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[感想日志] 1006G[Redemption]备考贴 by snowsguoguo [复制链接]

snowsguoguo
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发表于 2010-1-29 21:12:09 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-18 15:48 编辑

英文水平很臭啊。。。
大家一起加油~加油~加油~

目标 issue 3分 argument 5分
第二小组

第1次作业 分析

第2次作业 I130+A51                        沙发
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773555120

第3次作业 I28+A53                         板凳
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773555127

第3次作业 I28 修改 by小鸟               10楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773568640

第3次作业 A53 修改 by甘甜              地板
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773556730

第4次作业 I212                              5楼
留空

第4次作业 A45                               6楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773557135

第一周

第5次作业 A238                             8楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773564278

第5次作业 A238 修改 by 甘甜 by fay  9楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773564282

第6次作业 A203                            12楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773581912

第6次作业 A203 修改 by甘甜           13楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773581918

第7次作业 A37                              14楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773582355

第7次作业 A37 修改 by小鸟             15楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773582589

第二周

补第4次作业 A45                            6楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=1#pid1773557135

补第4次作业 I28  修改by 甘甜            11楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773581888

周一选作题 A23                              16楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773582598

第8次作业 A169                             18楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773582859

第8次作业 I136                              20楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=2#pid1773591299

第8次作业选作 A56                         22楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=3#pid1773591302

2/11作业改动

第1天 I43                                     23楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=3#pid1773598317

第1天 A35                                    24楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=3#pid1773598319

第2天 I43 修改
第2天 A18
第3天 I88
第3天 A188 高频no.22
第4天 I88 修改
第4天 A161 高频no.4
第5天 I131
第5天 A186 高频no.21
第6天 I131 修改
第6天 A14  高频no.12
第7天 I48 修改
第7天 A241 高频no.7
第8天 I48                                    37楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=4#pid1773617933

第8天 A10  高频no.10                    38楼
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1055679&page=4#pid1773617935
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gantian + 1 哈哈加油加油，一起努力～

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redemption, snowsguoguo, 第二小组

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沙发
发表于 2010-1-29 21:12:50 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-5 22:46 编辑

第二小组 第二次作业
ISSUE:130
ARGUMENT:51

51.The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"[E1]Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some
patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis
has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of
patients. [E2.1]The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle
injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took
antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time
was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. [E2.2]Patients in
the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician,
were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking
antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly
reduced. [C]Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain
would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."


E1 => C
1.二次感染可避免
没有证据证明必然性
不是主要推迟康复的原因 2.受伤严重程度
病人心理健康
康复辅助运动等
E2 => C
1.N医生运动损伤专家 A医生是普通医生
质量方式不一样无法比较 2.对照组前提不明
可能受伤程度不同
病人体质不同 3.可能没有发生二次感染
解决方式后果
副作用
抗生素抗药性


In this argument, the author made a conclusion that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment. To substantiate this inference, the author also quote supporting evidence indicating that doctors suspected that secondary infections affect some patients form healing after severe muscle strain, and given two group of patients first of which were treated by Dr. Newland to took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment, second of which were treated by Dr. Alton was believed they were taking antibiotics instead of sugar pills actually. The first group showed a faster recovery than the second group of patients. At first glance, the argument might be appealing, but close scrutiny reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.
Fist of all, the article did not give further study of the relationship between severe muscle strain and secondary infections, which might not be the main reason to stop patients from healing quickly. Without present the ration of secondary infections to severe muscle strain, we could not infer whether secondary infections has something to do with severe muscle strain without the further study has been given. To help those patients to have a better recovery from severe muscle strain, we should focus on the key point of the injury, and do our best to keep them from infections.
As this article mentioned, the doctor of the first group is specializes in sports medicine, who might have better measures to help those muscle strain patients than the general physician of
the second group, so that these two group is lack of comparability. Additionally, not until the age, agenda, health situation and other factors which might affect the recovery of patients has given and make it comparable, the author has drawn a conclusion too hastily. Moreover, as we all know, with good care, secondary infections are avoidable. In that case, those patients won’t need to sacrifice their bodies to face the side effect of antibiotics.
Otherwise, author failed to weigh the advantage and disadvantage thoroughly. Since we mentioned before, antibiotics have side effects and some people might get allergy by it, and as far as I am concerned, if antibiotics has been used too many times, germs will get mutation, so that it will lost its effect. Compared with some serious disease or big surgery which will need antibiotics to fight infections, muscle strain is not really a fatal wound. Doctors should think it over to safe this medicine until it is high time to use it in order to saving their lives.
To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts like side effect or comparability. To strengthen the conclusion, the author need do some further study and give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.
【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳
发表于 2010-1-29 21:14:34 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-1-30 13:08 编辑

第二小组 第三次作业

ISSUE:28
ARGUMENT:53




28. "Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."
学生们在记忆知识的时候应该先学习有助于解释那些知识的理念、潮流和概念。仅仅死学知识的学生是学不到什么东西的。(教育类）

提纲：
*一些基本知识没有必要刻意理解
*但是许多知识如果不去理解而只是背诵就没有意义
*学会理解可以帮助学生学会如何思考 think critically ,to be able to analyze facts and to make sound judgment

I partially agree with the author that in most cases student should memorize facts after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts.It is true that student who have learned only facts could only have learned the surface of facts.One propose of education is to helping people understand the profound meaning of facts.If learn the ideas,trend,and concepts behind the facts is a way to understand and helping people to make creation and improvement ,just learning facts and memorize it is only a transmission from book to brain which changed nothing and can be forgotten in no time.
Although there is still some facts we can not easily tell what meaning it is.Like the alphabet which is hard to tell the origin or meaning of a letter to a baby or some foreigner.Moreover people still can not figure out why one plus one equals two.Otherwise, when you learning some foreign language,there is a lot of habit of phrase make no sense to you.
Though sometimes people have to remember meaningless thing,there is also a lot of facts better be memorized after studied the truth behind it.It's quite easy to remember the laws of motion without understand,but when it's just some letter on a papper,it become useless.
By studing the truth behind the facts,students learned a way to thinking and gaining useful perspectives and thoughts.It's like give one a loaf of bread can't let him stay away from hungry,but teaching him to hunt can really make him able to take care of himself.The propose of education is to helping people develop their understanding and learn how to think critically to be able to analyze facts and to make sound judgment.
To sum up, in a blank facts are meaningless, and only by fill it with thoughts can students learn. To make a conclusion,students should not only memorize the facts but also remember the ideas, trends and concepts.









53. Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy.
Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
13年前，研究者研究了一组在受到不熟悉的刺激比如不寻常的气味和未知声音的录音时表现出轻微紧张的25名婴儿。他们发现这些婴儿比其他婴儿更可能在早秋怀孕，而早秋是他们的母亲分泌的melatonin--一种已知会影响一些大脑功能的荷尔蒙--因日照的减少而增加的季节。在今年早些时候所作的跟踪调查中，这些表现出紧张迹象的儿童--现在已经是十几岁--有一半以上认为自己害羞。显然，出生前melatonin的增加导致婴儿期的羞涩并且这种羞涩将延续至生命更晚的阶段。

提纲：
1.样本问题
-空间过小
-时间范围
2.忽略其他因素
-未提供直接证据证明
-其他原因引起害羞
3.偷换概念
-对刺激紧张!=害羞
4.专业名词未解释
-M的作用
-M作用对象

