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荣誉版主 Taurus金牛座 GRE梦想之帆 德意志之心

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发表于 2011-1-17 18:44:35 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 紫陌纤尘o0 于 2011-2-6 00:13 编辑


今年就我来开第一个铺子吧。

简单说下原则和要求:

要求:
1.自改最少一次,无明显单词拼写及语法错误。
2.附上题目。
3.注明考试日期。
4.附上写文心得,包括但不限于:认为目前行文存在什么困难,对此文逻辑层面的理解
5.附件、直接回复文章均可,但写文心得须直接回复。
6.改后最好有反馈,满意不满意、有何意见等,我也需要提高的嘛~

原则:
1.Argument/ issue均可,每次一篇。
2.以指出问题为主,一般不夸赞,批的少就说明写得好
3.按距考试时间远近来决定修改的程度,比如快要考的,就简单些,还早的就详细些。
4.最近每日一篇,根据文章心得来选择批改对象,没有指定deadline。
5.修改后的文章会以附件的形式在你的占楼贴编辑,并在顶楼汇总。
6.原则上不修改重复题目的文章,每篇文章修改我都会写出分析思路,请查看顶楼索引,自行比照。


预祝各位取得满意的成绩!

汇总:

1.28 ISSUE8 by 布丁的爱恋  45楼  讨论:51/54楼

1.27 ARGUMENT238 by xulinxi  36楼

1.26 ARGUMENT57 by 咖啡盐 32楼 讨论:34/35楼

1.25 ISSUE51 by  SpriteTC 28楼 讨论:30楼
      (ISSUE51 by stcheng &revised by SpriteTC 45楼)

1.24 ISSUE130 by
wowoyuweiwei   18楼 讨论:20/25/27/43/44/55楼
1.23 ISSUE1 by joystrong  讨论:16/21/26楼
1.21 ISSUE208 by 小冥王  
1.18 ISSUE109 by 咖啡盐  
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已有 9 人评分寄托币 声望 收起 理由
yuda0331 + 1 普渡众生的版主请帮忙拍拍我的I吧,谢啦~!
SpriteTC + 1 好人
Bela1229 + 40 + 6 ~
蒲若苇 + 20 回来了啊~^^
咖啡盐 + 1 辛苦!
睡到自然醒 + 3 谢谢分享
tracywlz + 40 + 6 辛苦了。
lasselore + 2 不错。

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沙发
发表于 2011-1-17 18:59:41 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 紫陌纤尘o0 于 2011-1-18 17:58 编辑

支持下楼主。。

心得:
issue每次列提纲都要想好久。。上论坛不断的去参考别人写的文章还有列的提纲。。然后才能纠结出自己的东西。。可又会害怕被判雷同。。那样就悲催了。
写的时候还怕偏题。。。。有时候又会反反复复的在说空话。。讲不出实际的东西。。
网上查了例子放到文章里。。可是又怕到时候上考场的时候没有办法完全记住。。。
正式写的时候总有词无法独立写出。。。请问需要再一次去巩固词汇量么。。
argument也是。。一直平铺直叙。。没有深入。还有不知道该如何去开头结尾。

好困扰啊。。。


2月21考AW...请楼主帮忙看下吧。。
谢谢了

==============================================
系统地学习一下如何分析一个题目,拿到一道题目多思考,最好不要一开始就参考别人的思路。通常前期分析一道题目40~60min很正常吧,然后再动笔写。你只有自己分析总结的东西才能写出自己的思路,也就不容易产生雷同了。这里给你转一个之前给板油讲分析题目的帖子,话说他还是有些高调,你将就看下https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=1186032&highlight=

文章心得没有写出对此文的逻辑层面的认识,继续努力!
                                                                                     by 紫陌纤尘o0
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荣誉版主 Sagittarius射手座 寄托优秀版主 GRE斩浪之魂 AW作文修改奖 枫华正茂 魅丽星 爱美星 德意志之心

