in our life, especially when we are away from home. In order to connect with our friends and family members, we require (A bit too strong. 'Need' would be sufficient.) using cell phones in public transportations.

From another perspective, in some cases, our bosses or friends may have certain immediate affairs to announce to us. Thus if we do not have the right to use cell phones in public transportation, we may lose miss an important meeting or a sudden exam in school, which may lead to a serious consequences. Admittedly, some may insist that the cell phone is the main factor to in traffic disasters because the noise may adversely affect the driver's thoughts. While I tend to argue that various noises would be still extremely loud without mobile phones, but due to the belling? of a large number of cars and buses. (This is an incomplete sentence.)

By and large, based on those mentioned above, considering the dramatic convenience cell phones bring us, I personally agree that they should be permitted to use in public transportations.

总结：

你的论述举例方面都挺不错的，就是表达方面还是倾向于中式翻译风格的表达，这方面需要慢慢地提高。

小心littleheartUID：2726034

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? cell phones should be allowed to use in public transportation (buses, trains, airplanes).


Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, which is about whether cell phones should be allowed to use in public transportation. Conventional wisdom suggests that cell phone would cause much noise which may impede the driver to concentrate on driving. Nevertheless, I hold the belief that cell phone should be allowed to use in public transportations owing to that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Initially, the first and most important point I should emphasize is that the original intention of the invention of cell phones is to facilitate our life, making it available for us to communicate with our friends and families everywhere and anytime. My mom could know where I am through calling me even though I am in public transportation. Just imagine that if we cannot use cell phone in trains, our family and friends are worried about us for they are not sure whether we are in safety or not. Take my own experience for example, I have to take trains to arrive at Shanxi province where my university located every semester, and meanwhile on the trip, I usually need to spend two nights on the train. While at that time, my mom is so anxious about my safety that I ensure to call her by using cell phone every half day. Therefore, she feel relieved when receiving my call each time and sometimes I could often tell her some interesting things happened on the journey. As can be seen from the example, nowadays, cell phones have become an indispensible implement in our life, especially when we are away from home. In order to connect with our friends and family members, we require using cell phones in public transportations.
From another perspective, in some cases, our bosses or friends may have certain immediate affairs to announce us. Thus if we do not have the right to use cell phone in public transportation, we may lose an important meeting or a sudden exam in school, which may lead to a serious consequence. Admittedly, some may insist that cell phone is main factor to traffic disasters because the noise may adversely affect the driver's thought. While I tend to argue that various noises would be still extremely loud without mobile phones, but due to the belling of a large number of cars and buses.
By and large, based on those mentioned above, considering the dramatic convenience cell phones bring us, I personally agree that they should be permitted to use in public transportations.

mpromanusUID：2565872

61# 小心littleheart

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, which is about whether televisions and movies have more positive effects than negative effects on young people or not. Some may insist that televisions and movies play a crucial role in our life for the reason that we feel relaxed, as well as that we get a variety of information from them. However, I hold the belief that televisions and movies will bring young people more drawbacks (The question is very particular because it specifies 'on the way young people behave'. In other words, you need to be aware in your topic sentence that the drawbacks you're talking about here need to focus on behavior too.) And my reasons are listed below.

Initially (This word means to be the first in terms of time, or occurence. It's not an equivalent of 'firstly'.), we (The question is about 'young people'. I undersand that you probaby do belong to 'young people' yourself, but this kind of coincendence cannot be taken for granted as an assumption that 'young people' equals 'we'.) would waste a lot of time while watching television or seeing a movie. Among people of all ages, the young are the most busy busiest group (A personal comment on this: I would fancy mid-aged males are the busiest people because they are expected to deal with everything in the world, from earning money for the household to changing the blown fuse to taking the kids out to the zoo. Once you have kids, I guess you'll really start to appreciate the luxury of youth XD) . because they are exposed to all kinds of affairs, such as school work or job assignments. Accordingly, if they take the precious time to watch television, their work or study might be delayed, as well as and their productivity would be lowered. Take one of my friends for example: Jane is was my high-school classmate and she studied so hard that she had an excellent mark record before senior 3 (An average American will not know what 'senior 3' is. Think about how you can express your ideas in a more 'universal' matter, e.g. 'the final year of high school'.). Whereas, in the year of senior3, when other classmates were busy with all kinds of exams and preparing for the college entrance examination, Jane was addicted to the soap operas and she even became a watch couch-potato after school. More badly, she often talked with us about the scenes of in the opera soap? and meanwhile had no interest in learning her subjects. Unfortunately, she failed at the college entrance examination. What a pity! As can be seen from the example, it is the tedious television programs that adversely affect Jane's study and even her future. I argue that Jane will regret about her former behavior at the moment. (Whether she regrets about it has nothing to do with the question. By the second last sentence, you've already illustrated the point well enough.)

