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[作文] daily writing ---wangrunningf1的作文练习贴 [复制链接]

wangrunningf1
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-3-3 22:25:27 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 wangrunningf1 于 2011-3-3 22:28 编辑

3月3号
The best way to improve the quality of education is to increase teachers’ salaries.

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to students as education. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding the best way to improve the quality of education. I, personally, support that increasing teachers’ salaries is obviously not the best way to get a higher education level.

First and foremost, the quality of education is influenced greatly not only by high-tech facilities but also the environment of studying. On one hand, through high-tech facilities such as computer and projector, some abstract concepts are able to display directly using visible animations or 3 dimensional structures. As a result, students can understand these difficulty concepts as soon as possible. On the other hand,the environment of studying is also significant. For example, students who do not have an opportunity to study at a quiet place like library or study lounge have lower efficiency than those who are devoted themselves to learning.Without these related facilities, no matter how hardworking the students are,the quality of the education can still not be improved quickly.

In addition, parents may help their children much more than do good teacher. Most parts of children education are virtually beyond teachers’ reaches. It is parents that supplement. Psychology studies have shown us that parents’ love sometimes has astonishingly magic power to their children. Albert Einstein’s mother and that of Forest Gump are both good examples. Consequently, parents take an essential part of the students’ education, so parents should encourage their children when they have difficulties in their study and cultivate a good studying habit for children.

Nevertheless, there is no denying that an increase in teachers’ salaries can motivate them to teach more tediously and patiently. Also teachers will not be worried about the financial burden and pay more attention to the teaching. These can facilitate the improvement of the education. However, an excellent teacher will pay little attention on how much money he/she gets from teaching. His/her objective is to transmit all his/her knowledge to the students and hope them to be exceptional people in the future.Only these teachers can help to improve the quality of education in a country in deed.

In a nutshell, the best way to improve the quality of education in a country is combining all the elements above. Only increasing the salaries of teachers is not enough.

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liu9046114
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沙发

发表于 2011-3-4 10:40:54 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 liu9046114 于 2011-3-4 10:42 编辑

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to students as education. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding the best way to improve the quality of education. I, personally, support that increasing teachers’ salaries is obviously not the best way to get a higher education level.

First and foremost, the quality of education is influenced greatly not only by high-tech facilities but also the environment of studying. On one hand, through high-tech facilities such as computer and projector, some abstract concepts are able to display directly using visible animations or 3 dimensional structures（好像和教师的工资或者教师的作用没什么关系吧？）. As a result, students can understand these difficulty concepts as soon as possible. On the other hand,the environment of studying is also significant. For example, students who do not have an opportunity to study at a quiet place like library or study lounge have lower efficiency than those who are devoted themselves to learning.Without these related facilities(这儿应该是environment了吧), no matter how hardworking the students are,the quality of the education can still not be improved quickly.. e0 v" z/ v' r

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In addition, parents may help their children much more than do good teacher. Most parts of children education are virtually beyond teachers’ reaches. It is parents that supplement. Psychology studies have shown us that parents’ love sometimes has astonishingly magic power to their children. Albert Einstein’s mother and that of Forest Gump are both good examples. Consequently, parents take an essential part of the students’ education, so parents should encourage their children when they have difficulties in their study and cultivate a good studying habit for children." E# h4 J9 C2 I w5 k

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Nevertheless, there is no denying that an increase in teachers’ salaries can motivate them to teach more tediously and patiently. Also teachers will not be worried about the financial burden and pay more attention to the teaching. These can facilitate the improvement of the education. However, an excellent teacher will pay little attention on how much money he/she gets from teaching. His/her objective is to transmit all his/her knowledge to the students and hope them to be exceptional people in the future.Only these teachers can help to improve the quality of education in a country in deed.（这一段的例证很有力）1 M3

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In a nutshell, the best way to improve the quality of education in a country is combining all the elements above. Only increasing the salaries of teachers is not enough.