板凳
发表于 2011-1-17 19:02:12 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 咖啡盐 于 2011-1-17 19:33 编辑

心得:     issue写了有那么3、4篇了,也看了不少提纲,自己也列了不少。总体感觉上对issue的理解和把握不够,不能将提纲的思路带入写作中,还处于提纲是提纲,文是文(融合不到一起)。其次,对主题分析上还不能形成体系,文章中对各个分论点的阐述还很欠火候,也不是很有条理性(个人觉得恐怕还是和不能有效结合提纲有关系)。文章结构上还很依赖框架,没什么新意,段与段的承接处理上也比较粗糙,长难句有时候有生啦硬凑的嫌疑,句式的变化上也不多,主要反应不过来,不会用。

嗯....附上第一篇习作...thx

嘿嘿~~顺便第一篇argument也发了吧~~
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紫陌纤尘o0 + 2 done ~ 在顶楼汇总,加油!

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我更年期提前我自豪...凸(‵′)凸
( ̄ε(# ̄)  ╮( ̄▽ ̄)╭ ∑( ° △ °|||)︴ (= ̄ω ̄=) (→_→)  ( ̄▽ ̄)~*

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地板
发表于 2011-1-17 21:59:19 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 紫陌纤尘o0 于 2011-1-18 18:17 编辑

2月10号考,issue提纲列不出来,每次都要花很多时间想。大概有点思路了就赶紧动笔,结果写到中间的时候发现不知道怎么去引出后面的观点,结果卡在那里,重新构思后面的。开头和结尾都写得比较感性。看到这个题目的时候,一直不清楚,作者为什么提出这个观点,政府到底对科学加了哪些限制,难道只是禁止克隆吗?

69"Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"

1科技的发展的目的往往是为了解决人们的需要,从这点来说,政府不应该限制其发展。
2并且,如果政府过多地为了自己的利益而影响、甚至限制科学研究的内容,将会损害其人民的整体利益。
3不得不承认,科技的发展确实带来了一些问题。
4其实,科学本身并没有错,重要的是人们应当如何去应用这些科学成果。所以政府更应该限制的是科学的应用,而不是科学本身。


Living in the twenty first century, we enjoy the unprecedented convenience produced by the rapid development of science. It would have been crazy even to imagine one hundred years ago that we can write a letter without paper, attend classes at home and even bear children in a tube. Meanwhile, we also should bear the lasting damage left behind by the progress, both to our present life and our offspring. Facing the worldwide pollution, greenhouse effects and the constant menace of nuclear weapons, we are naturally ask the question: should the government place a powerful restrictions on scientific research and development?

Firstly, if we trace the orientation of science and its development, it is not too difficult for us to conceive the opinion that every small progress of science is made to meet the demands of people. In the beginning, we want to know the rules of the earth we live in so that we can use what we test and verify, which we call science, to improve our life. Examples can be easily found. When the productivity for humanity cannot meet its increasing needs for more bread, clothing and other necessities, scientists study the rules of motion and create a machine. When the coal and petrol are in severe shortage, scientists did some research on the usage of energy and discovered the nuclear energy. Essentially, the scientific development aims for  the overall benefit of humanity, and thus, the government has no need to limit it.

Secondly, when the government is endowed with the right of deciding what the scientists should study, politicians are unavoidably inclined to make use of its development for their own interests, which will probably hurt the overall interests of citizens. For example, we need look no further than the Soviet Union. Stalin, the ever general secretary of the Communist Party, owns a supreme authority on the scientific research of the Soviets for the purpose of developing the military strength, requires the majority of the scientists to focus their research on the industrial technology. As the result of his personal intention,  the light industry is severely impeded, which causes a lack of products for civilian use and reduces the living standards of its citizens. Numerous historic facts teach us the lesson that the government shouldn't interfere, not to mention control, the development of science.