From another perspective, on the one hand, watching television or seeing a movie would greatly reduce the opportunity for the young to communicate with others. Just imagine that if a young man usually sits in the sofa and stares at the TV, he would have no desire for chatting with his family (This is definitely a stereotype. He can sit in the sofa and stare at his book and still have no desire for chatting with his family. You need to be very clear that 'TV' is not the direct cause of reduced communication, but the 'stare' part is, and it just happens that many people like to stare at TVs rather than books because TV shows are generally considered more interesting and attention-grabbing.). Thus it would cause a bad effect on the relationship between family members. On the other hand, it would also go against (This means 'disagree'. How can you 'disagree' with health?) the young's health when they touching such media. A person will become much lazier when he/she is attracted by a movie or television program. As for me, a few months ago, after went going through the term exam, I really wanted to relax myself by watching movies day and night. As a result, I was in a bad health condition and even got a cough a few days later. Luckily, one of my friends gave me some advices, and she told me that I needed more exercise to keep fit. Therefore, I began to swimming in the afternoon and now I feel better. Regarding this issue, televisions and movies indeed do harm to the young' health (Now you're jumping a little ahead. If you use this example, then it's the excessive watching of TV/movies that's damaging your health, not the TV/movies themselves.) whether among mental health or physical health.

By and large, based on what I mentioned above, due to lack of the self-control, televisions and movies have more negative effects on the young. (Again, if you compare this conclusion to the question, I think you'll immediately see that you're arguing a slightly different topic, one that doesn't have the word 'behave'. You actually had a concious effort to address the behavior part of the question during your essay, but please remember that topic sentences need to be accurate and right-to-the-point as well.)

总结：

语法上请注意时态的使用。。你的表达还是倾向于比较中式的感觉，不过意思不会完全不清楚，另外就是注意一下as well as的用法。

论述方面整体不错，只是说开头结尾说明观点的句子的表意一定要准确。这篇里面出现的就是只看你开头结尾的话会觉得你可能跑题，但读了正文发现你其实没跑题，所以就是说要注意一下总结性质的topic sentence一定要清楚。

john_332UID：2741978

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume(好像没见过这种用法，), which is about whether scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries or not. Conventional wisdom suggests that scientists are indeed supposed to be responsible for their discoveries because some inventions bring drawback to human life(human being), and a few may even cause serious damage to the earth, such (as nuclear?)bomb. However, I hold the belief that it is unfair for scientists if we (觉得可以这么表达：if we count the negative consequences on them)call for their responsibility for inventions owing to the following reasons.

Initially, the intentions of most scientists are pursuing the inventions that will benefit human beings.(上句是比较中式思维的表达，感觉是直译的结果，可以考虑用 most scientist discover or create something with the intention/purpose to benefit the human beings) What they are discovering are the things that would(suppose to) improve our life. That is to say, the scientists' original aim is to help people have a higher living standard.(我觉得上句重复了，因为之前的两句已经把意思说清楚了) For instance, the invention of bulb is well-welcomed because it is convenient for us to work or study at night, (看看这句是否好些: the bulb is regarded as a revolutionary invent because we don't have to worry about the dark any more,from then on,working or studying at night became a reality)while if one is hurt by the broken bulb, he/she have no excuse to ask Edison to understand the responsibility.(中文表达思维和英文表达思维很多时候是相反的，所以把前句讲述顺序调换一下来使文章更地道，更简洁：while it is unreasonable to blame Edison if we got hurt by the broken bulb.) As (it) can be(concluded) from the example, in most case, the negative impacts that some discoveries caused are not the inventor's responsibility(fault), but the users' fault due to the improper behavior.(建议but the ones who use it in a improper way) The same is true for some weapons, the scientist make an effort to produce some weapons, such gun and bomb. It follows that they desire to let people learn how to protect themselves, rather than fight with others. Therefore, we cannot deny the accomplishment of scientists because of the war. (这个weapon的例子不合适，因为武器是兵工厂制造出来用于战斗的，主题却是说出于"研究/探索目的"的科学发现所造成的负面影响，因此举例最好着眼那些原本旨在造福人类，或科学研究的发现结果被误用造成负面影响，如生物，化学的研究成果被用于战争，无线通信技术的应用却威胁人类的健康，海洋探测技术用来捕鱼...)