In this argument, the author made a conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.To substantiate this inference ,the author also quote supporting evidence indicating that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mother's' production of melatonin - a hormone known to affect some brain functions -would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. At first glance, the argument might be tolerably reasonable,but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.
First of all,the article provides no evidence that survey's respondents are representative of the overall group of people who have been conceived in early autumn.This survey just studied the very group of infants conceived in the autumn 13 years ago,so that the conclusion may not suitable for all infant conceived in early autumn.Otherwise,25 is not a big number for all human being to be represented(represent).Lacking such evidence, it is wholly possible that other infants could not been affected by the increased levels of melatonin then(and) cause shyness during infancy and continue to be shy.In one word,without better evidence that the survey is statistically reliable the author cannot rely ont it to draw and rigid conclusions.
The author also overlooks the possibility that one or more factors other than the family background or the surrounding of school were instead of being (instead) responsible for shyness.In addition,author did not point out the direct reason for melatonin to cause the shyness of children.Without considering and ruling out these and other factor that might have served to the shyness of children,the author cannot justifiably conclude that the increased levels of melatonin before birth cause their shyness.
In illustrating the assumption,the author commits a fallacy of hasty generalization.The author cites their signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice to prove these infants are shy,however,unfamiliar stimuli is not a good indication of shyness. Additionally,new born baby ought to be intense about the new strange thing ,all of us may, and mid distress is not a(an) irregular reaction when they first met it.Without contracting(contract) them with other infants,author cannot draw a conclusion that these infants are shy.
Another problem involves is that the author fails to give a clear definition of melatonin.Thus we could not evaluate if the effect of melatonin only occur to mothers instead(in stead) of infants.Otherwise, without profound examination of it ,author cannot hasty concludes that melatonin is responsible for shyness of infants.
To sum up,the conclusion lacks of credibility.The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts.To strengthen the conclusion,the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.

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地板
发表于 2010-1-30 11:00:58 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 gantian 于 2010-1-30 11:04 编辑

3# snowsguoguo

In this argument, the author made a conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shynessduring infancy and this shyness continues into later life. Tosubstantiate this inference ,the author also quote supporting evidenceindicating that these infants were more likely thanother infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when theirmother's' production of melatonin - a hormone known to affect some brainfunctions -would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight.At first glance, the argument might be tolerably reasonable, but closeperlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and isconsequently unpersuasive. [开头段的模板太明显，呵呵标注出来的部分是完全复制的题目，感觉把题目转述出来比直接复制好]

First of all, the article provides noevidence that survey's respondents are representative of the overall group ofpeople who have been conceived in early autumn. This survey just studied thevery group of infants conceived in the autumn 13 years ago, so that theconclusion may not suitable for all infant conceived in early autumn. Otherwise,25 is not a big number for all human being to be represent[represented]. Lacking suchevidence, it is wholly possible that other infants could not been affected bythe increased levels of melatonin and cause shyness during infancy andcontinue to be shy. [这部分的连续两个and看起来有些拗口，换个句式？哈哈不过我也想不出咋换] In one word, without betterevidence that the survey is statistically reliable the author cannot rely on itto draw and rigid conclusions.

The author also overlooks the possibilitythat one or more factors other than the family background or the surrounding ofschool were instead[were instead？这个用法似乎有点奇怪，要么改成were instead of being]responsible for shyness. In addition, author did not point out the directreason for melatonin to cause the shyness of children. [这里的direct reason for melatonin to cause the shyness不知道是攻击的什么？]Without consideringand ruling out these and other factor that might have served to the shyness ofchildren, the author cannot justifiably conclude that the increased levels ofmelatonin before birth cause their shyness.

In illustrating the assumption, the authorcommits a fallacy of hasty generalization. The author cites their signs of milddistress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a taperecording of an unknown voice to prove these infants are shy, however, unfamiliarstimuli is not a good indication of shyness. Additionally, new born baby oughtto be intense about the new strange thing, all of us may, and mid distress isnot a[an]irregular reaction when they first met it. Without contract[contracting] them with otherinfants, author cannot draw a conclusion that these infants are shy.

Another problem involves is that the authorfails to give a clear definition of melatonin. Thus we could not evaluate ifthe effect of melatonin only occur to mothers in stead[instead] of infants. Otherwise,without profound examination of it, author cannot hasty concludes thatmelatonin is responsible for shyness of infants.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks ofcredibility. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of thefacts. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidence aboutthe possibilities mentioned above.

[个人意见]
先是文章的格式，在每段顶格写的情况下，段落之间应该插入一个空白行～还有标点符号后面也应该插入一个[space]空格。：）

还有个问题就是安排攻击顺序的问题，分析题目时找到了
1.样本问题
2.忽略其他因素
3.偷换概念
4.专业名词未解释
这4个逻辑错误。
但是在组织文章的时候并没有按照一定的逻辑顺序来攻击，整体文章的逻辑就会比较欠缺。
引用在论坛上找到的一个帖子的内容
“
2.Argument感到应该寻找其中的逻辑线索加以联合攻击，而不是零落单个的看论据找出错误。
3.先攻击前提立足的那个证据，证明是假的，所以前提无法成立，前提不在了，结论不攻自破。然后让步说既是前提成立，也推不出结论。
”

所以建议先把题目的论据和结论分开，然后把错误是属于论据还是结论整理出来。再按照逻辑顺序来攻击会比较清晰


哈哈以上是个人意见，有啥说的不对的再来一起讨论：）

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5楼
发表于 2010-1-30 13:09:22 |只看该作者
第二小组 第四次作业
ISSUE:212"If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
只要值得，不择手段达到目的是合理的       (现实和理想)

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6楼
发表于 2010-1-30 13:09:53 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-5 22:58 编辑

第四次作业 A45



45. The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal."Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."

北极鹿生活在加拿大极地区域的岛屿上。它们全年都通过冰块在岛屿间移动来寻找食物。它们的栖居地局限在那些温暖得足以维持它们所需的植物生长，并且在一年的至少某些时候冷到足以让岛屿间的海面结冰以使它们能够在岛屿间旅行的地方。然而，根据当地猎人的报告，鹿的数量正在下降。由于这一报告正好与最近导致海洋冰面融化的全球变暖趋势同时发生，我们可以得出结论：北极鹿数量的下降是它们无法按它们原有的迁移习惯穿越结冰海面的结果。

[Evidence 1]
According to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining.
[Evidence 2]
These reports coincide with recent global warming trends
[Deduction 1]
Ice between islands has disappeared because of global warming
[Conclusion]
The populations of arctic deer is decline because of they cannot cross the unfrozen sea to find food.



攻击：
[Evidence 1] 来源不可靠 样本选择有问题 猎人的活动时间、范围和习惯会影响他们事后能看见鹿 弱攻击
[Evidence 2] => [Deduction 1]
a.不能确定全球变暖是否影响了特定地区
b.温室效应引起气候极端变化 不止包括变热还包括变冷 鹿可能是因食物不生长而饿死而不是因为不能跨越岛屿
（自维基百科 两极冰山崩塌，欧洲、美洲近极地的地方温度会迅速下降（因冰溶化有溶化比潜热，大量冰同时溶化会吸取大量能量以作溶化之用，所以近极地的地方温度会迅速下降），会严重影响当地生态系统，造成不可逆的变化。=>而本题的加拿大就是美洲近极地地区哦~哈哈
Lisa Simpson:"Global warming can cause weather at both extremes --hot and cold." ---from The Simpsons Season 21 Episode 8.）
c.即使气温上升无法迁徙也无法导致鹿的死亡 可能升温后食物更加丰富而改变觅食习惯
[Evidence 1] + [Evidence 2] => [Conclusion] 同时发生不为因果；即使数量下降也可能因为其他原因如过量捕杀


