寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托语言类备考版 › TOEFL考试(IBT)讨论版 › TOEFL(IBT)作业区 › 【Daily Writing作文特训小组】by TONY998作业帖

12 3 下一页

返回列表

查看: 5107|回复: 41

[作文] 【Daily Writing作文特训小组】by TONY998作业帖 [复制链接]

Tony998
UID: 3300696

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 139
注册时间: 2012-4-25
精华: 0
帖子: 62

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-7-12 10:36:10 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 Tony998 于 2012-7-31 11:03 编辑

正式加入作文小组战斗行列，在这里下决心坚持下去，绝不烂尾！:lol:victory:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
720作文

719作文

718作文

717作文

716作文

715作文

714作文

713作文VER2.0

712作文已被批改

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.12.14

回应
0

使用道具举报

秋雨荆州
UID: 2903781

元老版主

Rank: 11

声望: 8090
寄托币: 112852
注册时间: 2010-9-11
精华: 41
帖子: 31910

沙发

发表于 2012-7-12 10:37:46 |只看该作者

加油~~看好你！

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

Tony998
UID: 3300696

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 139
注册时间: 2012-4-25
精华: 0
帖子: 62

板凳

发表于 2012-7-12 11:57:56 |只看该作者

7.12 independent writing一篇：还没有上传附件的权限的说。。。

Nowadays, because of the relevant policy in China, more and more family have only one child, the word like “brother” and “sister” have almost disappeared from our sight .Parents think that their child should walk on the road and do not make any mistakes in their life which they have well planned and do not make any mistakes in their life for this is the only baby they have .In my point of view, it is the mistake that makes kids to do the right things.

To begin with ,man cannot avoid to make mistake all life .Even Zeus---The lord of God often make mistakes .As long as we are human beings ,we will have delicate emotion towards every things in life ,and thus mistakes cannot be completely avoided ,although it is annoyed .When we cannot escape from it ,we face it .So as our mistakes.

Moreover, it is the mistake that makes yourself approach to perfect .No one is born to be perfect. For a child, the mistake is the precious in their life: It is the first lie that teaches them to be honest; it is the first slip up that makes them careful; it is the first rebel that rebuilds their qualities .Mistake is part of one’s life, the crucial part.

Additionally ,mistakes lets children learn to be tolerant and kind .The mistakes we make everyday force us to understand that we are not genius as we have imagined .As a result ,when we notice that everyone around us are making mistakes ,we cannot be arrogant but tolerant instead ,even if the mistake troubles ourselves. Nobody is perfect, but everyone can encourage each other to get rid of it.

To sum up, mistake is not like plague; in contrast we should face it, learn from it, and encourage others to get rid of it. so as to make us stronger and stronger.

使用道具举报

mpromanus
UID: 2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

地板

发表于 2012-7-13 09:19:37 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 mpromanus 于 2012-7-13 09:24 编辑

Tony998 发表于 2012-7-12 11:57
7.12 independent writing一篇：还没有上传附件的权限的说。。。

Nowadays, because of the relevant po ...

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. parents should allow their children to make mistakes and let them learn from their own mistakes.

Nowadays, because of a (If 'the' is used, this 'policy' is understood to be either mentioned previously or commonly acknowledged as singularly specific.) relevant policy in China, more and more families have only one child, the words like “brother” and “sister” have almost disappeared from our sight. Parents think that their children should walk on the road (I'm not really sure why walking on the road is relevant to the discussion.) and do not make any mistakes in their life which they (Who? The children or their parents?) have well planned and do not make any mistakes in their life for this is the only baby they have. (I'm pretty confused by the repetition of 'do not make any mistakes..' in this sentence, and the use of 'they'. If you can't express your ideas clearly with a proper complex sentence, then don't try too hard..use shorter but correct sentences works a lot better.) In my point of view, it is the mistake that makes kids to do the right things. (I'm not sure if this 'it' refers to the actions of parents you described in the previous sentence, or something else. I understand what you are trying to say, but your meaning is not expressed clearly at all.)

To begin with , a man cannot avoid to make mistakes all life (This expression is ambiguous because 'all life' can modify 'avoid' or 'make mistakes'. The meanings are only slightly different though.).Even Zeus---The lord of God (Zeus is not the lord of God – the singular word 'God' with capital 'G' specifically means the Christian God. Zeus is the principal god of the Greek gods - notice small letter 'g'.) often make mistakes (But Zeus is not a human being - so your comparison doesn't really hold.) .As long as we are human beings ,we will have delicate emotions towards every things in life ,and thus mistakes cannot be completely avoided ,although it is annoyed (First, I don't know what 'it' is; second, I think you mean to say 'mistakes are annoying'..please be consistent with singular/plural.).When we cannot escape from it ,we face it .So as our mistakes. (Again I'm not sure what this 'it' is. 'mistakes' is plural.)

