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[经典批改讨论] issue141 个人经济成功拍&回拍 [展翅高飞]Dicmi 21st issue [复制链接]

dicmi
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电梯直达

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发表于 2006-7-31 15:52:28 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
WORDS: 598 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2006-7-31

In this society, both the conformity and individuality coexist and serve as a indispensable supplement to each other. Both of them are extremely important to any person who what make some achievements. When it comes to the personal economic success, the author asserts the conformity plays a much more important role than the individuality. In my observation, nonetheless, the author seems overlook the key role of individuality while only emphasize the conformity. I deem that both of them deserve the same importance.

Truly, the individuality is an important aspect which we cannot afford to neglect. Since not every one share a same profound and accurate insight into business area, only some elites who are either born to be or learn to be business geniuses attain such abilities. In such a case, if they blindly insist on the conformity, never they can stand out, explore some new areas and invest on them for profit. To this point, the industry area is replete with such examples to illustrate this point. Henry Ford, the founder of Ford Company, was a pioneer who discovered the great potential inherently underlying in the car industry. Prevailing over all the dissenting views, he, under the guide of individualism, succeeded in investing on the car, which was proved to be a great success afterwards. Needless to say, if there is no such an individualism leading Ford to stand out from his common friends, hardly can he achieve personal economic success. Hence, an undeniable fact is that the individualism is of extremely importance in exploring new area as well as discovering new profitable industry.

Yet, after the individuals' single-eyed exploring and invest, when a certain area becomes mature, in order to maintain the profit, individuality is gradually losing its priority to conformity. The reason is quite simple: hardly can an individual run a business by himself/herself. While the individuality help discover certain areas, the conformity help maintain those areas. Throughout the business area, it is never hard to identify a common feature they share is that it is the ever-lasting conformity hold the employees and the employers together, propel the companies forward, and subsequently help achieve the personal economic success. General Electric Co., IBM, Microsoft, and etc. all of those large companies have a myriad of people working in them. Were there no a sense of conformity bear in everyone' mind, the companies will definitely on the brink of falling into pieces, because the manager will be bothered by kinds of troubles all day long caused by his/her employees full of individualism. In short, the conformity plays a vital role in holding the business together, in combining everyone's power together, in achieving everyone' economic success together.

So, taking the two aspects into consideration, it is self-evident that both the individuality and conformity are of equal importance. None of them can be neglected or overemphasized. From a general perspective, In order to achieve personal economic success, it calls for a coordinate marriage of individuality and conformity. While the former help discover new profitable area, the latter help maintain this profitable area. Just like a man's left hand and right hand, without any hand, we will have great troubles in our daily life. So it is the business. Therefore, due to the same importance of conformity and individuality, we should bear in mind that only a combination of them two can help us achieve the personal economic success.

In conclusion, in our attempt to achieve the personal economic success, what we need is the both of our hands, that is the individuality and conformity, rather than any of them.

[ 本帖最后由 iq28 于 2007-6-26 03:53 编辑 ]

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苯石
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沙发

发表于 2006-7-31 22:02:10 |只看该作者

又是 45分钟600个字啊, 强...

苯石
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板凳

发表于 2006-7-31 23:18:10 |只看该作者

In this society, both the conformity and individuality coexist and serve as a [an] indispensable supplement to each other. Both of them are extremely important to any person who what [who wants to] make some achievements. When it comes to the personal economic success, the author asserts the conformity plays a much more important role than the individuality. In my observation, nonetheless, the author seems [(to)] overlook the key role of individuality while only emphasize the conformity. I deem that both of them deserve the same importance.

Truly, the individuality is an important aspect which we cannot afford to neglect. Since not every one share [第三人称单数] a same [the same/an identical] profound and accurate insight into business area, only some elites who are either born to be or learn to be business geniuses attain such abilities. In such a case, if they blindly insist on the conformity, never they can stand out, explore some new areas and invest on them for profit. To this point, the industry area is replete with such examples to illustrate this point. Henry Ford, the founder of Ford Company, was a pioneer who discovered the great potential inherently underlying in the car industry. Prevailing over all the dissenting views, he, under the guide of individualism, succeeded in investing on the car, which was [可以不要] proved to be a great success afterwards. Needless to say, if there is no such an individualism leading Ford to stand out from his common friends, hardly can [过去时] he achieve personal economic success. Hence, an undeniable fact is that the individualism is of extremely importance in exploring new area as well as discovering new profitable industry.

