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附老美很不错的修改
以下是一个美国native speaker的修改,能看出来她还是有相当的文字功底,最大程度上保留了原文的内容,使句子结构更加紧凑,修正了一些不地道的用词。
以下是她修改好以后的文章,原文见一楼:
Scandals, despite their inherent disgrace and immorality, attract public attention on serious issues. The furor surrounding scandals can spark profound reflection and reconsideration of attitudes long taken for granted, often affecting us more powerfully than a passionate speech or insightful reform. However, it is absurd to regard scandals as the impetus for the development of society. Not only do scandals involve disastrous consequences for the innocent, but also distract the general population from major concerns of our society.
The power behind a scandal is its shock value. Scandals reveal hidden truths, unexpected and hideous, underneath the ostensibly splendid appearance. The truths, thrust into the public eye, provoking new discussions about the applicability of old societal mechanisms long held as legitimate. A paradigmatic modern example is the Enron scandal. Exposed in 2001, the institutionalized and systematic accounting fraud was an explosive sensation. The public eye was focused. Many people wondered how a company named “America’s most innovative company” by Fortune magazine for six consecutive years could suddenly become the symbol of willful corporate fraud and corruption. The collapse of Enron sparked a heated public debate over guidelines with which to judge a company, and scholars began to challenge the criteria for business assessment. More importantly, Enron’s collapse highlighted the loopholes of the American auditing system and necessitated a higher level of scrutiny of accounting practices of large companies. While the scandal surrounding the fall of Enron did have a disastrous impact on many innocent people, including employees and shareholders; it was the impetus for audit reform. The result of this reform was a series of innovative anti- corruption policies, thereby having a significant and lasting benefit on the business community as a whole.
The Enron example is rare in the resulting overall benefit. Usually, undue public attention to a scandal can have a very real negative impact on a person’s life. I would be hard pressed to think of any scandal in human history without innocent victims, innocent people whose reputations were unnecessarily compromised. Consider the scandal surrounding Fatty Arbuckle in 1920’s America. Arbuckle was a famous comedian in Hollywood. He was accused of raping and killing 24-year-old Virginia Rappe at a private party. When the scandal broke, there was a media frenzy. Newspapers went wild about the story, assuming Arbuckle’s guilt. Public reaction to Arbuckle was fierce. As a result, even with an acquittal and an apology from the jury, the innocent Arbuckle was unable to clear his name in the public opinion.
It is unfair to blame the public on being indignant toward immorality and evil, but what if the mania could have been avoided. It is possible the general public would have been less susceptible to biased reporting in the media. It is possible that the devastating impact on Arbuckle’s career might have been lessened. The extent to which the public goes to madness at the mere mention of a scandal is illustrated in Mark Twain’s “Running for Governor”. The story is about how a righteous political man was defamed by fabricated scandals and was forced to quit his campaign for office. In reality, immoral politicians use scandal to gain political advantage over their opponents. Political scandals largely distract from meaningful discussion about major societal concerns.
Although scandals can focus attention on some issues previously overlooked, a society filled with scandals is by no means a wholesome one. It is dangerous to assume that our society can base its progress on scandals.
