寄托天下
查看: 1337|回复: 4
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[i习作temp] 527选手求拍issue 25~快来攒人品吧 [复制链接]

声望
0
寄托币
361
注册时间
2011-8-27
精华
0
帖子
30
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2012-5-12 17:49:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽
回应
0

使用道具 举报

声望
0
寄托币
361
注册时间
2011-8-27
精华
0
帖子
30
沙发
发表于 2012-5-12 17:50:27 |只看该作者
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

使用道具 举报

声望
0
寄托币
361
注册时间
2011-8-27
精华
0
帖子
30
板凳
发表于 2012-5-12 17:51:02 |只看该作者
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

使用道具 举报

声望
0
寄托币
361
注册时间
2011-8-27
精华
0
帖子
30
地板
发表于 2012-5-12 23:24:15 |只看该作者
提示: 作者被禁止或删除 内容自动屏蔽

使用道具 举报

Rank: 4

声望
3
寄托币
671
注册时间
2008-10-20
精华
0
帖子
94
5
发表于 2012-5-13 12:06:01 |只看该作者
第一次修改别人的作文,如有觉得不合适的,直接无视就对啦~~
文章模板的痕迹较重。
LZ可以贴上你的提纲,让大家一目了然哈!

When speaking of university education charge of students, one is tempted to say governmentsshould offer college and university education free of charge to all students. Tosome extent this policy can lessen the burden of students and provide morestudents with access to education. However, this recommendation neglect toconsider the specific circumstances of implementing the policy, which rendering me do not totally agree with this claim. (有些别扭)
拙见:

开头为了开门见山,引导下文。可是反驳的语句比较含糊,没有点名。
Offering free of charge to all students,to be true, could help the prosperity of acountry’s education and supply students with more opportunities to learn. In relation to the country,resources of human talents play a more and more important role in the developmentof a country, and in order to build up the strength of a country, it isin need of a number of talented people. Offering free of charge to all students can ensure substantial resourcesof talents, who are with unrestricted access to education. With respect tothe students, for one thing, their burdens to make money for the charge can belessened, this can own much more time on their study. For another, this policyguarantees a fair threshold for every student, no matter who they are andwhether they are wealthy or not.

这段为了说明人才的重要性,以及学生的受益。可以深入分析,有没有别的可以赞的地方啊?比如公民的满意度提升啊,学生的积极性会增加啊。行文没有例子支撑,有些无力。

Practically speaking, however, before implementing the policy, three specific circumstances need to be considered. To begin with, this policy cannot be universally applied to every country. Countries vary in population size, economic power, citizen qualities andfinancial budget. For some countries whose population is large, it would be alarge burden to extend free charge of education to all students. Take China asan example, China has a population of 13 million, other than the budget oftechnology, military defense, medical treatment or something else, China’seconomy is not that strong enough to support every student free of charge. IfChina really implement the policy of offering free charge to every student,then China’s budgets on other aspects should be diminished and may impede thedevelopment of other aspects which are as important as education or more. It isneither feasible nor wise.
考虑财政压力:以中国为例,聪明!这个尺度有些大,读着觉得太大(虽然尺度上缩小后,暴露的问题类似,但是一个国家的财政运作远没有如一个教育支出减少,就其他方面下降那么简单,毕竟还会引入市场投资概念)!government有时候可以指地方政府,在地方层面有些实施细节的问题暴露更为显著。譬如,教育市场竞争不存在啦,地方政府支持下其他类别的财政压力就大啊(这个就凸显嘛~)。

Furthermore,this policy ignores the circumstance that some students or their families are financiallystrong enough to pay the charge. To this degree, offering them free of chargeseems to be meaningless and also waste money of the budgets, which may instead paya more significant and efficiency function in other fields of society.

And last but not least,  the policy’s negative impactson students do not be taken into consideration. Though students can fairly haveequal opportunity to learn in university, but this cannot guarantee thatstudents will treasure the opportunity to learn and whether they can be trulyeducated. On the one hand, it is possible that students may not treasure theopportunity to learn because it is free, and since they do not to do part-timejob for the charge, instead of using this saved time to learn, they probably maygo out and play with their classmate. On the other hand, since the students maynot need to do part-time job, they may lose a great experience in their liveswhich have a profound effect on their social and practice abilities.
意思到了,可是文笔有待加强哈~
Inthe final analysis, we cannot deny that offering a free universityeducation to any student in the country really make sense, no matter it is for thecountry or for the students. But since different country may not share the samecapability to implement the policy and different students may have differentconditions, all these specific circumstances need to be considered. As regardwith the specific circumstances, corporations and individuals can helpfinancing the charge if the country lacks the capability, and students should bearmore self-responsibility for the society rather than savor the fruits of it.(最后一句很亮哦!)

希望您也能批改一下我的同一道题的练笔文章~~https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1365814-1-1.html
多谢多谢!

使用道具 举报

RE: 527选手求拍issue 25~快来攒人品吧 [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
527选手求拍issue 25~快来攒人品吧
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1367794-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部