总体来说用词，文字还是很流畅的，学习呢

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wangrunningf1
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板凳

发表于 2011-3-4 12:38:46 |只看该作者

2# liu9046114 我想说这样好写，提高教育质量的方法不仅仅是增加教师的工资，还要增加对教育设备的投资等等，这个算跑题么？谢谢批改~~

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xielijuan36
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地板

发表于 2011-3-4 19:27:19 |只看该作者

Perhaps no issue in this world is as significant to students as education. Despite various responses people may have
on the topic concerning the issue regarding the best way to improve the quality of education,I ,Personally, support that increasing teachers’ salaries is obviously not the best way to get a higher education level
First and foremost, the quality of education is influenced greatly not only by high-tech facilities but also the environment of studying. On one hand, through high-tech facilities such as computers and projectors, some abstract concepts are able to display directly using visible animations or 3 dimensional structures. As a result, students can understand these difficulty concepts as soon as possible. On the other hand,the environment of studying is also significant. For example, students who do not have an opportunity to study at a quiet place like library or study lounge have lower efficiency than those who are devoted themselves to learning in a comfortable place.Without these suitable study environment, no matter how hardworking the students are,the quality of the education can still not be improved quickly.

In addition, parents may help their children much more than do good teacher. Most parts of children education are virtually beyond teachers’ reaches. It is parents that supplement. Psychology studies have shown us that parents’ love sometimes has astonishingly magic power to their children. Albert Einstein’s mother and that of Forest Gump are both good examples. Consequently, parents take an essential part of the students’ education, so parents should encourage their children when they have difficulties in their study and cultivate a good studying habit for children.

Nevertheless, there is no denying that an increase in teachers’ salaries can motivate them to teach more (tediously and delete,tediously 好像是贬义)patiently. Also teachers will not be worried about the financial burden and pay more attention to the teaching. These can facilitate the improvement of the education. However, an excellent teacher will pay little attention on how much money he/she gets from teaching. His/her objective is to transmit all his/her knowledge to the students and hope them to be outstanding (exceptional 有贬义）people in the future.Only these teachers can help to improve the quality of education in a country in deed.
In a nutshell, the best way to improve the quality of education in a country is combining all the elements above. Only increasing the salaries of teachers is not enough.
写的挺好的，结构清晰，论证明确

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wangrunningf1
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5楼

发表于 2011-3-5 11:58:18 |只看该作者

自己选的题目~~谢谢修改
Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.

Art and music seems to be an indispensable part of human life all the time. People, in every corner of the world, talk about different kinds of art and music other than some physical sports in their daily communications. In my point of view, the government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground. Why? In this essay, I will point three of them that are most vital.

First and foremost, studying art and music makes a person more diverse and thoughtful. When one studies art and music, one is exposed to many different cultures and points of views. It allows the audience to perceive the word through different set of eyes. It is also a good way to spark interest in other cultures and diverse ways of life. As a result, this promotes understanding and tolerance of others. It is also a passage to know many cultures, including one’s own, that one would not have access to. This includes everything from daily life to psychology to philosophy, etc.

Furthermore, art and music provide an opportunity to express their feeling about lives. Take Van Gogh as an example. Because people who live in that time are not able to understand the genies artist, he always felt agony and had difficulty in living. So he expressed his feeling such as desperation and pain through drawing pictures that become priceless collections. People of today’s modern world have similar issues with life, and need an outlet to express these. Consequently, going to the art museum and music performance is a best choice.

In addition, viewing art and listening to music are excellent ways to relax and entertainment. On one hand, it is a best way to relax. When stressed, I will listen to a music performance. I find this activity to be very soothing and calming. Looking at works of art can have a similar effect, and when one understands the philosophy behind the work, it is that much more beneficial. On the other hand, it also offers a method of having fun with family or friends. Sharing points of view to the art work or music will make us feel close.

In a nutshell, supporting the museum and music performance is positive to the development of people, either in their study or work. People will obtain more from these facilities than the swimming pool or play ground absolutely.

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sun3may
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6楼

发表于 2011-3-5 21:05:12 |只看该作者

Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.
a) x! K

Art and music seems to be an indispensable part of human life all the time. People, in every corner of the world, talk about different kinds of art and music other than some physical sports in their daily communications. In my point of view, the government should more support(建议改成 support more to the) art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.（建议换一下词，最好不要套用题目的原词） Why? In this essay, I will point three of them that are most vital.