From another perspective, as I mentioned above, it is so unfair when scientists should be responsible for their inventions. Just imagine that if we take such strict measures for scientists, no one would ever want to be a scientist. It is not hard to think that scientists try their best to invent and some even take all their life in researching, while the result for them is to assume the bad consequence they lead to. How sad they would feel! (让科学家承担造成负面的责任和给他们设限将导致的结果不应该是影响科学家们的主观感受，而是需要说明对人类福祉和进步更广泛的影响，毕竟科学研究的利大于弊)On the other hand, it would also prevent our scientist from making new invention if we ask them to be responsible for their products. Accordingly, scientists would scare about their every step which might adversely affect our life. In that case, the mobile phone will not be discovered because they will cause more noise to our daily life. Meanwhile the computer which we regard as an indispensable implement in our life will not shape either for the reason that some young are addicted to them, resulting in the bad performance in school work. Then what the society would be? May be we would return to the ancient times without any high technology.

(这一段有点偏了，的确，担心负面影响而给科学家的研究设限会影响科学家的积极性和创造力，给他们的心灵上造成困扰从而不发明新的事物，但是再回头看看题目会发现：假如“我”agree“不应该负责”，我们应该重点阐述的理由是：科学的发明、发现是一把双刃剑，在科学研究的过程中和研究成果的应用中，会有一些副产品或负面因素，但是那也是某些人处于自身利益的考虑滥用造成的，科学家并不能控制这些，更不能因噎废食而停止科学的研究)

By and large, based on what I mentioned above, it is unreasonable to let the scientist undertake the bad consequence of their inventions.

  别担心！ 小心，以上只是我个人的看法，其实独立作文本来就是抒发自己意见的平台，没有
统一的答案，发现有点偏题了，最后一个句子拉回主题就OK了，只要能够自圆其说，就是一篇好的
文章，表达上稍作留意，用些自己熟悉，擅长的句型，稳定发挥就是成功！！

  祝 3.6 的战役能旗开得胜，相信自己，就一定能实现自己的梦想！
  
  回来记得分享经验啊！

小心littleheartUID：2726034

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries.

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, which is about whether scientists should be responsible for the negative impacts of their discoveries or not. Conventional wisdom suggests that scientists are indeed supposed to be responsible for their discoveries because some inventions bring drawback to human life, and a few may even cause serious damage to the earth, such bomb. However, I hold the belief that it is unfair for scientists if we call for their responsibility for inventions owing to the following reasons.

Initially, the intentions of most scientists are pursuing the inventions that will benefit human beings. What they are discovering are the things that would improve our life. That is to say, the scientists' original aim is to help people have a higher living standard. For instance, the invention of bulb is well-welcomed because it is convenient for us to work or study at night, while if one is hurt by the broken bulb, he/she have no excuse to ask Edison to understand the responsibility. As can be from the example, in most case, the negative impacts that some discoveries caused are not the inventor's responsibility, but the users' fault due to the improper behavior. The same is true for some weapons, the scientist make an effort to produce some weapons, such gun and bomb. It follows that they desire to let people learn how to protect themselves, rather than fight with others. Therefore, we cannot deny the accomplishment of scientists because of the war.
From another perspective, as I mentioned above, it is so unfair when scientists should be responsible for their inventions. Just imagine that if we take such strict measures for scientists, no one would ever want to be a scientist. It is not hard to think that scientists try their best to invent and some even take all their life in researching, while the result for them is to assume the bad consequence they lead to. How sad they would feel! On the other hand, it would also prevent our scientist from making new invention if we ask them to be responsible for their products. Accordingly, scientists would scare about their every step which might adversely affect our life. In that case, the mobile phone will not be discovered because they will cause more noise to our daily life. Meanwhile the computer which we regard as an indispensable implement in our life will not shape either for the reason that some young are addicted to them, resulting in the bad performance in school work. Then what the society would be? May be we would return to the ancient times without any high technology.

By and large, based on what I mentioned above, it is unreasonable to let the scientist undertake the bad consequence of their inventions.

