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[i习作temp] Issue103 马上要考了,这是模拟考的结果,大家给个评价吧,回拍! [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-7-15 09:37:23 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
Issue103: 476 words  45 minutes
The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives.

提纲
1、        从个人角度讲,历史提供榜样和文化的认同
2、        从社会角度讲,历史有助解决现在的问题,也帮助人们避免同样的错误。

正文

According to the speaker, only the history that is relevant to our daily lives has value. I fundamentally do not agree with the speaker. In my view, the study of history that has little to do with daily lives contributes to the personal accomplishment and resolution to pressing social problems.

On the one hand, at personal level, studying the great figures in history may help people to learn from the outstanding personalities and stimulate people to pursue both professional and moral perfection. As we know, history classes both at secondary schools and at colleges introduce historical characters to students. Stories of those figures, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King impart students that personal conviction, perseverance may have great impact on personal achievement. After all, those great men has little to do with our daily lives, their deeds may still have bearing on the improvement of our personal behavior. Moreover, the study of history offers certain culture identities to citizens within a community. Common sense informs us that history tells people the whole process of development and progress of certain culture or civilization. It informs people where their predecessors come from, from which their culture may originate, the positive influence of their civilization and the negative aspects of their thoughts. All of these information help to construct people's understanding, cohesion and commitment toward their community. Clearly, the study of history that is not relevant to daily lives has great merits to people at personal level.

On the other hand, at societal level, the study of history that has little to do with current world may account for resolutions of pressing social problems. Studying past can be useful to enlighten people with the origin of present social problems. For supporting example people need look no further than the current low voting rates of the presidential election of the United States. Nowadays, sociologists try to study the voting rates of election in the past decades in order to find out when the low vote turnout began and why this trend continues. Events in 1940's may have great impact on the current voting rates, although these events have little to do with our daily lives. Furthermore, acknowledgement of past mistakes may help people avoid the same misbehaviors and the like. For instance, most Germany realize the essence of NAZI after the World War II, which stimulate the society of Germany as a whole to criticize the New NAZI as a growing trend in German youngsters. People will be hard-pressed to imagine what it will be like if Germany ignored the misdeeds of their predecessors and let the New NAZI thrive. From the analysis above, we can easily see that study of history that has little to do with current world contribute to resolution of the present social problems and provide standards and disciplines of the behavior in current world.

To sum up, the study of history that is not relevant to our daily lives has great merits to people both at personal level and at societal level.
MSN:zeal_paladin@hotmail.com
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沙发
发表于 2005-7-15 10:20:03 |只看该作者
突出的感觉就是结尾过短了,显得很草率。
BusinessMan

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板凳
发表于 2005-7-15 14:53:18 |只看该作者
感谢楼上的回复,因为限时,最后没什么时间结尾了
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地板
发表于 2005-7-15 20:09:02 |只看该作者
这篇文章可能有问题哦,讨论一下吧,为什么不先说一下为什么反对呢,你的B2所说的难道与daily life无关吗,是不是有点没考虑清楚呢,说说看
谢谢你,虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花,你却给了我银色的世界。

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发表于 2005-7-15 20:11:10 |只看该作者
what is daily life? how to define daily life?
I am going to conquer GMAT and new TOEFL

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发表于 2005-7-15 21:08:46 |只看该作者
看了楼上两位的回复后,去看了老外280,其中一篇也没有对什么样的历史与日常生活相关做定义,只是谈了历史对人们生活的意义。另一篇则整片论证历史对未来生活也有价值和借鉴意义,虽然它们可能与现在人们的日常生活无关,重在对比现在与未来,但题目也没有说现在啊,只是说日常生活,对未来的影响也会体现到日常生活中来啊。我对题目的理解是没有什么历史是跟日常生活相关的(谁能举出了反例来驳倒我呢?),但很多历史却对人们的生活(不一定是日常生活)息息相关
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发表于 2005-7-15 21:16:12 |只看该作者
关于第二段,或许在结尾加上这么一句会好一点,Apparently, formalation of informed values and ideals and construction of cultural identities are not relevant to our day to day lives, but they may have significant impact on our future.
MSN:zeal_paladin@hotmail.com

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发表于 2005-7-15 22:46:24 |只看该作者
1,首先老外280不一定都是范文。

2,关于“我对题目的理解是没有什么历史是跟日常生活相关的(谁能举出了反例来驳倒我呢?),”

没有什么历史是什么意思?题目的中心词是the study of history, 而不仅仅是history 本身。

3,这句话:In my view, the study of history that has little to do with daily lives contributes to the personal accomplishment and resolution to pressing social problems.

与日常生活无关的历史研究或者学习是什么样子的???
I am going to conquer GMAT and new TOEFL

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发表于 2005-7-15 23:14:41 |只看该作者
Originally posted by fhxywei at 2005-7-15 22:46
1,首先老外280不一定都是范文。

2,关于“我对题目的理解是没有什么历史是跟日常生活相关的(谁能举出了反例来驳倒我呢?),”

没有什么历史是什么意思?题目的中心词是the study of history, 而不仅仅是h ...