In this argument,the author made a conclusion that the populations of arctic deer is decline because of they cannot cross the unfrozen sea to find food.To substantiate this inference , the author also quote supporting evidence indicating that local hunters reports the declining of the populations and these reports coincide with recent global warming trends.At first glance, the argument might be appealing,but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.
One major problem is about the sample the author studied in the survey.The author only considered the reports from local hunters which cannot give sufficient representativeness.The domain of arctic deer might moved to another place and hunter did not notice that,so that from the reports of hunter we could only infer that those deers may ** in an irregular way.Without ruling out all the possibilities above, the author could not make any general conclusion about the populations of arctic deer merely based on local hunters' report.
In illustrating the assumption that the variation of arctic deer living habits the author commits a fallacy of hasty generalization.The author cites recent global warming to prove the linking ice between islands of Canada's arctic region has melted and the habitat of arctic deer has been separated so that deers cannot travel over it to find food,however,global warming is not a good indication of deers' activity.First of all,author did not point out that whether global warming has affected specific region.There may be a chance that the temperature in north Canada still remains in regular.Even assuming that these area has become warmer , plants on these islands might grown better in order to feed arctic deer ,and in that case deers no longer need to transmit from islands to islands to be fed on.Otherwise,global warming can cause weather at both extremes,hot and cold,and if those islands in north Canada become colder the declined populations of arctic deer may because of lacking of food instead of not able to cross the islands on frozen lands.In short,the author ought to make careful and clear differentiation between global weather variation and local weather variation before we could evaluate if the inference that the declined populations of arctic deer is because of global warming is justified.
The author unfairly assumes that it is the reports of local hunters of population declining and recent global warming two of which happens in the same period that resulted in the populations of arctic deer declined.But we can find no concrete evidence to substantiate the inevitable relationship between these reports and global warming.The author only points out that the two events occurred during the same period,however,we all know that merely a coincidence of two events could not sufficiently demonstrate a causal relationship between them.Many other factors could also lead to the result, and without ruling out such factors,we could not be convinced that the global warming is the actual cause of number declining of arctic deers.
To sum up,the conclusion lack of credibility.The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts.To strengthen the conclusion,the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.

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本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-5 22:57 编辑

第五次作业 A238



238.The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira
Vista College to the college's board of trustees.

"At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and
more job counsellors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last
year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers. But
at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who
informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had
found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half
of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. To help
Mira Vista's graduates find employment, we must offer more courses in
business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to
help students with their resumes and interviewing skills."

邻近的Green Mountain学院拥有比Mira Vista学院更多的商业课程和就业顾问，去年其毕业生有90％得到了公司的工作机会。但去年在Mira
Vista，所有通知了就业办公室说他们要就业的毕业生中只有70％的人在毕业后三个月内找到全职工作，而且这些毕业生只有一半在本专业就业。为帮助Mira Vista的毕业生找到工作，我们必须提供更多的商业和计算机技术课程，并雇佣更多的就业顾问来帮助学生提高准备简历和面试的技巧。

[Evidence 1]
G College has more business courses and more job counsellors than does M College.
[Evidence 1.1] G has more business courses than M.
[Evidence 1.2]
G has more job counsellors than M.
[Evidence 2.1]
90 percent of las year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers in G College.
[Evidence 2.2]
70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study in M College.
[Deduction 1] G' graduates is better than M' in finding jobs
[Measure 1]
To help M's graduates, we must offer more courses in business and computer technology
[Measure 1.1]
offer more courses in business
[Measure 1.2]
offer more courses in computer technology
[Measure 2]
and hire additional job counsellors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills.

数据分析问题
[Evidence 2] => [Deduction 1] 强攻击
数据不能反映实际就业率：
a.统计方式不同不具有可比性 M是1.毕业后三个月内 2.全职工作 3.通知the placement office的毕业生的就业率
b.只有一半学生在本专业就业不等于就业率差 1.可能M学院是纯理科或艺术专业其就业水平不是学术水平的衡量标准或从事艺术创作比就业更加prospective 2.M学生更多决定深造而不是就业 3.M学生可能创业更多这需要的时间不止三个月去发展一个企业
c.1.90%的G学生得到Offer不等于他们从事了这些工作 2.即使都去就业不等于都是很好的工作
因此： 并不一定需要提高就业率

解决措施问题
[Evidence 1.1] => [Measure 1] even assuming that G is better than M
A.方法没有针对性 错误类比 G就业率高是因为他们是商学院 所以他们有商务课程不等于适用于M
B.缺乏论据支持 Computer Technology 为什么对就业有帮助未说明
[Evidence 1.2] => [Measure 2] 治标不治本
although job counsellors might help student to make a better resumes and teach them more interviewing skills,不能提高学生本身实力
另外：针对不同专业应该分析专业需求 学校的科研学术水平也更多能衡量一个学校的实力 追求就业率并不适用于所有学校

In this argument, the author try to find a measure that to offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additioal job counsellors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills to help Mira Vista College to improve its employment ratio.To substantiate that the graduates in Mira Vista did not find much employment than Green Mountain College,,the author also quote supporting evidence indicating that 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers,but at Mira Vista College last year,only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation,and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study.At first glance, the argument might be appealing ,but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.
First of all,the supporting evidence that author provides are not representative of the overall group of graduates.The employment ratio about Mira Vista College is 70 precent but only based on those graduates who has informed the placement office and also attended a full-time job in three months after graduation,while the ratio of Green Moutain is based on those got an offer,which has no comparability.Otherwise,only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study in Mira Vista College might have other reason such as those graduates in science major who needs futher education before they got an offical job or those major in art whose academic levels should be evaluated by their projects and works instead of crtizise their employment.In that case
,
those graduates of Mira Vista College also might need futher education and this figure did not mention whether it is included.
Additionally,there may be a chance that 30 precent unemployed graduates from Mira Vista wanted to start a company by theirselves which need a longer period than mere three month.Those 90% precent students of Green Moutain College is being reported as got an offer other than actually attend the job,and assuming all of them went to still did not reason that their jobs are as good as those 70% of Mira Vista graduates'.For lack of detailed information about the employment ratio,we can hardly evaluate the quality their employment.
The author assumes that the proposed measure are both sufficient and necessary for Mira Vista College.To solve the problem successfully,those measure still lack of such factors.There is no supporting evidence for offering computer technology to enhance the graduates employment.Even assuming that the employment ratio of Green Moutain College has a better efficiency thant Mira Vista College,it's still lack of profound study of whether business course could help students of Mira Vista College to get a better job,and the analogy between them might be unsubstantiated.the author fails to illustrate that those two school are similar enough at every respect and are indeed comparable.
Moreover,the author suggests that Mira Vista College should hire additional job counsellor to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills which I partially agreed that might work.It's no doubt a effective way to display graduates more sufficiently to employer,but they need to improve theirselves in other aspects rather than just learn to show themselves,such as hire some more professional faculties in major course and have more practical acitivity in order to equip the graduates with necessary skills.In that case,employer might be more willing to hire the graduates of Mira Vista College.
To sum up,the measure lacks of comprehensive.The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts.To strengthen the measue,the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above and more suitable advice for solve the problem.

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发表于 2010-2-1 20:11:00 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-5 22:57 编辑

第五次作业 A238

第一次修改  by 甘甜

[错误]

[题目原文]
[修改]

In this argument, the author try to find a measure that to offer more courses in business and computer technology and hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills to help Mira Vista College improve its graduates employment ratio[rate 似乎ratio可以用啊第61题题目就是这样用的]. To substantiate that the graduates in Mira Vista did not find as good as the employment situation of [as good as后面就不是用than了，这句话表述有问题] Green Mountain College, the author also quote supporting evidence indicating that 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers, but at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. At first glance, the argument might be appealing, but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.
不是有个韩国人抄题目抄出满分嘛。。。我怕万一替换错了不是很囧。。。真的不能抄题目吗。。。

First of all, the supporting evidence that author provides are not representative of the overall group of graduates. The employment ratio of Mira Vista College is 70 present which was [换成which was 有道理啊~可以用从句] only based on those graduates who had [had] informed the placement office and also attended a full-time job in three months after graduation, while the ratio
of Green Mountain is based on those who have
got offers, which has no comparability. Also the survey has mentioned that [这里并不是转折关系] only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study in Mira Vista College might have other reason such as those graduates in science major who needs further education before they got an official job or those major in art whose academic levels should be evaluated by their projects and works instead of criticize their employment.[哈哈这个<他因>赞～我想了半天没找到他因来解释这里] In that case, those graduates of Mira Vista College also might need further education and this figure did not mention whether it is included.
Additionally, there may be a chance that 30 present unemployed graduates from Mira Vista wanted to start a company by themselves which need a longer period than merely three month. [这个他因也找得很好，学习了呵呵～] Those 90% present students of Green Mountain College is being reported as got an offer other than actually attend the job, even assuming that all of them accepted that offer [这里语法有问题] still there may be a chance that their jobs are as good as those 70% of Mira Vista graduates'. For lack of detailed information about the employment ratio, we can hardly evaluate the quality their employment.