Finally, the fact that the government should not interfere scientific development is not equal to that the government shouldn't take any action programing its course. While the benefits of scientific achievement are widely shared, we are simultaneously suffering from many problems brought about by them. We enjoy the convenience of throwaway packaging at the cost of continuously growing garbage which is hard to decompose and which emits toxic gases. According to the United Nations Environment, over 13,000 pieces of plastic litter the surface of each square kilometer of ocean and kill 100,000 turtles and marine mammals each year. But we have to wait 1000 years until it decomposes. Apart from these issues about our living status, our moral principles are also challenged and violated by the cloning technology, and even the assurance of our living is threatened by the excessive way we exploit our earth.  All these evil effects of scientific development call for more regulations to be established and better policies being put into practice to program the development of science.

Accordingly, the government should turn his attention from restricting the development of science to programming it. To reach this target, more restrictions should be imposed not on science itself, knowing that science is essentially beneficial for us humans, but on the way we apply the fruits of science. The cloning technology can be a threatened skill when people use it to create humans, while it can be also used to solve the patients' need for a change of organs, to preserve animals in danger of dying out and provide experimental objects for scientific research. It is the government that should take responsibility for controlling  and instructing the application of ample scientific achievements and help the science fulfill its mission to improve our life.

==================================
看了下首段,写得像是托福作文,你列举了一堆以后没有给出一个总的观点,也没有把它们联系起来,看起来逻辑层次上彼此之间没有多少联系。写AW开头最好还是表明你的观点,这是最初体现你逻辑的地方。加油!
破题想学的话系统地学习一下,没有时间的话多研究下官方范文。
今日选定ID:咖啡盐 的文章,继续努力!
                                                                by 紫陌纤尘o0
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发表于 2011-1-17 23:43:43 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 紫陌纤尘o0 于 2011-1-18 18:23 编辑

TOPIC: ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
WORDS: 615          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2011/1/17 23:10:59

While there is no doubt that our children are the future of our society, whether we have and we should have an absolute way to cultivate them can always spark a debate among people. At this point, I tend to believe that firstly we have no need to find out a fixed way to make sure our children can definitely build the society better, and secondly we have already gained some safe-belt for them, if we educate them in a proper way.

To begin with, there is no needs to find an absolute way which can help us raise our children so that they can build up a better society, and probably also impossible, for even our own values right now are changing from time to time, therefore how can we make sure what is the standard of better society in the future. When taking a retrospect of our old time, we can find many instances that manifest the changing values. Right now, people will never buy the trick that someone should be the king of a country for he is the representation of god; people will not only fight for their own rights but also for others', that is why we have no slaves any more. In this respect, we should see that it is not our decision to make what should be maintained and what should be abandoned.

On the other hand, so far as our society has developed, we really have gained some secure to ensure the development of our current society is forwarding in a relatively good direction, therefore what we should do is just instill what we cherish the most to children and make sure their own future is in their own hand. After all, ourselves are not the outgrowth of some kind of so called the best way to raise children, but because of this we keep a diversity in the society and keep an open mind to every new thought. Just like what we are doing in the school- the most important place to cultivate our children; we do not judge events or people by a fixed criterion, but by some basic virtue and ethnic that gained in the past thousands of years. We are told that we should hold the faith of probity and honest and pursuit of freedom to build our society. And in the last decades, we find more countries have established democracy constitution, we find personal press freedom has been written into make countries' law. Without doubt that we are progressing, at the meantime, without the so called the best way to raise children.

In the end, however, we should also admit that in the current day we still lack of enough knowledge and experience to say that we done enough in cultivating our children, for we yet cannot make sure every one of our children can get what he wants or eventually realize his dream, we yet cannot reduce the youth crime to rate of zero, and we even do not know how to cure some psychology problems in children as well. But we should let our children know one thing that we are trying to deal with those problems. We may be not capable of resolving them right now, but finally we will be.

