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[习作点评] 【NINE小组】第三次作业by陈懂 [复制链接]

winterfine
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-8-8 21:06:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

It is no longer possible for a society to regard any living man or woman as a hero.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

The formation of a hero, whose deeds are often related to courage, romance and other characteristics the society encourage, involves romantic fancy and good-intentioned fabricating. Although I consider the statement, expressing the reluctance to acknowledge heroes in contemporary society unfounded, a certain type of hero deserves further evaluation.

It is generally accepted that the hero represents the prevailing spiritual and ethical pursuits in society, meanwhile the details of the heroic always remain suspicious. Galileo, for instance, is a scientist known for his legendary experiment conducted on the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Not only the great event is regarded a legend, his bravery against the cruel authority for the purpose of revealing and defending the truth has also gained our approval.However, what cannot be neglected is that the authentic of the story has long been argued, and so far, sufficient evidence has been revealed indicating the incident is nothing but a fairy tale made up out of people's goodwill for perfection. Isn't a fascination of that kind more compelling than some dull deductions and equations?

While I find the goodwill both understandable and amusing, some people misinterpret it into an absurd claim that the perfection of the reality is an indispensible part of the existence of a hero. Based on this claim, they jump to the conclusion that in contemporary society, in which the media is so good at digging up the truth, the disguise of flaws eventually fails leading to the final failure of the heroic tales. It is true that the influence media is exerting on the public is so great, that it is unlikely to conceal much information from it. However, the idea that the media scrutiny takes every chance to destroy the superstar with the scandals it finds is mistaken. The firefighters and police who participated in the rescue and evacuation during the 911 terrorists' attack are regarded heroes for their selfless and dauntless sacrifice. Moreover, these heroes are just common people with shortcomings like everybody, but I see no newspaper or TV program criticizing them for them. They have earned everyone’s respect for without proving their flawless. The truth is that the imperfect living heroes and heroines are just around us with their greatness to be found.

On the other hand, in spite of the conclusion that it is very possible to regard living people in society as heroes, a certain way to produce them calls for our careful consideration. In China, what contradicts the miserable reality that many of the officials are corrupted to some extent is the authority's continuous dedication to set some of the upright officials the typical and show their deeds to the public. The purpose is simple, to alleviate the discontent of the society. The standards are ideal and demanding, for the heroic officials found are not only supposed to be uncorrupted, but to have make tremendous personal sacrifice for the public, from what I have learned, many of these selected ones even devoted their lives to their job. What is even more ridiculous are the campaigns ordered by the high-level official to study the stories of the dutiful, which apparently leads to no improvement. Let us put aside the credibility of such examples. Confronted the serious situation , the government is trying to solve the problem and rebuild its positive image by producing the exemplary officials, the local heroes, only to find such attempts result in the banal.As far as I am concerned, it is better for the government to take some real actions to deal with the problem rather than playing the tricks nobody buys anymore.

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wywcgs
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沙发