The author assumes that the proposed measures are both sufficient and necessary for Mira Vista College. To solve the problem successfully, those measure still lack of such factors. There is no supporting evidence showed that if we offer computer technology courses ,the employment situation will be improved. to[这个地方表达的有问题，用to不对]. Even assuming that the employment ratio of Green Mountain College is better than Mira Vista’s. [用词不妥，employment has a better efficiency?] it's still lack of profound study of whether business course could help students of Mira Vista College to get a better job, and the analogy between them might be unsubstantiated. The author fails to illustrate that those two colleges are similar enough at every respect and are indeed comparable[哈哈这个词我也是想了很久没想出来的，学习了写的时候查字典的
发现还挺容易记住的 ].


Moreover, the author suggests that Mira Vista College should hire additional job counselor to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills which I partially agreed that might work. It's no doubt an effective way to display graduates more sufficiently to employer, but they need to improve themselves in all [all更妥] aspects rather than just learn to show themselves[我当时也想写表面功夫，不知道怎么表达，原来是how to show themselves],I suggest that Mira Vista College should [such as放在此处，会让人觉得是对于show themselves的解释，而文章的本意不是这个] hire some more professional faculties in major course and have more practical activity in order to equip the graduates with necessary skills. In that case, employer might be more willing to hire the graduates of Mira Vista College.


To sum up, the measure lacks of comprehensive. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts. To strengthen the measure, the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above and more suitable advice for solve the problem. [这一段过于模板化，最好是结合上面的攻击来总结
我好懒。。好懒
好懒。。。]




第二次修改 by fay ~
十分感谢指出了许多语法错误~正在恶补语法中~

In this argument, the author tries to find a measure to offer more courses in business and computer technology and also to hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills to help Mira Vista College improve its graduates’ employment ratio. To substantiate that the graduates in Mira Vista did not find as good as the employment situation of Green Mountain College, the author also quotes supporting evidence indicating that 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers, but at Mira Vista College last year, only 70 percent of the seniors who informed the placement office that they would be seeking employment had found full-time jobs within three months after graduation, and only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study. At first glance, the argument might be appealing, but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.

First of all, the supporting evidence
that the author provides are not representative of the overall group of graduates.
The employment ratio of Mira Vista College is 70 present which was only based on those graduates who had informed the placement office and also attended a full-time job in three months after graduation, while the ratio of Green Mountain is based on those who have got offers, which has no comparability. Also the survey has mentioned that only half of these graduates were employed in their major field of study in Mira Vista College might have other reason such as those graduates in science major who need further education before they get an official job or those major in art whose academic levels should be evaluated by their projects and works instead of criticize their employment. In that case, those graduates of Mira Vista College also might need further education and this figure did not mention whether it was included.
Additionally, there may be a chance that 30 present unemployed graduates from Mira Vista want to start a company by themselves which need a longer period than merely three month.Those 90% present students of Green Mountain College is being
reported as got an offer other than actually attend the job, even assuming that all of them have accepted that offer still there may be a chance that their jobs are not as good as those 70% of Mira Vista graduates'. For lack of detailed information about the employment ratio, we can hardly evaluate the quality of their employment.


The author assumes that the proposed measures are both sufficient and necessary for Mira Vista College. To solve the problem successfully, those measures still lack of such factors. There is no supporting evidence shows that if we offer computer technology courses, the employment situation will be improved. Even assuming that the employment ratio of Green Mountain College is better than Mira Vista’s, it's still lack of profound study of whether business course could help students of Mira Vista College to get a better job, and the analogy between them might be unsubstantiated. The author fails to illustrate that those two colleges are similar enough at every respect and are indeed comparable.
Moreover, the author suggests that Mira Vista College should hire additional job counselors to help students with their resumes and interviewing skills which I partially agree that might work. Undoubtedly, it is an effective way to display graduates more sufficiently to employers, but they need to improve themselves in every aspects rather than just learn to show themselves, I suggest that Mira Vista College should hire some more professional faculties in major course and have more practical activities in order to equip the graduates with necessary skills. In that case, employers might be more willing to hire the graduates of Mira Vista College.


To sum up, the measure lacks of comprehensive. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts. To strengthen the measure, the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above and more suitable advice for solving the problem.

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本帖最后由 bzr2915 于 2010-2-2 21:59 编辑

28. "Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."
学生们在记忆知识的时候应该先学习有助于解释那些知识的理念、潮流和概念。仅仅死学知识的学生是学不到什么东西的。(教育类）

错误（个人感觉）
我的看法
好句子

提纲：

两种学习方法的对立：机械记忆和理解记忆；表面记忆和深层次的理解；孤立的掌握知识和全面的、整体的掌握知识。

*一些基本知识没有必要刻意理解（为什么？基本知识我感觉反而要作为重要理解对象，它是理解后面知识的基础）
*但是许多知识如果不去理解而只是背诵就没有意义
*学会理解可以帮助学生学会如何思考 think critically ,to be able to analyze facts and to make sound judgment

提纲过于宽泛空洞 缺乏例证 逻辑过于简单

I partially agree with the author that in most cases student should memorize facts after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts.It is true that student who have learned only facts could only have learned the surface of facts.One propose of education is to helping people understand the profound meaning of facts.If learn the ideas,trend,and concepts behind the facts is a way to understand and helping people to make creation and improvement ,just learning facts and memorize it is only a transmission from book to brain which changed nothing and can be forgotten in no time.（到这都是理论空话缺乏推理论证 没有说服力）Although there is still some facts we can not easily tell what meaning it is.Like the alphabet which is hard to tell the origin or meaning of a letter to a baby or some foreigner.Moreover people still can not figure out why one plus one equals two.Otherwise, when you learning some foreign language,there is a lot of habit of phrase make no sense to you.
Though sometimes people have to remember meaningless thing,there is also a lot of facts better be memorized after studied the truth behind it.It's quite easy to remember the laws of motion without understand,but when it's just some letter on a papper,it become useless.
By studing the truth behind the facts,students learned a way to thinking and gaining useful perspectives and thoughts.It's like give one a loaf of bread can't let him stay away from hungry,but teaching him to hunt can really make him able to take care of himself.（这里讨论的只是一种学习方法，未必见得用此法的人就能学会a way to thinking and gaining useful perspectives and thoughts可能the true behind the facts是老师们强迫他们学的呢？）The propose of education is to helping people develop their understanding and learn how to think critically to be able to analyze facts and to make sound judgment.
To sum up, in a blank facts are meaningless, and only by fill it with thoughts can students learn. To make a conclusion,students should not only memorize the facts but also remember the ideas, trends and concepts.(这是一个一边倒的结论，与首段相违）

此文逻辑很直白....
怎么感觉改不出什么东西，是不是写的太简单了....