Yet, after the individuals' single-eyed exploring and invest, when a certain area becomes mature, in order to maintain the profit, individuality is gradually losing its priority to conformity. The reason is quite simple: hardly can an individual run a business by himself/herself. While the individuality help discover certain areas, the conformity help maintain those areas. Throughout the business area, it is never hard to identify a common feature they share is that it is the ever-lasting conformity hold the employees and the employers together, propel the companies forward, and subsequently help achieve the personal economic success. [这里的论述不是很convincing.怎么员工的conformity带来了管理者的personal economic succuess?] General Electric Co., IBM, Microsoft, and etc. all of those large companies have a myriad of people working in them. Were there no a sense of conformity bear in everyone' mind, the companies will definitely [(be)] on the brink of falling into pieces, because the manager will be bothered by kinds of troubles all day long caused by his/her employees full of individualism. [individuality != individualism 作者似乎混同两个概念了] In short, the conformity plays a vital role in holding the business together, in combining everyone's power together, in achieving everyone' economic success together.
[在第一段中, 我以为作者反驳原论点, 会说individualit也很重要. 那么第二段的让步应从conformity开始?]

So, taking the two aspects into consideration, it is self-evident [没看出是self-evident?] that both the individuality and conformity are of equal importance. None of them can [should] be neglected or overemphasized. From a general perspective, In order to achieve personal economic success, it calls for a coordinate marriage [combination - marriage感觉不太好] of individuality and conformity. While the former help discover new profitable area, the latter help maintain this profitable area. Just like a man's left hand and right hand, without any hand, we will have great troubles in our daily life. So it is the business. Therefore, due to the same importance of conformity and individuality, we should bear in mind that only a combination of them two can help us achieve the personal economic success.

In conclusion, in our attempt to achieve the personal economic success, what we need is the both of our hands, that is the individuality and conformity, rather than any of them. [作者上文中是说在创业的不同阶段, individuality和conformity有其适用性. 但在总结中, 却没有提到. 是不是有必要在点一下?]

苯石
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地板

发表于 2006-7-31 23:19:15 |只看该作者

my issue 117:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... 3D101#pid1768891865
LZ有空去看看吧

dicmi
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5楼

发表于 2006-8-1 12:42:56 |只看该作者

员工的conformity，带来的是整个公司的economic success，当然也包括了公司员工的personal economic success，不单单是老板的personal economic success 哦

jalline
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6楼

发表于 2006-8-1 14:50:08 |只看该作者

In this society, both the conformity and individuality coexist and serve as an indispensable supplement to each other. Both of them are extremely important to any person who wants to make some achievements. When it comes to the personal economic success, the author asserts the conformity plays a much more important role than the individuality. In my observation, nonetheless, the author seems to overlook the key role of individuality while only emphasize the conformity[这句话和后面的篇章结构不是很吻合]. I deem that both of them deserve the same importance.

Truly, the individuality is an important aspect which we cannot afford to neglect. Since not every one shares the same profound and accurate insight into business area, only some elites who are either born to be or learn to be business geniuses [could] attain such abilities. In such a case[By virtue of this], if they[who?] blindly insist on the conformity, [delete ,]never they can[can they] stand out, explore some new areas and invest on them for profit. To this point, the industry area is replete with such examples to illustrate this point. Henry Ford, the founder of Ford Company, was a pioneer who discovered the great potential inherently underlying in the car industry. Prevailing over all the dissenting views, he, under the guide of individualism[这句意思上不合适], succeeded in investing on the car, which proved to be a great success afterwards.[可以具体到他对assemble line的改进] Needless to say, if there is no such an individualism[不合适] leading Ford to stand out from his common friends, hardly[可以换用rarely] could he achieve personal economic success. Hence, an undeniable fact is that the individualism is of extremely [感觉superior要好些] importance in exploring new area as well as discovering new profitable industry[经济上的成功不一定是要发现新产业吧, 这样写把题意理解狭隘了.].