好强的逻辑阿,fhxywei对题目的把握比较准确,呵呵,我赞成
谢谢你,虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花,你却给了我银色的世界。

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发表于 2005-7-15 23:15:27 |只看该作者
两位大虾有兴趣帮我改改吗
issue36
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=300682
谢谢你,虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花,你却给了我银色的世界。

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发表于 2005-7-16 07:56:26 |只看该作者
看完了ZEALPALADIN 的Issue103,感觉逻辑上是没有问题的,论证也很充分,至于观点的立场,反正Issue只要能自圆其说就好了。不过:1)On the one hand,好像没有这样说的吧,一般都会去掉the,2)我觉得这篇文章在论证的过程中把 ife 和 daily life 再加以一个区分就好了,观点会更明确些,直接看文章,不看各位大大后面的讨论的话,我都会有一种混乱的感觉。
PS:大大,可不可以帮我拍一下我的Issue103啊,也是限时的,我26号在南京考:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299885

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发表于 2005-7-16 12:57:17 |只看该作者

也帮我改一下吧。https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=299010

According to the speaker, only the history that is relevant to our daily lives has value. I fundamentally do not agree with the speaker. In my view, the study of history that has little to do with daily lives contributes to the personal accomplishment and resolution to pressing social problems.(一个很直接的开头,能否把最后一句改一下,the study of history ,having little to do with daily lives ,however , contributes to the ……原因是你不要一个很花捎的开头,就尽量多体现自己的逻辑性,仅做参考啊 )

(既然分成两方面说,可以再第一段结尾加过度句Two examples that illustrate the point involved the level of personal phase and social stage.)On the one hand, at personal level, studying the great figures in history may help people to learn from the outstanding personalities and (to)stimulate people to pursue both professional and moral perfection. As we know, history classes both at secondary schools and at colleges introduce historical characters to students. Stories of those figures, such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King impart students that personal conviction, perseverance may have great impact on personal achievement. After all, those great men has little to do with our daily lives, their deeds may still have bearing on the improvement of our personal behavior. Moreover, the study of history offers certain culture identities to citizens within a community. Common sense informs us that history tells(demonstrate, illustrate) people the whole process of development and progress of certain culture or civilization. It informs people where their predecessors come from, from which(where) their culture may originate, the positive influence of their civilization and the negative aspects of their thoughts. All of(of 去掉吧) these information help to construct people's understanding, cohesion and commitment toward their community. Clearly, the study of history that is not relevant to daily lives has great merits to people at personal level.
(这一段结构比较完整,moreover 前的比后的要好些,建议把后面的culture influence 举的几个方面,按一定顺序组织一下predecessor ,originate of culture , positive and negative influence of the culture.三者可以建立联系的)
On the other hand, at societal level, the study of history that has little to do with current world may account for resolutions of pressing social problems. Studying past can be useful to enlighten people with the origin of present social problems. For supporting example(s) people need look no further than the current low voting rates of the presidential election of the United States. Nowadays, sociologists try to study the voting rates of election in the past decades in order to find out when the low vote turnout began and why this trend continues. Events in 1940's may have great impact on the current voting rates, although these events have little to do with our daily lives. Furthermore, acknowledgement of past mistakes may help people avoid the same misbehaviors and the like. For instance, most Germany realize the essence of NAZI after the World War II, which stimulate the society of Germany as a whole to criticize the New NAZI as a growing trend in German youngsters. People will be hard-pressed to imagine what it will be like if Germany ignored the misdeeds of their predecessors and let the New NAZI thrive. From the analysis above, we can easily see that study of history that has little to do with current world contribute to resolution of the present social problems and provide standards and disciplines of the behavior in current world.(这一段满好,例子也好)

To sum up, the study of history that is not relevant to our daily lives has great merits to people both at personal level and at societal level.(太短了)
你的作文请注意长短句结合,还有就是开头结尾要需吸引人些,应该至少在4。5分吧

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发表于 2005-7-16 15:44:27 |只看该作者
感谢楼上几位的回复,我会在晚上改你们的作文
MSN:zeal_paladin@hotmail.com

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发表于 2005-7-16 20:51:56 |只看该作者
我觉得楼主有点先入为主的可能
一开始就想好了从个人和社会两个方面着手,但是在这方面动的心思太多了
没有紧扣这个主题中关于relevant to daily lives的问题
楼主关于社会和个人的两点都可以归结为和人们生活有关的value,只不过是密切程度不同而已
第二点ts中has little to do with current world和daily lives好像有点接近了,但是下面的没有扣紧ts展开,有些按照自己原先的思路自说自话了

不过是谈谈自己的感觉
8.3 上海

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发表于 2005-7-17 07:48:06 |只看该作者
感谢edgarlu的批改
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RE: Issue103 马上要考了,这是模拟考的结果,大家给个评价吧,回拍! [修改]
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Issue103 马上要考了,这是模拟考的结果,大家给个评价吧,回拍!
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-300317-1-1.html
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