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[a习作temp] 0910AW SPECTACULAR [TSUBASA] 作业补交argument 14 by wildrose800331 [复制链接]

wildrose800331
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-6-22 17:27:57 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT14 - The following appeared in a memo from the owner of Green Thumb Gardening Center, a small business serving a suburban town.

"There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables. A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets. And locally, the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the Village News stand three months in a row. Thus, we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring."
WORDS: 394
TIME: 00:30:00
DATE: 2009-6-22 15:05:47

In this argument, the author ambitiously believes that they, Green Thumb Gardening Center, can increase their profits by the means of expanding various vegetable seeds they stock for gardens this coming spring. The belief is based on three aspects: consumers are increasingly interested in growing their own vegetables; many consumers were not satisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables; the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the local Village News stand three months in a row. However, the deduction appears too optimistic to be true.

First of all, increasing consumers who want to grow their own vegetables may be evident, but it can not prove that the sales of vegetable seeds will increase correspondingly. According to supply-demand relations, if more consumers grow their own vegetables and then buy less or little vegetables from markets, the producers or retailers will adjust to this declination and produce or sell other products. Since the gross consumption of vegetables remains still, no variable would boost the sales of vegetable seeds.

Similarly, the survey revealing many consumers' dissatisfaction with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermarkets fail to solidify all consumers attitudes to the quality of fresh vegetables in all markets, needless to say that those unhappy consumers are more likely to buy vegetable seeds and grow their own vegetables. Thus, a national case can not be applied universally or specifically to a local occasion, which is to say, those consumers involved in the survey may not cover residents in the suburban town at all.

Last but not least, it was mentioned that the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out successfully, but it did not cover some other related factors, for instance, the total number of issue, or the target audience. If the demand of this magazine outstripped its supply, it would soon be sold out. If the target audience were mainly vegetable producers, the sales had little relations with individual gardeners.

In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and unconvincing. To make it logically acceptable, the author need to take more factors into consideration and prove the cause-and-effect relations of consumers' interest and attitude toward fresh vegetables and the sales of vegetable seeds. To further solidify the deduction, the arguer should point out the necessary relations of increasing sales and increasing profits. Otherwise, the arguer is simply begging the question all the time.

Argument, SPECTACULAR, TSUBASA, 补交, 作业

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银落
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-23 00:53:52 |只看该作者

本帖最后由银落于 2009-6-23 00:55 编辑

颜色和issue的一样意思哈~

In this argument, the author ambitiously（肯定不对这词，雄心勃勃地，用confidently比较好，那个词用了有点过） believes that they, Green Thumb Gardening Center, can increase their profits by the means of expanding various vegetable seeds they stock for gardens this coming spring. The belief is based on three aspects（很好，思路清晰）: consumers are increasingly interested in growing their own vegetables; many consumers were not satisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables; the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the local Village News stand three months in a row. However, the deduction appears too optimistic to be true.（个人直觉觉得很赞）

First of all, increasing consumers who want to grow their own vegetables may be evident, but it can not prove that the sales of vegetable seeds will increase correspondingly. According to supply-demand relations（具体是一个什么定理呢？。。希望可以回帖告诉我哈~）, if more consumers grow their own vegetables and then buy less or little vegetables from markets, the producers or retailers will adjust to this declination and produce or sell other products. Since the gross consumption of vegetables remains still, no variable would boost the sales of vegetable seeds.（这一段的理由很神奇，我第一次看到~。。但感觉不错）

Similarly, the survey revealing many consumers' dissatisfaction with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermarkets fail to solidify（？？用represent比较好吧） all consumers attitudes to the quality of fresh vegetables in all markets, needless to say that those unhappy consumers are more likely to buy vegetable seeds and grow their own vegetables. Thus, a national case can not be applied universally or specifically to a local occasion, which is to say, those consumers involved in the survey may not cover residents in the suburban town at all.

Last but not least, it was mentioned that the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out successfully, but it did not cover some other related factors, for instance, the total number of issue, or the target audience.If the demand of this magazine outstripped its supply, it would soon be sold out. If the target audience were mainly vegetable producers, the sales had little relations with individual gardeners. (good reason)

In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and unconvincing. To make it logically acceptable, the author need to take more factors into consideration and prove the cause-and-effect relations of consumers' interest and attitude toward fresh vegetables and the sales of vegetable seeds. To further solidify the deduction, the arguer should point out the necessary relations of increasing sales and increasing profits. Otherwise, the arguer is simply begging the question all the time（请教：这句话到底是是么意思，我看到过很多次，但是不明白~）.
整体感想：我承认我改不出什么来了~
总结：attack的时候，你喜欢先提出文章错误，然后说其他可能性，然后总结。

你的文章写的真的很好。。。赞。。。学习~。。而且你还限时写了。。厉害~

sometimes miracle comes
just for my belief

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2009-6-23 17:38:51 |只看该作者

beg the question是指以尚未解决的问题作为论据(回避问题的实质)
我也是从范文里学到的你不仅指出错误还建议哪个好词很喜欢：）
限时就降低了文章的质量了不可否认自己还没突破这个瓶颈。。。

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wildrose800331
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地板

发表于 2009-6-23 19:11:25 |只看该作者

本帖最后由银落于 2009-6-23 00:55 编辑

In this argument, the author confidently believes that they, Green Thumb Gardening Center, can increase their profits by the means of expanding various vegetable seeds they stock for gardens this coming spring. The belief is based on three aspects : consumers are increasingly interested in growing their own vegetables; many consumers were not satisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables; the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the local Village News stand three months in a row. However, the deduction appears too optimistic to be true.

First of all, increasing consumers who want to grow their own vegetables may be evident, but it can not prove that the sales of vegetable seeds will increase correspondingly. According to supply-demand relations（就是供求关系~）, if more consumers grow their own vegetables and then buy less or little vegetables from markets, the producers or retailers will adjust to this declination and produce or sell other products. Since the gross consumption of vegetables remains still, no variable would boost the sales of vegetable seeds.（我也是瞎写的就是有次看到要从常规常识入手。。。）

Similarly, the survey revealing many consumers' dissatisfaction with the quality of fresh vegetables in supermarkets fail to represent all consumers attitudes to the quality of fresh vegetables in all markets, needless to say that those unhappy consumers are more likely to buy vegetable seeds and grow their own vegetables. Thus, a national case can not be applied universally or specifically to a local occasion, which is to say, those consumers involved in the survey may not cover residents in the suburban town at all.

Last but not least, it was mentioned that the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out successfully, but it did not cover some other related factors, for instance, the total number of issue, or the target audience.If the demand of this magazine outstripped its supply, it would soon be sold out. If the target audience were mainly vegetable producers, the sales had little relations with individual gardeners.

In sum, the conclusion reached in this argument is hasty and unconvincing. To make it logically acceptable, the author need to take more factors into consideration and prove the cause-and-effect relations of consumers' interest and attitude toward fresh vegetables and the sales of vegetable seeds. To further solidify the deduction, the arguer should point out the necessary relations of increasing sales and increasing profits. Otherwise, the arguer is simply begging the question all the time（以尚未解决的问题作为论据回避问题的实质）.

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