小心littleheartUID：2726034

Movies and television have more positive effects than negative effects on the way the young people behave, Do you agree or disagree with the following statement

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, which is about whether televisions and movies have more positive effects than negative effects on young people or not. Some may insist that televisions and movies play a crucial role in our life for the reason that we feel relaxed, as well as get a variety of information from them. However, I hold the belief that televisions and movies will bring young people more drawbacks. And my reasons are listed below.
Initially, we would waste a lot of time while watching television or seeing a movie. Among people of all ages, the young are the most busy group because they are exposed to all kinds of affair, such as school work or job assignments. Accordingly, if they take the precious time to watch television, their work or study might be delayed, as well as the productivity would be lowered. Take one of my friends for example, Jane is my high-school classmate and she studied so hard that she had an excellent mark record before senior 3. Whereas, in the year of senior3, when other classmates were busy with all kinds of exams and preparing for the college entrance examination, Jane was addicted to the soap opera and she even became a watch-potato after school. More badly, she often talked with us about the scene of the opera soap and meanwhile has no interest in learning subjects. Unfortunately, she failed at the college entrance examination. What a pity! As can be seen from the example, it is the tedious television programs that adversely affect Jane's study and even future. I argue that Jane will regret about her former behavior at the moment.
From another perspective, on the one hand, watching television or seeing a movie would greatly reduce the opportunity for the young to communicate with others. Just imagine that if a young man usually sits in the sofa and stars at the TV, he would have no desire for chatting with his families. Thus it would cause a bad effect on the relationship between family members. On the other hand, it would also go against the young's health when touching such media. A person will become much lazier when he/she is attracted by a movie or television program. As for me, a few months ago, after went through the term exam I really want to relax myself by watching movies day and night. As a result, I was in a bad health condition and even got a cough a few days later. Luckily, one of friends gave me some advice, and she told me that I need more exercise to keep fit. Therefore, I began to swimming afternoon and now I feel better. Regarding this issue, televisions and movies indeed do harm to the young' health, whether among mental health or physical health.

By and large, based on what I mentioned above, due to lack of the self-control, televisions and movies have more negative effects on the young.

nathanycUID：2551974

Nathan的批改

小心littleheartUID：2726034

3.1
Physic exercise is more important to older people than younger people.

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, which is about whether physical exercise is more important to older people than younger people. Some people may agree with statement owing to that young people are much stronger and don't need to waste time on exercising. However, I hold the belief that physical exercise is crucial to everyone, whether among the young or the old.
Initially, as a young woman, I treat regular exercise as a vital part in my life because from which I can benefit a lot. I am a university student, busying with all kinds of affairs, such as my professional lessons, the matter related to the student union and the plan for future career. It follows that it takes me most time to deal with various affairs, resulting in that I cannot keep fit compared with before. Even worse, seldom can I concentrate on my courses, which dampens my disposition. Then one of my friends suggested to me:" Oh, Jane, look at yourself, you need to exercise and keep healthy, that is you." Thanks to her advice, she reminded of the importance of exercise. Therefore, I began to run on every morning, as well as swimming at afternoon in summer. After a few days, I felt better and be interested in reading, writing and communicating with my roommates. As can be seen from the example, as for the young, physical exercise could contribute to release heavy burden, as well as make people enjoy themselves. Sometimes, regular exercise could improve the efficiency of work.  
Furthermore, old people also require physical exercise to keep healthy. As is known to all, as people gets older, their health condition would become worsen. As a result, what they need to do is exercise themselves regularly. Take my grandpa as an example, a few years ago, a serious disease hit him, making him live in hospital for several months. Before he left the hospital, the doctor told him that he should do more exercise to prevent more illness. Then my grandpa did as what the doctor said, and it proves that exercise really give my grandpa a healthy body and a good mood. Meanwhile, in the process of doing exercise, he made many friends who have similar interests with him and they usually chat with each other. I feel happy about my grandpa because he will no longer feel lonely with some many new friends. In addition, my mother would not be worried about his health. Just imagine that if an old man is ill, his son has to leave his work and care about him. On the one hand, his son's job will be adversely affected and delayed. On the other hand, the family has to pay the heavy fee of cure. In all, doing physical exercise is the cheapest way to live a happy life in older age.

By and large, based on what I mentioned above, I personally support that doing physical should all place a high value on it.