To sum up, there is probably impossible to find an absolutely right way to cultivate our children, but what we have now is the lasting values and experiences that have come through the test of thousands of years. Therefore with the desire to help our children more and these virtues, it should be reasonable for us to believe that our children can and will build up a better society for themselves.


24号就要考啦,版主辛苦啦

心得:
先提纲后作文,段末尾重复段首的意思显得整段逻辑比较完整?最大的问题在于把握段落内容的深浅,还有段落的逻辑是如何演进的,这个让我困扰了很久。

====================================
大概把你的框架看了下。你对自己的问题认识的还是挺深刻的。段落中深入发展的内容不多,大多是重复的话语。
大概的逻辑框架出来的,但是,在首段提出了分论点以后,再分段写作基本就是对首段的内容进行扩写,没有多少深入的论述,而且看起来没有一个总括的主旨。
很遗憾今日没有选定你的文章,继续努力!
                                               by 紫陌纤尘o0
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寄托21周年 荣誉版主 Golden Apple 版务能手 寄托兑换店纪念章 EU Advisor AW小组活动奖 GRE守护之星 Cancer巨蟹座 德意志之心 AW作文修改奖 AW活动特殊奖 GRE斩浪之魂 GRE梦想之帆 23周年庆勋章

6
发表于 2011-1-17 23:48:16 |只看该作者
WOW
WELCOME BACK
心大了,事情就小了。

如果受了伤就喊一声痛,
真的说出来就不会太难过。
不去想自由,
反而更轻松,
愿意感动孤独单不忐忑。
生活啊生活啊,
会快乐也会寂寞,
生活啊生活啊,
明天我们好好的过。

爱生活,爱寄托。
一直在这里。我爱你们。

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2013offer达人

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发表于 2011-1-18 17:46:28 |只看该作者
回来了啊~申请怎么样了?我最近忙考试,昨天到家了,要开始看英语了啊~这篇是之前写的,也没怎么看。我发现作文一旦停了一阵子,就捡起来有点郁闷,就忘记了,所以写作文一定要连续,不要断,能够一直保持一个强度往下走应该是比较好的方法。前阵子诸葛说的翻译中文的作文译文来锻炼自己表达,我觉得可行吧~其实很多时候不是想不出思路,而是表达不来,这是我目前的硬伤啊~写着写着就不知道怎么表达了,没有足够的active words,于是准备这半个月一边看单词,一边翻译,不知道效果好不好~
4.8的AW,挺早,不过还是早准备点,这个虽然性价比不高,但是不去做肯定是没好结果了。。。

208"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
1同意:表情,穿着,行为能够表现出一些人的特征,比如态度和兴趣。你也可以从人们的外表和行为上看出一个社会的价值观和倾向。
2从一下几方面来看: 衣服的好坏,颜色,以及表情都能大致的表达一个人的总体取向。
3.文化大革命这个特殊的时期
As the speaker says that the way people look, dress, and the act reveal their attitudes and interests, I am largely agree with it except some special exceptions. And I concede it which we can tell much about a society`s idea and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people. It would be illustrated in three aspects as below.

Consider, daily experience, we can easily distinct a person`s interesting by observing his dress and behavior. For instance, a person who dresses well we may conclude he is wealthy, in contrast, if a person usually in old and shabby clothes, we thought he was in a bad situation. What is more, if a person always dresses brightly color may imply that he is active and vividly. However, it is not exactly true in some particular situation, people can choose what to dress, and it cannot express what inside objectively. Nevertheless, when it comes to behavior, it is more reliable to us. We can directly get the information whether one is happy or angry according to his face expression and conduction. In virtue of one`s expressions and action, we can make right response to a people with some emotion, such as to be quiet and friendly when encounter somebody with a rashness.

