【GRE作文互助组】charles的Argument

charlesliyeUID：3245497

9-11


7 The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

The passage contains some well-presented arguments, but not well-supported and reasoned. While it is true that opening a cafe would attract more customers, the author fail to take the potential effects of discontinuing the children’s book section in to account. The author cites their competitor’s action as evidence and assumes that it is effective. However this argument is rife with assumptions and lack of detailed information. Therefor it is an unpersuasive recommendation.
Citing a significant decline in the percentage of the population under 10 throughout the nation, the author assume that close discontinuing the children’s book section would have nothing negative influence on the sales. However the characteristics of the whole nation do not necessary apply to the particular region where Monarch locates in. And the author is self-contradictory as he said Monarch is identified by the wide selection of books on all subjects. But close the children’s section will definitely impair this characteristic.
Building on the implication that the Regal Books’ new cafe store will attract more customers, the author assumes that Monarch will get the same result. Firstly, the evidence is far to vague to ensure the effect of Regal Books’ cafe. Secondly, based on the incomplete comparison the author cannot assume that Monarch and Regal Books have the same condition. For example, the location and their customers’ structure may be totally different.
In sum, this recommendation is not convincing as it stands. To make it logically acceptable, the author should answer why there is no cafe in the book store during 20 years, what is the definite structure of population in the neighborhood, what is the effect of closing children’s section and if other book store’s manage strategy fit for Monarch. Only with answering these questions could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

charlesliyeUID：3245497

9月12日
Argument-34  求咣咣狂拍

charlesliyeUID：3245497

虔诚求批

charlesliyeUID：3245497

写了第63题

殇沫UID：3345827

charlesliye 发表于 2012-9-18 00:14
写了第63题

youngplayers suffered injuries应为thatsuffered injuries或sufferinginjuries或having suffered injuries
in Pthere will be a great number of young players suffer injuries应为suffering injuries
theassumption of a high percentage of people is injury is unpersuasive应是the assumption that a high percentage of peopleis injury is unpersuasive
psychologicalpressure are the main reason for injuries应是is
Butsoccer players’ situation may not representative for all young players.改为But soccer players’  situation may not be representative for allyoung players.
thesituation in big cities may not suitable for P还是应是may notbe suitable for
Thus theeducation experts’ view of academic activities would be weakened is unwarranted.这个是把一句话当做主语吗？那应加上that在开头哈~~
heproportion of young players suffered injuries还是和第一个一样，suffer应该人是主动的
我觉得这个argument缺了很重要的一部分就是没有比较，却说弊大于利，所以反驳时可以提下这一点哈！

一点点意见，仅供参考哦！

charlesliyeUID：3245497

又没有按照规定题写啊，看着是个小众题，练一下以防万一。

charlesliyeUID：3245497

顶上来，重新开始

okqishiUID：3245371

加油！