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[作文] Daily writing by Serene 求修改 [复制链接]

luyanda
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16楼

发表于 2011-5-31 22:51:47 |只看该作者

我觉得如果不同意的话，理由应该是

1. 很多人的解决问题还不够完美，需要政府的进一步帮助度过难关，然后可以用地震的例子

2. 政府还是要帮助来赢得民心

3. 我想不出来了。。。

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17楼

发表于 2011-6-1 21:52:46 |只看该作者

这个问题有两种切入，一种是16楼所说的，只否定后半部‘所以’的部分，虽然很多人可以自己解决问题没有错，但并不等于可以说不需要政府帮助；另一种是像lz所写的，直接把‘很多人都已经能自己解决问题了’这个起始部分一起推翻。这两种切入在逻辑上都是可以的，一个是否定推论过程，一个是否定推论的前提。

不过lz是可以考虑在开头段里解释一下自己的disagreement是属于后一种。

这也是一个很好的例子 - 仅仅说出agree/disagree只是一部分，还应该清晰地把agree/disagree后的具体论点用一句话完整地叙述出来，才能看到论点到底是什么样子。

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hichangke
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18楼

发表于 2011-6-2 21:37:12 |只看该作者

我仔细想了下，发现我拿到题目后，第一反应就是我说的那个论点，根本没考虑到别人会对题目有不同的理解，所以，16楼说我偏题我还很郁闷，，，不过确实是自己看的不够周全，还是要多练。。。。姐姐你说的那个方法，，提出disagree的具体观点，我会多注意并使用的~~每次你讲作文都让我觉得很受益，真的谢谢~~:loveliness: 17# mpromanus

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hichangke
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19楼

发表于 2011-6-4 14:29:52 |只看该作者

20091107
Topic :agree or disagree, government  should spend more money on education of very young  children  rather than the education of university .

Relying on of science and education to rejuvenate our nation is one of the main policy of Chinese government. Obviously, both the education of the very young children and university is of great significance to a country's development. However, considering university play a more important role in both individuals and the country’s future development, I tend to disagree that government should spend more money on education of very young children rather than the education of university.

Admittedly, receiving good education when people are very young could benefit  them a lot; however, it is education of university that greatly influence people future development. No one could make sure a child who has received a good education would have a bright future. By contrast, a well-educated university graduate seems to be prosperous since his or her education background would bring a big advantage. For example, my uncle Lee ,a renowned businessman in our city, owns his success to his experience in university .Being born in a small town, he even had no opportunity to go to school when he was a very little child and it was what he learned in university, as he acclaims ,has changed his life.

More importantly , by training a large number of qualified personnel to society, university has play a significant role in a nation’s development. For example, nearly one third of the members of Chinese Academy of Science and Chinese Academy of Engineering graduated from Tsinghua University. Those high-achieved scientists have made great contribution to China’s  modernization by dedicating to a lot of scientific projects, such as the well-known Shenzhou spaceship and the research of atomic bomb and hydrogen bomb. Therefore , compared with spending money on the education of very young children, more money spend on university would be beneficial and necessary for the development of our society.

Furthermore, university needs more money to ensure its high quality and maintenance and thus , government financial support is necessary. Without  sufficient money, many laboratories would be closed, all kinds of scientific research programs could not be carried out and library would unable to provide abundant books and videos materials for students and teachers. Those would definitely obstacle the academic outcomes of the professors and make it harder for students to learn more things in university. Moreover, university also need more money to attract high-qualified professors, which would enable students have a better understanding of what they learned.

In conclusion, even though the education of very young children is important ,considering the enormous impact university has had on people and society, and besides ,its operation highly rely on money, government should spend more money on the education of university.

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hichangke
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20楼

发表于 2011-6-4 14:45:54 |只看该作者

问题：
1，关于这中，agree|disagree 的文章，如果像这篇一样，觉得A和B都好，但A更好，在3段的论证中加一段让步，还是该说，（1）A 好，但是，b比a 好。然后论证b是怎么好，如我这里的写法。但不能用一整段来说明，education of children 的好处么？---------针对于这种不能完全否定的情况<还有那种出现only way，always，这种极端观点的反驳，我都是觉得该要让步的，但，在第一个分论点提出让步后，例证转向哪边，就不是很清楚了>
如我在11 楼贴出的作文，你之前也帮我过那篇。Movies and televisions should always show audience good people are being rewarded and bad people are being punished

（我觉得上次问完你让步段的写法后，自己操作起来还是觉得把握不好~~枉费你那么细心教我。。。）

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21楼

发表于 2011-6-5 15:49:39 |只看该作者

19# hichangke

Topic : agree or disagree, government should spend more money on education of very young children rather than the education of on universities.