一下是我的批注
Scandals, despite their inherent disgrace and immorality, attract public attention on serious issues. The furor surrounding scandals can spark profound reflection and reconsideration of attitudes long taken for granted, often affecting us more powerfully than a passionate speech or insightful reform.(重新组合了句子,把我之前那个又臭又长的的in a way精简成现在的这个样子) However, it is absurd to regard scandals as the impetus for the development of society. Not only do scandals involve disastrous consequences for the innocent, but also distract the general population from major concerns of our society.(一个倒装的not only...but also,句子显得更紧凑了)
The power behind a scandal is its shock value(原文我用了一个 scandal is shock to public in that..她认为前后两句没有因果或解释的关系,把这两句拆开了). Scandals reveal hidden truths, unexpected and hideous, underneath the ostensibly splendid appearance. The truths, thrust into the public eye(到底是母语,小词用的很地道), provoking new discussions about the applicability of old societal mechanisms long held as legitimate(终于发现一个规则:所以有的之前我的长句子,只要主从超过三个分句的,都被断开了。这样看上去舒服了很多。建议爱写长句的GTER们,并不是从句加从句凑成长句,就是好句子。好像是废话。。). . A paradigmatic modern example is the Enron scandal. Exposed in 2001, the institutionalized and systematic accounting fraud was an explosive sensation. The public eye was focused.(精悍的小句子) Many people wondered how a company named “America’s most innovative company” by Fortune (magazine) for six consecutive years could suddenly become the symbol of willful corporate fraud and corruption. (关于这个句子,我专门问过她,我说我经常见到把一个句子中间用插入语分开的比如“ nothing, they maintain, is more important than...",以下是她的回答:To answer your question, those type of sentences are more informal. That structure is best used in spoken language, or in journalism.) The collapse of Enron sparked a heated public debate over guidelines (perspective 换成了guideline)with which to judge a company, and scholars began to challenge the criteria for business assessment. More importantly, Enron’s collapse highlighted the loopholes of the American auditing system and necessitated a higher level of scrutiny of accounting practices of large companies. While the scandal surrounding the fall of Enron did have a disastrous impact on many innocent people, including employees and shareholders(原文种的especially似乎确实没有什么道理); it was the impetus for audit reform. The result of this reform was a series of innovative anti- corruption policies(用一个简单的anti就把还掉原文的从句forclose...), thereby having a significant and lasting benefit on the business community as a whole.(把working换成了having,这个属于个人习惯吧,这个句子可是我从范文上照搬下来的)
The Enron example is rare in the resulting overall benefit.(承上启下的一句) Usually, undue public attention to a scandal can have a very real negative impact on a person’s life. I would be hard pressed to think of any scandal in human history without innocent victims, innocent people(这个同位语从句链接的很自然,我之前在第2段段首也用了(mechanism)不过读起来就很别扭了因为前面的句子太长了,) whose reputations were unnecessarily(替换了unwarantedly) compromised. Consider the scandal surrounding Fatty Arbuckle in 1920’s America. Arbuckle was a famous comedian in Hollywood. He was accused of raping and killing 24-year-old Virginia Rappe at a private party(我之前是故弄玄虚的乱添分隔). When the scandal broke, there was a media frenzy(很好的小短语). Newspapers went wild about the story, assuming Arbuckle’s guilt. Public reaction to Arbuckle was fierce. As a result, even (although换成了even)with an acquittal and an apology from the jury, the innocent Arbuckle was unable to clear his name in the public opinion.
(很自然的分了另外一段,原文这里是和上面合为一段的) It is unfair to blame the public on being indignant toward immorality and evil, but what if the mania could have been avoided. It is possible the general public would have been less susceptible to biased reporting in the media. It is possible that the devastating impact on Arbuckle’s career might have been lessened. (此处对原文进行了比较大的调整) The extent to which the public goes to madness at the mere mention of a scandal is illustrated in Mark Twain’s “Running for Governor”(把extent 这个句子提到前面去了,原文在段末,体会一下,原文的那个to the extent的句子,实际逻辑是比较勉强的). The story is about how a righteous political man was defamed by fabricated scandals and was forced to quit his campaign for office(campain for office比原文的election更准确). (去掉了前面的语言垃圾 this is a matter of degree) In reality, immoral politicians use scandal to gain political advantage over their opponents. Political scandals largely distract from meaningful discussion about major societal concerns.
Although scandals can focus attention on some issues previously overlooked, a society filled with scandals is by no means a wholesome one. (把我中间的那个复述主旨的句子去掉了) It is dangerous to assume that our society can base its progress on scandals.
[ 本帖最后由 liuyi612256 于 2007-8-10 12:05 编辑 ] |
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