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mpromanus
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47楼

发表于 2012-11-24 10:06:29 |只看该作者

A/D The world is changing fast, people are less happy.

Undoubtedly, we are witnessing the era of the fastest development human beings have never experienced before. When it comes to the argument that the world is changing so fast that people are less happy, different people have different viewpoints. In my speaking (No such phrase. Don't get affected by phrases like 对我来说..), the fast changing world brings people happiness rather than unpleasure (Again, no such word. Either 'unpleasantness' or straight-forward 'unhappiness'. Use a repetitive word correctly is better than using an incorrect rephrase, for if it incorrect you won't get credit for the rephrase anyway.).

Admittedly, most elderly people are not able to adapt to the fast changing world as soon as possible, which causes the feeling of unpleasure. Furthermore, the fast changing society not only eliminates people’s leisure time (1. if you say 'eliminate', it means the fast changing society is completely taking out people's leisure time, i.e. people now have no leisure time at all; 2. I don't see WHY the lack of leisure time is due to the society changing fast – it's not like you have to adapt to the society to have leisure time. The state of the society and whether a person has leisure time have simply no correlation whatsoever.) but also puts more strains ('strain' as meaning 'stress/pressure' is not countable. The countable form of 'strain' means a physical injury caused by straining forces, not 'stress/pressure'.) on people’s daily lives due to the fierce competition it brings. Nevertheless they (Who/what are 'they'?) maybe overstate the negative effects the fast changing world brings and ignore the fact that it is the elderly rather than youth who are not able to adapt to the fast changes, and when considering most people’s reactions to the fast changes of the world, it is happiness rather than unpleasure the changes brings (If you use the singular form 'the change', it implies that only one change is going on in the world.).

To begin with, the development of technology affords people the sense of fulfillment. The fast updating rate of technology boosts people’s working efficiency. As a result, most people gain job satisfaction with the assistance of advanced technology. A good case in point is my cousin, Mr. Lee, a data analyst in Barclays investment bank. Two years ago, he did data analyses by desktop (If you meant that he did data analyses with a desktop computer, then it is 'by a desktop computer'; if you meant that he did data analyses on a desk, manually, then it is 'by the desktop'. In English you use an article with the singular form of a countable noun, or use the plural form and no article, i.e. you can't say 'I have pen'. It must be either 'I have a pen' or 'I have the pen' or 'I have pens', depending on context.) and it cost him a whole day to finish such repetitive work which made him frustrated, while with the advent of the iPad which had an advanced chip, he is able to deal with bach-breaking (You mean, 'bacK-breaking'?) work within five hours, which makes him feel accomplished.(I would seriously doubt the practical possibility of running 'back-breaking' data analyses on an iPad. iPads are not designed to run processor-heavy data analyses, to start with..) Therefore, the fast development of the computer brings people the sense of accomplishment.

In addition, the fast economic development improves people’s living conditions. Benefiting from the prosperous economy, most people have satisfying jobs with decent salaries. Thus, they have more disposable incomes to fulfill their dreams. According to a survey conducted by China Daily, one third of Chinese families now own a car and most of them have a family trip by car during weekends. Therefore, the fast development of economy makes a difference to afford happiness to people’s daily lives (I'm not understanding this sentence. You can only 'make a difference to' a thing, i.e. a noun or noun phrase, but you can't 'make a difference to' a verb phrase.).

From what have been discussed above, we can safely draw a conclusion that people gain happiness rather than unpleasure from the fast development of world.(The question is about 'changes', not just 'development', because 'development' in itself implies a positive change. Your arguments seem to actually assume that changes = development. This, of course, can be the basis of your essay, but you can't just assume this. You need to actually say, preferably in the introduction or immediately after the introduction, that most changes in this world are indeed developments, and these bring happiness to people. Otherwise you end up writing about a slightly different topic.)

总结：

首先请注意拼字，然后是单复啊冠词啊这些语法。。论述上请注意不要悄悄自己偷换题目里的概念，写完conclusion请回头瞟一下它是否和题目一样。。

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48楼

发表于 2012-11-24 18:59:25 |只看该作者

mpromanus 发表于 2012-11-24 10:06
A/D The world is changing fast, people are less happy.

谢谢R老师的指点:loveliness:，希望再多点指出我的不足；
总觉得ibt作文写不好，觉的把话说好真的很难，把论点阐述好更难；
还有就是30分钟内写完，好艰巨的任务啊，现在总只超时:L

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49楼

发表于 2012-11-25 09:25:44 |只看该作者

LZ不要忘了帮我改1122的文章啊~~~:)

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50楼

发表于 2012-11-25 13:15:25 |只看该作者

24号咱俩又是一组的，话说我22号的文章还没看到你改诶= =！

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51楼

发表于 2012-11-25 19:40:49 |只看该作者

Darren_Van 发表于 2012-11-25 09:25
LZ不要忘了帮我改1122的文章啊~~~

抱歉，生病中，这2天内就改，sorry:L

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52楼

发表于 2012-11-25 19:41:37 |只看该作者

lindy620 发表于 2012-11-25 13:15
24号咱俩又是一组的，话说我22号的文章还没看到你改诶= =！

抱歉，生病中，这2天内就改:L

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53楼

发表于 2012-11-25 23:49:35 |只看该作者

龙泽皮皮发表于 2012-11-25 19:41
抱歉，生病中，这2天内就改

恩呢，麻烦你了，注意身体，好好休息哈~:)

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54楼

发表于 2012-11-26 08:03:11 |只看该作者

龙泽皮皮发表于 2012-11-25 19:40
抱歉，生病中，这2天内就改，sorry

这样啊~没事没事·····早日康复:)

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55楼

发表于 2012-11-27 23:16:49 |只看该作者

Darren_Van 发表于 2012-11-26 08:03
这样啊~没事没事·····早日康复

LZ,有文章要互改吗？:$，我有文章落下了，如果你也有，可以互改:handshake

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56楼

发表于 2012-11-28 16:31:47 |只看该作者

龙泽皮皮发表于 2012-11-27 23:16
LZ,有文章要互改吗？，我有文章落下了，如果你也有，可以互改

我现在都在写1202的机经作文·····

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adrian小豆
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58楼

发表于 2012-11-29 22:10:21 |只看该作者

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