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[作文] 【每日写作】，28日独立求狠批。。 [复制链接]

卡束斯
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2010-9-28 21:27:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

What is a very important skill a personshould learn in order to be successful in the world today?Three differentanswers spring out of my mind at the same time while I read this question.Firstly,Asuccessful person always have been endowed with social skills that enables heor she to be well suited to the work conditions and daily lives.Secondly,While enormousincreasing numbers of people are higher educated than of yore the acdamicskills are cardinal to possess.Last but not least,the capacity to organize onestime and energy and any other aspect of lives methodically also constitutives.
In order to choose the most persuasiveanswer,I need to redefine the word “successful”.What criterion should we takewhen we dicide whether someone is sucessful or not?As for me,I think the mostscientific standard should be set as how much one fulfill his or her potential.Onthis criterion every single one could receive successful by harsh working andthis fix the discrimination against human inborn difference.Thus,I would choosethe last answers,while yours desire is to manage work sucessful the initialproblem is to manage yourself efficiently.
The reason I prefer self-management is basedon the background that the ability to learn is inherent in human nature.We canattain many skills by our effort.The protocol skills is the ability to learn quiklyand acurately.The possess of the capacity gives people more chances to acommplishtheir potential.This ability would be more and more sophistecated as we learnfrom the daily lives.In addition, self-discipline is very crucial that
self-management requires.As long as oneacquire the ability,I believe that he or she is half way to the success.

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chenyyalex UID：2511781 chenyyalex 当前离线最后登录 2021-10-19 在线时间 879 小时寄托币 6345 声望 78 注册时间 2008-7-5 阅读权限 5 帖子 47 精华 0 积分 4008 UID 2511781 禁止发言声望 78 寄托币 6345 注册时间 2008-7-5 精华 0 帖子 47 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	沙发发表于 2010-9-29 01:12:14 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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S酱
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板凳

发表于 2010-9-29 01:19:05 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 S酱于 2010-9-29 11:21 编辑

What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Three different answers spring out of my mind at the same time while I read this question. Firstly, A successful person always have been endowed with social skills that enables he or she to be well suited to the work conditions and daily lives. Secondly, While enormous increasing numbers (increase in the number) of people are higher educated than of yore the acdamic（academic） skills are cardinal to possess. Last but not least,the capacity to organize ones' time and energy and any other aspect of lives methodically also constitutives.

In order to choose the most persuasive answer, I need to redefine the word “successful（successful）”. What criterion should we take when we dicide（decide）（jugde会不会更适合）whether someone is sucessful（successful） or not? As for me, I think the most scientific standard should be set as how much one fulfill his or her potential. On this criterion every single one could receive successful(名词做宾语 success） by harsh working and this fix the discrimination against human inborn difference .Thus, I would choose the last answers,while yours（your） desire is to manage work sucessful（successfully 状语），the initial problem（method） is to manage yourself efficiently.

The reason I prefer self-management is based on the background that the ability to learn is inherent in human nature. We can attain many skills by our effort. The protocol skills is the ability to learn quikly（quickly） and acurately（这词不对）. The possess of the capacity gives people more chances to acommplish their potential. This ability would be more and more sophistecated（sophisticated） as we learn from the daily lives.In addition, self-discipline is very crucial that .

Sself-management requires. As long as one acquire the ability, I believe that he or she is half way to the success.

1.标点格式不对，你可以看出来我给你打空格花了很多时间
2.单词错太多，我拼写也不行不过建议你事先检查下～
3.可以把开头的三点放到下面三点做主题句～嗯其实不是你这样写不对，是托福八股文一般开头都简短。。
4. 说理很多，但例证不足，字数也太少～嗯其实还不是你这样写不对，是托福八股文要求。。换雅思这么写估计分挺高了
5. 用句用词都很好很自然，很多挺地道的用法，学习了，再熟悉下托福写作风格估计会很牛
6. 如果你可以帮我把改的地方标红我会更感谢你的，我也是在这里一点点重新标的

dreams never fade

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卡束斯
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地板

发表于 2010-9-29 11:22:45 |只看该作者

3# S酱 谢谢修改啊，昨天晚上我没有看见可以修嘎颜色的，你的例子是在哪里积累的啊？

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S酱
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5楼

发表于 2010-9-29 11:27:26 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 S酱于 2010-9-29 11:32 编辑

4# 卡束斯

第一个例子貌似挺小就知道了……另一个自编－－

问问你句子怎么积累的啊～我觉得很不错哦～固定搭配什么的都挺地道
以前给其他人改需要改挺多固定搭配或者用法，给你改我貌似没找到什么～

dreams never fade

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MaPleJeffreY
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6楼

发表于 2010-9-29 11:51:13 |只看该作者

开头写的有点问题。如果要我写，我会写：
Firstly, a successful individual would always be capable to deal with the work affairs and daily life. Moreover, as more and more people are receiving a better education than in the past,a convincing academic background would also be cardinal to possess. Last but not least, the capability of self time management and rational usage of one's interpersonal relationship are also compulsory.