Take psychology into consider, you will find it more professional.  Actually, inspecting the dress and behavior makes the fundamental for psychology, in other words, the theory of psychology is come out of it. Those psychologists can estimate one`s psychological activity through inspecting one`s behavior, and the result are always credible. In particular those slight conduction, somebody would neglect and act it naturally, can express one`s true feeling which is hard to pretend. Nonetheless, it is hardly to claim that it will be always correct, while we could do a lot to cover our true attitude.

According to the men`s d appearance and behavior, we may tell the society`s idea and values. Because in most situations, those appearance and behavior are accord with which the society advocate. For example, in the 1965 to 1975 in China--the Great Cultural Revolution, the whole society was in an abnormal state. At that time, it is not strange to see all people were wearing the uniform with a standard color, such as green and grey, which is the color of army. A special phenomenon existed, when two encountered, they prefer to discuss about the quotation of Mao first. If one cannot recite the quotation, it means you do not submit to the president, you will accept a serious education you cannot imagine. More seriously, whatever problems they met, they firmly believe that using the way Mao has ever said is correct forever. What mentioned has proclaimed that the whole society was in a deformed individual-worship and blind-following without critic analyze which is important all the time.

Even though, individuals can pretend their feeling by some practical knowledge, but it would never be hidden when it comes to the whole society. So it would be a wonderful suggestion that in order to understand the society, you can work on the people`s wearing and behavior at that period.
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相濡以沫不如相忘于江湖~

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荣誉版主 德意志之心 Sub luck

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发表于 2011-1-18 17:47:48 |只看该作者
欢迎回归~
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紫陌纤尘o0 + 5 你什么时候荣誉了?

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谢谢司机书,谢谢S1

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发表于 2011-1-18 19:10:58 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 doraliu 于 2011-1-21 21:58 编辑

占楼先~~~~昨儿个传了半天头像。。。未果,今日总算可以了


陆陆续续写了些,感觉。。。。。怎么这么白话呢,语言不生动,逻辑不出彩啊,估计这种内功要修炼好久才能有进展啦,版主瞅着。。。写成这样能够用不?考场上不定写不成这样    2.18AW

Is it true that if a goal is worthy then we can whatever measures to attain it? Apparently a lot of people nowadaysincluding the author believe so, but although i concede that we should spare noefforts in pursuing our goals, i still insist that our actions should beconfined by laws and social moral standards.

Admittedly, we need a worthy goalto fight for so as to full fill our lives. And the way to achieve this goalmight be tough and we need to be prepared with tremendous courage and superdetermination; to attain our goals we might apply various means to overcome theobstacles laid in our way. Such as Martin Luther King, for his dream of thefreedom of slaves, he employed peaceful resistance; President Lincoln, for hisgoal of equality among people and the unification of the whole nation, he consideredthe war was inevitable. And Copernicus' persecution for his book the revolutionof orbs and Bruno's burned for his insistence on Copernicus' solar centrictheory and Galileo and other scientists in the Middle Age, they did not surrenderto the persecution of the Church, even at the cost of their lives, for theyconsidered their pursuit for the truth worth much more. Those aloud namesproved to us that if a goal was worthy, it deserved even the sacrifice of our lives.


However, does that mean whatever measures taken to attain the worth goal is justifiable? Is justifiable to cheat in examinations or in competitions to get higher scores? Is it justifiable to rob the rich and deliver the treasures to the poor as presented in some novels?Worthy, when different people are considered, would have completely differentcontent. What one consider to be worthy from his point of view and for his personal interests would be totally unacceptable to his rivals. And also consider, for example, in the second world war Hitler believed it was worthy to conquer the world and held all the countries in control through war and he also thought the elimination of Jews to be worthy. Was it justifiable for him to take whatever ways to attain his worthy goal? Apparently he had applied various brutal measures that one can imagine to reach his goal, but they were definitely inhuman and unjustifiable. And even we deny his concept about worthy. What really worthy are peace of our world, and the independence of all nations, does that justify our application of Adam bomb during the second war in attacking Japan? The two Adam bombs destroyed two cities of Japan in seconds and thousands of common people died without struggling. And diseases resulted fromradiation of those bombs haunted their civilians for generations, thousands of people died in agony. If even Einstein regretted about the invention of Adam bomb, can we still insist that if the goal of peace is worth, then whatever means taken is justifiable? If even something as precious as peace would not justify the destructive means taken to attain it, can we still be stubborn enough to insist on other things that are less valuable? The negative effects of destructive ways would even outweigh the value of its goal.