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发表于 2010-2-5 21:44:39 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-10 13:33 编辑

I28修改

28. "Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little."
学生们在记忆知识的时候应该先学习有助于解释那些知识的理念、潮流和概念。仅仅死学知识的学生是学不到什么东西的。(教育类）

提纲：
1.原观点适用范围有限
一些基本知识没有必要刻意理解 如基础的知识和语言习惯之类
2.但是许多知识如果不去理解而只是背诵就没有意义
如惯性定律 只是背公式就没有意义
2.1学会理解可以帮助学生学会如何思考
就如惯性定律的运用 在老师分析之后可以学会分析物体运动的方法

think critically ,to be able to analyze facts and to make sound judgment


I partially agree with the author that in most cases student should memorize facts after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Sometimes it is true that students who have learned only facts could only have learned the surface of facts. One propose of education is to helping people understand the profound meaning of facts. If learn the ideas, trend, and concepts behind the facts is a way to understand and helping people to make creation and improvement, just learning facts and memorize it is only a transmission from book to brain which changed nothing and can be forgotten in no time except for some fundamental knowledge which is hard to find the explanation behind it should be just memorized.

Although it is important to study the ideas or explanation behind facts, there are still some facts we can not easily tell what meaning it is. Like the alphabet which is hard to tell the origin or meaning of a letter to a baby or some foreigner. Moreover people still can not figure out why one plus one equals two, and facts like this won’t worth paying time and energy into for majority of people. Otherwise, when you learning some foreign language, there is a lot of habit of phrase make no sense to you but without dig deep for explanation, most people just simply remember it.

Though sometimes people have to remember meaningless thing, there is also a lot of facts better be memorized after studied the truth behind it. It's quite easy to remember the laws of motion without understand, but without understanding and use it into explain the regulation of the physical world, it become useless. After learned how to use the laws of motion, most of us is able to learn further principles in Physics like theorem of kinetic energy and help to understand principles in other subjects and think for themselves in these cases.

By studying the truth behind the facts, students learned a way to thinking and gaining useful perspectives and thoughts. It's like give one a loaf of bread can't let him stay away from hungry, but teaching him to hunt can really make him able to feed himself. The propose of education is to helping people develop their understanding and learn how to think critically to be able to analyze facts and to make sound judgment.

To sum up, in a blank facts are meaningless, and only by fill it with thoughts can students learn.
In that case, students should sometimes not only memorize the facts but also remember the ideas, trends and concepts, though sometimes simply memorize some mechanical facts either.


第一次修改 by 甘甜

[意见]
[错误]


I partially agree with the author that in most cases[题目并没有说是in most cases吧，我觉得题目说的是all the time] student should memorize facts after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Sometimes it is true that students who have learned only facts could only have[换成would just？这里用could给人“能够做某事”的感觉] learned the surface of facts. One propose of education is to helping [help] people understand the profound meaning of facts. If learn[learning] the ideas, trend, and concepts behind the facts is a way to understand [少了understand的宾语] and helping[和to understand并列，改成help] people to make creation[produce creation，make improvement] and improvement, just learning facts and memorize[memorizing] it is only a transmission from book to brain which changed nothing and can be forgotten in no time except for[这个连接词放在这感觉有些莫名，感觉应该另起一个句子来写这个exception] some fundamental knowledge which is hard to find the explanation behind it should be just memorized.

Although it is important to study the ideas or explanation behind facts, there are still some facts we can not easily tell what meaning it is. Like the alphabet which is hard to tell the origin or meaning of a letter to a baby or some foreigner. [这句话语法有问题，各部分不完整。改成Like the alphabet which is hard to tell the origin or meaning in a letter by a baby or some foreigner？不过也感觉不大对，letter里的alphabet?呵呵不知道了]Moreover [+,] people still can not[can的否定是cannot] figure out why one plus one equals two, and facts like this won’t worth paying time and energy into for majority of people. Otherwise, when you learning some foreign language, there is a lot of habit of phrase【idioms？】 make no sense to you[好像有看到评论说，最好不要在文章里提到you之类的东西，而说成people，用第三人称] but without dig deep for explanation, most people just simply remember it.[这句话也各部分的结构不完整，感觉是几个句子凑成一起，最好拆开，或者是把这个句子的结构用连接词更好的连接一下]

Though sometimes people have to remember meaningless thing, there is also a lot of facts better be memorized after studied the truth behind it. It's quite easy to remember the laws of motion without understand, but without understanding and use it into[to] explain the regulation of the physical world, it become[would be] useless. After learned how to use the laws of motion, most of us is able to learn further principles in Physics like theorem of kinetic energy and help to understand principles in other subjects and think for themselves in these cases.[这2个and用得有些奇怪]

By studying the truth behind the facts, students learned a way to thinking and gaining useful perspectives and thoughts. It's like give one a loaf of bread can't[cannot] let him stay away from hungry, but teaching him to hunt can really make him [+be] able to feed himself. The propose of education is to helping people develop their understanding and learn how to think critically to be able to analyze facts and to make sound judgment.[to似乎用的有点多，使得读起来有些绕]

To sum up, in a blank facts are meaningless, and only by fill it with thoughts can students learn.[句子不完整, in a blank facts作为主语？]
In that case, students should sometimes not only memorize the facts but also remember the ideas, trends and concepts, though sometimes simply memorize some mechanical facts either.

总结：
1.我也是第一次写Issue，内容和提纲不是很懂所以不提意见。我今天看了一部分的Issue5.5教程，里面的前面部分讲的是题目分析。按照那书的讨论，这道题目应该是个因果关系的题目。因为Students who have learned only facts have learned very little.所以Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. 我觉得整体文章构建上，是否可以修改一下将此逻辑体现出来。
（叹我昨天写作业的时候还没看书，昨天交的作业里面丝毫没有逻辑）
下面是我刚刚写的提纲，交流一下：

Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts. Students who have learned only facts have learned very little.

分析题目：
典型的因果类题目，因为Students who have learned only facts have learned very little.所以Students should memorize facts only after they have studied the ideas, trends, and concepts that help explain those facts.

论点：学生有时候不得不去背概念，但这并不意味着学生只能在studied the ideas, trends, and concepts以后才能去memorize facts。

正：learned only facts 的缺陷

反：但不能据此推出，学生只能在studied the ideas, trends, and concepts以后才能去memorize facts。

A.不符合常识：有不少facts是无法形象化理解的，例如元素周期表

B.偷换概念，将learned only facts换成memorize facts

合：memorize facts也只是学习的一种手段，可以将studied the ideas, trends, and concepts作为一种辅助学习手段，不拘泥于一种学习方法，灵活地学习知识。

2.文章里有很多长长的句子，但是都不完整。引用看到的一句话，“好的段落和句子的特点：清楚、简洁、多变”，而文章中的句子结构有些乱使得第一点<清楚>不能成立。读起来会觉得句子逻辑有些费解。可以在写文章的时候对句子更加斟酌一下。。


呵呵第一次看Issue，惭愧的是自己写的还不知道是什么乱七八糟就在这评价别人的作业，感觉你每次在展开的时候都可以想到很多例子，而我写的时候就一直处于脑子空空状态要～哈哈以后多找你聊聊来打开思路。。。有拍的不好的地方再一起讨论哈哈～

--gantian





每次被甘甜改完都会很有收获哈哈

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发表于 2010-2-5 21:49:42 |只看该作者
第六次作业 A203
203.The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average
length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital
in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days.
Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice
that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per
patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about
service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in
smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than
treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."

