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Argument11 landfill 自我感觉不错 请指教
给链接必回拍!
11The following appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of West Egg.
"Two years ago, our consultants predicted that West Egg's landfill, which is used for garbage disposal, would be completely filled within five years. During the past two years, however, town residents have been recycling twice as much aluminum and paper as they did in previous years. Next month the amount of material recycled should further increase, since charges for garbage pickup will double. Furthermore, over ninety percent of the respondents to a recent survey said that they would do more recycling in the future. Because of our residents' strong commitment to recycling, the available space in our landfill should last for considerably longer than predicted."
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提纲
1 其他可回收和不可回收垃圾可能增长更多
2 回收垃圾的趋势可能有变
3 调查的问题
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首先,看了你的提纲后,我想说说我的个人看法:
(1)作者对可循环利用的垃圾 只提到铝和纸张,那其他的可循环及 不可循环的垃圾数量呢
(2)对 Next month the amount of material recycled should further increase, since charges for garbage pickup will double. 进行怀疑。
(3)关于调查的模糊数据统计。
较上次看你的那篇,你对错误,能抓住大的方面了啊。 赞一个!
Judging merely from the argument provided above, one should not be too optimistic about the life span of West's landfill, for several critical flaws render the argument unpersuasive and unconvincing [我喜欢这后半句] .
First, there is not sufficient evidence to prove that the increased amount of material recycled will surely lead to considerable decrease in the total amount of garbage, and thus [为什么还要加个 and ?]longer life span of the landfill. The author fails to provide whether other materials which can be recycled besides paper and aluminum, such as plastic and other metals, are recycled more than before. It is entirely possible that people recycled less of these materials than previous years, which makes the overall bulk and weight of the garbage increase. Also, we have good reason to doubt that presumably garbage that cannot be recycled has soared in recent years, which may offset to reduction of the amount of the waste paper and aluminum.
[看完B1后,感到很高兴,你的进步很大耶,句子的连接,很顺畅,读起来,很舒服,而且,意思表达得很清楚。我要向你学习。]
In addition, whether the trend of the increase in the amount of the recycled material would be continued is open to doubt[这个句式,我喜欢]. Although the author claims that the pickup fee for garbage will double next month, we cannot obtain any relevant evidence to indicate the residents care about the change [这后半句 ,换个说法,如何?也可能是我太追求完美。:)]. Perhaps the pickup fee is so negligible even after it is doubled that the residents will not change their habit according to it. Moreover, it is highly possible that the possessing factories in West [地名是不是应该说清楚点。你是说西蛋? 还是西方?两个套进去 都对??是我太笨?] have already been operating to their full capacity that they are unable to possess any more recycled materials, and that will frustrate the willingness of the residents to recycled more.
Finally, the result of the survey cited on which the argument partly based,is ill-supported [好词]. Are the respondents of the survey representative of the overall population in the town? Common sense informs me that people who care more for the recycling are more inclined to respond to the survey. Furthermore, even [小心even的用法,经常用为“即使”意,但却做 副词。 而要做连词,则 可考虑用even if 或者其他的 ]admitting they were representative of all the residents, the willingness they expressed in the survey does not necessarily result in the fact that they will put what they said in practice. Because recycling brings them more trouble, some of them, if not all, may just throw the garbage away rather than recycle the garbage in spite of their commitment to recycling.
[是不是要考虑考虑 参与调查的人数?90%,可靠吗?]
In conclusion, although it seems that the mayor aims at better utilizing the landfill, the argument he [he ???? 你都知道性别了啊? 为什么不是女的? 你对女性歧视? 开个玩笑。:)我想说, 为了你的文章更好, 尽量不要用 有性别的代词。 :)]provided is problematic and unconvincing. Unless the author could give us more information and evidence to corroborate his claim, I could not accept his conclusion.
[ 我都不知道说什么好。 你确实写的很好,我没有什么可以批评的。看得 出,你下了很大的工夫,让自己的文章不入俗套。很多词,很有新意。好 。 写得很好。 想你学习!! 不过 不知道字数 是多少。] |
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