To sum up, we should be encouragedto pursue a worthy goal for it determines the quality of our lives, but that does not mean we should achieve it with whatever measures,the worth of a goalmight be diminished by the detriment of a destructive way.
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impossible is nothing~~~~~

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荣誉版主 Taurus金牛座 GRE梦想之帆 德意志之心

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发表于 2011-1-18 19:52:08 |只看该作者
大家注意要求哈,今日结果已出,LZ时间有限,明日从7楼自下开始选择~

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发表于 2011-1-20 15:08:39 |只看该作者
我在等~
正在念经的师太。。。
相濡以沫不如相忘于江湖~

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荣誉版主 Taurus金牛座 GRE梦想之帆 德意志之心

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发表于 2011-1-21 23:27:31 |只看该作者
更新一篇~

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荣誉版主 德意志之心 Sub luck

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发表于 2011-1-21 23:33:46 |只看该作者
我其实还是建议组织互改吧,否则养成一批伸手党。。。。。。
谢谢司机书,谢谢S1

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发表于 2011-1-23 09:51:12 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 Cheryl瑶 于 2011-1-23 09:58 编辑

ISSUE 56        Government should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future.
黑体为转折词连词,破折号是每段中心句。
   提纲
论点:平衡(二者协调)

*
解决当今问题时,                要兼顾快速有效解决,但不应该采取对未来有巨大危害的措施

*
解决未来预期问题时,  视角要客观

第一段: 定义当前问题和预期问题
                 当前问题是保障生存
                 预期问题是更好发展
第二段A+ 解决现在的社会问题,保障现在是发展未来最近本的前提
                若没有稳定的现在,将来无从谈起
第三段A-但如果只为了追求快速,有成效地保障生存而采取激进的不利于持续
              发展的措施是不对的
第四段:B+ 注重解决将来的问题也是必须的,因为(未雨绸缪早准备,有助后代   好生活)
第五段B- 但正因为是将来的问题,将来具有不确定性。
               且我们在考虑将来时无法避免地受到现在社会思潮的影响,很难公正
               客观
               应该跳出时代的局限性,客观地考虑问题才能更好造福后代

考试时间:2月22号(呵呵~喜感的日子~自己逗自己开心选的~)
心得:这是我的第二篇issue, 之前因为期末考试什么的没有时间准备,还一个月了就,写文章慢啊,真纠结
               觉得写起平衡论点时中间那个度很难把握,而且自己现在想怎么破题列提纲很困难,要想很久,还想不出新意。
              不过我的目标就是4分,希望自己这一个月跟它拼了,能达到目标吧

               谢谢哈~

         Whether should the immediate problems of today rather than anticipated problems of the future grasp more attention of the government? While the speaker has its merit, however, in my view, no matter the problems are immediate or anticipated, we should value them equally and therefore make great effort in order to solve both of the problems.

          To better illustrate the problem requires a clear definition about the immediate problems and the anticipated problems. From my perspective, problems which involves peoples contemporary benefits are immediate issues, such as starvation, medical care and economic development, while problems which will not have significant impact on our nowadays lives are anticipated problems, such as environment protection, scientific research and preservation of historical relics.


          It is true that only by effectively tackling and solving the immediate problems can government guarantee the individuals’ survival and the stability of the society. Consider, starvation, for instance, it is the kind of problem which may endanger the most basic survival of human beings. Also, an affordable medical care, which makes it possible for every citizen to have their disease cured in time, is pressingly needed in some societies. Otherwise, there would be no future to expect, if one government can not have their contemporary issues taken good care of.

