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[习作点评] 一篇I 求大家批改啊 [复制链接]

lovetian
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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-8-19 20:34:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 lovetian 于 2011-8-21 21:58 编辑

In order to become well-rounded individuals, all college students should be required to take courses in which they read poetry, novels, mythology, and other types of imaginative literature.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific
Circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position

I partly agree with the speaker that it is sometimes necessary and even desirable for the college students to take courses about the imaginative literature, because it can benefits them a lot in improving them to well-rounded individuals.
Besides that, through swimming in the ocean of poetry, novels, and mythologies, students will expand their spiritual world, obtain spiritual energy, and have a comfortable rest of mental. But, everything should have its limitation so that we shouldn't spend too much time on reading this type of literature and reading shouldn't be a mandatory work for the students.

To begin with, we must realize the goodness of making students take such kind of courses; by reading some kinds of imaginative literature, students will develop themselves into rich imagination and powerful creativity which are good for them, especially when they grow up. We can notice that most of significant inventions in the past centuries are related with human's imagination which is inspired by those imaginative literature, such as the project of moon landing, the invention of submarine, and the experiments of clone; all of these ideas are inspired from the science fiction which written by Jules Verne long time ago. Until now, our scientific direction is also influenced by the novels, and mythologies written in past time, like the research of time travel.

What's more, by reading these kinds of imaginative literatures, like novels, poetry, and mythology, can provide the reader mental peace, spiritual pleasure after a full-day work. I suppose that every student have the experience of experiencing a period of time in which they are facing something hard for them to resolve; and I can also conjecture that some of them would like to find a book to read for releasing the pressure got from work. Among so many kinds of books, imaginative literature is such a popular theme which concluded from my daily observation. Imaginative literature can furnish the reader with a free world of spirit to relax; in such a free world, reader are immersed in the imagination that they are the role in the book and forget the displeasures, happiness or sadness, all with the role. After that, they will have a fresh mind to face next day's work.

However, nothing is perfect, containing reading imaginative literature. Because the lure of this kind of literature, girl will soak themselves in the poetry and boy may be immersed themselves in science fiction, reading such literature, the reader have to risk the possibility of fall into it. We can see a student who read book by mobile phone, Mp3, Ipad or other eBook reader here and there, no matter if he or she are taking a course. In addition, reading book shouldn't become a compulsory work but a personal interest. Making all the students grow into well-rounded people is a wonderful aim, but the way to this goal needs to be improved.

In sum, encouraging the students to read imaginative literature is such an unquestionable method to make them a well-rounded person, but compelling them is not. And except advisement, we must do something to prevent them from immersing themselves in reading.

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lovetian
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沙发

发表于 2011-8-21 21:59:43 |只看该作者

大家来看看随便说两句指点一下吧

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板凳

发表于 2011-8-21 22:46:09 |只看该作者

大概看了下：

1、开头定位有问题。I partly agree with the speaker that it is sometimes necessary and even desirable for the college students to take courses about the imaginative literature, because it can benefits them a lot in improving them to well-rounded individuals.

且不论文章有没有涉及时间和频率概念，sometimes to take a course?作为一个学生，你这样写态度上很不妥当。其次，sometimes这个概念与文章thesis无对应，没必要。还有，you partly agree with the speaker that...那么后面的内容就是speaker的咯？等于你篡改了题目内容。这部分还要重新组织下。另外，Besides后面这句修饰有点累赘，差这么大段没列举没意义，还不如直接说第二个有点。另外，既然是agree的，我觉得没必要把不足也写在开头，后面提一下就好了。

2、第二段中规中矩，但是例证方面你谈的很空泛，给个实际点例子比较稳妥，原因参照instruction。开头句太拖沓了。说有好处，第二句还是在说有好处，两句话差不多意思。grow up太宽泛了用在student上，怎么算长大了？student多少也是个中学生了，甚至大学生。第一个论点很模糊，主题不明确，好处在哪里，有什么作用？

3、论证不给力，you suppose blablabla.....你是谁？你凭什么让别人相信你的suppose？根据何在？没必要主观化，直接当general evidence来说。第二个例子，同样，your observation没有说服力，还不如说according to a survey，这个不同于toefl独立写作，你的所有感受都是没有说服力的。

4、同样道理，你把该段作为负面观点，你纯粹描述了下现象，观点呢？你要说明什么？这一现象表达了什么？有什么根据？你如何得出的？

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