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[a习作temp] wintogether 作文小组第一次练习 by 樾悦 [复制链接]

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发表于 2010-12-22 14:15:50 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
2.Thefollowing appeared in a letter sent by a committee of homeowners
from the Deerhaven Acres to all homeowners in Deerhaven Acres.

"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set
of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what
colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average
property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property
values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on
landscaping and housepainting."
1.
缺少实地考察。D地方和B地方的人在年龄,性别,工作上的差异。 B实行这种规定房子卖的很好可能因为这里的居民工作普遍很忙,没时间考虑房屋布置和颜色问题,
D地方居民可能很闲,
有精力自己布置房子
2.7年的时间足以改变人们的追求。
随着社会的发展和思想的进步,越来越多人追求个性,因此7年前这种规定可能很受欢迎但是现在说不定已被淘汰
3.B地方曾经房子买得很好耶不一定就是因为限制规定了房屋颜色和布置。房屋地理位置,周围环境,增值潜力都可能是B地产高价的原因
1. The insufficiency of on-the-spot investigation. Residentsin Deerhaven Acres may different with people in Briookville on age, sex andjob. The majority residents in Brookville may too busy on work to consider howto paint the house and what furniture to fix up. However, things may differentin Deerhaven, older and retired workers may occupied the major people. Thus,they have sufficient time to decorate their house.
2. Seven years is a longtime which can alter our pursuit of houses. On account of development in modernsociety, people are inclined to paint their house according to theirpersonality and habits, and therefore, the favorite kind of house in sevenyears ago may be eliminated nowadays.
3. The author overlooks thestrong possibility that the restrictions on landscaping and housepainting arenot the main factors affecting the values of house in Brookville, other factorssuch as location, environment and the potential of future wealth may exert strongerinfluence on the increase value in Brookville community.


第一次写 不知道是不是这样写的  不对的话晚上改~   同组GF给点建议吧!
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沙发
发表于 2010-12-22 22:05:29 |只看该作者
Argument6
following was written as a part of an application for a small
business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable
enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our
proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself.
Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended
Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live
in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz
Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study
indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on
jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make
money."
文章论据1. the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away;
        2. jazz is extremely popular in Monroe  (1,over 100,000 people attended
Monroe's jazz festival last summer  2. several well-known jazz musicians live
in Monroe  3. the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz
Nightly,' which airs every weeknight.)
        3. a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on
jazz entertainment.
反驳:

1.        很多人参加了去年的jazz festival也不能说明jazz很流行。 可能很多人都是凑热闹或陪自己女朋友去的他们本身不爱jazz music
2.        许多jazz musicians 在M地与jazz很流行无因果关系,何况有名的jazz musicians根本不会经常来club这种地方
3.        一个club能不能吸引顾客还有更重要因素,比如说规模,价钱,宣传等。
4.        人们近1000元在爵士娱乐上不能推出他们会花很多钱在club上,而可能用于买jazz CD 听演唱会什么的

1.        We can’t perorate that jazz is popular according to the number people attended jazz festival last summer. In fact, some people celebrate the festival just in order to experience that boisterous phenomenon or accompany their girl friend.
2.        There is no relationship between jazz musicians and the popularity of jazz club. Seldom does a famous jazz musician enter the club which exercises as a catalysis for the popularity of jazz club.
3.        Common sense informs me that any one of a myriad of other factors-----scale, price, advertisement------might also affect the benefits of jazz club, regardless of convenience, popularity and expenses.
4.        The author failed to present the detail money of residents spend on jazz club, he just give us a vague number of how much money that people expend on jazz entertainment without considering expenditure on jazz CD and jazz concert.


Argument 8
The following appeared in a memorandum issued by the strategic planning
department at Omni Inc.

"Mesa Foods, a manufacturer of snack foods that currently markets its
products within a relatively small region of the country, has strong
growth potential. Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year,
and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales
over each of the past three years. Since Omni Inc. is interested in
reaching 14-to-25 year olds, the age group that consumes the most snack
food, we should buy Mesa Foods, and concentrate in particular on marketing
Diabolique Salsa throughout the country."