         However, even though the impending problems need to be dealt with as fast as the government can, it is not a wise idea to tackle the issue a way in which may obtain the goal immediate but may pose certain risks which might cause severe consequences in the long run. When it comes to the realm of economic, with the lust for gold overshadows people’s consciousness, individuals earn money in a way which might have unrepairable damages in the long term. For example, in order to lower the production costs, many paper mills cut down innumerable trees without having a single thought about how can our future generations to live without the “earth’s lung”. As far as I concern, it would not be responsible for our human kind to deal with the current problems without taking the impact on the future into account.

           Therefore, what can not be neglected is the importance of making efforts to solving the anticipated problems of the future during which way can we be well prepared for the uncertain situations happening in the future in order to create a more harmony and peaceful future. When we think of science research, even though we usually don’t know the outcome of a experiment, we still spare no effort to fathom the truth of science, for that certain risks have to be taken if one want to explore new things. In fact, techniques improve our life significantly. So, the uncertainty about the future can not be the reason for us to leave anticipated problems aside.

             Nontheless, it is also the uncertainty about the future that make it difficult for the contemporary government to decided whether should we spare time and money on solving the future problems. To make the right decision requires the government view the issue objectively. For instance, increasing number of country start to establish foundations which are specifically used to support its education career. The achievement and benefits can not be seen immediately. However, a thoroughly understanding of the fact that what makes up the dynamic power to accelerate the development of a society are the young generation with advanced knowledge makes the long period of time and the great amount of money, which is needed to educate one generation, worthy. Only by refraining from our contemporary trends of thought, can we truly discover the anticipated problem which might be overshadowed by the current trend of thought.

             To sum up, we should call on a balance for solving the immediate problems of today and solving the anticipated problems of the future, both of them are important. Moreover, thinking more about the influence we might have on the future when we are dealing with immediate problems, while holding an objective perspective when it comes to the future problems.







出来混~就不怕输~

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荣誉版主 Taurus金牛座 GRE梦想之帆 德意志之心

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发表于 2011-1-23 19:55:36 |只看该作者
关于目的与手段
ISSUE42
"Because learning is not a solitary activity but one that requires collaboration among people, students of all ages will benefit academically if they work frequently in groups."

1 "We can usually learn much more from people whose views we share than from people whose views contradict our own; disagreement can cause stress and inhibit learning."

2 "Competition is ultimately more beneficial than detrimental to society

以这几个题为例,我讨论一下说手段与目的这一类问题的写作方法
在这些题目中,都会出现A或者是A与非AB的作用,而一般在我们的逻辑中A是实现B的途径之一,BA的目的
比如42题,collaboration 也好,不collaboration 也好,最终的目的是为了有利于learning,而合作或者是独立学习都是learning的形式之一,只要是能最终以最好的方式有利于learning就好了,因此讨论到底哪种形式好是没有意义的,因为情况不同,learning的过程与阶段不同,需要不同形式合作或者的单独行动
同样issue 1也是这个问题,不管是agreement还是disagreement最终的目的是为了learning, 只不过形式不同而已
Issue2中的competition是形式 good of the society是目标


同理,有很多这种类型的题目:例

5 "A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer."

不同地区统一课程与学习的目的
56 "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."

合作VS不合作与领导能力
62 "The widespread idea that people should make self-improvement a primary goal in their lives is problematic because it assumes that people are intrinsically deficient."

Independent VS Copy
self-improvement
59 "Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them."

52 "Education encourages students to question and criticize, and therefore does little to promote social harmony."