小心littleheartUID：2726034

57# duck2010 额~~真的啊~我一直挺怕作文的呢~~谢谢鼓励哈~~~~O(∩_∩)O~

duck2010UID：2757376

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, （加个as）whether television and movie should always show us that good people have a better ending than bad people. Some may（may表示“可以”，might表示“可能”，推测语气。这里建议用might） insist that television and movie should broadcast some programs which could well reflect our virtually life, that is to say, good people are not usually with a better end and vice versa. However, I hold the belief that TV and movie, as the two main media in our society, should demonstrate us good people indeed are often being rewarded, as well as bad people are being punished.



y1 K- p
Initially, as （it is，或者as widely known） is widely known, television and movie play a significant role in our life since the programs really affect our minds, sense of value and behavior. What we see on TV or from movie would have a great effect on our future life. If television program tells us that a good person will possess a perfect ending, we will（would，虚拟语气） try our best to be a good person for the reason that everyone is willing to live a better life and lead to a good ending. Take my little brother as an example; a few days ago he was absorb（absorbed） in watching the movie "spiderman", which demonstrates justice. In the movie, the main character called spiderman is a considerate superman who always helps others in terms of emergence. Meanwhile he is usually attacked by several monsters and sometimes seems going to die, while finally the spiderman could overcome the difficulties and appreciated by the residents. It follows that my little brother is a fan of the spiderman, even he told me that he desired to become the spiderman because he is a so kind-hearted person who utimately have a perfect ending. Luckily, my little boy also builds his goal after watching the movie, as what he said, he would do things like the spiderman in the future. As can be seen from the example, it is these positive programs that impel people to become a good people and try to help others. Only in this way（only in this way？是否太武断了）, can our society become more humorous.  



From another perspective, some critics may argue that such programs which show audience good people have a good ending may mislead people for there are usually some contradicted facts. For instance, some bad persons are not limited by the law, and continuously dangerous to our life. Whereas, I personally suppose that these phenomena cannot avoidable in any nations. If media is interested in showing the bad aspects in society, the situation may become worse（even worse）. Also, what we should do is to ask the media to show a desirable perfect life where we all make an effort to be good people.



By and large, based on what I mentioned above, television and movie should show us that good people are being rewarded and bad people are being published according to their special function.（还可以多补充一句话，使得结尾不那么突兀）


我觉得你的语言已经有了很大的进步，比起两个多星期前。长短搭配很好，从句也很恰当到位，词汇更加丰富。
就论述部分来说，我没有什么建议。我一直认为托福作文测试的是语言，论述方面只要能自圆其说就行。你的论述也很不错了。
仍然是那一条，作为一个老外，我相信他能够容忍一个中国人对于英语的语言运用不尽完美，不会过分苛求。
你只需注意一些细节，不断积累改进，没有问题。
加油拉！我很看好你的作文，你的目标完全可以定在28+的。

小心littleheartUID：2726034

2.27 Movies and televisions should always show audience, good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished.

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, whether television and movie should always show us that good people have a better ending than bad people. Some may insist that television and movie should broadcast some programs which could well reflect our virtually life, that is to say, good people are not usually with a better end and vice versa. However, I hold the belief that TV and movie, as the two main media in our society, should demonstrate us good people indeed are often being rewarded, as well as bad people are being punished.

Initially, as is widely known, television and movie play a significant role in our life since the programs really affect our minds, sense of value and behavior. What we see on TV or from movie would have a great effect on our future life. If television program tells us that a good person will possess a perfect ending, we will try our best to be a good person for the reason that everyone is willing to live a better life and lead to a good ending. Take my little brother as an example; a few days ago he was absorb in watching the movie "spiderman", which demonstrates justice. In the movie, the main character called spiderman is a considerate superman who always helps others in terms of emergence. Meanwhile he is usually attacked by several monsters and sometimes seems going to die, while finally the spiderman could overcome the difficulties and appreciated by the residents. It follows that my little brother is a fan of the spiderman, even he told me that he desired to become the spiderman because he is a so kind-hearted person who utimately have a perfect ending. Luckily, my little boy also builds his goal after watching the movie, as what he said, he would do things like the spiderman in the future. As can be seen from the example, it is these positive programs that impel people to become a good people and try to help others. Only in this way, can our society become more humorous.  
From another perspective, some critics may argue that such programs which show audience good people have a good ending may mislead people for there are usually some contradicted facts. For instance, some bad persons are not limited by the law, and continuously dangerous to our life. Whereas, I personally suppose that these phenomena cannot avoidable in any nations. If media is interested in showing the bad aspects in society, the situation may become worse. Also, what we should do is to ask the media to show a desirable perfect life where we all make an effort to be good people.
By and large, based on what I mentioned above, television and movie should show us that good people are being rewarded and bad people are being published according to their special function.