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First and foremost, studying art and music makes a person more diverse and thoughtful. When one studies art and music, one is exposed to many different cultures and points of views. It allows the audience to perceive the word through different set（加上s） of eyes. It is also a good way to spark （加上 the citizens'）interest in other cultures and diverse ways of life. As a result, this promotes understanding and tolerance of others(这句话缺宾语). It is also a passage（这里用passage感觉意思不是太恰当） to know many cultures, including one’s own, that one would not have access to. This includes everything from daily life to psychology to philosophy, etc.（这句感觉意思不是很懂。。。）（蓝色标出的三个it指代不明确，另外，连续三句话用同样的句式，显得文风有点单调了~）4 i& G3 \( _& J3 H$ j1 f+ x: A
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Furthermore, art and music provide an opportunity to express their（还是指代不明，容易造成误会，如果单从文字上解释的话，就成了“艺术和音乐提供了表达他们（艺术和音乐）关于人生的感受”） feeling about lives. Take Van Gogh as an example. Because people who live in that time are not able to understand the genies（genie：神怪;神魔） artist, he always felt agony and had difficulty in living. So he expressed his feeling such as desperation and pain through drawing pictures that become（改为过去式） priceless collections （加上after his death）. People of today’s modern world have similar issues with life, and need an outlet to express these. Consequently, going to the art museum and music performance is a best choice. l7 x2 B& y& w. J! T/ P8 W: Z

In addition, viewing art（可以这么搭配么？） and listening to music are excellent ways to relax and entertainment. On one hand, it is a best way to relax. When stressed, I will listen to a music performance. I find this activity to be very soothing and calming. Looking at works of art can have a similar effect, and when one understands the philosophy behind the work, it is that much more beneficial（不大懂耶。。。）. On the other hand, it also offers a method of having fun with family or friends. Sharing points of view to the art work or music will make us feel close." Z

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In a nutshell, supporting the museum and music performance is positive to the development of people, either in their study or work. People will obtain more from these facilities than the swimming pool or play ground absolutely.

观点很清晰，不过论证的时候，有些语法错误（特别是代词的用法）使得文章意思的传达不是很准确，有的地方有明显的“中式”的色彩，还要多练习哦。有什么改的不对的再多多交流哈！
一起加油！

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wangrunningf1
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7楼

发表于 2011-3-7 23:45:12 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 wangrunningf1 于 2011-3-7 23:52 编辑

3月7号自己选的题目学生应不应该穿制服，谢谢批改
Uniforms seem to become an indispensable part of students’ campus lives. Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether students should wear uniforms. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that uniforms serve students benefits in several ways.

First and foremost, with uniforms for every student, there would be more time focus on their study and more emphasis on education. On one hand, uniforms free students of the stress on what to wear in the morning. Students would learn to appreciate the elimination of so many choices when getting dressed for a school day and they would not be late for school because of the indecision about what to wear in the mornings. On the other hand, students would not spend much time on focusing the trend of fashion. Consequently, more effort would be put on achieving their ultimate goal: graduation and college.

Moreover, the wearing of uniforms influences students’ perceptions of school climate.Students are made to feel as if they are part of a team by wearing a uniform.In other words, uniform enhance their sense of identities and solidarity with fellow students. Wearing school uniforms will enable the young children to have a sense of belonging. School climate is improved considerably because kids perceive that they fit in because they look like everybody else.

Uniform helps to create a strong sense school ethos and a sense of belonging to a particular community. As such it promotes discipline and helps to drive up academic standards.
In addition,uniforms, which are economical and easy for parents, may save parents as much money as many people would like to believe. Students would not pay more money on their clothing such as sneakers, jackets, boots and casual clothing. Therefore,it relieve their parents’ financial burden.

Although some people think the forced wearing of uniforms will hinder children’s development of creativity and imaginative capability, I strongly commit to the notion that students should be required to wear uniforms from what has been discussed above.

