[a习作temp] argument140 高频,谢谢批改!! [复制链接]

maggielong
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发表于 2005-7-29 15:41:33 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument140:
The following appeared in a report of the Committee on Faculty Promotions and Salaries at Elm City University.
'During her seventeen years as a professor of botany, Professor Thomas has proved herself to be well worth her annual salary of $50,000. Her classes are among the largest at the university, demonstrating her popularity among students. Moreover, the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. Therefore, in consideration of Professor Thomas' demonstrated teaching and research abilities, we recommend that she receive a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson; without such a raise and promotion, we fear that Professor Thomas will leave Elm City University for another college.'

正文:

In this argument, the author cites a series of contribution of Professor Thomas to the Elm City University and recommends that the university give her a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson to prevent the her leave from the university. At a first glance, the author's recommendation is sound, thinking with discretion, we will find several flaws or even faults in it.

First of all, the argument is based on additional assumptions that might be not available. For example, what determines the leave or stay in a university for a faculty? The salary? The promotion? They are certainly not the most important factors, even it comes to a pedagogue and academic researcher with professional devotion. Some alternative elements, such as a harmonious academic atmosphere, the advanced equipment using for research and the larger possibility of the progress in her field, are the factors that really attracts her, but not merely money or fame.

Secondly, the evidence provided is not so strong to support the claim. The author says that Professor Thomas' classes are among the largest at the university and concludes that she is popular among students. However, maybe her classes are the public classes that require all the students of the university to attend. So the largest classes does not follow that her population. Additionally, the author cites that the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. But how about the next year? Does the fruit of her research have the potential ability to gain that much to the university any more? May be does not. Furthermore, maybe $10,000 raise for Professor Thomas is too much in that it is far more than the professor's gain for the university. So the conclusion that she receives a $10,000 raise is not found.

Thirdly, the conclusion is too hasty in the author saying that to give Professor Thomas a promotion to Department Chairperson. It is so ridiculous in that a preeminent pedagogue and researcher may not have a perfect performance in management, which require other capabilities such as the exchange, the management, the leadership, and so forth. If the university follows the author’s suggestion, maybe they will lose an outstanding researcher but merely add an incompetent leader.

In a conclusion, the author falls into several fallacies that lead to the invalidation of the argument. To make the argument more strong, the author should provide more evidence that Professor Thomas really deserves these.

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jason0926
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沙发

发表于 2005-7-29 21:23:53 |只看该作者

In this argument, the author cites a series of contribution of Professor Thomas to the Elm City University and recommends that the university give her a $10,000 raise and a promotion to Department Chairperson to prevent the her leave from the university. At a first glance, the author's recommendation is sound, thinking with discretion, we will find several flaws or even faults in it.

First of all, the argument is based on additional assumptions that might be not available. For example, what determines the leave(做名词没有离开得意思吧leaving?) or stay in a(an) university for a faculty? The salary? The promotion? They are certainly not the most important factors, even it comes to a pedagogue and academic researcher with professional devotion. Some alternative elements, such as a harmonious academic atmosphere, the advanced equipment using for research and the larger possibility of the progress in her field, are the factors that really attracts(attract) her, but not merely money or fame.

Secondly, the evidence provided is not so strong to support the claim. The author says that Professor Thomas' classes are among the largest at the university and concludes that she is popular among students. However, maybe her classes are the public classes that require all the students of the university to attend. So the largest classes does not follow(可以换个词吗?match?) that her population. Additionally, the author cites that the money she has brought to the university in research grants has exceeded her salary in each of the last two years. But how about the next year? Does the fruit of her research have the potential ability to gain that much to the university any more? May be does not. Furthermore, maybe $10,000 raise for Professor Thomas is too much in that it is far more than the professor's gain for the university. So the conclusion that she receives a $10,000 raise is not found.

Thirdly, the conclusion is too hasty in the author saying that to give Professor Thomas a promotion to Department Chairperson. It is so ridiculous in that a preeminent pedagogue and researcher may not have a perfect performance in management, which require other capabilities such as the exchange, the management, the leadership, and so forth. If the university follows the author’s suggestion, maybe they will lose an outstanding researcher but merely add an incompetent leader.

In a conclusion, the author falls into several fallacies that lead to the invalidation of the argument. To make the argument more strong, the author should provide more evidence that Professor Thomas really deserves these.

总体来说,没什么语法毛病,楼主的写作功底比较强,但是我觉得(只是个人意见)逻辑错误找得不是很好,至少薪水＆promotion不应该分开讲吧,不能算两个错误,还有第一个也说明的不好,让人看了不是觉得很正确.总体来说还是不错的,可能要再注意一下逻辑错误,这是我写的argument140,麻烦帮看看,谢谢

曾经有个女孩问我：你是帅哥吗？我惭愧的说：我不是，女孩啪啪给我两耳光转身跑了，丢下一句话，你撒谎！！

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