argument147 2006.2.23--MARS站队交作业，请各位多加指导，谢谢

iven19821005UID: 2160156

147.The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

1.        缺少足够根据的假设，WW公司的广告会有效果。缺少更具的假设，10－25岁的游戏爱好者会喜欢WW推出的游戏，从而促使WW公司的销售量增加。（这种游戏的推出商可能很多，WW公司的游戏虽然处于此类游戏，但质量好坏，优点再哪都没有介绍）。
2.        况且调查的真确与否也只得怀疑，样本的大小，是否可以反应真实的市场需要。 调查对象是否包括了10－25阶段的所有人群。
3.        先进的电脑是玩这种游戏的先决条件，那么拥有足以运行这种先进游戏的电脑的游戏爱好者的数量多吗，答案可能是否定的－不会很多，于是 WW即使他们公司的游戏受很多人欢迎；他们公司的游戏很有卖点；他们公司的调查都是正确的；他们公司的假设都能成立，他们依然遇到一个很棘手的问题。最终会将他们美好计划完全否定的问题。
字数：465

In the argument, the arguer claims that with the exact choice, as Whirlwind’s developing direct, made by Whirlwind, the video game company’s sales are likely to boom dramatically. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer cites the survey which shows graphics games are welcomed by customs best. In addition the arguer also assumes that Whirlwind’s graphics games are excellent enough to survive from the conflicting market and make sufficient profits from it, and their advertisements are definitely efficient.

To begin with, exam the assumption from the arguer, we should easily find how groundless these assumptions stand. Taking the result of survey as reference, the arguer simply assumes that Whirlwind can gain from it, and ignores the competition from other game agencies that advocates the same kind of video games. Further more, the arguer also forget the quality and meaning which is the very key point of the thriving of one game. On the other hand, the arguer can not convince  me on his effectiveness of advertisement, obviously, the gap between effective AD and meaningless AD is enormous. The arguer simply define every advertisement effective is definitely far from a proper assumption.

In addition, whether the survey is exact and useful or not is still doubtful. The real quantity of sample can not be found from the argument on one hand, and whether the survey includes every sort of customs from ten to twenty five is still ambiguous on the other. Hardly can we deduce the right conclusion, if the amount of interviewees is just ten; Scarcely, could we make the exact claim, if the statistics are meaningless.

Last but not least, as what is proved by the arguer, an up-to-date computer is necessary to enjoy graphic games. In my point of view, it means if we want to play the game, we may probably take the software and an expensive up-to-date computer. Then let’s study several questions, is it possible for parents to purchase an advanced PC, just, in order to let their boys or girls to enjoy a exciting game; is it possible for a quite occupied engineer, who’s age is twenty five and who quite likes to play graphic games, to take a up-to-date computer and sink into games without paying any attention to his responsibility; and the answer is definitely negative. So, even though, the assumptions can be realized, there is still another magnificent obstacle that is one costly up-to-date PC. In conclusion the fantastic dream of Whirlwind is quite hard to come true judged from the evidence showed by the argument.

Finally, before we accept the claim the arguer must present more facts, on the very truth of his assumption and getting an advanced computer to play his games are feasible, to demonstrate that Whirlwind’s battle for his survive will definitely successful.

[ 本帖最后由 staralways 于 2006-2-24 00:16 编辑 ]

iven19821005UID: 2160156

先谢谢啊!

[ 本帖最后由 iven19821005 于 2006-2-24 00:39 编辑 ]

狂枫UID: 111399

147.The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."