Relying on of science and education to rejuvenate our nation is one of the main policies of the Chinese government. Obviously, both the education of the very young children and university are of great significance to a country's development. However, considering that the university plays a more important role in both individuals and the country’s future development, I tend to disagree that government should spend more money on education of very young children rather than the education of on universities (The ‘university’ provides education, so you can’t ‘educate’ a university..you can at most say ‘spend money on the education from/provided by universities’..).

Admittedly, receiving good education when people are very young could benefit them a lot; however, it is the education in university that greatly influences people’s future development. No one could make sure a child who has received a good education would have a bright future. By contrast, a well-educated university graduate seems to be prosperous (This, when used to describe a person, means ‘rich’/’well-off’. But I think what you mean is that this person has the prospect to be rich rather than that he is already rich..Usually you’d use ‘prosperous’ to describe things e.g. ‘a prosperous business’ rather than people.) since his or her education background would bring a big advantage. For example, my uncle Lee, a renowned businessman in our city, owns his success to his experience in university .Being born in a small town, he even had no opportunity to go to school when he was a very little child and it was what he learned in university, as he acclaims, that changed his life. (If your uncle had no chance to go to school when he was young, how did he end up in university - an institution of HIGHER education - later? Wouldn’t you be surprised? Plus, how does personal development relate to the successful development of a country, anyway?)

More importantly, by training a large number of qualified personnel to society, the university has played a significant role in a nation’s development. For example, nearly one third of the members of Chinese Academy of Science and Chinese Academy of Engineering graduated from Tsinghua University. Those high-achieving scientists have made great contribution to China’s modernization by dedicating themselves to a lot of scientific projects, such as the well-known Shenzhou spaceships and the research of the atomic bomb and hydrogen bomb. Therefore, compared with spending money on the education of very young children, more money spent on university would be beneficial and necessary for the development of our society.

Furthermore, the university needs more money to ensure its high quality and maintenance and thus, government financial support is necessary. Without sufficient money, many laboratories would be closed, all kinds of scientific research programs could not be carried out and libraries would unable to provide abundant books and videos materials for students and teachers. Those would definitely obstacle (This is a noun, not a verb. The verb would be ‘block’ or ‘hinder’.) the academic outcomes of the professors and make it harder for students to learn more things in university. Moreover, the university also needs more money to attract highly-qualified professors, which would enable students to have a better understanding of what they learned. (Again, how would this relate to the development of a nation? If the universities can’t operate without government’s money, it’s their problem – you have never proven that this would be a problem in the nation’s development.)

In conclusion, even though the education of very young children is important, considering the enormous impact the university has had on people and society, and besides ,its operation highly rely on money, (consider + noun. ‘its operation highly rely on money’ is neither a noun nor a noun phrase, so you can’t use ‘and’ to connect these parts. Start a new sentence when necessary.) the government should spend more money on the education of university.

总结:

你这篇写来写去只有第二个论点算是有效。剩下两个论段都跟题目无关– 我知道你想说什么。比如，第三个论点实际上是‘大学<对国家贡献很大>1，我们必须<保证它正常运行>2，要<保证它正常运行>2要很多<钱>3，所以为了保证大学<对国家的贡献>1政府就必须给<钱>3来<保证它运行>2’，而不是简单化的‘大学要很多钱所以政府应该给钱’。注意问题是问1->3，这个论点句是如何从1->2->3然后把1-2-3连接起来成为一个完整的句子– 这个1到2，2到3的关系，才是你的论点，而不是单纯的2或者1。

关于让步：

让步只需要让一个论点就好，不需要所有对方论点都让。在这篇里，你可以挑一个最普遍最可能会被用来论述对方论点的A的好处，然后反驳（证明这方面A其实不好），或者证明B在这方面的好处还是凌驾于A（证明B>A）。一定要有反驳或者凌驾证明。如果你整段都只是在说A好，那么你是在描述对方论点，不是在论述你的论点。最要紧的就是搞明白描述（descriptive）和论述（argumentative）的区别。

出现only, always这类的题目，如果要反驳，实际上这就是你的总论点。简单的例子：题目是Agree or disagree: you always lie. 你的论点则是I don’t agree -> I do not always lie. -> Sometimes I do not lie. 你只要证明最后这句就可以了，一个例子就够 – 其实这种题目是最好写的，没有再去提对方论点的必要。。让我再强调一次：让步不是必须的，但是，如果你要提对方的观点，那你必须对其反驳或凌驾之，不能光说‘对方大概是这样想的吧哈哈哈’。写议论文你要知道三点：1. 你的总论点具体是什么（不光是‘同意’或者‘不同意’）2. 你的分论点各自是什么，如何能支持总论点 3. 对方论点（如果有）是什么，如何反之。说白了就是‘知己知彼’而已。

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