comeon作文小组------gjw10月31日作业

gjwUID：2512308

Does study of animals help us to learn human nature?

Comparing human beings with apes,we'll find that nearly 99% our genes are exactly the same.Thus,I firmly believe that study and observation of animals is a effective way to look into ourselves—hunman beings.

To begin with,both animals and humans have some basic need such as food,shelter,security and so on.If original habitat cannot provide animals enough food, they will immigrate to some other place to find their shelter.For the same reason—in order to survive in the harsh enviroment, our ancestor have immigrated from African continent to different places all over the world to dewell milion years ago.This phenomenon are perfect demonstrations of the relationship between living things and the eviromental change, and verify that all kinds of creatures incuding humans and animals have certain needs from the nature.Therefore,we should confess that animals and humans all have some basic need.

Additionally,both animals and humans share some characters of social behavior.It is easily discovered that animals often get together to seek protection and security.List some examples as follows,small fish usually swim in groups to decrease the possibility of being attack.While grazing on the African plain, Zebra gathered to keep alert to the threat from predators.And we human beings are also have the tendency to congrate to form some kinds of group like clan,community and so forth.Why do humans and animals incline to get together?The main reason of this social behavior is that it can strenghen our ability of ressistance to any possible catastrophy.
Moreover,animals also have love as same as humans do.That is the parental love shown to their offsprings.Noboby will refute the fact that regardless of how dangerous the situation is ,only if their baby is threatened,parents will never hasitate to make it safe.Sometimes parents may do it at any expanses , even if sacrificing themselve.Hence,parental love features all creatures.

To conclude what have been listed above.My belif is that animals and human beings do share a lot of similaritis.so,Study of animals can significantly help us to learn human nature.

[ 本帖最后由 gjw 于 2008-11-2 11:44 编辑 ]

gjwUID：2512308

要考试了，对作文的准备还是比较迷茫，而且水平也很有限。高手帮忙改改，给点技术上的意见吧，小弟谢了～

mpromanusUID：2565872

Does study of animals help us to learn human nature? 寄托家园*VJ J
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Comparing human beings with apes,we'll find that nearly 99% of our genes are exactly the same.Thus,I firmly believe that study and observation of animals is a effective way to look into ourselves—hunman beings.

To begin with,both animals and humans have some basic needs such as food,shelter,security and so on.If their original habitats cannot provide animals with enough food, they will immigrate (migrate. 另见下面的同样错误. 请注意这两词的意义完全不一样. immigrate is human movement between COUNTRIES, so animal movements or human movements that took place before countries were even established, a.k.a. pre-historial times, are not immigration) to some other places to find their shelter (为什么食物不够的时候要迁移去找shelter? 之前food和shelter被清楚地列为两种不同的basic need，即shelter不包括food。所以不应该再用find shelter来泛指寻找food在内的安身之处).For the same reason—in order to survive in the (a) harsh enviroment, our ancestors have immigrated (migrated) from the African continent to different places all over the world to dewell milions of years ago.This phenomenon are (is a) perfect demonstrations (要用复数也可以，但注意主谓语相合) of the relationship between living things and the enviromental change, and verify (verifies. 常见的长句中主谓语失和) that all kinds of creatures, incuding humans and animals, have certain needs from the nature (此短语的意思不明. 是指人类和动物都对自然有要求 - 向自然获取食物之类, 还是人类和动物都有自然的 - 天生的 - 基本要求? 如果是前者请把Nature大写. 如果是后者, 使用形容词instinctive).Therefore,we should confess that animals and humans all have some basic needs.(此句不切题。接着说 and by observing the basic needs of animals, we can deduce much about these need of human beings就行了，但是差这一句，这一段的意思就削弱了)

Additionally, both animals and humans share some characteristics of (in) social behavior.It is easily discovered that animals often get together to seek protection and security.List some examples as follows (For example),small fish usually swim in groups (schools. 此是‘鱼群’专用词) to decrease (reduce. decrease是不及物动词，as in we say, '<something> decreases', but usually not '<someone> decreases <something>') the possibility of an individual being attacked.While grazing on the African plains (非洲不可能只有一块平原的是吧), Zebra (zebras) gathered to keep every individual alert to the threat from predators.And we human beings are also have the tendency to congregate to form some kinds of groups, like clans,communities and so forth.Why do humans and animals incline to get together? The main reason of this social behavior is that it can strenghen our ability of ressistance to any possible catastrophies. (和前一段同样的毛病：千万要切题. 否则考官就会问：this is well written but where does it answer my question?)

Moreover,animals also have a love as the same as humans do.:That is the parental love shown to their offsprings. (This is a perfect chance to show off the use of a colon and impress your examiner.) Noboby will refute the fact that regardless of how dangerous the situation is ,only if as long as their baby is threatened,parents will never hasitate to make it safe (这句话的语法非常奇怪，中文里也不会说‘把孩子弄安全’这样的话. I think you meant to say 'guard it'.).Sometimes parents may do it at any expanses expense , even if including sacrificing themselves.Hence,parental love features in all creatures.(again, 没有切题. The question is NOT how animals and humans are similar.)

To conclude what have been listed above., My my belief is that animals and human beings do share a lot of similarities. so So,Sstudy of animals can significantly help us to learn about human nature. (and here, you finally get back to the actual question..with ONE valid argument, i.e. 'study of animals can help learning human nature because animals and human beings share a lot of similarities', which you spent the whole article talking about. 这句话让你的文章的效果就是论点只得到了一个论证。这就是不在每段尾都切题的后果。。)

总结：1. 单复数的使用。2. 切记每一段结尾都要切题，否则论证不算完整。写完之后自己问问自己：如果有人不看问题读了我的文章，他能猜出原问题是什么吗？如果不能，说明文章没切题。

gjwUID：2512308

改的特别认真仔细，让我学到很多东西，谢了:)

阿泰UID：209473

在每段举完例子的后面要总结性的说一下，哪怕简单的一句

hyacinthUID：2184492

ls怎么把这么老的帖子给顶起来了。。。- -b

mpromanusUID：2565872

6楼斑斑：最近好像流行挖俺的坟。。-_______-