argument38 【OB小组】第8次作业

phillipsareaUID: 2318537

ARGUMENT38 - The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
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字数：385          用时：00:28:09          日期：2007-7-21 下午 11:02:57
In this argument, the author conlcudes that it's necessary for people in West Meria to use a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil to prevent colds and lower absenteeism in schools and companies. Since in nearby East Meria, people visit the doctors in a very low frequency every year and teh area does have a very high fish consumption, which from the author's conclusion, it can prevent colds. At first glance, the author's reasoning seems to be appealing, however, this argument contains several facets that are questionable.

First of all, the author's argument lacks some evidence to prove that eating fish does have an relationship with preventing colds. Although the fish consumption is very high in East Meria, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's fish rather than other food that function in the prevention of colds. Perhaps people in East Meria are fond of eating spicy food every meal or doing lots of sports regularly every day, as a result, they both help them to be healthy and far from colds. Besides, the author doesn't provide enough objective elements among people and other things in East Meria, probably the weather in East Meria is quite different from that in West Meria. For instance, it's obviously that people in Minnesota are more likely to catch cold than in California due to the different climate.

Secondly, there's no evidence shows that cold is the main reason given for tthe absences from school and work. The author didn't conduct any survey to prove this argument, while the main purpose of using more nutritional supplement derived from fish oil is to reduce the absenteeism from school and work, it's necessary to know that whether the absenteeism is a result of cathing colds.

In addition, not everybody is used to food cooked by fish oil. As a result, even if fish has the function of preventing colds, it is possible that a number of people will against this way of preventing colds. So it's necessary for the author to do more research before making such a decision.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. Regardless who the author is, he or she has overlooked or chosen to ignore some aspects of his or her conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidence about the above-mentioned possibilities.

stonescjUID: 2359180

In this argument, the author conlcudes that it's necessary for people in West Meria to use a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil to prevent colds and lower absenteeism in schools and companies. Since in nearby East Meria, people visit the doctors in a very low frequency every year and teh area does have a very high fish consumption, which from the author's conclusion, it can prevent colds. At first glance, the author's reasoning seems to be appealing, however, this argument contains several facets that are questionable.//开头尽量简洁点，用简短的语言概括主题会好点。

First of all, the author's argument lacks some（ 改成convictive） evidence to prove that eating fish does have an relationship with preventing colds. Although the fish consumption is very high in East Meria, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's fish rather than other food that function用动词 in the prevention of colds. Perhaps people in East Meria are fond of eating spicy food every meal or doing lots of sports regularly every day, as a result, they both help them to be healthy and far from colds. Besides, the author doesn't provide enough objective elements among people and other things in East Meria, probably the weather in East Meria is quite different from that in West Meria. For instance, it's obviously that people in Minnesota are more likely to catch cold than in California due to the different climate.//稍微总结一下？

Secondly, there's no evidence shows that cold is the main reason given for tthe absences from school and work. The author didn't conduct any survey to prove this argument, while the main purpose of using more nutritional supplement derived from fish oil is to reduce the absenteeism from school and work, it's necessary to know that whether the absenteeism is a result of cathing colds.

In addition, not everybody is used to food cooked by fish oil. As a result, even if fish has the function of preventing colds, it is possible that a number of people will against this way of preventing colds. So it's necessary for the author to do more research before making such a decision.//上面两段都不够深入，要更加注意描述细节，可以多举例

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. Regardless who the author is, he or she has overlooked or chosen to ignore some aspects of his or her conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidence about the above-mentioned possibilities.
总体来说，3个分论点段落之间要有清晰的逻辑关系，每段论证 要有说服力，要通过详细的论述

phillipsareaUID: 2318537

thanks~!