- 最后登录
- 2007-5-6
- 在线时间
- 0 小时
- 寄托币
- 1721
- 声望
- 0
- 注册时间
- 2004-6-25
- 阅读权限
- 20
- 帖子
- 0
- 精华
- 2
- 积分
- 701
- UID
- 168104
- 声望
- 0
- 寄托币
- 1721
- 注册时间
- 2004-6-25
- 精华
- 2
- 帖子
- 0
|
No.1 issue93 个人责任--社会类--写的时间很长,敬请大家提出宝贵意见,附提纲,和求教
Issue93: N minutes
The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making.
-------------------------------------------
Recently there is a(an) assertion that: Individual responsibility is only a concept necessary but fictional(这一句表达有问题不知but何意), since people's behavior is largely determined by forces not for their own making. However, I do not agree with this statement totally. Undoubtedly, people determine their behavior mostly(to a great extent准确些), thus, individual responsibility is a concept both necessary and real. Furthermore, because of individual responsibility, the connection between individual and society, the whole world is in proportion and balance.
So at first, what is the "individual responsibility" really mean? On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)(应该用for) Moreover, deep in the core of the concept, it implies a obligation of every one in the society, which may invisible but exist indeed. Besides it is the restriction that regulate(直接说restrict就行了) people's behavior ever and again. Therefore, as its ultimate function of individual responsibility, it is necessary and needed for all of us to accept (and) then carry out this significant rule in our daily life. Admittedly, maybe it is difficult for common people to practice every minute, however, it is so important that any minor neglecting for each individual may induce incredible tragedy. Take September 11th attacks for example. The U.S. president George W. Bush said it was a nation's tragedy. Yes, it did(was) , more than 3,000 people died in the September 11 attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. And there are no such terrible things before(before掉后) in the mainland of U.S. Furthermore, since the September 11th attacks, the New York Stock Exchange and NASDAQ stock market got ruined, almost half company's share index slumped. Recently 9/11 panel report said that "United States government was simply not active enough in combating the terrorist threat before 9/11". So this is result of neglection(neglect) of individual responsibility. Imagine that, if only one of the FBI, CIA staff was fulfilling his/her individual responsibility, the tragedy would never be performed(happened). Thus, individual responsibility is irreplaceable(indispensable) and absolutely necessary for each of us.
However, someone believes that people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making, as this concept is only a fictional term. I don't think so. Admittedly, people's behavior may restricted by public opinions, customs, different thinking, social status, background of education, and etc. However, they are just some minor factors, which have little influence on individual. .As an independent and intellectual life, each individual has his/her own right to choose what to do or not, it is determined by himself/herself to the most extent. Take Giordano Bruno, the Italian philosopher and ideologist for example. As he always stuck the Heliocentric Theory, which was considered as heresy the Church, so he was kept(put) in a dark dungeon for eight years, at last taken out to a blazing (abustle) market place--the Square of the Flowers and roasted (scorched) to death by fire. Truly, it is impossible for common us to die for(from) a theory nowadays. However, he kept his promise(conviction), fulfilled the individual responsibility of him, which was the duty of a philosopher and scientist, to tell the truth to the public and stick to his belief forever. Yes, Bruno did, he contributed his life to insist on his faith determinedly, and his immoral(radical) thinking and spirit will encourage all of us to stick to our rights to determine ourselves. Is any outside force can compare with death? Is anyone else wanted to say his/her behaviors is determined by forces not of his/her making? If so, there is only one reasonable explanation: you give up yourself. Imagine(suppose) that, if just only one staff of the U.S. government stick to his/her individual responsibility to do what he/she should do, in the above-mentioned example of September 11th attacks, is he/her would die from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?(不知你要表达什么))However, all of them gave up and then the tragedy performed, more than 3000 person died. So determine your behavior by yourself.
From the reasoning above, it is clear that as a people in the society, it is an obligation to fulfill the "individual responsibility", which is both necessary and needed. Furthermore, "individual responsibility" is also a right, which is visible, but you have to struggle for it whatever outside forces that may block you. Feathered with right and obligation, individual responsibility has become a connection between the individual and the society. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry(equilibrium).(不知道用什么词好?)At that time, if all the people fulfill their individual responsibility totally, our society will be in order, there is no crime and no war, every one is busy working to improve our life , all the races are in peace. There is neither animosity nor war, no conflicts between Palestine and Israel, no resistance between Islamic world and western world. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)(我感觉这个词用的不错)
In conclusion, individual responsibility is necessary and feasible duty for all of us, which is a right and obligation, the connection between individual and society, which we have to fulfill it and merit us to struggle for. When all of us take it as a rule in the daily, definitely, our people will live in peace and our world will in order.
(可能文章太长了吧,感觉段落内逻辑关系有些混乱,有些过度词比较勉强。例子不错,段落间关系相对比较清晰。总体来说还可以)
注意一下用词,尽量长短句结合
继续努力
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
语言问题:
1. On the literal, the term means a quality or state of being responsible to individual.(这个to拿不准)
2. from the outside forces? (感觉表达不对?)
3. Thanks to this linkage, each of us live in a peace and happy life, our society is in proportion and balance, and our world is harmony and symmetry.(不知道用什么词好?)
4. If so, we human being will definitely step into a new epoch.(不知道用epoch合适吗)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
关于issue写作:
不知道为什么,我破题,分析题目倒是听快,30多分钟(其实,也很汗了,因为自己列了个提纲,这到花时间不少)但是写的时候就超慢,一会开一下词霸,一会看一下WM,一回又上google查例子,感觉太慢了,我都不敢说写了多少分钟,丢人:( 猛个的写完后,后来又发现自己写的又有点多。特别是倒数最后一段是在是把话重复了一遍,就为了节构的完整,真是罗嗦。
我感觉,语言上对我的束缚太多。但时间紧,不知从何如手?我也知道语言这东西要多写多练,可毕竟就这么些时间,所以请各位给我提点操作性强的建议,谢谢你了!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
p.s.
提纲的样子死活调不好,传个图吧。
naiba369 上传了这个图片: |
|