[经典批改讨论] issue205 地球村时代下的终身教育，限时第2篇 [复制链接]

Dendis
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-7-22 13:38:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue 205
------题目------
As societies all over the world have more and more access to new information, the effects on life-long learning can only be positive.
------正文------
For the young, it rouses their curiosity. For the old, it adds to their experience. Although it inevitably creates problems ensuing, it is clear that because of its important influence, new information has played a crucial role in the effects on life-long learning.

In this era of rapid development of modern technology, the Mcluhan "global village" is no more than a communicational conception. The more access to new information, the more resources of learning in various forms we have been offered. The availability of information on the Internet, for example, widens the possibilities of informal education immensely. With its very advent, schools and universities have now been able to provide multifarious educational courses online for students all over the world, regardless of age, gender or race. Not only the Internet, the television, fax, mobile phone, can all serve as our learning medium through which people may get lots of information they need. It is no surprise when a little girl speaks plausibly about the presidential nomination of the United States underway in that she maybe a faithful fans of the CNN programs which often comment on current hot issue.

Also in reference to the educational philosophy, the revolution of new information has brought a tremendous change, if not overwhelming, not only in enriching the learning vehicles but also in innovating our view on life-long learning. Education now is anything but a limitation. It takes no account of geographical boundary, of belief difference or of economic inequality. Methods of teaching and leaning with the help of electronic medium have been sufficient enough that it seems that “all roads lead to learning”. An old man aged 80, for example, will probably well enjoy taking up with a second language, accompanying him only a personal computer aside. A middle aged officer, again, may have no time learning during his working days, but can still make up for learning during night when he studies in the online classroom. All these can hardly be imagined before while facts have demonstrated that it is never too old to learn for us and also for our children. Learning has thus been a truly lifelong process, in which we may learn whenever we prefer and whatever we want to know about.

Admittedly, like every coin has two sides, the information resource is no exception. With the coming of referred results there also goes lots of redundant materials. Hardly can one distinguish the useful things from the useless in a short period of time. Screens full of violence, drug abuse and sexes may also leave a shade in the young's hearts. To say nothing of some con man, cheat some credulous people in that world of virtual reality. Fearful as it may seem, all these should not mask the positive influences information has played on our learning process. We have witnessed our government’s passing laws on restriction as well as censorship about the misdoings of information. On the other hand, had we called for our self-awareness and self-precautions, it would also avail to the removal of these dissatisfactory doings.

All in all, without access to new information impacting our learning, we will still lag behind the information highway. Despite the emergence of information misuse, it is its far-reaching influences that fundamentally change the resource and the conception of learning.

If I'm who I am because I'm who I am and you're who you are because you are who you are, then I'm who I am and you're who you are.

If,on the other hand, I'm who I am because you're who you are, and if you are who you are because I'm who I am, then I'm not who I am and you're not who you are.

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needle
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沙发

发表于 2004-7-22 14:42:57 |只看该作者

seat taken...learning from ur articles:)

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Dendis
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板凳

发表于 2004-7-22 20:18:53 |只看该作者

最初由 needle 发布
[B]learning from ur articles:) [/B]

惭愧，我也只是在不断学习和模仿之中，实力跟你都差很多
马上就要考试了，每天自己模考训练感觉，仅此而已

把提纲一并贴出，期待大家更多的指正和批评
B1：获取信息手段的增加造就了学习资源的丰富。
B2：获取信息的众多途径也改变了人们的学习观念
B3：尽管可能出现对于信息的滥用，但是通过我们共同的努力，仍然可以加以控制，预防

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needle
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地板

发表于 2004-7-22 21:26:31 |只看该作者

Issue 205
------题目------
As societies all over the world have more and more access to new information, the effects on life-long learning can only be positive.