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卡束斯
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7楼

发表于 2010-9-29 12:51:35 |只看该作者

5# S酱
我的方法是，背单词的时候，把可以用的替换词，词组，和句子抄下来。比如说每天背几个list，可以用的句子有几个，就练习到作文里面。昨天是第一次抄录也是第一次写作文。。不过原来我就很喜欢看美剧，最近把波士顿法律的closing下载下来放到Mp3里面，休息的时候听。

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卡束斯
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8楼

发表于 2010-9-29 12:54:29 |只看该作者

6# MaPleJeffreY
嗯，我套用了抄录的句子作为练习。。

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卡束斯
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9楼

发表于 2010-9-29 12:57:09 |只看该作者

2# chenyyalex
我下载不下来诶。。能不能直接黏贴过来呀。。我没有用模板。。

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卡束斯
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10楼

发表于 2010-9-29 14:52:55 |只看该作者

本帖最后由卡束斯于 2011-1-27 23:03 编辑

Some people consider that governments should spend as muchmoney as possible on developing or buying computer technology.Personally I find that statement is quite offensive and  nonsense. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The first reason I’m going to point out is the government budget is  limited and not until vital basic needs are met such as social welfare and  educational systems and transportation could we turn to other aspect.How can we ignore the poors basic need and just make the redistrubution unjustify which obiviously prone to the rich.
Secondly,let’s assume that basic needs are met.Whchi aspect should  government choose to enhance the economic and the quality of citizen’s  lives.Since every citizen pay their tax,a more potant statement should be proposed instead of as much as money buying computer technology  which is not apparently vast majority’s preference.
Some might argue that vanguard technology could help enhance the economics and the quality of citizen’s lives .My response would be that there are  many ways even better than directly develop computer  technology.For  instance,more enducational budget could provide better circumstance to  the students who would most likely make great contribution to the society after their guaduate.
After all,I’m not saying that computer technology isn’t good but all the same it didn’t perform that well.It’s catagorically wrong to add some  people’s preference above the majority.It's unjustify redistribution and I think the basic needs is more crucial than the comuter technology.

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MaPleJeffreY
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11楼

发表于 2010-9-29 15:13:43 |只看该作者

10# 卡束斯

Some people consider that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying(purchasing) computer technology. Nevertheless, the statement, in my opinion, is not logical convincing enough based on the following aspects.
To begin with, the government budget is usually limited and the expenditures in the public fundamental system constructions, such as public education, medical system and public transportation, always take the precedence.
Despite the fact that the basic needs have not been met yet, it is still a question for the government to decide how to ameliorate the public's daily life. It is more reasonable to solve the public's common difficulties, since most of the fiscal income comes from the tax payment of every person in society.
Some might argue that vanguard technology could help enhance the economics and the quality of citizen’s lives .However, there could exist several other potential solutions which could function more efficiently and economically.For instance,more enducational budget could provide better circumstance to the students who would most likely make great contribution to the society after their guaduate.
最后一段没怎么看懂你的主旨，没改。你参考参考。

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卡束斯
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12楼

发表于 2010-9-29 22:29:49 |只看该作者

10# 卡束斯
谢谢啊。。你不是我们组的把？。。

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MaPleJeffreY
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13楼

发表于 2010-9-30 10:49:06 |只看该作者

12# 卡束斯 不是吧，我没有加过组额

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jeanking7
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14楼

发表于 2010-9-30 14:05:13 |只看该作者

10# 卡束斯

Some people consider that governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Personally I find that statement is quite offensive and nonsense. My arguments for this point are listed as follows.

The first reason I’m going to point out(state,呵呵, give another option) is the government budget is  limited and not until vital basic needs are met such as social welfare and  educational systems and transportation could we turn to other aspect. How can we ignore the poors(poor’s) basic need and just make(tolerate) the unjustified redistribution which obiviously(obviously) prone to the rich (调整了下顺序，不晓得改变了楼主的本意没有)0 L5 g: V( e:
Secondly,let’s assume that basic needs are met.Whchi（which） aspect should  government choose to enhance the economic and the quality of citizen’s  lives. Since every citizen pay their tax, a more potant（potent） statement should be proposed instead of as much as money （加上spent on）buying computer technology  which is not apparently vast majority’s preference.（感觉论证不是有力，用钱来提高经济和人民生活质量可以举点例子，还有具体说明在电脑上挥霍钱是每个纳税人不愿意看到的事情，在电脑上花钱就是乱花钱了）0 m5
Some might argue that vanguard technology could help enhance the economics and the quality of citizen’s lives .My response would be that there are  many ways even better than directly develop computer  technology.For  instance,more enducational budget could provide better circumstance（study environment） to  the students who would most likely make great contribution to the society after their guaduate（graduation）.
After all,I’m not saying that computer technology isn’t good but all the same it didn’t perform that well.It’s catagorically （categorically）wrong to add some  people’s preference above the majority.It's unjustify（unjustified） redistribution and I think the basic needs is more crucial than the comuter（computer） technology.