issue130 【076G——背水一战】第三组tongwawa第一次作业

tongwawawUID: 2176887

这篇实在是太痛苦了，终于能按时教作业了，不过有点蒙混过关的嫌疑，不行了，熬了一宿憋出来两篇，脑袋都木啦，我先去睡一会，待会回来帮队友改，我的烂文章就教给你们了！！！
昨天发现一篇非常不错的文章，感觉和范文有一拼，供大家参考：
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=600232&highlight=%2Balex%5C_lee

130．How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.
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提纲
1．  社会化起到重要作用
2．  其他因素也不能忽视
3．  我们已经能很好raise children 了

According to the speaker's claim, while I concede that socialization of children determines the destiny of society, it is a fact that other characters of children also make indispensable effects on the development of society. With respect to raising children, we, as one generation, benefits from the education that our predecessors offered, and, in turn, will pass our knowledge, value, and morality to the next generation with more prudence, further improvement, and increasing passion but far from perfect.

I agree with the speaker insofar as how children are socialized plays an important part in the development of society. Socialization is the process by which children become social beings, that is, in this process, children learn the social skills such as communication and cooperation, accept other individuals' opinion with respect, and compromise when conflict occurs. In a society, which is especially highly organized and developed, problems can usually not be solved by an individual. By efficient cooperation, people function as a whole, possess one objective, and therefore make their contribution to the well-being of the society which any member in the unit could not easily attain.

On the other hand, socialization of the children is not the only factor that affects the destiny of society. Consider John Nash, the winner of Nobel prize in economics in 1994. When he was a little boy, he showed much interest in reading books instead of playing with other children. In the school, the teacher labeled little John as "backwards" because of his introversion and isolation from other kids. But such deficiency in social skills does not offset any of his talent in mathematics, chemical engineering, and economics.这段太烂，实在写不下去啦，给点建议吧

Concerning the question whether we could raise children bringing about a better society, my answer is positive. We have heard that some people complained about the problems of children, such as teenager drinking, driving, and drug abuse, which are unsettled by our current educational system. This point brings little damage to our great effort upon improving education from one generation to another. One question that needs to be asked, therefore, is whether these complaints benefit from our educational system which brings knowledge and practical skills upon which people survive? If the concerns on some problems unsolved have become dominated, then, how could humans struggle out of ignorance and gradually become civilized beings?  Let these grousers answer the question.

To sum up, while we put emphasis on socialization of children, some other factors, which also have great impacts on our society, should be taken into account, too. The goal of raising our children bringing about a better society, to some extent, has been achieved, but we should also admit that this never means our education is close to perfect.

dallenlinUID: 2247050

According to the speaker's claim, while I concede that socialization of children determines the destiny of society, it is a fact that other characters of children also make indispensable effects on the development of society. With respect to raising children, we, as one generation, benefits from the education that our predecessors offered, and, in turn, will pass our knowledge, value, and morality to the next generation with more prudence, further improvement, and increasing passion （整个长句到此为止可流畅，比你以前的长句好很多，但是后面这个不爽，建议用个短句显得有层次）but far from perfect.

I agree with the speaker insofar as how children are socialized plays an important part in the development of society. Socialization is the process by which children become social beings, that is, in this process, children learn the social skills such as communication and cooperation, accept （accepting)other individuals' opinion with respect, and compromise when conflict occurs. In a society, which is especially highly organized and developed, problems can usually not be solved by an individual. By efficient cooperation, people function as a whole, possess one objective, and therefore make their contribution to the well-being of the society which any member in the unit could not easily attain.