总结起来差不多就是agreement VS disagreement learning的作用;



competition VS cooperation
career/society的作用;

cooperation VS speration
learn/work 的作用;

conformity VS nonconformity
society的作用,and so on
还有其他的比如说成绩对个人发展的问题啦,怀疑精神对社会的作用啦、对了,当然还有一个重要分类---科学技术发展与人类社会、传统技术与现代技术、媒体的正负面作用等等

对于这一类题我们一看就知道是比较本末倒置的题目,因为所谓的A(或者A VS A)只是B的众多实现手段中的一种,讨论这种形式或者手段怎样怎样,却不去关注这个所想达成的目标的要求,当然很无聊。大家普遍的思路是写不同情况下形式不同啦,不同的方式会对这个最终目标产生怎样怎样不同的影响之类的,但是这样无法写得深入,分类有时候也貌似不是那么好分;如果是一边倒的话呢又想得很痛苦,找不到那么多内容来充实
我也曾对这个问题很苦恼,逃不出这个圈。现在面对这一类题目,我总是想讨论一下这个目标的本质到底是什么,按照本质对目标的要求看达到这一目标需要什么,在讨论需求的过程中自然带出题目中所说的手段,只要充分利用或者正确发挥这种手段的作用,达到这个目的的本质,才算是手段对目标任务的完成。
但是如果这样来写的话我又有一个担忧,因为对于目标的过多的讨论和描述,以及在讨论过程中才出现的手段,看上去有一些偏题的感觉
这么想想也是,人家问的是AB好还是不好啊(或者是AB更好还是非AB更好啊),你却叽哩哇啦地说了一堆B是怎样怎样,要求怎样怎样,最后才轻描淡写地带了一句A怎样怎样,还没说到底好是不好

而且其实我这种方法也只不过是换了一种方法去强调circumstance罢了,本质上换汤不换药

我们小组对我这种方法的争议也很大,有的说觉得耳目一新,但是也有人说是硬生生的偏题,但是我想了半天还是觉得我的想法不知道问题出在哪了,弄得我现在写作文的时候总是向往这方面跑但是又不敢,很纠结……


     把你这部分感想引用到这里来回复,方便大家参考。

     你对题目的核心抓的很到位,看到了题目的本质。题目就是给出它认为能够达到某种目的的方法,然后考察你对它方法的评价,你围绕它的目的来评价它的方法。评价的方法无非是同意,反对,部分同意。这个时候,能区分你思维的就是你基于它观点方法上对你的想法进行的阐述是否有说服力。
     你的方法没有问题,确实是你从多个角度入手很容易写得没有重点,而且有时候还可能写成argument的形式,比如你不同意某个观点,然后说了N个其它的途径可以达到它的目的来说明题目的途径不好,写着写着就成了你来证明题目的不合理,这样就成了argument,这是一个大忌。
     我认为你完全可以对题目的本质{目的}提出你自己的看法,因为这个本质就是题目要考察你的核心,你就是围绕这个核心来表达你的看问题的方式,表达你的说服力。但是你也不能完全不管不顾题目提到的途径,是肯定是否定总是要给出你的评价,而且要简单地说出你同意或不同意的原因。然后再接上你自己的途径,充分地进行论述,这样很好。

我就第一个题目举个例子,希望你能更好地明白。


ISSUE42
"Because learning is not a solitary activity but one that requires collaboration among people, students of all ages will benefit academically if they work frequently in groups."


这个题目的核心问题是:learning
这个问题的目的是:benefit academically
途径是: work  frequently
原因是:learing is not a solitary activity but...

那么你就要先从learning的本质入手,你来分析learning的性质到底是怎么样的?真的是collaboration rather than solitary么?
然后你再考虑如何能够benefit academically
接着你就可以和题目给出的途径进行比较了,你的观点是怎么样的?你为什么这么想,题目开始用because直接就说了它这样想的原因,所以你也要简单的说下你的原因。
再然后你就开始陈述你的观点,你觉得如何能benefit academically ,你觉得leaning应该是以怎样的形式进行?
这样,既对题目给出了直接的回应,又充分表达了你的观点,这也正是ISSUE所要考察的。

可以随时跟帖讨论~~~

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