Moreover, it is the mistake (If you say THE mistake, it means there's one specific mistake you're discussing..) that makes yourself approach to perfect (I think you mean something like 'drive yourself to perfection..').No one is born to be perfect. For a child, the mistake is the precious in their life: It is the first lie that teaches them to be honest; it is the first slip up that makes them careful; it is the first rebel that rebuilds their qualities .Mistake is part of one’s life, the crucial part. (Right, but you've only discussed the 'mistake' part of the question, and not the rest of the question: that the mistakes have to be the ones that the children themselves make..if you only need mistakes to learn from, then you can learn from other people's mistakes too.. and the parents could just use other people's mistakes as examples to warn their children..)

Additionally ,mistakes lets children learn to be tolerant and kind .The mistakes we make everyday force us to understand that we are not geniuses as we have imagined .As a result ,when we notice that everyone around us is making mistakes ,we cannot be arrogant but tolerant instead ,even if the mistake troubles ourselves. Nobody is perfect, but everyone can encourage each other to get rid of it. (The question doesn't specifically mention getting rid of mistakes, so why do you think it is relevant and needs to be addressed here?)

To sum up, mistake is not like a plague; in contrast we should face it, learn from it, and encourage others to get rid of it. so as to make us stronger and stronger.(True, but the question is not just about 'mistakes' in general. It is a very specific question about parents allowing their children to make mistakes and to learn from the mistakes. Every part of this question contributes to its overall meaning, and the question needs to be addressed as a whole sentence. You're only focusing on one single word in the sentence and therefore never quite actually answered the question..)

总结：

请注意单复数、冠词和代词的使用。。尤其是代词，经常是我觉得你知道你想说神马但是我不知道你到底想说神马。。= =

论述方面很典型的只看到题目里的一个名词就开始往盘子里捡菜。。这个问题不是关于犯错误的意义的，是关于父母对待孩子犯的错误的态度。。所以你只顺着‘错误’一个词往下写自然就变成又大又空了。。

附：求改不一定要发附件的，但请不要把作文直接贴在我的主帖楼里哈~你可以继续用这个帖子发作文，到我的主帖回帖说明帖子地址/求改的作文的楼数就可以了~谢谢合作~鞠躬~

2016 fall语言学Phd申请情况叨叨帖
DMC 3表忠心花痴帖！

使用道具举报

Tony998
UID: 3300696

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 139
注册时间: 2012-4-25
精华: 0
帖子: 62

5楼

发表于 2012-7-13 09:56:45 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 Tony998 于 2012-7-13 11:09 编辑

mpromanus 发表于 2012-7-13 09:19
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. parents should allow their children to ma ...

感谢Romanus老师细心而又精彩的修改，看来我的独立写作还有很多地方要改进，关于贴作文的事，下次我会注意地，还望见谅。再次向Romanus老师de无私致敬！

使用道具举报

Tony998
UID: 3300696

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 139
注册时间: 2012-4-25
精华: 0
帖子: 62

6楼

发表于 2012-7-13 12:21:23 |只看该作者

7.13独立写作
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Does advice given by older people more valuable than from people your age?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is an old Chinese proverb says:” If the old dog barks, he gives counsel. “This reflects the irreplaceable status of old men’s word in Chinese culture. In China, whatever situation you are in, the biggest decisions are usually made by older people who are dominant in the group, while ideas from freshmen are totally ignored. In my point, this is quite unfair and harmful to the social development.

To begin with, we cannot deny the truth that suggestions from older people indeed do work in many circumstances. After going through considerate successes and failures, experiences and knowledge which the old birds have gained is far greater than we do. Without their guiding or advice, we cannot do as well as they did, not to speak of do it better. However, this is only limited to the project that has already been explored. For we cannot image that Darwin could develop evolution theories if he listened to older men at that time. Thus you can never create a new great thing with older men’s suggestions, even if they sound reasonable.

Now that we cannot be advised by older men to create new objects, why not we listen to our friend in the same age? People in your age have much in common with you, thus he (or she) can easily understand your points and gives you crucial advices which you cannot receive from older people. Moreover, they will bring new energy and different minds to your project, which can be the key to your success. But we also should have an eye on the immature ideas from our friends without enough consideration.

To sum up, advices from both people your age and older people are valuable and necessary for our enterprise and life. However, in a high-speed developing society at present, older dogs’ counsel may not work at all, so we need to depend more on guys at our age than ever before.

