[a习作temp] Argument65 重新备战，请求互改 [复制链接]

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States."For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."WORDS: 446          TIME: 0:38:58        

价格低，subscriber，all与newest，increasing preference到底有多大？five best-selling是建立在什么样的基础上的？进口cheese赚的钱没有省的那点stock的费用多？？

The president is very harsh.这个词怕不行哦，你用这个是表明他很急么？harsh 这个词形容人是说很严厉，很残酷吧？hasty? The way of discontinue stocking many varieties of imported  cheese to improve profits is wrong 太绝对了哦，委婉一点点吧！ because the information is not enough to indicate that the imported cheese has completely lose its market人家没有说lose market哦，你这样算是给人家扣了一顶帽子。这个人说的是不stock进口cheese可以省钱哈！.Firstly, there is no information of whether the imported cheeses sale well or not. 我在看你的文章前，构思了下我要写的。如果我来写第一个ts的话呢？我要先说：不卖进口cheese就利润提高是站不住脚的，因为如果赚的钱比省的钱多，那买进口cheese显然更赚钱！其次递进一下：况且你还不知道这些进口cheese的销量到底如何呢？然后就接上你的讨论。我认为赚不赚钱是要批驳的重点，因为这人显然是想说他这样是为了提高利润的！！The president only shows that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, but how about the imported cheeses? Although the imported cheeses might not sales as well as the cheeses from Wisconsin, it might also take up a good amount of sales in the newest shop. In that case, if the store stops supplying the imported cheese, it might lose a lot of customers.  Without enough information of the sale of imported cheeses in the store, the president should not discontinue stocking the imported cheese.More over, although the imported cheeses sale bad at the newest store,   information of other stores is not available in the memo. It is possible that in other stores in the United States, the imported cheeses are still very favorable. The preference often differs a lot in different places, so it is quite possible that people in the place where the newest store is located favored the Wisconsin cheeses very much, while people in other place might prefer the imported cheeses more. Obviously, the memo fails to provide this kind of condition. 这段是不错的！！Last but not the least, the survey of Cheeses of the World magazine cannot be a persuasive evidence to show that the imported cheese is not as popular as before. Firstly, the Wisconsin cheeses are not equal to domestic cheese.这个小ts不好。我认为驳它进口的cheese比其他国产地的cheese销售好是很有嚼头的，相比，你现在这个ts多少有点狡辩：把wisconsin的就代表为国产的？？ Since there might be varieties of cheeses from many states in the U.S., the imported cheese may be much better than cheeses not from Wisconsin. The subscribers of Cheeses of the World magazine might take the Wisconsin cheeses as the domestic cheeses.这个说法有点武断了哈。  Secondly, the subscribers of Cheeses of the World magazine are not equal to the customers of the cheese store. It is possible that the subscribers prefer the domestic cheese, while many of the customers of the cheese store like imported cheese better. It is equally possible that those customers choose the cheese store because there are varieties of imported cheese. In that case, the store should not discontinue stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese.这一段是很漂亮的哈！To sum up, the president did not get enough information of the sale of both imported cheese and domestic cheese in the store and credit the survey by Cheeses of the World without a second thinking. The best way to improve profits is to get more information and make a good decision.

这个argument还有得很大提高哈，一个很大问题是：批驳的不是根本的错误：主要的是赚钱问题，这就有得说：进口的赚不多吗？best-saling是指利润高还是卖得快，卖得快很可能是wisconsin的厂家在促销呀？那样利润不一定高呀？还有那个调查说的是increasing preference，和真正的受欢迎还有得距离哦。再说那个调查的还象你说的（第三个ts）还不可信呢？

嘿嘿……班门弄斧了哈！我的意思是从赚钱角度出发，可以把所有的ts串起来，段落之间的逻辑性是否高一点？？

各段论证力度不是很够！！

要是批得让你不爽，就拍我的砖吧！！共同加油呀！！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States."For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

