这篇外教改过之后，麻烦大侠评一下分，我自己写作太烂，要是分数太低，不能怪外教！

leivs88UID：3172580

In some nations, young people are encouraged to have a job or travel for a year between finishing high school and beginning university studies.
The reason why they should follow it is that it is a good opportunity for them to gain valuable social experience, learning skills as well as responsibility. Universal education is a vocational education to some extent. When they are in high school, they only focus on the goal of entering a university, but ignoring the profession which is suitable for them. Before they start the new university study, they can choose having a job or traveling as the best way to know what they want to do in future combined their university studies.Am I suitable for a job after graduation? They will fully think in one year whether they should devote their time, interest and money to it. In addition, they believe engaging in this is acceptable if the conditions are safe, the hours are reasonable and wage is fair.
On the other hand, it is unsafe for young people working or going abroad alone . Supposed that they have received an offer from university, they should not take risk working or traveling in an unfamiliar surroundings . Besides they should concentrate on new plan in university rather than work. Before entering university, they have lots things to prepare like how to get there, what I should bring to school and so forth. Postponing entering university means you will spend extra time and fees. The tuition is paid by your parents. When you work or travel for a year, most parts of your living expense will be paid by them too. So it seems not reasonable. After graduation, you also can enjoy yourselves traveling.
I reckon that the advantages of taking a gap year generally outweigh the disadvantage though each person should make a decision based on what they know of themselves. Besides, young people should cherish the valubable opportunity to get experience from that event. I believe engaging in that activity is acceptable if the conditions are safe, the hours are reasonable and wage is fair.

bqianaUID：193168

6-6.5

bqianaUID：193168

你的外教是老美吧？

leivs88UID：3172580

哎呀你怎么知道，这么神准，膜拜你呀 3# bqiana

bqianaUID：193168

studying with American teachers is good for English, but may not be effective in IELTS, unless the American is examiner.

leivs88UID：3172580

i am exhausted, what should i do? i am confused. i guess i will committ suicide in future. 5# bqiana

bqianaUID：193168

do not worry, simply study the sample essay in IELTS offcial exam tests

谁是赢家UID：3245602

呵呵 这水平还可以的 了  不要太谦虚了啊 应付雅思肯定没问题的了

软件不用下载UID：3249839

既然外教给改过了，还评什么，又不是你的成绩。

leivs88UID：3172580

11# 软件不用下载   外教她就批，不给我成绩的

狐狸大叔UID：2342950

外教只是帮你改了错误，但是貌似没有帮你重组句式和表达。
当然这是情有可原的。


这只是个人猜测。。。

leivs88UID：3172580

13# 狐狸大叔   嗯对的，没有帮我重组，但是要是重组就忙死了这篇文章