Yet, after the individuals' single-eyed exploring and invest, when a certain area becomes mature, in order to maintain the profit[这三个状语整合一下吧, 有点支离破碎的感觉], individuality is gradually losing its priority to conformity. The reason is quite simple: hardly can an individual run a business by himself/herself.[这个解释没体现出gradually的感觉] While the individuality help discover certain areas, the conformity help maintain those areas. Throughout the business area, it is never hard to identify a common feature they share is that it is[直接接the ever-lasting…] the ever-lasting conformity hold the employees and the employers together, propel the companies forward, and subsequently help achieve the personal[为什么一定是personal的呢? 看了下面你的解释, 不过还是觉得这里很容易理解为领导者的personal success] economic success. General Electric Co., IBM, Microsoft, and etc. all of those large companies have a myriad of people working in them. Were there no a sense of conformity bear[bore] in everyone' mind, the companies will definitely be on the brink of falling into pieces, because the manager will be bothered by kinds of troubles all day long caused by his/her employees full of individualism[不合适]. [individuality != individualism 作者似乎混同两个概念了] In short, the conformity plays a vital role in holding the business together, in combining everyone's power together, in achieving everyone' economic success together.[你要是想表达conformity可以带来大众的共赢, 那还要交代的更清楚才行]

So[昨天看了篇语言大牛的文章, 说不要so来so去的, 用as a result/ therefore…代替], taking the two aspects into consideration, it is self-evident that both the individuality and conformity are of equal importance. None of them should be neglected or overemphasized. From a general perspective, In order to achieve personal economic success, it calls for a coordinate marriage of individuality and conformity. While the former help discover new profitable area, the latter help maintain this profitable area. Just like a man's left hand and right hand, without any hand, we will have great troubles in our daily life. So it is [with] the business. Therefore, due to the same importance of conformity and[as the] individuality, we should bear in mind that[不需用that ] only a combination of them two[them two=both] can help us achieve the personal economic success.[only…can…的结构是不是用的太多了? 不过我也没想到好的替换结构, 有想到的话交流一下~]

In conclusion, in our attempt to achieve the personal economic success, what we need is the both of our hands, that is the individuality and conformity, rather than any of them.

dicmi
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7楼

发表于 2006-8-1 19:49:55 |只看该作者

修改稿：）

TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
WORDS: 598 TIME: 0:45:00 DATE: 2006-7-31

In this society, both the conformity and individuality coexist and serve as an indispensable supplement to each other. Both of them are extremely important to any person who wants to make some achievements. When it comes to the personal economic success, the author asserts the conformity plays a much more important role than the individuality. In my observation, nonetheless, I deem that both of them deserve the same importance.

Truly, the individuality is an important aspect which we cannot afford to neglect. Since not every one shares an identical profound and accurate insight into business area, only some elites who are either born to be or learn to be business geniuses could attain such abilities. By virtue of this, if the elites blindly insist on the conformity, never can they stand out, explore some new areas and invest on them for profit. To this point, the industry area is replete with such examples to illustrate this point. Henry Ford, the founder of Ford Company, was a pioneer who discovered the great potential inherently underlying in the automobile industry. Prevailing over all the dissenting views, he succeeded in investing on the automobile, which was proved to be a great success afterwards. [In some sense, it is the apt demonstration of individuality]. Hence, an undeniable fact come out that, [it is the individuality that enables an individual stand out to be an outstanding person so as to gain personal economic success.]

Yet, as the business becomes mature, conformity comes to the stage and plays a more and more pivotal role in maintain one’s success. The reason is quite simple: hardly can an individual run a business by him/her, what he/she need is the collective power comes from the conformity rather than the individuality. Throughout the business area, it is never hard to identify a common feature they share is that it is the ever-lasting conformity hold the employees and the employers together, propel the companies forward, and subsequently help achieve the every individual’s economic success. GE, IBM, Microsoft, and etc. all of those large companies have a myriad of people working in them. Were there no a sense of conformity bear in everyone' mind, the companies will definitely on the brink of falling into pieces, because the manager will be bothered by kinds of troubles all day long caused by his/her employees full of individuality. In that case, the so-called personal economic success is nothing but the air castle. In short, the conformity plays a vital role in holding the business together, in combining everyone's power together, in achieving everyone's economic success.

Therefore, taking the two aspects into consideration, it is safe to conclude that both the individuality and conformity are of equal importance. None of them can be neglected or overemphasized. From a general perspective, In order to achieve personal economic success, it calls for a coordinate marriage of individuality and conformity. While the former helps discover new profitable area, the latter helps maintain this profitable area. Just like a man's left hand and right hand, without any hand, we will have great troubles in our daily life. So is the business. Therefore, due to the same importance of conformity and individuality, we should bear in mind [rarely can an individual achieve personal economic success without any of them.]

In conclusion, in our attempt to achieve the personal economic success, what we need is the both of our hands, that is the individuality and conformity, rather than any of them.