论据:
1.        Mesa enjoyed a 20 percent increase in profits last year,
and its best-selling product, Diabolique Salsa, has had increased sales
over each of the past three years
2.        Omni Inc. is interested in reaching 14-to-25 year olds

反驳:
1.        过去推将来。 曾经20%利润的增长不能推出以后这个商业会继续很好。
2.        没有跟同行业比较。 如果在一个此商业形式较好,大多经营snack foods 的商户都盈利的情况下应该先对比其他同行再下结论
3.        由个体代表整体。最畅销的产品Diabolique销量增加不能说明Mesa foods的整体销量会增加
4.        由个别群体推论整个大趋势。14-15岁的群体对快餐感兴趣不能代表所有年龄的人。
5.        缺乏对其它因素的考虑,比如想发展地方的人口密度, 年龄组成,饮食习惯都会影响到Mesa foods的销量

1.        The writer inference that conclusion which the profits increased in the past will also effective in the future rest on the past benefits’ growth and will remain unchanged
2.        The author fails to compare the same occupation at snack foods area. If the majority of snack foods shops are gain benefits recently and 20 percent is a relatively low percentage among snack foods occupation, we can’t make conclusion that Mesa foods is a favorable choose.
3.        The particular production is not strong enough to support the profits in a company.
4.        People in age 14-15 are insufficient to draw conclusion about the requirement in all kinds of people.
5.        Common sense informs me that any one of a myriad of other factors-----density of population,  age composition, eating habits------might also affect the popularity of food production.

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板凳
发表于 2010-12-22 22:33:35 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 joey81525 于 2010-12-22 23:06 编辑

我的作业,呵呵:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1208567&page=1

1. 缺少实地考察。D地方和B地方的人在年龄,性别,工作上的差异。 B实行这种规定房子卖的很好可能因为这里的居民工作普遍很忙,没时间考虑房屋布置和颜色问题,D地方居民可能很闲,有精力自己布置房子


这个思路很新颖,至少我没看过。

2.7年的时间足以改变人们的追求。随着社会的发展和思想的进步,越来越多人追求个性,因此7年前这种规定可能很受欢迎但是现在说不定已被淘汰
3.B地方曾经房子买得很好耶不一定就是因为限制规定了房屋颜色和布置。房屋地理位置,周围环境,增值潜力都可能是B地产高价的原因



三个fallacies 的顺序安排可以在考虑考虑。如果用让步结构,建议3,2,1。  如果用递进的顺序,可以123。

最主要的,建议把每段的连接词给出来,这样比较容易看清楚各段的逻辑关系。(主要是在英文里边)

1. The insufficiency of on-the-spot investigation. Residentsin Deerhaven Acres may different with people in Briookville on age, sex andjob. The majority residents in Brookville may too busy on work to consider howto paint the house and what furniture to fix up. However, things may differentin Deerhaven, older and retired workers may occupied the major people. Thus,they have sufficient time to decorate their house.
2. Seven years is a longtime which can alter our pursuit of houses. On account of development in modernsociety, people are inclined to paint their house according to theirpersonality and habits, and therefore, the favorite kind of house in sevenyears ago may be eliminated nowadays.
3. The author overlooks thestrong possibility that the restrictions on landscaping and housepainting arenot the main factors affecting the values of house in Brookville, other factorssuch as location, environment and the potential of future wealth may exert strongerinfluence on the increase value in Brookville community.


个人感觉,英文里面部分用词可以再书面化一点儿。比如 sex->gender, job -> occupation
另外不知道是不是由于写的是提纲的原因,没有太注意语法。部分句子没有动词。(也许是你为了追求简洁,那样的话就ok了)
同样,希望加入连接词

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地板
发表于 2010-12-22 23:02:18 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 joey81525 于 2010-12-22 23:04 编辑
文章论据
1. the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away;
2. jazz is extremely popular in Monroe  (1,over 100,000 people attended
Monroe's jazz festival last summer  2. several well-known jazz musicians live
in Monroe  3. the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz
Nightly,' which airs every weeknight.)
3. a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on
jazz entertainment.

建议在分析文章的时候,首先写出整个argument 的结论
其次,写文章论据的时候,不是仅仅写出单一论据,而是写出这个论据在支撑什么。比如Nearest jazz club is 65 miles away --> local market all to C club,这样就便于知道,你需要攻击的地方在哪里。不是65miles本身,而是这个箭头。
作者的逻辑有时候是链式的,比如 a-->b-->c-->d-->全文的结论。有时候是总分的,你分析的2 里边有分成三小点,就很好。说明是总分的。也就体现出了逻辑关系。
第三条,同样没有说这个论据在支撑什么。 3 和 2、1 并列--> the c club will be profitable

反驳:

1.        很多人参加了去年的jazz festival也不能说明jazz很流行。 可能很多人都是凑热闹或陪自己女朋友去的他们本身不爱jazz music
2.        许多jazz musicians 在M地与jazz很流行无因果关系,何况有名的jazz musicians根本不会经常来club这种地方
3.        一个club能不能吸引顾客还有更重要因素,比如说规模,价钱,宣传等。
4.        人们近1000元在爵士娱乐上不能推出他们会花很多钱在club上,而可能用于买jazz CD 听演唱会什么的