1.        缺少足够根据的假设，WW公司的广告会有效果。缺少更具的假设，10－25岁的游戏爱好者会喜欢WW推出的游戏，从而促使WW公司的销售量增加。（这种游戏的推出商可能很多，WW公司的游戏虽然处于此类游戏，但质量好坏，优点再哪都没有介绍）。
2.        况且调查的真确与否也只得怀疑，样本的大小，是否可以反应真实的市场需要。 调查对象是否包括了10－25阶段的所有人群。
3.        先进的电脑是玩这种游戏的先决条件，那么拥有足以运行这种先进游戏的电脑的游戏爱好者的数量多吗，答案可能是否定的－不会很多，于是 WW即使他们公司的游戏受很多人欢迎；他们公司的游戏很有卖点；他们公司的调查都是正确的；他们公司的假设都能成立，他们依然遇到一个很棘手的问题。最终会将他们美好计划完全否定的问题。
字数：465

In the argument, the arguer claims that with the exact choice, as Whirlwind’s developing direct, made by Whirlwind, the video game company’s sales are likely to boom dramatically. To substantiate the conclusion, the arguer cites the survey which shows lifelikegraphics games are welcomed by customscustomers best. In addition the arguer also assumes that Whirlwind’s同前 graphics games are excellent enough to survive from不用 the conflicting market真的是有conflicting market麽？还是你想说competing market and make sufficient profits from it哈哈，作者可没有说会赚钱哦，只是销量会上升，批人的逻辑错误，不能给人扣逻辑错误, and their advertisements are definitely efficient.这一段的in addition似乎把evidence和你归纳的assumption放到一堆了，混了

To begin with, exam the assumption from the arguer, we should easily find how groundless these assumptions stand. Taking the result of survey as reference, the arguer simply assumes that Whirlwind can gain from it, and ignores the competition from other game agencies that advocates the same kind of video games这里take the survey as reference,但是没有讲survey，转向讲competition,为什么这样？. Further more, the arguer also forget the quality and meaning which is the very key point of the thriving of one game.这一点还没有攻击彻底，为什么这么快转到on the other hand呢？ On the other hand, the arguer can not convince  me on his effectiveness of advertisement, obviously, the gap between effective AD and meaningless AD is enormous. The arguer simply define every advertisement effective is definitely far from a proper assumption.这句话没有写好

In addition, whether the survey is exact and useful or not is still doubtful去了or not吧. The real quantity of sample can not be found from the argument on one hand, and whether the survey includes every sort of customs是这样说的麽？the whole group of customers from ten to twenty five is still ambiguous on the other. Hardly can we deduce the right conclusion, if the amount of interviewees is just ten; Scarcely, could we make the exact claim是不是用问号啊，还是你用了倒装句，但是多加了一个逗号, if the statistics are meaningless.

Last but not least, as what is proved by the arguer, an up-to-date computer is necessary to enjoy graphic games. In my point of view, it means if we want to play the game, we may probably take the software and an expensive up-to-date computer. Then let’s study several questions, is it possible for parents外国的小孩可能是自己给钱买呢？10－25岁哦 to purchase an advanced PC, just, in order to let their boys or girls to enjoy a exciting game; is it possible for a quite occupied engineer, who’s age is twenty five and who quite likes to play graphic games, to take a up-to-date computer and sink into games without paying any attention to his responsibility; and the answer is definitely negative.感觉有点wordy So, even though, the assumptions指代不清楚 can be realized, there is still another magnificent obstacle that is one costly up-to-date PC. In conclusion the fantastic dream of Whirlwind is quite hard to come true judged from the evidence showed by the argument.

Finally, before we accept the claim the arguer must present more facts, on the very truth of his assumptionthe reliability of his assumption? and getting an advanced computer to play his games are feasible, to demonstrate that Whirlwind’s battle for his survive will definitely successful.
1.模板是不是还没有准备好,有点乱啊。
2.我还写了一个错误，就是没有说明过去两年的失败的原因，如果那些原因不解决就不可能会成功。
3.没有认真写，哼哼！:lol
4.加油:D

iven19821005UID: 2160156

1.In addition(改用on other hand 吧/mean while)怎样
2.sales 的问题是我误解了。
3、Taking the result of survey as reference（with the result of the survey,...怎样）
4、Scarcely, could we make the exact 。。。倒装
5、第一次，都不知如何下手，谢谢你细心的修改，我都不好意思了，写得那么烂
6、希望今后好点吧

狂枫UID: 111399

呵呵，你上次帮我改的文章，让你受累了，写得那么糟，
再加油。 现在有点吃力了，任务多了点