在Saluda镇的小型非盈利医院，患者平均逗留时间是两天；在邻近的Megaville市的大型盈利医院，患者平均逗留时间为6天。而且，Saluda医院患者的治愈率大约是Megaville医院的两倍。Saluda平均每个患者对应的医务人员的数量比Megaville医院多，而且地方医院关于服务的投诉也较少。这些数据表明小型非盈利医院的治疗比大型盈利医院更加经济，质量更高。

提纲：
一、
偷换范围
一所医院不等代表所有同类型医院
可能S&M 囧
是特例
二、
[Evidence 1+2+4] => [Conclusion 1.1]

[E1]： 1.停留时间短不等于治愈时间短 2.时间短不等于费用低
[E2]： 1.治愈率高可能费用更高而不是省钱 2. 数据不完整 S医院一般看看感冒 M医院癌症
治愈率不能说明医院水平
更不能说明哪个更加经济
[E4]：
自相矛盾的证据
每个病人对应医务人员数量更多
所以不经济
三、
[Evidence 2+3+4] => [Conclusion 1.2]

[E2]：同样的道理治愈率高不等于质量好
[E3]：人均享有医护人员数量可能1.M医院更加有效率 2.staff水平更高
所以质量也可能比S医院好
[E4]：投诉少不等于质量好 1.数据无基数 S医院病人总数少
所以投诉：总人数
比例不一定小 2.S医院可能投诉渠道很复杂
病人没办法真实反映
其他：只对比一部分变化
治疗质量还需要其他判断因素


[Evidence 1.1]
At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient’s stay is two days
[Evidence 1.2]
At the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is xis days.
[Evidence 2]
the cure rate among patients in the S hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital.
[Evidence 3]
The S hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in M
[Evidence 4]
there are few complaints about service at the local hospital.
[Conclusion 1.1]
treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals.
[Conclusion 1.2]
better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals

In this argument, the author made a conclusion about all hospitals that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in those larger, for-profit hospitals. To substantiate this inference, the author also quoted supporting evidence indicating that a small nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda has a shorter average stay time in the hospital than a large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is higher than that of the Megaville hospital which has less employees per patient and have more complaints about service than the hospital in Saluda. At fist sight, the argument might be appealing, but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.

In illustrating the assumption that treatment in hospitals which share the feature of the hospital in Saluda is more economical than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals like the hospital in Megaville, the author commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. The comparison between two hospitals may be a special one and it is not a sufficiently large sample of all hospitals in those two types. The author ought to give more adequate supporting evidence and the general conclusion cannot be reached merely basing on these special and limited cases.

To demonstrate that treatment in the hospital in Saluda is more economical than treatment in the hospital in Megaville, the author give the evidence that the average patient stay days in the hospital in Saluda is shorter than in Megaville which cannot infer that those patients were cured during that period so that it may costs more time and money to heal the disease. Additionally, the article did not mention that whether patients spend less money in less time so that we cannot draw a conclusion of which hospital has more efficiency of treatment. Author also mentioned that the hospital in Saluda has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville which may cause more treatment fees. In that case this piece of evidence could serve to refute the author’s assumption. Moreover, the evidence that displayed the cure rate among patients in the hospital in Saluda is about twice that of the Megaville hospital cannot demonstrate that treatment fees is lower and not reason to the treatment of which hospital is more economical. The author did not showed any evidence about the illness level of each hospital. There may be a chance that most patients of the hospital in Megaville have seriously illness like cancer which, of course, has lower cure rate than the cure rate among patients int the hospital in Saluda. Since they did not share same illness range, we could not simply compare the treatment of which hospital is more econimcal.
Similarly, we could not infer from that evidence that which hospital has quality of treatment either. Since that patients in the hospital in Saluda have more average medical staff number per patient, did not infer that this hospital have more efficiency of treatment. There might be other reason to support the assumption that the hospital in Megaville have other way to offer a better quality treatment to patient, such as the medical staff are more professional or the leader of this hospital have a great way to organize their staff so that they can give patients a quality of treatment. Otherwise, the article mentioned that there is less compliant in the hospital in Saluda, which did not give the total patient number. Without calculate the compliant to patient ratio, the author could not make sure which hospital suffers more compliant indeed. Even the compliant number is bigger, still cannot reason that of which is more serious. Assuming that the hospital in Megaville have more seriously compliant, without make sure whether each patient is able to compliant, we still have no rights to make a judgment about which hospital have a better quality of service. In addition, this article only give part of factors to decide the quality of treatment, there is a lot more factors need to be known before we make the conclusion of it.
To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.

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发表于 2010-2-5 21:50:27 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-7 23:11 编辑

A203 第一次修改 by 甘甜 第二次修改 by Doreen
203.The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.

"At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average
length of a patient's stay is two days; at the large, for-profit hospital
in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is six days.
Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is about twice
that of the Megaville hospital. The Saluda hospital has more employees per
patient than the hospital in Megaville, and there are few complaints about
service at the local hospital. Such data indicate that treatment in
smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than
treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals."

在Saluda镇的小型非盈利医院，患者平均逗留时间是两天；在邻近的Megaville市的大型盈利医院，患者平均逗留时间为6天。而且，Saluda医院患者的治愈率大约是Megaville医院的两倍。Saluda平均每个患者对应的医务人员的数量比Megaville医院多，而且地方医院关于服务的投诉也较少。这些数据表明小型非盈利医院的治疗比大型盈利医院更加经济，质量更高。

[错误]   
[个人意见]   


提纲：
一、
偷换范围 一所医院不等代表所有同类型医院 可能S&M 囧 是特例
二、
[Evidence 1+2+4] => [Conclusion 1.1]        
[E1]： 1.停留时间短不等于治愈时间短 2.时间短不等于费用低
[E2]： 1.治愈率高可能费用更高而不是省钱 2. 数据不完整 S医院一般看看感冒 M医院癌症 治愈率不能说明医院水平 更不能说明哪个更加经济
[E4]： 自相矛盾的证据 每个病人对应医务人员数量更多 所以不经济
三、
[Evidence 2+3+4] => [Conclusion 1.2]        
[E2]：同样的道理治愈率高不等于质量好
[E3]：人均享有医护人员数量可能1.M医院更加有效率 2.staff水平更高 所以质量也可能比S医院好
[E4]：投诉少不等于质量好 1.数据无基数 S医院病人总数少 所以投诉：总人数 比例不一定小 2.S医院可能投诉渠道很复杂 病人没办法真实反映
其他：只对比一部分变化 治疗质量还需要其他判断因素


[Evidence 1.1]        At the small, nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda, the average length of a patient’s stay is two days
[Evidence 1.2]        At the large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville, the average patient stay is xis days.
[Evidence 2]        the cure rate among patients in the S hospital is about twice that of the Megaville hospital.
[Evidence 3]                The S hospital has more employees per patient than the hospital in M
[Evidence 4]                there are few complaints about service at the local hospital.
[Conclusion 1.1]        treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals.
[Conclusion 1.2]        better quality than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals

In this argument, the author made a conclusion about all hospitals that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in those larger, for-profit hospitals. To substantiate this inference, the author also quoted supporting evidence indicating that a small nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda has a shorter average stay time in the hospital than a large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is higher than that of the Megaville hospital which has less employees per patient and have[has] more complaints about service than the hospital in Saluda. At fist sight, the argument might be appealing, but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.

In illustrating the assumption that treatment in hospitals which share the feature of the hospital in Saluda is more economical than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals like the hospital in Megaville, the author commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. The comparison between two hospitals may be a special one and it is not a sufficiently large sample of all hospitals in those two types. The author ought to give more adequate supporting evidence and[并列关系有些奇怪] the general conclusion cannot be reached merely basing on these special and limited cases.