mpromanusUID：2565872

Recently, there is an ongoing discussion online, with sharply rising volume, as? (Shouldn't you use something like 'which is about'? If you remove the part about 'with...volumn', and read the whole sentence again, does 'there is an discussion online as 'xxx'' sound natural?) " is it right or wrong that teachers show their political or social views known in class" (Again, I doubt the validity of this question in the first place. The language in the question is not even correct. It should be either '..show their..views' or '...make their...views known in class'.). In my point of view, the basic responsibility of a teacher is to modulate his/her students' personalities and make them acquire knowledge (This actually means 'force them to acquire knowledge'..I'd suggest something softer such as 'help them acquire knowledge'.). So I totally assert that teachers should not demonstrate their own sense of value ('political or social views' don't necessarily mean 'values'. For example, to say that President Obama's new policies are not efficient is not really expressing much of a 'value', but it's a political 'view'.) to students.

Initially, as a teacher, he/she is bound to give some directions and advices when students are confused. (Who? Both 'as a teacher' and 'he/she' needs a solid noun as their target.) For instance, when a senior student got through the college entrance examination, he/she may hesitate about which major to choose and which university to apply for. Then his/her teacher, whose has a wide range of? knowledge of such education information and who realize (You don't 'realize' a hobby or proficiency. You simply 'know' them, or 'realize' 'what they are'.) the student's hobbies and proficiencies, may contribute a lot, because students usually trust their teachers. While if a teacher has a negative impression on certain majors according to some social reasons, and he considers more about his own feelings than the student's interests when helping his students to choose alter ('alter' means to change.) major. How serious will the consequence will be? (Be cautious. Don't get too used to writing clauses, so much so that you can't write a real question correctly.) The result is that the student may regret to about asking for his teacher's advice and now is thinking about changing main subject (This is not the same as 'major'. Stick to the fixed vocabulary.). What a pity! (You failed to consider the keyword 'in the classroom' in the question, provided the question is as what you've given here. 'in the classroom' is a figurative way to say 'while teaching'. Therefore the question is saying that teachers should not show personal political/social opinions while they're teaching classes. Your example, however, seems to likely happen in a more personal setting, and it might not always be in the 'teaching' context, therefore not entirely relevant.)

From another perspective, each man has the right to pursue his own sense of value ('Value', in the sense of 价值观，is generally not 'pursued', but 'cultivated' or 'acquired'.), whether in the aspect of politics or social studies. Students, unlike adults, seldom formulate their views about matters completely. And they need opportunities to possess a sense of value belonged to of their own. They can finish the process through learning from books and experiences, and/or communicating with others. Even though the whole process of growing is filled with failures and hardness, everyone has to go through it. Sometimes, students are too young to tell the difference between right and wrong, and at the moment they may follow their teachers' and parents' behaviors. Unfortunately, the viewpoints of many teachers are so extreme and have no balance. Therefore, if teachers show their own political or social views to the class, it may adversely affect students' minds and behaviors. Worse still, teachers' totally listeners? may be misled in their life road?. (You need more solid examples, but this is a better argument because it is more relevant to the 'teaching' context I spoke about in the previous paragraph.)

By and large (This means 'in general', so it's not an entirely absolute expression, while 'assert' is a very absolute word. They don't quite go well together.), based on those points mentioned above, I assert that a perfect (Both the question and this essay never mentioned anything about being 'perfect' teachers.) teacher never shows their his/her individual points about politics and sociality to the class. Only in this way, can students lead a healthy development.

总结：

语法和遣词造句的问题不是很大，基本不影响理解，但请注意一下有些不是很准确的使用和一些看起来貌似中式翻译的语汇。。还有就是不要写分句写得太多而在写简单句的时候也用分句语法。。

逻辑上来说就是在第一个分论点提到的，题目里的in the classroom指的是在教学中的意思，所以你的论证也应该随着强调教学中老师怎样。

yuxiao518UID：2527170

连词用得读起来很流畅，向你学习哟！:) 不过好像你侧重的是well-informed和specialist的比较，我觉得第二段说S太长了。个人感觉O(∩_∩)O哈！