发表于 2011-8-9 19:41:54 |只看该作者

1# winterfine
The formation of a hero, whose deeds areoften related to courage, romance and other characteristics the societyencourage, involves romantic fancy and good-intentioned fabricating. Although Iconsider the statement, expressing the reluctance to acknowledge heroes incontemporary society unfounded, a certain type of hero deserves furtherevaluation.
It is generally accepted that the hero represents theprevailing spiritual and ethical pursuits in society; meanwhile the details ofthe heroic always remain suspicious. Galileo, for instance, is a scientistknown for his legendary experiment conducted on the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Notonly the great event is regarded a legend (貌似要倒装?), (but?) his bravery against the cruel authority for thepurpose of revealing and defending the truth has also gained our approval.However, what cannot be neglected is that the authentic of the story has longbeen argued, and so far, sufficient evidence has been revealed indicating theincident is nothing but a fairy tale made up out of people's goodwill forperfection. Isn't a fascination of that kind more compelling than some dulldeductions and equations?
While I find the goodwill both understandable and amusing,some people misinterpret it into an absurd claim that the perfection of thereality is an indispensible part of the existence of a hero. Based on thisclaim, they jump to the conclusion that in contemporary society, in which themedia is so good at digging up the truth, the disguise of flaws eventuallyfails leading to the final failure of the heroic tales. It is true that theinfluence media is(去掉?) exerting on the public is so great, that it is unlikely toconceal much information from it. However, the idea that the media scrutinytakes every chance to destroy the superstar with the scandals it finds is mistaken. The firefighters and police who participatedin the rescue and evacuation during the 911 terrorists' attack are regardedheroes for their selfless and dauntless sacrifice. Moreover, these heroes arejust common people with shortcomings like everybody, but I see no newspaper orTV program criticizing them for them (两个them放在一起总觉得很别扭，写成定语从句会不会好点). They have earned everyone’s respect for (去掉?) without proving their flawless. The truth is that theimperfect living heroes and heroines are just around us with their greatness tobe found.
On the other hand, in spite of the conclusion that it is verypossible to regard living people in society as heroes, a certain way to producethem calls for our careful consideration. In China, what contradicts themiserable reality that many of the officials are corrupted to some extent isthe authority's continuous dedication to set some of the upright officials thetypical and show their deeds to the public. The purpose is simple, to alleviatethe discontent of the society. The standards are ideal and demanding, for theheroic officials found are not only supposed to be uncorrupted, but to havemake (made?) tremendous personal sacrifice for the public, from what I havelearned, many of these selected ones even devoted their lives to their job.What is even more ridiculous are the campaigns ordered by the high-levelofficial to study the stories of the dutiful, which apparently leads to noimprovement. Let us put aside the credibility of such examples. Confronted theserious situation , the government is trying to solve the problem and rebuildits positive image by producing the exemplary officials, the local heroes, onlyto find such attempts result in the banal. As far as I am concerned, it isbetter for the government to take some real actions to deal with the problemrather than playing the tricks nobody buys anymore.

呃。总觉得文章结构很松散的样子。
给出自己对英雄的诠释 -> 论述不完美也可以造就英雄 -> 指出中国造英雄方法的不可取之处
但是我似乎看不到有什么全文的中心论点在里面，而且段落之间的关系也很弱。特别是最后一段论述的内容，感觉更象是某种时事评论性文章的一段，这好像不是issue文章的重点吧。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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winterfine
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板凳

发表于 2011-8-9 21:11:19 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 winterfine 于 2011-8-9 21:12 编辑

The following was written by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. At present, the nearest jazz club is over 60 miles away from Monroe; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. In addition, there is ample evidence of the popularity of jazz in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly.' Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. We therefore predict that the C Note cannot help but make money."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.

A comprehensive investigation concerning the potential difficulty facing the investor is undoubtedly necessary, However, by taking into account only one distant jazz club, the author's questionable optimism is obvious. While some facts are provided to prove the popularity of jazz in Monroe, more questions are to be answered to demonstrate the conclusion that the C Note is profitable.

Lacking more specific information about the local jazz entertainment business, the optimistic attitude towards the coming rival is unfounded. The author mentions in the argument that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, implying that this jazz club is the only option for residents in Monroe to enjoy the jazz atmosphere. In this way, the author fails to account for the alternative possibilities that other forms of clubs, say music clubs, or even bars may provide jazz performances as well, which proves to be a common method to attract more customers. In addition, 65 miles is possibly not too far for a true lover of jazz, who seeks music of high quality. In this case, the C Note is going to deal with more fierce competition than anticipated.

Even if the new jazz club is able to take control of the local market with ease, the question that if this place is worth of the initial investment is not easy to answer at all.  Stated in the application is the fact that over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer. Here, it is assumed that the huge number of the participants in the festival equals to a prevailing love for jazz in this city. Despite the enthusiasm observed last summer, how many locals are actually attracted to the event remains to be answered. It is possible that more than 99% of the jazz fans were from other cities and such a festival causes discontent among the locals. Also in reference to the well-known jazz musicians, we may suppose that it is probably the local indifference regarding jazz that made the musicians settle down, which results in a pleasant peace most famous people seek. Anyway, the popularity requires further investigation.

In regards to the nationwide study, no evidence has been provided to make clear the exact distribution of the $1000. CDs, concerts and even instruments are all good choices to expend the money. Citizens in Monroe, accordingly, may not spend much on the club as the author might have expected, while they do love jazz. Meanwhile the investor assumes that the average national consumption on jazz fairly represents the local level, failing to rule out other situations in which the general income in Monroe, which is obviously lower than normal, makes consuming in a jazz club a luxury.