把提纲一并贴出，期待大家更多的指正和批评
B1：获取信息手段的增加造就了学习资源的丰富。
B2：获取信息的众多途径也改变了人们的学习观念[提纲中的这一点不是很清晰，要具体看了文章才知道]
B3：尽管可能出现对于信息的滥用，但是通过我们共同的努力，仍然可以加以控制，预防

------正文------
For the young, it rouses their curiosity. For the old, it adds to their experience. Although it inevitably creates problems ensuing, it is clear that because of its important influence, new information has played a crucial role in the effects on life-long learning.[influence, crucial role，几乎是个循环因果，虽然后面有一定的限定。另外就是，你的立场在哪里？针对题目说的positive，你的立场是什么？influence/role都可能是两方面的，看不出来你到底是支持positive还是negative，感觉应该说得更明白点。另外，题目中的access被你直接换成了information，这毕竟还是有去别的。你的提纲写得很明白，是针对access的，这是符合原题的。Anyway, 开头段一如既往的漂亮。]

In this era of rapid development of modern technology[我很担心这半句会被判雷同], the Mcluhan [马歇尔.麦克鲁汉是不是给一句简介比较好？] "global village" is no more than a communicational conception. The more access to new information, the more resources of learning in various forms we have been offered[TS句]. The availability of information on the Internet, for example, widens the possibilities of informal education immensely. With its very advent, schools and universities have now been able to provide multifarious educational courses online for students all over the world, regardless of age, gender or race. Not only the Internet, the television, fax, mobile phone, can all serve as our learning medium through which people may get lots of information they need. It is no surprise when a little girl speaks plausibly about the presidential nomination of the United States underway in that she maybe a faithful fans[去掉s] of the CNN programs which often comment on current hot issue.[有个总结句会更加符合总分总的结构。论证过程很完备。]

Also in reference to the educational philosophy, the revolution of new information has brought a tremendous change, if not overwhelming, not only in enriching the learning vehicles [这里承接了上一段，很好] but also in innovating our view on life-long learning. Education now is anything but a limitation[长短句结合做得很漂亮]. It takes no account of geographical boundary, of belief difference or of economic inequality. Methods of teaching and leaning with the help of electronic medium have been sufficient enough that it seems that “all roads lead to learning”. An old man aged 80, for example, will probably well enjoy taking up with a second language, accompanying him only a personal computer aside. A middle aged officer, again, may have no time learning during his working days, but can still make up for learning during night when he studies in the online classroom. All these can hardly be imagined before while facts have demonstrated that it is never too old to learn for us and also for our children. Learning has thus been a truly lifelong process, in which we may learn whenever we prefer and whatever we want to know about.[一气呵成的论述，很到位。例子举的也不错。]

Admittedly, like every coin has two sides, the information resource is no exception. With the coming of referred results there also goes lots of redundant materials. Hardly can one distinguish the useful things from the useless in a short period of time. Screens full of violence, drug abuse and sexes may also leave a shade in the young's hearts. To say nothing of some con man, cheat some credulous people in that world of virtual reality[这个句子我没看明白，是语法有问题吗？请教一个。]. Fearful as it may seem, all these should not mask the positive influences information has played on our learning process. We have witnessed our government’s passing laws on restriction as well as censorship about the misdoings of information. On the other hand, had we called for our self-awareness and self-precautions, it would also avail to the removal of these dissatisfactory doings.[让步段]

All in all, without access to new information impacting our learning, we will still lag behind the information highway. Despite the emergence of information misuse, it is its far-reaching influences that fundamentally change the resource and the conception of learning.[总结learning是不是应该更贴紧原题life-long一点？]

[除了开头段的立场表露不明显以外，就是让步段的意思似乎没有在开头有所表露。我感觉，“影响是积极的”这相当于一个“全集概念”，那么是不允许出现反例的（让步部分中的负面影响）。所以，应当修改立场，把让步放进去。

文章还是那么漂亮。语言非常的地道，行云流水一样，用的词、词组，句子的组织、句式变化、长短句的结合，都是赏心悦目。逻辑上也没有什么问题，读过之后，获益匪浅。Bow一个~~~也希望能多读到你的文章。]