To demonstrate that treatment in the hospital in Saluda is more economical than treatment in the hospital in Megaville, the author give the evidence that the average patient stay days in the hospital in Saluda is shorter than in Megaville which cannot infer that those patients were cured during that period so that it may costs more time and money to heal the disease. Additionally, the article did not mention that whether patients spend less money in less time so that we cannot draw a conclusion of which hospital has more efficiency of treatment. Author also mentioned that the hospital in Saluda has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville which may cause more treatment fees. In that case this piece of evidence could serve to refute the author’s assumption. [好句，学习了]Moreover, the evidence that displayed the cure rate among patients in the hospital in Saluda is about twice that of the Megaville hospital cannot demonstrate that treatment fees is lower and not reason to the treatment of which hospital is more economical. The author did not showed any evidence about the illness level of each hospital. There may be a chance that most patients of the hospital in Megaville have seriously illness like cancer which, of course, has lower cure rate than the cure rate among patients int the hospital in Saluda. Since they did not share same illness range, we could not simply compare the treatment of which hospital is more econimcal.
[记着段落之间留一行空白]
Similarly, we could not infer from that evidence that which hospital has quality of treatment[+better]either. Since that patients in the hospital in Saluda have more average medical staff number per patient, did not infer that this hospital have[has] more efficiency of treatment[这句话语法有些问题]. There might be other reason to support the assumption that the hospital in Megaville have other way to offer a better quality treatment to patient, such as the medical staff are more professional or the leader of this hospital have a great way to organize their staff so that they can give patients a quality of treatment. Otherwise, the article mentioned that there is less compliant in the hospital in Saluda, which did not give the total patient number. Without calculate the compliant to patient ratio, the author could not make sure which hospital suffers more compliant indeed. Even the compliant number is bigger, still cannot reason that of which is more serious. Assuming that the hospital in Megaville have more seriously compliant, without make sure whether each patient is able to compliant, we still have no rights to make a judgment about which hospital have a better quality of service. In addition, this article only give part of factors to decide the quality of treatment, there is a lot more factors need to be known before we make the conclusion of it.
[记着段落之间留一行空白]
To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.

总结：
文章逻辑很有层次，而且每个攻击都充分展开来论述。（很赞找到的他因）。哈哈不是我改得不认真，我看了好几遍也没发现有什么其他的意见可以提了，等第二次批改看看其他人给的建议吧。一起加油加油^_^

--gantian



In this argument, the author made a conclusion about all hospitals that treatment in smaller, nonprofit hospitals is more economical and of better quality than treatment in those larger, for-profit hospitals. To substantiate this inference, the author also quoted supporting evidence indicating that a small nonprofit hospital in the town of Saluda has a shorter average stay time in the hospital than a large, for-profit hospital in the nearby city of Megaville which inferred that the hospital in Saluda has better quality of treatments. Also, the cure rate among patients in the Saluda hospital is higher than that of the Megaville hospital which has less employees per patient and has more complaints about service than the hospital in Saluda. At fist sight, the argument might be appealing, but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.

In illustrating the assumption that treatment in hospitals which share the feature of the hospital in Saluda is more economical than treatment in larger, for-profit hospitals like the hospital in Megaville, the author commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. The comparison between two hospitals may be a special one and it is not a sufficiently large sample of all hospitals in those two types. The author ought to give more adequate supporting evidences to ensure that majority of large hospital share the same feature of the hospital in Megaville mentioned before,
and the general conclusion cannot be reached merely basing on these special and limited cases.

To demonstrate that treatment in the hospital in Saluda is more economical than treatment in the hospital in Megaville, the author give the evidence that the average patient stay time in the hospital in Saluda is shorter than in Megaville from which cannot infer that those patients were cured during that period so that it may cost more time and money to cure the patients of disease. Additionally, the article did not mention whether patients spend less money in less time so that we cannot draw a conclusion of which hospital has more efficiency of treatment. Author also mentioned that the hospital in Saluda has more employees per patient than the hospital in Megaville which may charge more treatment fees. In that case this piece of evidence could serve to refute the author’s assumption. Moreover, the evidence that displayed the cure rate among patients in the hospital in Saluda is about twice that of the Megaville hospital cannot demonstrate that treatment fees is lower and not reason to the treatment of which hospital is more economical. The author did not showed any evidence about the illness level of each hospital. There may be a chance that most patients of the hospital in Megaville have seriously illness like cancer which, of course, has lower cure rate than the cure rate among patients in the hospital in Saluda. Since they did not share same illness range, we could not simply compare the treatment of which hospital is more economical.

Similarly, we could not infer from that evidence that which hospital has quality of treatment better either. Since that the hospital in Saluda have more employees per patient, did not infer that this hospital has more efficiency of treatment. There might be other reason to support the assumption that the hospital in Megaville have other way to offer a better quality treatment to patient, such as the medical staff are more professional or the leader of this hospital have a great way to organize their staff so that they can give patients a quality of treatment. Otherwise, the article mentioned that there is less compliant in the hospital in Saluda, which did not give the total patient number. Without calculate the compliant to patients ratio, the author could not make sure which hospital suffers more compliant indeed. Even the compliant number is bigger, still cannot reason that of which is more serious. Assuming that the hospital in Megaville have more seriously compliant, without make sure whether each patient is able to compliant, we still have no rights to make a judgment about which hospital have a better quality of service. In addition, this article only give part of factors to decide the quality of treatment, there is a lot more factors need to be known before we make the conclusion of it.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.



语法要加强。 ---Doreen

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发表于 2010-2-5 22:48:45 |只看该作者
第七次作业 A37
37.Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have
previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric
village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been unique to the
Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a
"Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from
Palea.[E1] The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans
could only have crossed it by boat, but there is no evidence that the
Paleans had boats.[E2] And boats capable of carrying groups of people and
cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people
disappeared.[E3] Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the
river-the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game. [C]It
follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.

一种具有独特花纹的编织篮子以前只在史前村庄Palea的临近地区发现过，因而被认为是Palea居民所独有的。然而最近，考古学家在一个与Palea隔着一条叫做Brim河的村庄Lithos发现了一个这样的Palea篮子。Brim河很深很宽，所以古代Palea人只能坐船穿过它，但没有证据表明Palea人拥有船只。而且能够运载大量人和货物的船只直到Palea人消失几千年后才出现。而且，Palea人应该没有必要穿过这条河流--Palea周围的林地有丰富的果实和小动物。这表明那种所谓的Palea篮子并不是那里所独有的。

[Evidence 1]        The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could only have cross it by boat, but there is no evidence that the Paleans had boats.
[Evidence 1.1]        And boats capable of carrying groups of people and cargo were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared.
[Evidence 2]        Moreover, Paleans would have had no need to cross the river- the woods around Palea are full of nuts, berries, and small game.
[Conclusion]        It follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea.

[E1] => [C]        1.B河在当时不一定很深很宽 可能可以走过去 2.可能篮子意外飘过河流让河对面的L人学会了编制方法 3.后来在河对岸发现的篮子是后人挖掘出来然后带到河对岸的
[E1.1]                当时可能存在船只但是没有保留下来 1.没找到2.消失了 或者干脆游泳过河
[E2] => [C]        1.没有证据证明在古代的P地区也充满资源 2.P过河可能为了其他交流 如货物交流以及文化传播 3.可能河对岸的人到P来买卖货物而把篮子带回去了

In this argument, the author made a conclusion that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea. To substantiate this inference, the author also quote supporting evidence indicating that the Brim River is very deep and brad so that ancient Paleans could only have cross it by boat which were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared. The arguer also provides statistics about the land around Palea which are full of nuts, berries, and small game. At first glance, the argument might be appealing, but close perlustration reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.

In the argument the author suggests that we can infer the conclusion through the evidence that the Brim River si very deep and broad so that the ancient Paleans could only have cross it by boat. There is a hidden assumption assumed by the author that the Brim River is exist at that time and is as deep and broad as it is at present. However, many factors could have been changed during the past years. There might have no river at the same place and ancient Paleans did not need and transportations to get to Lithos, which means they could simply walk to there. There might be a chance that the baskets are not get to Lithos by ancient Paleans. It could be drift through the river by accident and ancient Lithos found it and figured out how to make it themselves. Moreover, it is possible that some people discovered these baskets after the Paleans’ disappear and bring it to Lithos.