On the other hand, socialization of the children is not the only factor that affects the destiny of society. Consider John Nash, the winner of Nobel prize in economics in 1994. When he was a little boy, he showed much interest in reading books instead of playing with other children. In the school, the teacher labeled little John as "backwards" because of his introversion and isolation from(compared to) other kids. But such deficiency in social skills does not offset any of his talent in mathematics, chemical engineering, and economics.这段太烂，实在写不下去啦，给点建议吧(例子其实不错啊，觉得可以接着写一些纯理论的学术研究，这些领域不要求太多的社会化啊，但是也同样能决定社会命运）

Concerning the question whether we could raise children bringing about a better society, my answer is positive. We have heard that some people complained about the problems of children, such as teenager drinking, driving, and drug abuse, which are unsettled by our current educational system. This point brings little damage to our great effort upon improving education from one generation to another. One question that needs to be asked, therefore, is whether these complaints benefit from our educational system which brings knowledge and practical skills upon which people survive? If the concerns on some problems unsolved have become dominated, then, how could humans struggle out of ignorance and gradually become civilized beings?  Let these grousers answer the question.

To sum up, while we put emphasis on socialization of children, some other factors, which also have great impacts on our society, should be taken into account, too. The goal of raising our children bringing about a better society, to some extent, has been achieved, but we should also admit that this never means our education is close to perfect.

king888UID: 2285811

According to the speaker's claim, while I concede that socialization of children determines the destiny of society, it is a fact that other characters of children also make indispensable effects on the development of society. With respect to raising children, we, as one generation, benefits from the education that our predecessors offered, and, in turn, will pass our knowledge, value, and morality to the next generation with more prudence, further improvement, and increasing passion （整个长句到此为止可流畅，比你以前的长句好很多，但是后面这个不爽，建议用个短句显得有层次）but far from perfect.

I agree with the speaker insofar as how children are socialized plays an important part in the development of society. Socialization is the process by which children become social beings, that is, in this process, children learn the social skills such as communication and cooperation, accept （accepting)other individuals' opinion with respect, and compromise when conflict occurs. In a society, which is especially highly organized and developed, problems can usually not be solved by an individual. By efficient cooperation, people function as a whole, possess one objective, and therefore make their contribution to the well-being of the society which any member in the unit could not easily attain. On the other hand, socialization of the children is not the only factor that affects the destiny of society. Consider John Nash, the winner of Nobel prize in economics in 1994. When he was a little boy, he showed much interest in reading books instead of playing with other children. In the school, the teacher labeled little John as "backwards" because of his introversion and isolation from(compared to) other kids. But such deficiency in social skills does not offset any of his talent in mathematics, chemical engineering, and economics.这段太烂，实在写不下去啦，给点建议吧(例子其实不错啊，觉得可以接着写一些纯理论的学术研究，这些领域不要求太多的社会化啊，但是也同样能决定社会命运）（可以说其他的能力比如艺术，音乐，文学等素质也是决定社会的因素，你的例子挺好）Concerning the question whether we could raise children bringing about a better society, my answer is positive（这句不好，表述生硬）. We have heard that some people complained about the problems of children, such as teenager drinking, driving, and drug abuse, which are unsettled by our current educational system. This point brings little damage to our great effort upon improving education from one generation to another. One question that needs to be asked, therefore, is whether these complaints benefit from our educational system which brings knowledge and practical skills upon which people survive? If the concerns on some problems unsolved have become dominated, then, how could humans struggle out of ignorance and gradually become civilized beings?  Let these grousers answer the question.（你怎么不把建议写出来呢？？？）To sum up, while we put emphasis on socialization of children, some other factors, which also have great impacts on our society, should be taken into account, too. The goal of raising our children bringing about a better society, to some extent, has been achieved, but we should also admit that this never means our education is close to perfect.

结构挺好的，用了一些例子，觉得刚开始能写这样已经不错了，向你学习

dingxyUID: 2291244

第一篇就能写成这样？限时多少啊？写的时候参看资料了么？？
第一篇写的这么好非常不错了，

tongwawawUID: 2176887

原帖由 dingxy 于 2007-2-3 16:55 发表
第一篇就能写成这样？限时多少啊？写的时候参看资料了么？？
第一篇写的这么好非常不错了，

看了很多资料,憋了一宿,写出来两篇