1 的反驳,同样很新颖,呵呵。陪女朋友。(看来我不经常去听音乐会,完全不知道行情)
2 有名的jazz musicians根本不会经常来club这种地方,有可能,但他们基本上还是去club演出的多(这个算背景知识吧)。倒是有可能他们去的就是65mile那个club。
3\4 都可以。
同样,逻辑顺序上,可以调整一下。1、2 question the popularity, moreover 4 , 共同导致客观条件不一定如arguer所说的可以profitable, 让步一下 说3,主观因素。


1.        We can’t perorate that jazz is popular according to the number people attended jazz festival last summer. In fact, some people celebrate the festival just in order to experience that boisterous phenomenon or accompany their girl friend.
2.        There is no relationship between jazz musicians and the popularity of jazz club. Seldom does a famous jazz musician enter the club which exercises as a catalysis for the popularity of jazz club.
3.        Common sense informs me that any one of a myriad of other factors-----scale, price, advertisement------might also affect the benefits of jazz club, regardless of convenience, popularity and expenses.
4.        The author failed to present the detail money of residents spend on jazz club, he just give us a vague number of how much money that people expend on jazz entertainment without considering expenditure on jazz CD and jazz concert.

语法的问题以后就不说了。
3可以再多强调一下cost 的原因,这个可以统一用 profit 类的反驳。

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发表于 2010-12-24 00:28:16 |只看该作者
剩下的~

Argument 16
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a local newspaper
from a citizen of the state of Impecunia.

"Two years ago our neighboring state, Lucria, began a state lottery to
supplement tax revenues for education and public health. Today, Lucria
spends more per pupil than we do, and Lucria's public health program
treats far more people than our state's program does. If we were to
establish a state lottery like the one in Lucria, the profits could be
used to improve our educational system and public health program. The new
lottery would doubtless be successful, because a survey conducted in our
capital city concludes that citizens of Impecunia already spend an average
of $50 per person per year on gambling."
1.  观点: L 国这个政策成功了—》I国也会成功
   驳: 两个不同的国家会受到人口 价值观 收入的影响
2.         即使I有国更多人参与
观点: I国都现在每人平均花费50刀在赌博上—》乐透会成功
驳: 花在赌博上不代表花在乐透上  很多人会花扑克或者老虎机上 赌博 而不是乐透
其次, 首都人民不能代表一个国家整体水平
3.        就算人们都是花在乐透上 而且tax revenues确实增长了
观点: L国的把钱花在教育和健康上 —》 I国教育和健康拨款会更多
驳: I国就算有很多乐透的税收不一定会会用在教育和健康上, 环境,弱势群体上
的拨款会更多

1.        L began lottery to supplement tax revenues for education and public health  Impe will also success
  (different countries have respective condition such as population, value and revenue difference which decide
whether the phenomenon will come true in Impe)
2.        Even if Impe have more people spend money on lottery
Capital citizens of Impe already spend $50 per person per year on gambling lottery will be success
( people spend money on gambling rather lottery, other gambling such as card and machine does
negative effects on social  atmosphere. Further more the level of citizen in capital can’t represent
the whole country.)
3.        Even if I concede that tax revenues indeed increase,
L 's public health program treats people if we imitate, we will gain the same effect on education and health.  ( government may spend majority of money on environment and poor people








Argument 21
The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of
Sartorian, a company that manufactures men's clothing.

"Five years ago, at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable
supplies of high-quality wool fabric, we discontinued production of our
deluxe alpaca overcoats. Now that we have a new fabric supplier, we should
resume production. This coat should sell very well: since we have not
offered an alpaca overcoat for five years and since our major competitor
no longer makes an alpaca overcoat, there will be pent-up customer demand.
Also, since the price of most types of clothing has risen in each of the
past five years, customers should be willing to pay significantly higher
prices for alpaca overcoats than they did five years ago, and our company
profits will increase."

1. 五年没人卖过—》会卖的很好  (新东西被人接受需要一定的使用期, 难被人接受)
2. 有多其它质地的衣服涨价—》alpaca 会卖的好 (其它衣服涨价 作为价钱更贵都的alpaca 人们更不愿意花钱买)
3. 确实具体信息。 一个产品是否盈利和产品本身的质量,成本,消费者的需求有关

1.        not offered for five year the product will sell well  ( questionable  the new product always have an adaptive period because it is hard for customers accepted.)
2.        the price of most type clothing risen  alpaca will sell well ( irrelated  seldom does a person willing to by an alpaca overcoat at the situation they reluctant to by a normal clothes wich is cheaper then alpaca.
3.        insufficient to point out some other reason such as first cost, quality and the requirement.





Argument 38
The following memo appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public
Health Council.

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to
significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study
reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high,
people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of
colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds.
Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school
and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement
derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower
absenteeism."