To sum up, although investing in a jazz club located in Monroe appears promising according to the author, the unanswered questions calls for our further consideration and study into the market there

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kaoo
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地板

发表于 2011-8-9 22:46:30 |只看该作者

3# winterfine
说实话，看你的文章就不想看下去了。些的这么难何必呢？也不是为了份薪水？

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winterfine
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5楼

发表于 2011-8-9 23:18:38 |只看该作者

4# kaoo
哈哈你给我薪水不？给钱的话我写得更难

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kaoo
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6楼

发表于 2011-8-10 14:13:49 |只看该作者

5# winterfine
2b才会给你薪水写这么难看的文章，我倒不如看八卦周刊好了

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倪兰
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7楼

发表于 2011-8-10 14:28:33 |只看该作者

看晕了~~

"

air jordan sale air jordan XI air jordan 2011"

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wywcgs
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8楼

发表于 2011-8-10 19:01:51 |只看该作者

6# kaoo
虽然欢迎外人点评，可是如果您老没啥建设性的意见，还请闭嘴。
口舌之快没有意义，离考试也没几天了，没谁有那么多时间和你纠缠。

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会飞的橙子
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9楼

发表于 2011-8-10 19:31:04 |只看该作者

8# wywcgs
赞个~~

既然选择了远方，便只顾风雨兼程！
PS：求GF

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10楼

发表于 2011-8-10 19:50:58 |只看该作者

8# wywcgs
我说写的难看就是建设性，你不就不要吹考试还是看平时实力的，像考前临时是准备不了

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lovetian
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11楼

发表于 2011-8-10 19:54:02 |只看该作者

8# wywcgs

咳咳别这么认真嘛好不容易有人来了无聊的时候逗逗他玩也不错啊……
淡定淡定啦

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winterfine
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12楼

发表于 2011-8-10 21:09:25 |只看该作者

The formation of a hero, whose deeds are often related to courage, romance and other characteristics the society encourage, involves romantic fancy and good-intentioned fabricating. Although I consider the statement, expressing the reluctance to acknowledge heroes in contemporary society unfounded, a certain type of hero deserves further evaluation.
It is generally accepted that the hero represents the prevailing spiritual and ethical pursuits in society; meanwhile the details of the heroic always remain suspicious. Galileo, for instance, is a scientist known for his legendary experiment conducted on the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Not only is the great event regarded a legend, but his bravery against the cruel authority for the purpose of revealing and defending the truth has also gained our approval. However, what cannot be neglected is that the authentic of the story has long been argued, and so far, sufficient evidence has been revealed indicating the incident is nothing but a fairy tale made up out of people's goodwill for perfection. Isn't a fascination of that kind more compelling than some dull deductions and equations?
While I find the goodwill both understandable and amusing, some people misinterpret it into an absurd claim that the perfection of the reality is an indispensible part of the existence of a hero. Based on this claim, they jump to the conclusion that in contemporary society, in which the media is so good at digging up the truth, the disguise of flaws eventually fails leading to the final failure of the heroic tales. It is true that the influence media exerting on the public is so great, that it is unlikely to conceal much information from it. However, the idea that the media scrutiny takes every chance to destroy the superstar with the scandals it finds is mistaken. The firefighters and police who participated in the rescue and evacuation during the 911 terrorists' attack are regarded heroes for their selfless and dauntless sacrifice. Moreover, these heroes are just common people with shortcomings like everybody, but I see no newspaper or TV program criticizing them for that. They have earned everyone’s respect without proving their flawlessness. The truth is that the imperfect living heroes and heroines are just around us with their greatness to be found.
On the other hand, in spite of the conclusion that it is very possible to regard living people in society as heroes, a certain way to produce them calls for our careful consideration. In China, what contradicts the miserable reality that many of the officials are corrupted to some extent is the authority's continuous dedication to set some of the upright officials the typical and show their deeds to the public. The purpose is simple, to alleviate the discontent of the society. The standards are ideal and demanding, for the heroic officials found are not only supposed to be uncorrupted, but to have made tremendous personal sacrifice for the public, from what I have learned, many of these selected ones even devoted their lives to their job. What is even more ridiculous are the campaigns ordered by the high-level official to study the stories of the dutiful, which apparently leads to no improvement. Let us put aside the credibility of such examples. Confronted the serious situation , the government is trying to rebuild its positive image by producing the exemplary officials, the local heroes, only to find such attempts result in the banal. As far as I am concerned, it is better for the government to take some real actions to deal with the problem rather than playing the tricks nobody buys anymore.
乌鸦同学的修改意见挺对的下次issue会注意的
但是这次没有做大的修改只是改了一些语法错误

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