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jinziqi
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电梯直达

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发表于 2010-2-4 00:33:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE73 - "In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge."

As the perspective of my, imagination is the source of the knowledge, which I mean that I totally agree with the claim. Although people need knowledge, imagination is more significant and decides one's success.

Knowledge is indispensible in one's life. It provides the most fundamental things for everyone, just like pieces of bricks for mansion. People need to learn varieties of knowledge to build the base of his or her own career, whereas imagination may be an illusion. However, when people were young, they always think boldly without knowledge to paint the bright further in their mind. Unfortunately, many of dreams cannot come true by later studying. Education in school was too emphasizing on the knowledge so that children forget the importance of imagination, which is the true source of the thoughts. Knowledge is the imagination of other people, and we only use it to imitate.

Learning knowledge is to develop one's own imagination in order to assemble other’s achievement. For example, before the invention of the plane, even if some people have already painted the model of the airplane, they failed because they lack of enough knowledge. Also, some people even tried to stick feather into their body to attain the dream of flying to the sky but they did not succeed, either. Those thoughts are the real motivation that makes Wright Brother becomes the first to manage to fly into the sky. So, imagination is the thing that brings out the knowledge. Without any imagination, people don't know what to learn, and people who only know about knowledge will not make achievement that can be well-known by the world. A man who makes a different must be full of imagination, and also equipped with the knowledge. Driven by the knowledge and making full use of the imagination, people will make a revolution for the society.

In addition, imagination is also the standard that balances the developing speed of a society. A nation with more imagination and its economy will be richer. Take America as an example, it is a nation that encourages people to imagine whatever, which is called creativity. People who are imaginary are those who are creative. And a nation who gets the most creativity is the nation who owns the world. It is because all countries have been found out this point, so that all education systems in every country are encouraging people to be creative. So, imagination is more important than knowledge.

In conclusion, knowledge is the thing that we can be learned and everyone can learn well. But, imagination needs to be cultivated, and it is a good habit that should be accumulated for a long period. Once people have the desire of pursuing knowledge, they will truly change their life.

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银落
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沙发

发表于 2010-2-5 21:55:02 |只看该作者

TOPIC: ISSUE73 - "In most professions and academic fields, imagination is more important than knowledge."

As the perspective of my(这个语法错误也太过分了吧= =+), imagination is the source of the knowledge, which I mean that I totally agree with the claim（这个很像北美范文的开头）. Although people need knowledge, imagination is more significant and decides one's success.

开头极为简洁，且只亮出一个观点。但是你不觉得两句话重复了吗？I agree with the claim其实就等于最后一句话，这样不仅显示出你其实是没话说了，而且，同一个意思竟然放在第一段里面，这是个致命的弱点.

Knowledge is indispensible（indispensable） in one's life. It provides the most fundamental things for everyone, just like pieces of bricks for mansion.（这句可以合成一句：knowledge is indispensable in one’s life, which provides the most fundamental things for everyone, just like pieces of bricks for mansion）这是ts吧，如果是ts，那么最好不要是简单句。 People need to learn varieties of knowledge to build the base of his or her own career, whereas imagination may be an illusion. However, when people were young, they always think boldly(unrestricted比较好) without knowledge to paint the bright further我看不懂 in their mind. Unfortunately, many of dreams cannot come true by later studying. Education in school was too emphasizing on the knowledge（emphasize too much on the knowledge比较地道） so that children forget the importance of imagination, which is the true source of the thoughts. Knowledge is the imagination of other people, and we only use it to imitate.

看了这一段。我完全不明白你到底想怎么论证。我知道你的中心句是想说knowledge is the source of imagination.但是文中根本就没有说到为什么知识是想象的源泉吧。Ts之后的论证我完全看不出是如何来支持ts的，而且这一段很空，没有实例来支持一下。空谈理论就显得很没有实际感了。这样的作文是不行的。