Even assuming that the river is deep and broad at that time, ancient Paleans still could find a way to cross the river. The author suggests that boats capable of carring groups of people were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared, which did not figured out whether ancient Paleans is capable of making transportations. The boats they made might be wooden and disappeared after several decades, or it is still somewhere covered by the soil under the ground and the archaeologists fail to discover it. Without further survey about it, the author should not draw a conclusion too hasty.

The article also mentioned that the area around Paleans is full of nuts, berries, and small game which inferred that ancient Paleans have no motivation to cross the river. First of all, this piece of evidence did not mention whether this area is full of foods either, which might been not as rich as present. In that case, it is natural for ancients to try to cross the river and find food. Otherwise, even assuming they are not lack of food, they still could manage to get to the other side of the river in order to trade goods so that the baskets is bring to the Lithos. Additionally, ancient Lithos might get to Paleans to buy their baskets so that these baskets is still the creation of Palean people.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. The author has overlooked or chosen to ignore many respects of the facts. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more supporting evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.

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发表于 2010-2-5 23:21:15 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 snowsguoguo 于 2010-2-10 14:20 编辑

第七次作业 A37 第一次修改 by 小鸟


[E1] => [C]
1.B河在当时不一定很深很宽 可能可以走过去
2.可能篮子意外飘过河流让河对面的L人学会了编制方法
3.后来在河对岸发现的篮子是后人挖掘出来然后带到河对岸的(想象力很丰富....没事儿挖篮子干嘛，挖了不说还带过去了...)
[E1.1]

当时可能存在船只但是没有保留下来 1.没找到2.消失了(被UFO劫持了？新东方作文课那哥们说的） 或者干脆游泳过河(游泳... 我也就想到个绕道步行过去，你....)
[E2] => [C]
1.没有证据证明在古代的P地区也充满资源（充其量也就食物资源挺丰富)
2.P过河可能为了其他交流 如货物交流以及文化传播
3.可能河对岸的人到P来买卖货物而把篮子带回去了（对呀，万一对面的会造船不就欧克了）

野马般的思维...

探讨，一般现在时能不能表示说那条河一直很宽很长这一FACT?还有食物资源那一段
可能缺乏具体的研究 人类对地质情况有记载的历史才几百年嘛 十几万年前的还不会造船的时期应该还是有可能的。。。

In this argument, the author made a conclusion that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea. To substantiate this inference, the author also mentioned the fact (quote supporting(这个词有点别扭
supporting evidence 不是就是论据的词组嘛） evidence indicating) that the Brim River is very deep and brad so that ancient Paleans could only have cross it by boat which were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared.(河很深很宽人家没列证据证明啊..) The arguer also provides evidence （statistics）(没涉及到统计吧..)
about the land around Palea which are full of nuts, berries, and small game. At first glance, the argument might be appealing(不合适）, but close scrutiny (perlustration)（什么东东这是？）
reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.
（第一段太长了，压缩，意见同DOREEN）

In this argument the author suggests that the ancient Paleans could only have cross it by boat.
（上面说了一遍这里又来一个这么长的，有点啰嗦了）There is a hidden assumption assumed by the author that the Brim River is exist at that time and is as deep and broad as it is at present. However, many factors could have been changed during the past years. There might have no river at the same place instead of plat ground and ancient Paleans did not need and transportations to get to Lithos, which means they could simply walk to there(没河也不意味着能走过去啊，有山怎么办？Might一下？）. There might be a chance that the baskets are not get to Lithos by ancient Paleans. It could be drift through the river by accident and ancient Lithos found it and figured out how to make it themselves.
Moreover, it is possible that some people discovered these baskets after the Paleans’ disappear（disappearance)
and bring(brought) it to Lithos.

Even assuming that the river is deep and broad at that time, ancient Paleans still could find a way to cross the river. The author suggests that boats capable of carring groups of people were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared, which did not figured out whether ancient Paleans is capable of making transportations. The boats they made might be wooden（木质的怎么了..很容易被大地妈妈消化？）
and disappeared after several decades,（为什么DISAPPEAR说一下，被消化了） or it is still somewhere covered by the soil under the ground and（删掉吧被土埋在地下.. 也可能被金矿压在地下...)the archaeologists fail to discover it. Without further survey about it, the author should not draw a conclusion too hasty.

The article also mentioned that the
area around Paleans is full of nuts, berries, and small game which inferred that ancient Paleans have no motivation to cross the river. First of all, this piece of evidence did not mention whether this area is as rich as present. In that case, it is natural for ancients（这个词有远古人的意思？） to try to cross the river and find food. Otherwise, even assuming they are not lack of food, they still could manage to get to the other side of the river in order to trade goods so that the baskets could be brought to the Lithos. Additionally, ancient Lithos might get to Paleans to buy their baskets in stead of Paleans cross the river to get to Lithos. In that case, these baskets is still the creation of Palean people.（没看懂，SO THAT在这里什么意思 so that后面一句想表达什么意思？）

To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. The author has overlooked (or chosen to ignore)（和ORERLOOK一个意思还是其他意思？） many respects of the facts. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more supporting evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.（这句话不对，翻译过来就是作者要找更多关于以上可能性的证据，找证据干嘛？
To strengthen the conclusion 呀。。。 ）


注意语态，时态，单词用法。反驳的例子要说完整，注意丰满细节


以上看法 仅供参考



------------------------------------小鸟





修改后文章：

In this argument, the author made a conclusion that the so-called Palean baskets were not unique to Palea. To substantiate this inference, the author also mentioned the fact that the Brim River is very deep and brad so that ancient Paleans could only have cross it by boat which were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared.
The arguer also provides evidence
about the land around Palea which are full of nuts, berries, and small game. At first glance, the argument might be appealing, but close scrutiny reveals that it contains several unconvincing assumptions and is consequently unpersuasive.

In this argument the author suggests that the ancient Paleans could only have cross it by boat. There is a hidden assumption assumed by the author that the Brim River is exist at that time and is as deep and broad as it is at present. However, many factors could have been changed during the past years. There might have no river at the same place instead of plat ground and ancient Paleans did not need and transportations to get to Lithos, which means they could simply walk to there. There might be a chance that the baskets are not get to Lithos by ancient Paleans. It could be drift through the river by accident and ancient Lithos found it and figured out how to make it themselves.
Moreover, it is possible that some people discovered these baskets after the Paleans’ disappearance and brought it to Lithos.

Even assuming that the river is deep and broad at that time, ancient Paleans still could find a way to cross the river. The author suggests that boats capable of carring groups of people were not developed until thousands of years after the Palean people disappeared, which did not figured out whether ancient Paleans is capable of making transportations. The boats they made might be wooden and disappeared after several decades, or it is still somewhere covered by the soil under the ground and
the archaeologists fail to discover it. Without further survey about it, the author should not draw a conclusion too hasty.

The article also mentioned that the
area around Paleans is full of nuts, berries, and small game which inferred that ancient Paleans have no motivation to cross the river. First of all, this piece of evidence did not mention whether this area is as rich as present. In that case, it is natural for ancients to try to cross the river and find food. Otherwise, even assuming they are not lack of food, they still could manage to get to the other side of the river in order to trade goods so that the baskets could be brought to the Lithos. Additionally, ancient Lithos might get to Paleans to buy their baskets in stead of Paleans cross the river to get to Lithos. In that case, these baskets is still the creation of Palean people.


To sum up, the conclusion lacks of credibility. The author has overlooked many respects of the facts. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should give more supporting evidence about the possibilities mentioned above.



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