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[i习作temp] 【11G 燃烧的战火】vatfy的作文贴 [复制链接]

vatfy
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-10-4 13:05:50 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 vatfy 于 2012-10-9 12:37 编辑

第一次写，第一次发，不知道怎么根据introduction来弄。大家给点意见吧。

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• 请问这是传说中的 letter of introduction（海关信？）吗？
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沙发

发表于 2012-10-4 13:59:23 |只看该作者

In fact, whether a student is needed to take the courses outside their major field or not, that is a intricate issue. 我觉得这不是个好论点，没有明确观点。你可以说depends on XXX，但不能只说intricate。

comprehensive ability，integrated ability?不懂，这是什么？你是想说现在学科间互动很多，所以需要人们对各学科都要有了解？你的主题句应该是Taking courses outside one's major is necessary/beneficial.
又是大粪起。。。求求你们了。。。
excelling=>proficient, fluent是标准用法。

broaden the student’s vision。和上一段类似？需要充分展开。不充分展开我觉得不是个好现象。

Negative. 我似乎没见过书面语中这么说。。。观点不够deep。

看到这里，我觉得你的主题句应该是，修一堆其他课程是有好处的，但是要求所有学生都这么做是不合理的。另外有很多语法错误。

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vatfy
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板凳

发表于 2012-10-4 14:39:15 |只看该作者

多谢楼上！语法问题有什么解决的好办法？语法
另外comprehensive ability我想表达的是综合能力的意思，词典查的···
还有要怎么根据introduction来写呢。

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地板

发表于 2012-10-4 14:56:00 |只看该作者

语法。。。多读就是了。直接看米国人写的。。。
没见过comprehensive ability这种说法。可以叫versatile。
网上有对intro的应对方法

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5楼

发表于 2012-10-4 16:27:42 |只看该作者

多谢！:)

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6楼

发表于 2012-10-6 23:10:08 |只看该作者

又写了一篇，求批改与意见。必会改:):)

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7楼

发表于 2012-10-8 21:54:09 |只看该作者

来了，10月八号的作业。

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8楼

发表于 2012-10-8 22:32:05 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 irrisa 于 2012-10-8 23:05 编辑

vatfy 发表于 2012-10-8 21:54
来了，10月八号的作业。

没法贴附件不好意思，求互改
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1455646-1-1.html

Issue 105
Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience. Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
======================================================================
The speaker asserts that the imagination is more vabluable than experience due to the reason that who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible wothout the constraints of established habits and attitudes. I am inclined to agree this opinion partly. Actually, imagination is important, but experience is mattered too.

Admittedly, it is known to all that imagination play a significant role in our daily life. The car we drive, the aircraft we take, the cell phone in our hand(all come from the fantasy of imagination). Obviously, they can not(cannot) be designed and made without imagination. In reality, at times, a man who lacks experience can make a marvellous(marvelous) imagination. Mozart, the Austrian composer and pianist, one of the best composers of music of all the time, as a matter of fact, he behaves an amazing talent in music at an early age, his first work was a minuet that he wrote when he was four. And German manthematician Gauss, when he was three he saw a a(手误吧) mitake his father had made when adding up the wage bills. Those people who lack experience but do a great achievemetnt tell us it is not impossible for a fledgling to make a great imagination.

However, is it safe（firmly） to draw a conclusion that the established habits and attitudes impose constraints on imagination all the time? It may be unreasonable in some cases. Wright brothers, who are credited for making the first controlled, powered flight in 1903. But, in fact, the wrights began interested in flight in the 1890s, and they had been experimenting with gilders and other vehicles for a long time, after tens of thousands of tests, they have imagined and made a first real plane finally. There is no doubt that they are experienced about flying, and it is hard to say that their expienced （experienced）habit and attitudes constraint their imagination.

To sum up. , It (it) is irrational to jump to a conclusion that imagination is more valuable than experience. Actually, imagination is a significant factor in the artist creativity and scientific exploration, yet, experience also play a （an）important role. There is no need for us to debate which one is more valuable, all we should do is combine experience with imagination, only in this way, we can(can we) serve for our humanity better.

例子和论证部分没有连接的表达
字数略少
Xdf老师说to sum up是死亡结尾,最好有偏向一方的观点

Issue 105
Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience. Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
======================================================================
The speaker asserts that the imagination is more vabluable than experience due to the reason that who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible wothout the constraints of established habits and attitudes. I am inclined to agree this opinion partly. Actually, imagination is important, but experience is mattered too.