WORDS: 446          TIME: 0:38:58     

价格低，subscriber，all与newest，increasing preference到底有多大？five best-selling是建立在什么样的基础上的？进口cheese赚的钱没有省的那点stock的费用多？？

The president is very harsh.这个词怕不行哦，你用这个是表明他很急么？harsh 这个词形容人是说很严厉，很残酷吧？hasty? The way of discontinue stocking many varieties of imported  cheese to improve profits is wrong 太绝对了哦，委婉一点点吧！ because the information is not enough to indicate that the imported cheese has completely lose its market人家没有说lose market哦，你这样算是给人家扣了一顶帽子。这个人说的是不stock进口cheese可以省钱哈！.

Firstly, there is no information of whether the imported cheeses sale well or not. 我在看你的文章前，构思了下我要写的。如果我来写第一个ts的话呢？我要先说：不卖进口cheese就利润提高是站不住脚的，因为如果赚的钱比省的钱多，那买进口cheese显然更赚钱！其次递进一下：况且你还不知道这些进口cheese的销量到底如何呢？然后就接上你的讨论。我认为赚不赚钱是要批驳的重点，因为这人显然是想说他这样是为了提高利润的！！The president only shows that the five best-selling cheeses at the newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin, but how about the imported cheeses? Although the imported cheeses might not sales as well as the cheeses from Wisconsin, it might also take up a good amount of sales in the newest shop. In that case, if the store stops supplying the imported cheese, it might lose a lot of customers.  Without enough information of the sale of imported cheeses in the store, the president should not discontinue stocking the imported cheese.

More over, although the imported cheeses sale bad at the newest store,   information of other stores is not available in the memo. It is possible that in other stores in the United States, the imported cheeses are still very favorable. The preference often differs a lot in different places, so it is quite possible that people in the place where the newest store is located favored the Wisconsin cheeses very much, while people in other place might prefer the imported cheeses more. Obviously, the memo fails to provide this kind of condition. 这段是不错的！！

Last but not the least, the survey of Cheeses of the World magazine cannot be a persuasive evidence to show that the imported cheese is not as popular as before. Firstly, the Wisconsin cheeses are not equal to domestic cheese.这个小ts不好。我认为驳它进口的cheese比其他国产地的cheese销售好是很有嚼头的，相比，你现在这个ts多少有点狡辩：把wisconsin的就代表为国产的？？ Since there might be varieties of cheeses from many states in the U.S., the imported cheese may be much better than cheeses not from Wisconsin. The subscribers of Cheeses of the World magazine might take the Wisconsin cheeses as the domestic cheeses.这个说法有点武断了哈。  Secondly, the subscribers of Cheeses of the World magazine are not equal to the customers of the cheese store. It is possible that the subscribers prefer the domestic cheese, while many of the customers of the cheese store like imported cheese better. It is equally possible that those customers choose the cheese store because there are varieties of imported cheese. In that case, the store should not discontinue stocking many of their varieties of imported cheese.这一段是很漂亮的哈！To sum up, the president did not get enough information of the sale of both imported cheese and domestic cheese in the store and credit the survey by Cheeses of the World without a second thinking. The best way to improve profits is to get more information and make a good decision.

这个argument还有得很大提高哈，一个很大问题是：批驳的不是根本的错误：主要的是赚钱问题，这就有得说：进口的赚不多吗？best-saling是指利润高还是卖得快，卖得快很可能是wisconsin的厂家在促销呀？那样利润不一定高呀？还有那个调查说的是increasing preference，和真正的受欢迎还有得距离哦。再说那个调查的还象你说的（第三个ts）还不可信呢？

嘿嘿……班门弄斧了哈！我的意思是从赚钱角度出发，可以把所有的ts串起来，段落之间的逻辑性是否高一点？？

各段论证力度不是很够！！

要是批得让你不爽，就拍我的砖吧！！共同加油呀！！