ARGUMENT67 【0706G－cheer作文互改小组】 第八次作业

christine-sevenUID: 2132371

TOPIC: ARGUMENT67  字数不够欧~飙泪!

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."
WORDS: 317          TIME: 0:40:00          DATE: 2007-2-23

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Before recommending merging the library in Polluxton into that in Castorville, the evidence provided by the arguer in the above letter should be reconsidered in order to be more convincing. An assumed cause-and-effect association may have been attached between the successful mergence of garbage collection departments in the two villages and the suggested plan of mergence of their respective libraries.

To begin with, by claiming that few complains about the newly merged garbage collection department in Castorville, the arguer fails to prove that this measure succeeded in saving money or improving its service. It is entirely possible that low unsatisfactory rate of Castroville garbage collection department is simply because of insufficient reporting channels for the local residents; or, even the merged one provides an excellent service, while the operation cost is unexpectedly high, neither of which, as a matter of fact, serves the purpose of saving money and upgrading service for the two villages.

Also, the reported 20 per cent user decrease in Polluxton library is not a particularly substantial evidence to support the arguer's recommendation to close the library down and use that of Castorville's. Possibilities cannot be excluded that the library is not well organized as before, which caused a sharp decrease of users. Perhaps books of Castorville’s library are not so up-dating and thereby people are not feeling like to go there; or the monthly fee is unreasonably charged in proportion of its residents’ average income. Furthermore, after its mergence into Polluxton, service of the library will probably be affected due to a possible over-crowed reader group or an additional difficulty in management.

Generally, this argument seems to be well presented and well reasoned, yet fails its job in persuading the residents of the two villages to take his recommendation to economize and improve the service of the library with an unsounded association with the mergence of their garbage collection department.

seedtpUID: 2240849

Before recommending merging the library in Polluxton into that in Castorville, the evidence provided by the arguer in the above letter should be reconsidered in order to be more convincing. An assumed cause-and-effect association may have been attached between the successful mergence of garbage collection departments in the two villages and the suggested plan of mergence of their respective libraries.[开头不用新东方的又长又恶心的模式了,赞,我也想改,但是没有办法,语言至此,以后好好向你学Argument了,Issue就算了,实在是学不来了. 请教一下哈,这个may have been attached …是啥子意思昵?]

To begin with, by claiming that few complains about the newly merged garbage collection department in Castorville, the arguer fails to prove that this measure[这个measure是什么呢? 好像指代不明把,前面最好不要用名词格式,这样就能连接上了] succeeded in saving money or improving its service. It is entirely possible that low unsatisfactory rate of Castroville garbage collection department is simply because of insufficient reporting channels for the local residents; or[这里由于是叙述两个方面,建议用one the one hand, on the other hand], even the merged one provides an excellent service, while the operation cost is unexpectedly high, neither of which, as a matter of fact, serves the purpose of saving money and upgrading service for the two villages.[用词好多变化啊,学习….]

Also, the reported 20 per cent user decrease in Polluxton library is not a particularly substantial evidence to support the arguer's recommendation to close the library down and use that of Castorville's. Possibilities cannot be excluded that the library is not well organized as before, which caused a sharp decrease of users. Perhaps books of Castorville’s library are not so up-dating and thereby people are not feeling like to go there; or the monthly fee is unreasonably charged in proportion of its residents’ average income. Furthermore, after its mergence into Polluxton, service of the library will probably be affected due to a possible over-crowed reader group or an additional difficulty in management.[这句没有看懂,为什么说its mergence?没有合并啊,是假设么? over-crowed reader group?明明是下降的嘛]

[注意了注意了,有个关键点好像没有找到,错误类比还是一定要驳斥的把]
Generally, this argument seems to be well presented and well reasoned, yet fails its job in persuading the residents of the two villages to take his recommendation to economize and improve the service of the library with an unsounded association with the mergence of their garbage collection department.

[我这几天在研究Argument,今天花了两个多小时写这篇,写了自己都恶心了,我觉得我要摆脱模版才能突破4分,今天尝试了一下,好像有点眉目,就是时间太长了. 有时间我们讨论一下A到底怎么写把,我觉得我们都好像太依赖模版了]

[ 本帖最后由 seedtp 于 2007-2-24 09:06 编辑 ]