使用道具举报

taoyangbetty
UID: 3100231

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 134
注册时间: 2011-6-7
精华: 0
帖子: 61

7楼

发表于 2012-7-14 07:03:35 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 taoyangbetty 于 2012-7-14 09:21 编辑

sorry for being late, big appologies
here's the revised article, if there's any mistake please let me know~

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

使用道具举报

sodapeng
UID: 3242849

荣誉版主

Rank: 9 Rank: 9 Rank: 9

声望: 1974
寄托币: 14467
注册时间: 2012-2-1
精华: 5
帖子: 3423

8楼

发表于 2012-7-14 19:48:41 |只看该作者

已改

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

使用道具举报

Tony998
UID: 3300696

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 139
注册时间: 2012-4-25
精华: 0
帖子: 62

9楼

发表于 2012-7-14 20:36:17 |只看该作者

sodapeng 发表于 2012-7-14 19:48
已改

感谢中肯的建议！

使用道具举报

Tony998
UID: 3300696

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 139
注册时间: 2012-4-25
精华: 0
帖子: 62

10楼

发表于 2012-7-14 20:51:46 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 Tony998 于 2012-7-16 22:51 编辑

sodapeng 发表于 2012-7-14 19:48
已改

再次感谢，附上改进的一篇；另外第二段的那句话语法似乎没错，向你求证一下713,ver2.0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is an old Chinese proverb says:” If the old dog barks, he gives counsel. “This reflects the irreplaceable status of old men’s word in Chinese culture. In China, whatever situation you are in, the biggest decisions are usually made by older people who are dominant in the group, while ideas from freshmen are totally ignored. In my point, this is quite unfair to the youngs and harmful to the social development as well.
To begin with, we cannot deny the truth that suggestions from older people indeed do work in many circumstances. After going through considerable successes and failures, experiences and knowledge which the old birds have gained is far greater than we do. Without their guiding or advice, we cannot do as well as they did, not to speak of doing it better. However, this is only limited to the project that has already been explored. For we cannot image that Darwin could develop evolution theories if he listened to older men at that time. Thus you can never create a new great thing with older men’s suggestions, even if they sound reasonable.
Now that we cannot be advised by older men to create new objects, why not we listen to our friend at the same age? People in your age have much in common with you, thus they can easily understand your points and gives you crucial advices which you cannot receive from older people. Moreover, they will bring new energy and different minds to your project, which can be the key to your success. But we also should have an eye on the immature ideas from our friends without enough consideration.
To sum up, advices from both peer and older people are valuable and necessary for our enterprise and life. However, in a high-speed developing society at present, older dogs’ counsel may not work at all, so we need to depend more on guys at our age than ever before.

使用道具举报

sodapeng
UID: 3242849

荣誉版主

Rank: 9 Rank: 9 Rank: 9

声望: 1974
寄托币: 14467
注册时间: 2012-2-1
精华: 5
帖子: 3423

11楼

发表于 2012-7-14 21:13:38 |只看该作者

貌似那句没错= =。。。
前面是时间状语。。理解错了。。
不好意思啦。。
求回拍啦~

使用道具举报

Tony998
UID: 3300696

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 139
注册时间: 2012-4-25
精华: 0
帖子: 62

12楼

发表于 2012-7-16 09:42:41 |只看该作者

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The world is changing fast, people are lesshappy. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Do you agree or disagree?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Most people agree that last decades our world is like a fast-running train on the rails named development, it ran so fast that nobody knows what tomorrow will be like: Internet, personal computer, android mobile phone, none of which can be imaged by people in the past. Some people feel uncomfortable about this and attribute it to change itself. Though it is reasonable, but I don not think this is true.

First and foremost, change is not equal to bad things. We cannot ignore the fact that changes have brought us much inconvenience, but we should not turn a blind eye to many benefits that changes have brought to us. If changes do not happened, maybe now we are still sit in front of an old-styled PC with windows98, not to speak of surfing on internet; we will still wear old-styled clothes without many options. There will be no Iphone, no PS3, and no Facebook, which will be fatal to the young. The boom of world today is on the premise that world is changing.

Furthermore, change itself is not the main reason that people become unhappy. Facing a change
which is going to happen, what kind of feeling will people have, maybe some sadness about the passing by of old object; maybe some uncertainty about the future. That is common because nobody can avoid suffers when the old passes by, the new comes. In a word, it is the confrontation of the old and the new that makes people unhappy, not the change itself.

Now that changes happens everyday and we have no way to stop it, why not we adapt to it? Just like we cannot stop the wheel of history, change is a trend that we cannot terminate. We have to accept it, adapt to it, and finally control it. And because every coin has two sides, we can make changes in right way through our struggles. If everyone have a picture of bright future in mind and work for it, we will never be afraid of changes and can face it without hesitation .

In a nutshell, the idea that change makes us unhappy only reflects that we dare not to accept to the truth. Optimist sees changes as an opportunity; explorer regards it as a challenge. Hence I do not think that changes will lead us to unhappiness.

使用道具举报