Admittedly, it is known to all that imagination play a significant role in our daily life. The car we drive, the aircraft we take, the cell phone in our hand(all come from the fantasy of imagination). Obviously, they can not(cannot) be designed and made without imagination. In reality, at times, a man who lacks experience can make a marvellous(marvelous) imagination. Mozart, the Austrian composer and pianist, one of the best composers of music of all the time, as a matter of fact, he behaves an amazing talent in music at an early age, his first work was a minuet that he wrote when he was four. And German manthematician Gauss, when he was three he saw a a(手误吧) mitake his father had made when adding up the wage bills. Those people who lack experience but do a great achievemetnt tell us it is not impossible for a fledgling to make a great imagination.

However, is it safe（firmly） to draw a conclusion that the established habits and attitudes impose constraints on imagination all the time? It may be unreasonable in some cases. Wright brothers, who are credited for making the first controlled, powered flight in 1903. But, in fact, the wrights began interested in flight in the 1890s, and they had been experimenting with gilders and other vehicles for a long time, after tens of thousands of tests, they have imagined and made a first real plane finally. There is no doubt that they are experienced about flying, and it is hard to say that their expienced （experienced）habit and attitudes constraint their imagination.

To sum up. , It (it) is irrational to jump to a conclusion that imagination is more valuable than experience. Actually, imagination is a significant factor in the artist creativity and scientific exploration, yet, experience also play a （an）important role. There is no need for us to debate which one is more valuable, all we should do is combine experience with imagination, only in this way, we can(can we) serve for our humanity better.

例子和论证部分没有连接的表达
字数略少
Xdf老师说to sum up是死亡结尾,最好有偏向一方的观点

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tmacshoot
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9楼

发表于 2012-10-9 23:55:54 |只看该作者

irrisa 发表于 2012-10-8 22:32
没法贴附件不好意思，求互改
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1455646-1-1.html

Issue 105
Claim: Imagination is a more valuable asset than experience. Reason: People who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim and the reason on which that claim is based.
======================================================================
The speaker asserts that the imagination is more vabluable than experience due to the reason that who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible wothout the constraints of established habits and attitudes.(这里最好还是换种表达吧) I am inclined to agree this opinion partly. Actually, imagination is important, but experience is mattered too.

Admittedly, it is known to all that imagination play a significant role in our daily life. The car we drive, the aircraft we take, the cell phone in our hand(all come from the fantasy of imagination). Obviously, they can not(cannot) be designed and made without imagination. In reality, at times, a man who lacks experience can make a marvellous(marvelous) imagination. Mozart, the Austrian composer and pianist, one of the best composers of music of all the time, as a matter of fact, he behaves an amazing talent in music at an early age, his first work was a minuet that he wrote when he was four. And German manthematician Gauss, when he was three he saw a a(手误吧) mitake his father had made when adding up the wage bills. Those people who lack experience but do a great achievemetnt tell us it is not impossible for a fledgling to make a great imagination.

However, is it safe（firmly） to draw a conclusion that the established habits and attitudes impose constraints on imagination all the time? It may be unreasonable in some cases. Wright brothers, who are credited for making the first controlled, powered flight in 1903. But, in fact, the wrights began interested in flight in the 1890s, and they had been experimenting with gilders and other vehicles for a long time, after tens of thousands of tests, they have imagined and made a first real plane finally. There is no doubt that they are experienced about flying, and it is hard to say that their expienced （experienced）habit and attitudes constraint their imagination.

To sum up. , It (it) is irrational to jump to a conclusion that imagination is more valuable than experience. Actually, imagination is a significant factor in the artist creativity and scientific exploration, yet, experience also play a （an）important role. There is no need for us to debate which one is more valuable, all we should do is combine experience with imagination, only in this way, we can(can we) serve for our humanity better.

貌似文中的一些错误都被改过了，我感觉正文部分对题目反驳的力度不够，与题目相反的观点内容明显少于让步那一段。最好写两段相反观点吧，可以从不同角度说比如：1、太重视想象力而忽略实践会导致一些问题，比如有些人总把问题想象的简单化而不行动导致失败什么的2、也就是你的however那段。不知道说得对不对。。。

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