Learning knowledge is to develop one's own imagination in order to assemble other’s achievement. For example, before the invention of the plane, even if some people have already painted the model of the airplane, they failed because they lack of enough knowledge. Also, some people even tried to stick feather into their body to attain the dream of flying to the sky but they did not succeed, either. 这两个例子反过来说比较好吧，有个时间的顺序，这样也可以用个时间的连续词来连接Those thoughts are the real motivation that makes Wright Brother becomes the first to manage to fly into the sky. So, imagination is the thing that brings out the knowledge. 这里我就不懂了。你到底想说知识和想象的什么关系？你根本没有说明怀特兄弟与那些只知道模型的人的区别嘛。从so后面那句来看，你是想说imagination的很重要的。但是，那些想要飞行和制造模型却是用于说明缺乏知识是不行的。这岂不是矛盾？Without any imagination, people don't know what to learn, and people who only know about knowledge will not make achievement that can be well-known by the world. 这个结论哪里出来的？完全没有论证把例子和结论联系起来嘛。A man who makes a different must be full of imagination, and also equipped with the knowledge. Driven by the knowledge and making full use of the imagination, people will make a revolution for the society.
这一段从末尾来看是想说两者结合比较好，但是，从第一句来看，是说了两者的关系。所以整个段落的观点很不清晰。而且论证也很杂乱，没有深层的论证，也没有把中心和例子结合的论证。

In addition, imagination is also the standard that balances the developing speed of a society. TSA nation with more imagination and its economy will be richer. 观点Take America as an example, it is a nation that encourages people to imagine whatever, which is called creativity. 例子People who are imaginary are those who are creative.唯一的一句论证 And a nation who gets the most creativity is the nation who owns the world.观点 It is because all countries have been found out this point, so that all education systems in every country are encouraging people to be creative. （虽然是because，但你还是在说一个事实嘛。）So, imagination is more important than knowledge.又一个结论

整个段落只有一句话是在论证。其他都是论据和观点。而且，这一段的例证也比较空洞，只是泛谈了美国的教育和全民的看法。没有更加实际生动一点的例子。

In conclusion, knowledge is the thing that we can be learned and everyone can learn well. But, imagination needs to be cultivated, and it is a good habit that should be accumulated for a long period. Once people have the desire of pursuing knowledge, they will truly change their life.结尾习惯不看

总结：首先，每一个段落里面的问题我已经指出来了。然后，我说下你的破题。这个issue的关键词是more，以及in most profession。我用蓝色标出来了。但是你的文章丝毫没有提到most以及为什么more这类问题。也就是说，偏了题。其次，除去偏题，你的整个文章的观点也有问题。分段1.知识很重要2.结合两者才行3.imagination的重要性。而你的第一段是说imagination is more significant。完全没有围绕着ts来写。最后，对于语法和拼写。我在文章开头指出了，后面的文章我就没有太在意这类的问题，但是，你这一点也需要加强下。
Anyway，加油吧

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sometimes miracle comes
just for my belief

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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flear
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板凳

发表于 2010-2-5 22:14:43 |只看该作者

落落批得比较狠...
lz重点注意下破题和词的准确用法
破题是根本写作前花多长时间去破题都不为过
这一题lz偏在两点一点是落落说的原因是没有把握住more这个关键词是more不是most
第二点没有注意profession and academic fields 而后文举例尤其是下面这例与profession & academic fields何干？
"Take America as an example, it is a nation that encourages people to imagine whatever, which is called creativity. People who are imaginary are those who are creative. 。......"
所以说lz审题太粗糙了太急于成文了。此题寥寥12词你只抓住两词。

另外也是很关键的一点用此不准确导致词不达意或者太chinglish 建议对于不熟悉不能驾驭的词先google有无类似用法

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银落
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地板

发表于 2010-2-5 22:19:19 |只看该作者

这一题lz偏在两点一点是落落说的原因是没有把握住more这个关键词是more不是most
flear 发表于 2010-2-5 22:14

most。。说明可以从这一点来进行分领域讨论。。以及所用例证的方向。。~
最最关键的词是more。。~

sometimes miracle comes
just for my belief

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jinziqi
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5楼

发表于 2010-2-5 22:25:15 |只看该作者

4# 银落
~~~~(>_<)~~~~

明白。。这就去重新审题思考面壁。。。

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jinziqi
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6楼

发表于 2010-2-7 22:27:58 |只看该作者

4# 银落
我大改了文章，想请帮忙再看看提纲。。
1.知识是不可或缺的，给人们提供了对社会的基本认知。没有知识的想象很可能是空想。
2.在大多数领域中，想象力比只是更重要。
3.在想象力的驱使下，不断丰富知识，最终造就人类社会变革。

不知道这样的提纲是不是就不偏题了。。

还有，请问，最后一段中，你是怎么一下判断出什么样的句子是观点，什么句子算是论证呢？

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