[习作点评] Argument0 Univ. of Claria（ScoreItNow!打5分） [复制链接]

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发表于 2011-4-17 02:59:21 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由挪啊慢于 2011-4-17 03:03 编辑

TOPIC: ARGUMENT0 - The University of Claria is generally considered one of the best universities in the world because of its instructors' reputation, which is based primarily on the extensive research and publishing record of certain faculty members. In addition, several faculty members are internationally renowned as leaders in their fields. For example, many of the faculty from the English department are regularly invited to teach at universities in other countries. Furthermore, two recent graduates of the physics department have gone on to become candidates for the Nobel Prize in Physics. And 75 percent of the students are able to find employment after graduating. Therefore, because of the reputation of its faculty, the University of Claria should be the obvious choice for anyone seeking a quality education.
WORDS: 473 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2011/4/17 2:12:45

The argument claims that the University of Claria is a must-choose for people who are looking for excellent educational resources because it is suggested to be one of the best universities in the world. To support the view, the arguer enumerated several facts to indicate that the university has a high-level faculty members, an international reputation as well as prestigious graduates. However, despite the positive sides, there exist some ambiguity and doubts about the authenticity on this argument and need to be clarified before the university is to be accepted.

First, the number of papers that some faculty members have published does not necessarily reflect the purported high academic level of them. In the academic world, it is not always true that the one that publishes most is the best. In reality, some very eminent scholars have published relatively few articles, but won great reputations because of the extremely high quality of their published works. For example, John Nash, a Nobel laureate, who was diagnosed with a psychiatric disease when he was only 30, won the prize due to a short article that he published when he was still a PhD student. To the contrary, many scholars have published numerous papers, but their works rarely get citations or emphases, simply because their qualities are not enough. After all, a number of papers only Claria's faculty publishes cannot decide how good the university is on the academic level.

Second, the arguer tries to infuse readers that several faculty members own an international reputation with the example that many faculty members from the English department of Claria were invited to teach at universities in other countries. However, it mentions neither anything about the situation in other departments nor the names of the universities that they go to. It is, therefore, possible that only the English department faculty can be attributed to such fame; furthermore, the universities that they go are not famous either. This might result in the a possibility that all those mentioned are not enough to make the faculty member "leaders in their fields".

Third, there is no information on how many faculty members who have not done much research and published a lot of papers. Since it has not been clear in which proportion "certain excellent faculty members" are in the University of Claria, one is likely to guess that there are only a few, leading to a consequence that overally, the university does not stand out.

Last, the arguer quotes the statistics that 75% of the students can find jobs to support his point of view. But this cannot be evident, either. Since there is no direct correlation between job-finding rate and no comparison between other universities on this issue, the figure itself doesn't mean anything.

To conclude, with the four doubts mentioned above in mind, one should be careful w

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Writer's Analysis Tool:

Word Count: 473 • Sentence Count: 19 • Words Per Sentence: 25 • Unique Words: 53

Grammar:
No feedback elements available.

Usage:
1. Missing or Extra Article: ... that the university has a (提示：You may need to use an article before this word.)high-level faculty members, an international...
2. Preposition Error: ... the authenticity on (提示：You may be using the wrong preposition.) this argument...

Mechanics:
1. Spelling:
a. the University of Claria (提示：This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your work.)
b. overally (提示：This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your work.)
2. Missing Final Punctuation: To conclude, with the four doubts mentioned above in mind, one should be careful w (提示：You are missing a punctuation mark at the end of this sentence.)

Style:
No feedback elements available.

Organization & Development:
1. Thesis Statement: 第一段整段被bold (提示：Is this part of the essay your thesis? The purpose of a thesis is to organize, predict, control, and define your essay. Look in the General Advice to Writers for ways to improve your thesis.)
2. Transitional Words and Phrases: 略 (提示：These are the transition words and phrases you have used in your essay. Check the General Advice to Writers to see if you have used each word or phrase correctly.)
3. Main Ideas: (提示：Three or more main ideas: ScoreItNow has identified three main ideas in your essay. Do these ideas support the thesis statement of your essay? Use examples, explanations, and details to support and extend your main ideas. Look in the General Advice to Writers for ways to develop main ideas.)
4. Supporting Ideas:
a. "First", "Second", "Last"三段(ScoreItNow has identified three supporting ideas in this paragraph. Do these ideas support the topic sentence of your paragraph? Use examples, explanations, and details to support and extend your main ideas. Look in the General Advice to Writers for ways to develop supporting ideas.)
b. Third一段(ScoreItNow has identified only two sentences to support your topic sentence. Try to include one more sentence in this paragraph. Use examples, explanations, and details to support and extend your main ideas. Look in the General Advice to Writers for ways to develop supporting ideas.)
5. Conclusion: (提示：Conclusion with fewer than 3 sentences: Is this part of the essay your conclusion? A conclusion is a paragraph that contains three or more sentences. It reminds the reader about your thesis and stresses the importance of the ideas you have developed. Look in the General Advice to Writers for ways to improve your conclusion.)
6. Introductory Material: (提示：ScoreItNow has not identified an introduction in your essay. An introduction tells what the essay is about and sets the essay in motion. Look in the General Advice to Writers for some advice about writing an introduction.)

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总结：
1. 第一段就应该写introductory，第二段再开始写我的thesis。
2. 不要多用题目中出现的专有名词，因为这个也是spelling mistake。
3. 时间来不及了就要先写结尾，要达到3句。
4. 论点应该达到3个，论述应该达到3句。
5. 快去读 General Advice to Writers。
6. 欢迎补充。

Argument, AWA, 模拟