[i习作temp] 求改作文，第一篇issue [复制链接]

zkfairytale
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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-8-19 22:35:55 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Writea response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

With the development of globalization, there is an increasing demand of people to understand foreign countries. Some people judge that colleges and universities, in response, should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country. However, I am partly disagreed with it.
Admittedly, studying in a foreign country, especially in some developed countries such the United States and the UK, can bring many benefits to students. First of all, they can improve their spoken English very much. It is crucially effective to study a foreign language when you have to use it every day. What's more, it can also broaden your horizons and incents you to work hard.
However, this policy seems to omit the feasibility and bad influence. As we know, to study aboard means to spend a lot of money and time. In China, for instance, both of money and time are very limited among students. I am just a typical example of most Chinese students. I have to work very hard every semester owing to the heavy courses, thus I can get good grades. With those good performance I have chance to study abroad with full scholarship. That is to say, one should take every possible time to work hard, and then he can study abroad without worrying about money. But this policy just takes our time and money away.
What's more, no every one of us should learn English well and competent enough for the globalization. Different people have different dreams of their lives. Some just like living common lives, and then they need not strive so hard to become qualified to make big difference. Even if they need to do this, maybe they cannot adapt to the foreign culture at an earlier age.
To conclude, I think this claim is not suitable for everyone. But colleges and universities can compromise to an alternative, which is to encourage some students who really want and need to do it to participate in the program. And the school, if possible, can offer some money to support students. In this way, I reckon it will be a very wonderful policy.

第一次写issue，差不多一个小时才完成，中途卡了一会儿。希望大家帮忙看看，这篇有什么大的毛病，或者说硬伤，还有啥要改进的？
先坦白一下，我考G 并不是为了出国，所以不想太难为自己，issue，我是朝着3分努力的。。。。。

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coco3263
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沙发

发表于 2011-8-21 14:53:18 |只看该作者

整个文章的框架是清晰的，段落也都有一个逻辑性在，第一次写的话还是非常理想的了。每一段基本上是总分的结构，举例子用了自己。

但是不足之处是，逻辑论点还是不够充分，为什么出国不是一个对所有人都适用的好建议，文章似乎只提到了对语言的帮助、对国外生活的了解、开阔了眼界，并且除了对英语语言的提到的论述外，其他展开的还不够多。逻辑上的递进，还有点欠缺。

基本上还不错的，加油~

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