作者逻辑:
1.        East Meria 鱼消耗很多,人很少因感冒看医生—》吃大量鱼可以预防感冒 (证据不足
EM 的人感冒的人少可能与气候,基因,饮食习惯有关)
2.        感冒—》学校和单位有人缺席 (很多人缺席不一定是因为感冒,差生本身爱逃课用感冒当借口,工作的人也可能因为家里有事而缺席)
3.        最后作者提出 吃鱼油可以减少缺勤  (减少缺席应该是严格的管理政策和提高学校和工作单位人们的积极性)
1.  EM high fish consumption, seldom people see the doctor eating fish can prevent of colds.  ( insufficient evidence   colds may relate climate, genetic, dietary)
2.  colds  school and workplace absenteeism  ( people absence not only for colds, but tell others they got a colds for excuse.)
3.  eating fish can reduce the number of people who are absenteeism. ( the essential point prevent the absenteeism is a strict rule and enhance the motivation among people in school and workplace.)




Argument 164
Claitown University needs both affordable housing for its students and
a way to fund the building of such housing. The best solution to this
problem is to commission a famous architect known for experimental and
futuristic buildings. It is common knowledge that tourists are willing to
pay money to tour some of the architect's buildings, so it can be expected
that tourists will want to visit this new building. The income from the
fees charged to tourists will soon cover the building costs. Furthermore,
such a building will attract new students as well as donations from
alumni. And even though such a building will be much larger than our
current need for student housing, part of the building can be used as
office space.

1.        tourists are willing to pay money to tour some of the architect's buildings fees will soon cover ( the building is for students, tourists may disturb students’ study and rest. Thus, students will object to this idea. Besides, tourism unwilling to come just for a building living for students.)
2.        experimental and futuristic buildings solve students living problem. ( this kind of building may not fit for students, and students will feel uncomfortable while living there)
3.        attract new students as well as donations from alumni money will soon returned ( fees for dormitory are low and even the donations are unaffordable for a experimental and futuristic building)
  all three it is not suit for school build such a superb building just for students’ housing)


Argument 193
The Department of Education in the state of Attra recommends that high
school students be assigned homework every day. Yet a recent statewide
survey of high school math and science teachers calls the usefulness of
daily homework into question. In the district of Sanlee, 86 percent of the
teachers reported assigning homework three to five times a week, whereas
in the district of Marlee, less than 25 percent of the teachers reported
assigning homework three to five times a week. Yet the students in Marlee
earn better grades overall and are less likely to be required to repeat a
year of school than are the students in Sanlee. Therefore, all teachers in
our high schools should assign homework no more than twice a week, if at
all.


1.        M 地区人成绩好  或 S地成绩相对差不一定是因为作业量问题  S地学习氛围好等因素
2.        仅仅是调查数学和理化的高中教师太片面了
3.        作业量也可能不同  S地布置多些 可能量少  M地作业次数少可能量多



Argument 206
The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Parkville
Daily Newspaper.

"Throughout the country last year, as more and more children below the age
of nine participated in youth-league softball and soccer, over 80,000 of
these young players suffered injuries. When interviewed for a recent
study, youth-league softball players in several major cities also reported
psychological pressure from coaches and parents to win games. Furthermore,
education experts say that long practice sessions for these sports take
away time that could be used for academic activities. Since the
disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages, we in Parkville should
discontinue organized athletic competition for children under nine."


1.        Since the disadvantages apparently outweigh any advantages conceal the competition  (insufficient evidence  never point out the merits of athletic)
2.        over 80,000 player injured when play softball conceal sport competition  ( some sports just like ping-pang ball and badminton is safety )
3.        occupy study time conceal   ( even if sports activities are concealed, student may spend more time on entertainment and relaxation rather than study)
Argument 209
The following recommendation was made by the Human Resources Manager
to the board of directors of the Fancy Toy Company.

"In the last three quarters of this year, under the leadership of our
president, Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably. Thus, we
should ask for her resignation in return for a generous severance package.
In Pat's place, we should appoint Rosa Winnings. Rosa is currently
president of Starlight Jewelry, a company whose profits have increased
dramatically over the past several years. Although we will have to pay
Rosa twice the salary that Pat has been receiving, it will be well worth
it because we can soon expect our profits to increase considerably."


1.        Pat Salvo, our profits have fallen considerably fire Pat Salvo  ( The reason why profits have fallen may because the average companies are fallen. The writer should compare other company in the same area.)
2.         Rosa is currently president of Starlight Jewelry hire Rose ( different company have respective situation,  workers hard to adapt new leader)
3.         we will have to pay Rosa twice the salary  to increase the profits  ( higher payment may enhance burden of workers’ salary)

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发表于 2010-12-24 14:57:40 |只看该作者

春季多食用甘味食品

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RE: wintogether 作文小组第一次练习 by 樾悦 [修改]
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