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perceptive558
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8楼

发表于 2011-3-8 22:49:47 |只看该作者

# wangrunningf1 Uniforms seem to become an indispensable part of students’ campus lives. [url=]Despite various responses people may have on the topic concerning the issue regarding whether students should wear uniforms. I, given the chance, prefer to endorse that uniforms serve students benefits in several ways.[/url][微软中国1]
First and foremost, with uniforms for every student, [url=]there would be more time focus on their study and more emphasis on education. [/url][微软中国2] On one hand, uniforms free students of the stress on what to wear in the morning. Students would learn to appreciate the elimination of so many choices when getting dressed for a school day and they would not be late for school because of the indecision about what to wear in the mornings. On the other hand, students would not spend much time on focusing the trend of fashion. Consequently, more effort would be put on achieving their ultimate goal: graduation and college. 7 k* u [url=] |. T5 g[/url]
[微软中国3] & B& O6 ^9 f: }+ n7 B2 S! c5 l

6 g$ d4 V, D8 M( C0 dMoreover, the wearing of uniforms influences students’ perceptions of school [url=]climate[/url][微软中国4] . Students are made to feel as if they are part of a team by wearing a uniform. In other words, uniform enhance their sense of identities and solidarity with fellow students. Wearing school uniforms will enable the young children to have a sense of belonging. School climate is improved considerably because kids perceive that they fit in because they look like everybody else.
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7 p# i8 c& m- h& k) v. I% X' qUniform helps to create a strong sense school ethos and a sense of belonging to a particular community. As such it promotes discipline and helps to drive up academic standards. % H3 d% a Z/ p( `
In addition, uniforms, which are economical and easy for parents, may save parents as much money as many people would like to believe. Students would not pay more money on their clothing such as sneakers, jackets, boots and casual clothing. Therefore, it relieveS their parents’ financial burden.9 n: ?! L& @! ~/ R$ F4 K& Y$ y
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Although some people think the forced wearing of uniforms will hinder children’s development of creativity and imaginative capability, I strongly commit to the notion that students should be required to wear uniforms from what has been discussed above.

条理挺清晰，但是语言欠地道。建议多看点多写点，一起加油~~~
另外最好写给定的题目，大家好交流~~~~

[微软中国1]感觉读着很费劲。on the topic concerning the issue是不是重复？最好能看下别人的

[微软中国2]Would be 和focus是两个动词连用

[微软中国3]读着总觉得怪怪的，语言不太地道，我水平也不怎么高，最好多看看别人的文章

[微软中国4]这个用法不知道是否合适。

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发表于 2011-3-10 21:51:52 |只看该作者

310 独立

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笑会计
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10楼

发表于 2011-3-11 13:38:07 |只看该作者

Young people have variable plans before choosing a job as a long term career. Some people schedule a further study, some take professional training into their plans, and some just would like to gain experience by working. However, we should not lose sight of the fact that people in a growing number prefer to try several different kinds of jobs before they take a career in a long time. Its benefits, in my opinion, overweigh injury(injury是身体上的伤害，用drawbacks或者shortcomings比较好吧). Part-time job brings the "street smart" to the young people who maybe just have graduated from universities where they devote themselves into knowledge yet lack social skills. These young people can improve their ability of advertising themselves and build up their confidences through large number of interviews. Therefore, when facing obstacles in the long-term career, they can overcome the difficulties without a panic. The complex and sophisticated environment in diversity jobs will also give them a good taste of world out of the "bubble"（？？）, where they learn to communicate, persuade and make compromise. It should not be even slightly surprising that students with social skills acquired from those jobs enjoy a common comfortableness of dealing with the colleagues, the boss in their future career. Another advantage is that people can expand their social circle. People who have only one job live lives narrowed down to the single field composed by coworkers, bosses, and customers. However, trying different jobs is a great opportunity for them to get to know more people who probably even have nothing in common with them. Also, they have chance to make friends with persons in different occupation, who are helpful for their development. For example, an advertiser who used to work in a newspaper office has more chances to get a vacant on newspaper. Besides, an obvious effect is that people might find their true interest by trying different jobs. Just as Law Vernon said, experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. People hunt for jobs for many reasons, and most of them are oriented to making money, or raising family. They rarely take their interest into their account. Of course, some people even don't know their favorite career. （这里的叙述顺序可以改一下，不然前面这一句和后面的for example间的过渡有点突然）For example, by trying different jobs, a music enthusiast may find s/he prefers to be a street performer, which brings him or her sense of success, rather than to be a music teacher. So, it is presumptuous to judge whether a person should take several different kinds of jobs according to the salary, job security. The argument can be answered by the meaningful skills, increased experience and interest.

整体不错，但是感觉最后一段关于interest的叙述不是很清楚

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